True Friendship

[Rob B]

Recently I have been doing a friend inventory, looking and seeing what kind of friend I am looking for, and what kind of friend does God wants me to be, the format my accountability group uses has some wonderful descriptions of the kind of friends I am looking for, and the kind of friend I am willing to be.

In Steel on Steel, we leave no holds barred because we offer each other Spiritual license. Spiritual license is the process where you offer another person, with Love as their guide, to comment on any area of your life. In Steel on Steel, All areas of our lives are open to the Love and Help found in the group. Therefore, nothing is off limits, if it can help lead us to personal growth in our sobriety. Together, we will pray, meditate and ‘Check’ each other, as we each trudge our own “road to happy destiny.”

The AA Way of Life is a pilgrimage. At times the road is difficult, and we get lonely. Sometimes we may become discouraged and consider abandoning the journey. It is at such times that God will place a friend alongside us. One of God's most precious gifts to us is friends who encourage us and lovingly challenge us to "keep going"and growing.
According to Scripture, a friend is one who challenges you to become all that God intends. The mark of true friends is that their friendship draws you closer to God. They "sharpen" you and motivate you to do what is right. True friends tell you the truth and even risk hurting your feelings because they love you and have your best interests at heart (Prov. 27:6).
Be careful in your choice of friends! Choose your closest friends wisely. Do not look for perfect friends, but friends whose hearts are set to follow God. It is equally important to examine the kind of friend you are to others. As a friend, it is your duty to put the needs of others first (Prov. 17:17). Strive to find godly friends who will challenge you to become the person God desires. When you have found them, be receptive to the way God uses them to help you become spiritually mature. Strive also to be the kind of friend that helps others become more godly. [Iron Sharpens Iron - Copied and edited from Henry T. & Richard Blackaby’s

[jimhere]

I am not interested in casual, superficial acquaintance. I have mistaken that for friendship before.

I've had to inventory my friendships before. What comes up is that I assign someone one the role of friend, but they don't play the role I assign them. What I really found out is that, in the words of a friend, I have been "friends" with people that I don't even like.

These questions come up. They are from a little book called "The Heart's Healing Journey." It is the story of a man, needing direction who seeks out a spiritual director, or a "spiritual friend." There is a chapter called "The Company of God's Friends."

How do I choose my friends?

I've found that I've used friendship like a fisherman's dragnet, bringing in all different types of people. Taking a closer look I find that I've had not that many friends, but acquaintances serving my self-interest.

Among my friends, to whom would I trust my heart, or in my case, with my life?

If I take an honest look, just a handful. But amongs these friends, I've found people that I can share any area of my life and get an honest answer, not flattery or advice. A quote from this book:
"The man who keeps himself covered in the presence of a spiritual friend is like the woman who refuses to disrobe in her doctor's office. Both deny themselves a salutory diagnosis. Wisdom assures us that a friend is the medicine of life. He or she points out hidden wounds and helps us to treat them."

In the past I've chosen friends who were more apt to look up at me than straight across. I've counted on friends for affirmation-even flattery, rather than for a frank assesment of how I'm doing spiritually. In other words, I have been self-seeking, even when trying to be kind. A true friend affirms without falsity and corrects without wounding.

I have found that in order to find such a friend, I must be such a friend.
Jim

Big Book references from Alcoholics Anonymous, First Edition
Other quotes from "The Heart's Healing Journey: Seeking Desert Wisdom" By Gloria Hutchinson

[Signal30]

A good friend displays his/her friendship by their selfless, caring, and loving actions. It really doesent take much to figure out who your real friends are.

My main concern is if I'm being a caring, loving, and selfless friend.


Tom

[ananda]

my friends are the people who let me love them.

[bballdad]

in 1990 a little old lady who used to live near me told me
"Tommy, If you want good neighbors,then be a good neighbor"
She has since passed away from alziemers.She was a spiritual lady with good advice.

I believe real friends tell me the truth and care more about my well being than what I may think of them.
When I was newly sober,I met this guy named Jim C
He would walk up to me sometimes,look me in the eye,and tell me a short one liner or two.Then it would make me mad.After I cooled down,I realized he was right.Jim loved me enough to tell me the truth,regardless of consequences.

[miss communicat]

Originally Posted by Rob B

The AA Way of Life is a pilgrimage. At times the road is difficult, and we get lonely. Sometimes we may become discouraged and consider abandoning the journey. It is at such times that God will place a friend alongside us. One of God's most precious gifts to us is friends who encourage us and lovingly challenge us to "keep going"and growing.
According to Scripture, a friend is one who challenges you to become all that God intends. The mark of true friends is that their friendship draws you closer to God. They "sharpen" you and motivate you to do what is right. True friends tell you the truth and even risk hurting your feelings because they love you and have your best interests at heart (Prov. 27:6).
Be careful in your choice of friends! Choose your closest friends wisely. Do not look for perfect friends, but friends whose hearts are set to follow God. It is equally important to examine the kind of friend you are to others. As a friend, it is your duty to put the needs of others first (Prov. 17:17). Strive to find godly friends who will challenge you to become the person God desires. When you have found them, be receptive to the way God uses them to help you become spiritually mature. Strive also to be the kind of friend that helps others become more godly. [Iron Sharpens Iron - Copied and edited from Henry T. & Richard Blackaby’s

I appreciate this very much. It has deepened into another line of inquiry, for me, which may never end. The age old query of choice vs God in all my affairs.

If, as this text states, God places the "perfect" friends into my life for our mutual benefit and growth, which at times may feel uncomfortable (which I would never choose, by the way. I like all ease all the time in my friendships..lol) then am I actually "choosing" my friends?

Perhaps not. Perhaps I need to choose how I resopnd to all people, judge less,(or, to my hair splitting mind: discern), reject fewer , and accept all. As friends.

To me this question is more about wise management of time. In this view, everyone can be my friend, for I can love and learn from ANY one.

But I only have a certain amount of time and how I spend that time and with whom, is my choice.

[ananda]

Originally Posted by miss communicat

I appreciate this very much. It has deepened into another line of inquiry, for me, which may never end. The age old query of choice vs God in all my affairs.

If, as this text states, God places the "perfect" friends into my life for our mutual benefit and growth, which at times may feel uncomfortable (which I would never choose, by the way. I like all ease all the time in my friendships..lol) then am I actually "choosing" my friends?

Perhaps not. Perhaps I need to choose how I resopnd to all people, judge less,(or, to my hair splitting mind: discern), reject fewer , and accept all. As friends.

I so related to this. Thank you so much. I really do believe that the people in my life are there for a reason and tht i need to respond and act as skillfully as i can.

For me i say many times each day "may we walke skillfully through our karma" and i remember that this is a program all about relationships...a WE program. I read the bb 87& 88 and remember that it is asking that WE do this together not I do it alone.

Thanks so much for your thoughts

[jimhere]

I believe that too miss c. If my relationship with God is right, all my relations will be as they are supposed to be. The people that are in my life are the ones that are supposed to be. I even have some enemies. I don't set out to make them, but (suprisingly-LOL!) there are some who just plain don't like me. And that is as it should be.
Jim