What's the difference between an AA member and a AA attender?

[lizw]

There's no punch line either - I'm looking forward to any thoughts and comments. My sponsor use to tell me a lot that I needed to become a member not just an attender!

[Rowan]

Hi Liz,

For me, being a member of AA means having a home group, and attending it each week. It means showing up early to help set up or to connect with other members, and it means to stay afterwards to help put away chairs or, again, to connect with others. It means, during a discussion meeting, to actively participate either by listening or briefly sharing. It means, don't sit in the back row, show up late - and leave early.
It also means working the 12 steps - and applying them to our lives.
Hope this helps.

[ananda]

I believe somewhere it says you are an AA member if you say you are. Actively engaging in AA activities certainly helps my sobriety to be better

[Rob B]

One wants to be there, one has to be there.

[tommyk]

Just time, I hope.

[bballdad]

I have heard it a little different
get in AA not just around AA
which means to take the steps instead of just attending meetings

[tiburon88]

No difference there both the same.

[NoelleR]

Gee....after all these years I thought the ONLY requirement for membership was a desire to stop drinking.....hmmmmm

Therefore, I guess that if the 'attender' had a desire to stop drinking.....then they'd be the same....they'd BOTH be members.....lol


NoelleR

[Tazman53]

The only requirement to be a member is a desire to stop drinking, one does not even have to attend meetings.

I believe your sponsor means to be an active member and get involved, I have heard a number of people who relapsed share that before thier relapse they were just on the fringes of AA, they came to meetings and listened and then left. Listening in meetings is very helpful, but getting into the fellowship by doing service work (Making coffee, setting up chairs, putting them away, giving folks who need a ride a ride, etc.), getting a sponsor, working the steps, sharing when ready. Sponsoring others when one is ready, I beleive that is what your sponsor is saying.

[bugsworth]

lizw...the bb states you are a member if you say you are. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking EVERYTHING else are suggestions.

Seems like some sponsors want to re-write what the original members wrote.

Wishing you much success!

[CarolD]

I think she meant ....
get started on your Steps
and get involved with service work.

...Guess you better ask her for clarification.

[miss communicat]

the difference is:
words and semantics

[RufusACanal]

Ahh, for me it's more Miss. It's one more example of an '"inside job". When I went because I had to, I did not gain the gifts that I would later receive when I went because I wanted to. The change that is internal is more profound and real than the change that is external.

[miss communicat]

Originally Posted by RufusACanal

Ahh, for me it's more Miss. It's one more example of an '"inside job". When I went because I had to, I did not gain the gifts that I would later receive when I went because I wanted to. The change that is internal is more profound and real than the change that is external.

I do appreciate the finer points Ron, and i too feel that my own understanding of being a member is to participate fully and gladly in a group, in this case, AA.

But to the question, as others have shown me, there are a variety of experiences and therefore, my own is not the only.

Someone else may feel he/she to be a member by attending. Again, to me, it IS much more about participation and interaction.

[best]

Semantics aside...

I would say that one is active in seeking answers and one is just going through the motions and not looking for growth.

From where I was to where I am now at...ahhh life is great. I can stop where I am at and enjoy what I now have.
Or second choice...
I can reach for even more of the good life and enjoy life to the fullest,
As good as it is...it still gets better.

What can I learn today? Who can I reach out and help today?
Those two things can bring me more enjoyment of life if I pratice them all the more.

[Rob B]

Originally Posted by tiburon88

No difference there both the same.

Are you suggesting the guy I sat next to last week, who told me he didn't want to stop drinking, and was here because he was court ordered is a member?

There is a difference Tib, as has been pointed out in this thread, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. Not everyone sitting in an AA meeting has this desire. They are attenders, and yes if it is an open meeting, they are welcome.

Lastly, The only requirement for membership is not the only requirement for the "suggested" program of recovery.

[navysteve]

membership in AA is on a take what you want and leave the rest basis.

Recovery from alcoholism ( if you believe in the Big Book) has no middle of the road solution.

[Jfanagle]

To me, caring more about the fellow sitting next to me than I do about myself.

Jon

[tennis71]

I would say this,

A member of AA is someone who is willing to identify themselves as such.

[lizw]

and maybe it is different for everyone...

That sponsor of mine, was my first sponsor and she's dead now. Died when I was about two years sober and she died of old age.

She was a hardcase in the sense that she told me she never smoked or swore outside of her own apartment. She was a 'lady.' And I was a nervous girl, who worn nothing but black clothes and Doc Martin boots, as well as used the F word to everyone and everywhere I went. Not that anyone could understand me. I was so nervous all the time I spoke too fast so everything I said sounded garbled.

I think what she meant was the following:
AA members give back to AA. Not only are they involved in their local group, they became GSR's and go to round ups, assemblies, conventions and go to DSM, help at GSO's and visit prisons/insitutions/detox centres.

They want AA to be there for the next alcoholic who steps through the door and they know that AA is not only about them being sober, it's about helping the newcomer too.

I read a post on here the other day from a guy talking about how his local GSO closed down due to not enough support. Sounds to me like his town has a lot of attenders rather than members.

I have been told service is 'gratitude in action' and I know I show my gratitude by giving back.

Dunno what brought that rant on but there it is.

[ananda]

liz - i was the queen of black! the women here are constantly reminding me i'm not allowed to wear it anymore! all my new clothes are green, purple, orange, yellow bright bright bright!!!!

[sugErspun]

I personally had never heard the saying as such before (maybe just a Kiwi phrase?)...but thank you for the definition of the person who used the term.

What came to mind for me were a few things...

1- When I first went to an outpatient treatment program - I had to attend 6 meetings per week and get a card signed. I was an attender who did not want to be there.

2- There was a time where I thought that just by attending meetings that something would happen - 'osmosis' as I have heard it put. I never felt like a member during those times. The things people spoke about I had no experience with, but certainly a lot of opinions about. I had no fellowship with AA members aside from a couple of people I would refer to as acquantinces. I never opened up, I was separate from - not a part of.

3- The short form of the Fourth tradition, which I personally think does more harm than good. To be clear: "Our membership ought to include all who suffer from alcoholism. Hence we may refuse none who wish to recover. Nor ought A.A. membership ever depend upon money or conformity. Any two or three alcoholics gathered together for sobriety may call themselves an A.A. group, provided that, as a group, they have no other
affiliation." - AA's Third Tradition in long form - Alcoholics Anonymous

I have met a lot of heavy drinkers in AA who were not alcoholic - by the "AA" definition of not being able to stop on will power alone. Now - that tradition also states that membership includes those who 'suffer' (present tense) from alcoholism. I no longer suffer from alcoholism, but I still consider myself a member - I still have alcoholism, it isn't going anywhere - currently I do not 'suffer' from it.

5- Being a part of. That is where I find myself today. I have changed since before I went through the steps and I continue to change- most that know me would agree that the net result is 'positive'. I can relate, and even if I am sitting in a room where I have never met a single person who is also there - I don't feel alone. I share a common problem and a common solution with my fellows. I am constantly amazed at AA - but I don't have that feeling of being different from, apart from...

As a member who has gone through the steps and practices daily - part of that is carrying the message of AA, the message that there is a way out from the hell of active alcoholism and untreated dry alcoholism. Whether it be at the formal AA structural level (GSO etc) or working 1 on 1 with an alcoholic - it makes me a member of...


Thanks for the post - very interesting thread.

~a