Sponsership question

[iwantadonkey]

Has anybody done the steps without a sponser or is it better to have a sponsers help?thanks.

[jimhere]

I know a few who have done them without a sponsor, but I think having a sponsor is good.

A sponsor is simply a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous who has taken the steps and is living this as a way of life that can help guide you through the steps.

[tommyk]

I look at it like taking a high school or college course - one can read the book and try to grasp the material on their own, or, they can have an experienced 'teacher' for guidance.

If I had done the steps on my own without a sponsor I would not have finished the steps. I damn near didn't finish them as it was, but my sponsor was relentless, thankfully.

[lizw]

I've always had a sponsor and I believe one needs one to work the steps with a sponsor for the following reasons:

- addiction is an isolating disease, so by sharing ourselves with a sponsor we are coming out of isolation

- the only people who have never sort guidance and went it alone are folks like Aldof Hitler (excuse the spelling) and look what he did

- justifaction comes easy to us so we need someone to see through our BS

- wise people learn from their own mistakes BUT wiser people learn from the mistakes of others

- a sponsor has a different 'take' on our lives as they have no emotional involvment in it or investment so is able to point out/suggest things we may not see/understand

- we get to expereince what it is like to have someone love us and accept us unconditionally

- we get something concrete to pass on to others

I can probably think of a ton more too.

[sugErspun]

I think having a sponsor who had experienced the 'promises' erm, the awakening - that is outlined in the book was critical to me getting through them.


Some of that stuff I thought I understood, having read the book many times. The first day I was given a brief lesson on the 'AA Symbol' (which is stamped in my books) - I realized I didn't know sh!t about AA. Let alone questions I had on the meaning of things like 'thorough' and 'honest' and 'deep down within' - It was great to have someone share what they thought they were, and what their experience with them was....


I wanted what he had.

Now - I can do them by myself. Though I do need others at 5 and 10, and they are helpful to have at 3 and 7 - oh yeah, It's good to review my ammends list with someone else too - and I think it's also helpful to have input on my 11th step practice - to constantly move forward in my daily work..

I don't care if you call them sponsor, step guide, spiritual teacher - it helps tremendously to have someone who's walking ahead of you light the way at times.

[iwantadonkey]

Thanks everyone im just having trouble i mentioned somewhere else,since getting sober ive become painfully shy.everyone has been extremely friendly and kind yet i still run a mile.i cant share or open up to people.

[tommyk]

I was like that. Took me a few months before I would get a sponsor.

[gravity]

Originally Posted by iwantadonkey

Thanks everyone im just having trouble i mentioned somewhere else,since getting sober ive become painfully shy.everyone has been extremely friendly and kind yet i still run a mile.i cant share or open up to people.

I know what you mean about having a hard time opening up to people. In my case, it was mainly because of pride. The only advice I have is to just take a deep breath and do it. I have had a sponsor for six months, have taken the steps (it's an ongoing process), and I feel like a totally different person. I have accepted my alcoholism and I don't want to drink! I would never have gotten to this point on my own. Initially, It was a huge shot to my pride but I am so thankful that I asked for help.

If you decide to get a sponsor, this is a great forum to ask questions - ways to go about it, what to look for, etc. I am still kind of new to AA (six months) and the other AA members here on SR always help me out.

Best wishes!

[iwantadonkey]

Thanks everyone for the great advice.i hope i can do it!!totally off topic but good god my spelling is terrible!just noticed how i spelt sponsor!!

[Signal30]

My sponsor showed me the path to sobriety. I needed him when I had questions and gave me the answers to assist me in my step work, (I tend to make things harder than they actually are...lol.)

My sponsor also doesent "co-sign on my B.S." That's important. What he taught me helped me become a sponsor so I can help others.

He didn't give me the fish, he taught me how to fish. He showed me the path, and I am doing the walking. One day and one step at a time.


Tom

[navysteve]

I think having a sponsor who had experienced the 'promises' erm, the awakening - that is outlined in the book was critical to me getting through them.

I think that is the best condition to be a sponsor. Get someone who is happy, joyous and free. Of course you can work the steps without a sponsor but I think having a real sponsor is the best. If you are religious you can use your priest or minister to guide you through the steps, or justa spiritual person you know.

[RobbyRobot]

Originally Posted by iwantadonkey

Thanks everyone im just having trouble i mentioned somewhere else,since getting sober ive become painfully shy.everyone has been extremely friendly and kind yet i still run a mile.i cant share or open up to people.

Hi

Ya i remember just the same thing so what i did is use the whole of the fellowship as a group as my sponsor giving them bits and pieces of me until i could get down and dirty with an actual proper one-on-one sponsor relationship. it took me a year and the sponsor had seven years on me when i let him know what was what. As for the whole group thing, well, i just never did let that go, really. I still use it today!

In any case we really need to work the steps with others, they can't be worked without a fellowship, but you get to choose how fast or slow you want to go. As long as you are working those steps it's all good.

cheers

[iwantadonkey]

thanks for all the input everyone.im on step 3.il be going to a meeting on sunday so il see what happens.i know il have to start opening up.its scary.im not going to dwell on it and faith should work its self out.when its time,its time i guess.

[LosingmyMisery]

I think a great amount of relief will come your way after you open and up and share with a sponsor. It is all a part of the journey and the growing process. Feeling insecure and guarded in the beginning is common. I would stress about meetings and what may take place at them. Things fell into place with time and I found a level of comfort and ease. You will find your place. Good luck!

[Sugah]

Read what's on my avatar

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[Tazman53]

There are those who have worked the steps on their own, I did not and I am glad I didn't, there was so much I thought I understood that I really did not. It was so easy for me to lie to myself, to convince myself that "Oh yea I got that step, that one is done." I had a lot of questions, with out a sponsor who was I going to ask?

Oh sure I could ask someone who had never worked nor lived the steps what they thought, but I had to ask my self "Are they just giving me their opinion or sharing their Experience with me?"

Think about it this way. You want to learn how to fix your car, when you have a question about how to do a certain repair are you going to trust someone who has never repaired a car but read a book about it and is giving you thier opinion or will you put your trust in someone who has been repairing cars for a while?

For me when it came to working the steps it was a matter of life or death for me, I had been staying drunk for a lot of years on opinions, I put my trust in some one with Experience in the steps and staying sober, this was not a matter of little importance for me, I was going to die if I kept on drinking.

Can someone stay sober working the steps without a sponsor? You bet, but more of us go back to drinkig and dying trying to do it on our own then those who do it with the help of a sponsor.