Is there such a thing as relapse?

[sugErspun]

I hear this word all the time, 'relapse'. I could be considered a chronic relapser having gotten drunk a million times after I swore I would never drink again (and REALLY meant it). Even after 3 treatment centers, going to lots of AA meetings, making a 'start' (usually balking and running at the 4th step), I would inevitably drink again.

But I don't say I relapsed, I think I just never quit. I heard someone (actually HEARD them - not just auditory) say once, at their 16th anniversary that they don't believe in relapse, some people just never get it and quit - made sense to me and my history. For the record, I tried to get sober for the first time 12/26/2000 - checked into detox for a week, read the whole BB, went to a couple of meetings - more importantly at that time, I went through severe alcohol withdrawal that was absolute physical torture, I never wanted to go through it again, was OK having alcohol out of my life and when I was leaving the detox I told the nurses there was no way I was ever coming back THERE again. I truly did not want to drink, I truly did not think I would drink. Needless to say, the nurses kind of smirked at me, and I was angered by their doubt. I started an outpatient program after that to appease my friends and family (wanted to show that I really cared about getting sober).

I got drunk at 28 days - on the way to my outpatient day class, I pulled off the freeway, went to the liqour store, bought a bottle and checked into 2 different hotels (so no one could track me down). After a 5 day bender I went to a 40 day inpatient (5 days detox, 35 days inpatient).

When I was inpatient - I went to a lot of meetings, got a sponsor and actually started the steps (not out of the book). I also began dating a girl from the rehab (after we got out - didn't want to break any rules), she got drunk 3 weeks after getting out, I stopped seeing her and stayed sober for 22 months - slowly my involvment in AA dwindled - at one year I just showed up to take a cake at the request of some fellows. I didn't see the point of going to meetings all the time, they didn't make me feel better and I didn't see it as much more than hanging out with people who had some of the same experiences as myself (and I really didn't care for them much anyways - I was different. I only had a drinking problem and needed to avoid taking the first drink - these people were f'd up - their whole lives were obliterated). Not to mention that I never thought about drinking and I still didn't want to drink - what was the point of continuing AA? I did not see it as critical to avoiding the 'first drink'.

Looking back I suppose that even then I knew that meeting and fellowship were not the things that were gonna keep me sober.

This happened again and again - and I have no reason as to why I drank. I supposed I could say I was stressed out, tired, hungry, lonely, - that might all be true - but it certainly isn't a reason to drink with all the knowledge I had gained about my condition and what it meant to go back to actively consuming alcohol again.

One thing I never understood until someone took me through the book: I will drink again, it's the nature of alcoholism. My experience confirmed this, but I had never heard it put that way before.

I will drink again. I am a timebomb and unless 'God' intervenes, I am gonna blow.

So - is there a such thing as relapse? The term personally does not make sense to me. I can't imagine God removing a problem and I take on a new way of life and have it ripped out from under me. I know there is no defense against the first drink - but today I have Faith that if I place my will and my life in the care of a power greater than myself, and I am accountable and honest with my fellows that the insane action of taking a drink (wether it is thought out or not), will not take place.


Just thought I would gather opinions about it - maybe a topic we could share on. I see the word used often and I admit it bothers me to see alcoholics say they 'relapsed' rather than they just drank, the most obvious manifestation of alcoholism.

What is your experience? What is your opinion based on that experience? It is often labeled as cruel to tell someone that they are going to drink again if they are alcoholic. But doesn't that describe part of alcoholism? - the absolute inability to leave it alone no matter how much desire, will, want, need, necessity, knowledge, consequence...

Thanks for taking the time to read.


~a

[Rowan]

Whenever I went back out, I called it a 'decision' never a 'relapse' or a 'slip' - I felt, by using one of the latter descriptions, I was absolving myself of any responsibility.
Each time I relapsed (twice on booze, once with pills) - I did so to escape reality. My feelings were threatening to overwhelm me and I didn't want to deal with life anymore. I made a choice to drink, and/or to pop pills in order to numb out. Even if it was impulsive, it was still premeditated.
Just my experience.

[Tazman53]

Main Entry: 1re·lapse
Pronunciation: \ri-ˈlaps, ˈrē-ˌ\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Medieval Latin relapsus, from Latin relabi to slide back, from re- + labi to slide — more at sleep
Date: 15th century
1 : the act or an instance of backsliding, worsening, or subsiding
2 : a recurrence of symptoms of a disease after a period of improvement

According to the dictionary making a decision to drink or use again is a "relapse". I feel the word slip is nothing but a nice way of saying someone had a short term relapse.

[bballdad]

I had slips
I was also told that the thing under a womans skirt was a ....slip...

slip-relapse both mean the same thing to me=drunk

[ananda]

Gosh ---I hear this discussed in meetings all the time.

I just say...i don't care if you call it a slip, a relapse, a decision or what ever.....I just say i drank again.

I do best when i don't get too wrapped up in the word selection and just listen to the experience being described.

[gravity]

This is an excellent topic. I am still searching for answers (and maybe there isn’t one). Up until recently, I believed that there was no such thing as relapse, that this is a convenient word for someone who either decided to drink either by giving in to the obsession/craving or by not working their recovery program. This seems to imply that I have the final say in taking that first drink.

I don’t believe that I have ever picked up a drink without an enabling thought (or thought process over a period of time), an actual decision to have that drink. I can’t recall ever having an experience where I found myself with that first drink in my hand without prior conscious thought. Truthfully, the whole idea scares the hell out of me.

However, in hearing peoples stories (and it is discussed in A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle) I am starting to believe that it is all too real. I have had experiences where I have found myself with a lit cigarette in my hand with no recollection of taking it out of the package and lighting it up – is it so far fetched to believe that this could happen with respect to alcohol? Maybe I just never reached that point, thank God.

Does this mean that God or a power greater than me is the only defense against the first drink? That a spiritual solution is the only answer, that those who fail to seek a spiritual solution will drink again? It seems to go against my respect for and belief that people can achieve sobriety through other recovery programs, spiritual or not.

I guess I can accept the term relapse to mean an alcoholic drinking again. However, one concept I can’t accept is that “relapse is a part of recovery”. To me, that’s permission to drink and that can kill.

Thanks for the topic. It has given me with the opportunity to get my thoughts together and to keep learning.

[tommyk]

"I am a timebomb and unless 'God' intervenes, I am gonna blow."

Therein may lie the answer to all of your problems.

Reach out, request that He intervene, make it happen.

[anvilhead]

maybe it's just an exercise in semantics....but i guess i see a "slip" more as perhaps finding yourself in a situation booze is available (dinner party, wedding reception, business thing...) and maybe either feeling pressured or even a brief "what the hell" you start to drink, and then CATCH yourself. and stop. versus setting out with the INTENT to drink.....especially in early recovery we just don't always KNOW how to DEAL with situations, or just haven't had that much practice at turning down booze, saying the N word = NO......which is different than someone with years under their belt making the conscious decision to drink again....

[AW2486]

I've heard people say they don't remember anything until they have picked up that 1st drink, and many that say it was totally planned.

I've been blessed not to have gone back to drinking. I heard a speaker say it's not about quitting drinking .. its about how to stop starting. Thank God we have a wonderful program and fellowship that works and available for all.

[Rob B]

Originally Posted by tommyk

"I am a timebomb and unless 'God' intervenes, I am gonna blow."

Therein may lie the answer to all of your problems.

Reach out, request that He intervene, make it happen.

Tommy, As a newcomer to this forum, you have not had the pleasure of watching our friend Adam recover, go to his user page if you are so inclined and read all his posts.You will see a fine example of the program in action. He has indeed reached out to the only power that can help him, Just like me,God has removed the problem, None of us ever have to relapse or drink again.

[lizw]

I drunk after a years soberity and I was mad as a snake, before hand and for awhile afterwards.

My sponsor told me 'a slip' is something that happens when you're taking the washing out to hang on the washing line, and you fall over.

I can look back now and see that I drank because I still thought drinking was an option for me. I hadn't accepted that I was powerless. I hadn't accepted that maybe the only reason I drunk was because I was an alcoholic and that all drinking did was feed my disease - despite what my head told me.

I also know this is a huge idea to accept because 'no body likes to think he is bodily and mentalily different from his fellows'.

I'm not saying I didn't have other 'emotional problems' either but I didn't have a hope in hell is treating them, untill I stopped drinking.

[NoelleR]

'a slip' 'a relapse' 'going back out' ..... etc., etc., etc., et al ....... No matter what one calls it, it AIN'T recovery.

Lots of great stuff in this thread; I can't think of much else to add....I'm one of those 'forunate ones' who has never had one of these ........ 'whatevers.' I am reminded of one thing tho....u know; when folks use that horrible phrase: "Relapse is just a part of recovery." GRRRRRRRRR BUT.......I love the response to this; from someone on these boards, if I'm not mistaken.

I may not have this verbatim, but it goes something like this, "Relapse is NOT a part of recovery; it IS, however, a part of the disease/sickness/alcoholism."

Nothing more to add here.....but while reading this thread that ole saying was just rollin' roun' ma brain (nope! NOT cocaine!....... lol), and I just had to throw it out to y'all................... (o:


NoelleR

[LosingmyMisery]

I relapsed. I didn't slip...I didn't just drink again. I relapsed. I fell back into a former state, especially after great improvement.

To me, slip sounds so insignificant. No big deal, like drinking a couple of beers. If I could come up a word to describe how horrific my relapse was, I would. It would describe how I opened the flood gates of hell and entered into a territory I never had entered into before. The progression was something I had never experienced before. I felt as if I was possessed with the uncontrollable desire to feed the demon, more than I had ever desired before. I had reached new heights of fear, despair, helplessness and hopelessness. I wasn't just another alkie drinking again. I had reached a whole new realm of insanity.

I lived to tell about my relapse. I survived it. I believe I relapsed because I did not have the skills or acquired tools to combat the desire that arose. That experience helps me to stay sober today. I never want to go through that again. I will do whatever it takes to not drink. I will pray, I will ask for support from others. I will not, can not, drink again. I know what the outcome will be. Things will not get better if I drink again, but I know, FOR CERTAIN, they will get worse. The physical, emotional, mental and spiritual decline of relapse was the worst experience I have ever had to date. Surviving that, knowing what I know, why would I want to go through that again? Today, I can leave the booze alone because I've been shown that there IS a solution. I feel lucky to have found it.

[collinsmi]

I went back out a few times. The way it always worked was: 1). Quit working with sponsor, 2). Quit going to meetings, 3). Suddenly, I'm not an alcoholic anymore, 4). Well why not have a drink then?

Once, at an old friend's house, I almost drank again and skipped the above "relapse steps". I'd been sober about 3 months and was working with a sponsor for about 1 month. My friend was kind enough to remind me of the results of an embarrassing drinking episode from my past and I changed my mind about having a drink. Stayed with my sponsor, and work/worked the steps and it hasn't been a problem since.

[miss communicat]

Originally Posted by NoelleR

u know; when folks use that horrible phrase: "Relapse is just a part of recovery." GRRRRRRRRR BUT.......I love the response to this; from someone on these boards, if I'm not mistaken.

I may not have this verbatim, but it goes something like this, "Relapse is NOT a part of recovery; it IS, however, a part of the disease/sickness/alcoholism."

to me, "relapse is as much a part of recovery as crashing the car is just part of driving"

[NoelleR]

"Originally Posted by NoelleR
u know; when folks use that horrible phrase: "Relapse is just a part of recovery." GRRRRRRRRR BUT.......I love the response to this; from someone on these boards, if I'm not mistaken.
I may not have this verbatim, but it goes something like this, "Relapse is NOT a part of recovery; it IS, however, a part of the disease/sickness/alcoholism."

Posted by miss communicat
to me, "relapse is as much a part of recovery as crashing the car is just part of driving"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm a bit confused.....I don't see crashing a car to be a part of driving, but......are you saying that relapse IS a part of recovery.....? Cause if you are, does that mean that I need to go out on a good ole, git down, take no prisoners.....relapse....? Cause since the day I first entered the rooms of AA/NA, I have remained and accumulated 'x' number of consecutive clean/sober days, with no slips, relapses, or nuttin.....If what you are saying is that relapse is a part of recovery, and I haven't had one, then I'm not doing something right....? I need to relapse to complete the recovery chain.....?

NAH, I ain't doin' it.....I've said it before, and I'll say it again (like my sponsor before me, and her sponsor her, etc., etc., etc., ad infinitum).......:

Relapse is NOT a part of redovery; it's a part of the disease.

That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.............. (o:


NoelleR

[benjiboy]

...it is a very good example of the power that words have over us...Myself, I don't like the word 'relapse' it stinks of failing...as soon as you have a few of these failings under your belt...it might be suggested that you consider yourself a failure...and therefore more likely to 'relapse'.
I don't wish to offend anyone...but I also am very turned off by the word 'God'. I don't believe in God and quite frankly am not able to be part of a program whose main premise is based on something that is neither rational or (imo) real. I am however delighted that it works for so many others and wish them all the best in their recovery.

[CarolD]

I consider a slip is when you drink again
before committting to a recovery program.

I consider a relapse is drinking again
after being active in any recovery program.

So I never had a slip ..many relapses
as it took me 5 years in AA to earn a 1 year medallion.

I seldome use either term however.
...I use "false starts" instead.

Interesting thread Adam...Thanks!

[AW2486]

Was at a Big Book Meeting this morning.. we ended it at the end of Chapter 3..

"The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power."

That power can be whatever works for you ..

Quote is from the book
Alcoholics Anonymous...First Edition

[ananda]

great quote aws....what ever you call it...that describes it well for me!

[stone]

The word god was a stumbling block for me too, when I went through the steps my sponsor suggested I read the word 'god' as 'good'. It helped.