How AA is helping me

[stone]

I was 6 months sober at the beginning of the year, I was attending meetings and they helped, I had been through the steps with a sponsor and it helped, but mostly I was sober through willpower and the memory of the two month long binge I had been on.
I had been a daily drinker for years and turned into a binge drinker for the last few years because my body couldn't take daily drinking, my mentality was always drink to oblivion, I couldn't keep that up daily, my stomach couldn't take it, my body couldn't take it. So I binged for 3 days a week or 3 days every two weeks. I spent the rest of the time recuperating, thinking that was my last binge ...until I was well enough...and then I would do it again.
I must have wasted 10 years doing that.
Of course along with that comes no life, humiliation and despair, but mostly pain.

Now I am back attending meetings and I am listening differently, it feels more personal now. Before it was like listening to a teacher and thinking 'yes that makes sense' in an abstract way, now it makes sense in a personal way.
I am not so stepped back from what I hear, I hear another human being sharing their soul and am in awe.
Not all shares have that authenticity but a lot do.

I don't go to many meetings a week, about 3, but I arrive early and leave late, I wash cups and get to hang out with people.

It is making me feel part of something and I have hidden for so long.

I still don't like the word God and I wish they could have just said spirituality or goodness instead but I can get passed that.

[Sugah]

You ever read any Joseph Campbell? We're all trying to describe something that's beyond words. That's how I got over the terminology. I even use the word "god" now - because it's understood and easy to spell. If someone wants to know the details of my own understanding of God - I'll share that, though I'm not so sure I'm very good at describing it. But for the most part - "We ourselves must walk the [spiritual] path." Doesn't matter what it is, so long as you've got it, stone.

Becoming part of - man, there's nothing like that! If I were to point to a time when my desire to drink vanished, I'd have to say that it occurred simultaneously with recognizing that I'm part of the Universe. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Rock on, brother.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[stone]

Thanks Sug.

[tanyapmc]

I'm glad you have some peace in your life Stoney.

[ananda]

thanks stoney

[stone]

Also, I was attending meetings for 6 months without sharing, I had a home group and was making tea and coffee and got to know a lot of people through that but I couldn't share.
I could read the preamble or whatever but just talking, I couldn't do...I still can't but my sponsor said to just say 'my name is Paul and I am an alcoholic and I am thankful to be here tonight', and I have done that for the last few meetings I have been to.
Doing that has helped me to feel 'part of' too. Small steps, I am very shy about sharing.

[Signal30]

The program gives you as much as you decide to put into it. Noting happens by mistake. You are exactely where you are supposed to be right now.

As far as God, you can call your Higher Power simply a higher power.


Tom


Tom

[stone]

Originally Posted by Signal30

The program gives you as much as you decide to put into it. Noting happens by mistake. You are exactely where you are supposed to be right now.

As far as God, you can call your Higher Power simply a higher power.


Tom


Tom

Yea, I am open. Things feel authentic. Things start to feel trippy to me when this happens, lol.

[Frontier]

AA is a wonderful program. Very glad to hear you are going to meetings. We all recover in our own way. There really is no wrong way to work it. Sometimes I do feel like oh my gosh I am not doin this or that, but in hindsight there is always a lesson. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. I also had a hard time with the word God. He she means so many things to so many people. I choose my own higher power. I love that freedom of choice.

[stone]

Originally Posted by Frontier

AA is a wonderful program. Very glad to hear you are going to meetings. We all recover in our own way. There really is no wrong way to work it. Sometimes I do feel like oh my gosh I am not doin this or that, but in hindsight there is always a lesson. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. I also had a hard time with the word God. He she means so many things to so many people. I choose my own higher power. I love that freedom of choice.

Yes, the main thing I would add to that is talking to others, a sponsor or just friends.

[Tazman53]

Stone we all have our own path...... "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path." funny thing how with AA we all follow the same path, but seem to follow it in a manner that is right for us.

I recall vividly the feeling I had when "I" became part of "us"!!! It was like I had been on the outside of the world looking in for many years, then suddenly I was part of the world!!!!

Stone I hear many call their Higher Power God, I used to cringe when I heard it even though I called my own Higher Power God!!! LOL Some how in my head when I heard that word "God" I felt like some one was imposing some "God" that I did not relate to on me.

With time I came to understand that as I share of my God, I in no way feel I am imposing the God of my understanding upon any one else, I am simply sharing how the God of my understanding does for me in my life. No different then I would share the name of a dentist who pulled a bad tooth, both have helped me live my life..... the dentist helps me live physically a pain free life, God helps me live life on lifes terms sober and happy.

I could call my God Fred, but if I said "Fred helped me to see the right thing to do." you would think that was a guy named Fred, not a Higher Power of my understanding.

Relax Paul, there is no pressure except the pressure you put upon your self. Glad to hear things are beginning to click for you.

[miss communicat]

beautiful, stone~

[CarolD]

Wow! I am so tickled for you Stone
.....Cheering you forward

[Emimily]

i was thinking about you in yoga the other day... we started practice with a chant of 5 aums, and i thought about my little buddy stone. good times. good message.

[PaperDolls]

I'm so happy for you Stone!
Thanks for sharing your story about AA. It helps me.

[barb dwyer]

I'm so PROUD of you!!!

I still to this day have a problem with the whole 'God' thing.

I only say the word, because it helps others relate.

I don't like naming the Infinite.
I don't like having the Image in my head ....
have a 'form' put on it.
But the word ... connects others to what I am talking about.

The God of my understanding ... has no limitations.

That includes ... me.

What a great thread.

[Astro]

Originally Posted by stone

Now I am back attending meetings and I am listening differently, it feels more personal now. Before it was like listening to a teacher and thinking 'yes that makes sense' in an abstract way, now it makes sense in a personal way.
I am not so stepped back from what I hear, I hear another human being sharing their soul and am in awe.
Not all shares have that authenticity but a lot do.

I don't go to many meetings a week, about 3, but I arrive early and leave late, I wash cups and get to hang out with people.

It is making me feel part of something and I have hidden for so long.

I still don't like the word God and I wish they could have just said spirituality or goodness instead but I can get passed that.

Stone, is this really you, or an imposter?!

Just kiddin' ya man. Reading this post put a huge grin on my face, I love it when people "get it". Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

There's nothing I enjoy more than showing up early for meetings, taking out the trash and stocking up the bathrooms, cleaning up the coffee area, wiping down tables, etc. Just quiet, humble service. And while I do it I get to chat with other alcoholics and addicts, it always feels good to be part of something.

Try not to let the God thing bother you too much, I struggled with that for a long time. It was the "God of my understanding" that finally sunk in for me. That God is all my own, and I have faith that He'll give me everything I need in my recovery. Not what I want, only what I need.

It's good to hear that you're not hiding anymore. I think it feels great to emerge from the darkness and into "the sunlight of the Spirit".

Thanks for sharing stone!

[sugErspun]

Thanks for sharing Stone - helped me out today.

~a

[scaredykat]

Thanks for sharing Stone.

I know a person in my local rooms that says GOD- Group Of Drunks. Or another good one is Good Orderly Direction.

Barb

[iwantadonkey]

Thanks for this.ive been to 12 meetings and i cant share!i didnt realise just how shy i am without alcohol.

[PassItOn2KeepIt]

Originally Posted by stone

Yea, I am open. Things feel authentic. Things start to feel trippy to me when this happens, lol.

This made me get a huge smile on my face! I think I know what you mean. It's so awesome to be willing, I mean totally ego broken, no shame, willing, period. I'm finding that I actually really like who I am, and at the same time it's painful & embarassing a little at times to realize that the "image" I constructed & operated under for so long was mostly lies (especially when I always thought I was like the "more honest than most" type....whatever!) So trippy though because I can let those feelings come and go instead of getting stuck in them. If I'm in real truth, real honesty, none of that crap matters. It's like I don't need those defenses any more because I like the real me better. I LIKE THE REAL ME!! Who freaking knew? It is making a huge difference. The first time I tried, I didn't get to have this part of it at all. I feel SO LUCKY to get to come back and have this part now that I never want to take it for granted. There are so many who don't get to have that. Good for you!
PIO2KI

[CarolD]

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