Fire my sponsor?

[lifelong936]

I have been sober a little over a year now and I got a sponsor when I was around three months sober. I was scared not to have a sponsor because I didn't want to get drunk so I picked her one day.

Now things are beginning to change. I finished my 5th step in January and I am still awaiting her to schedule time for 8 and 9 (6 and 7 are continuos). I have been told of things that she is sharing in meetings about her crazy sponsees. She has shared that she is not their mother, their counselor or their sex therapist. This has made me very uneasy about her. When I call her I have to talk to her answering machine most of the time. If I tell her to call me back she usually does but not all the time. To make a long story short I have already found another sponsor (temporary until I can branch out to different meetings and find a permanent sponsor) but I don't know how to tell my first sponsor. Just about every sponsee that she has had has gotten rid of her and they had to have some sort of confrontation with her. I am not a confontational person and I'm afraid to even tell her but I think I should. What would you guys do?

[Tazman53]

Just thank her very much for all the help she has been so far and that you have found someone that you feel can add to your program.

Now if she has a hissy or gets PO'ed, simply walk away or suggest she talk to her sponsor about it.

Keep in mind it is your program and not hers! You sound like you are seeking another sponsor for the right reasons and not because she is pointing things out to you that you don't like.

[RufusACanal]

I would walk up, grasp her hand, shake it well and thank her for her support and care. I would then say that I had decided to change Sponsors. Best in all. In this new life, you are accountable to God first, yourself and others next; this does not have to be confrontational and if this person wants more than you are offering, walk away with a thank you.

Pray for your fear to be removed. This person cannot eat you, at least not in one bite so you have plenty of time to run. Best to you.

[lifelong936]

thanks Taz!

no i'm not getting rid of her because she is telling me things that i don't want to hear. she is very busy in her own life and i feel as if i have come to a stop in my recovery and when i chose her as my sponsor i felt that we were on the same road and i'm just not sure i made the right decision at this point. she has definitely gotten me through the tough stuff.

[Tazman53]

no i'm not getting rid of her because she is telling me things that i don't want to hear.

It didn't sound like you were either, Rufus offered some excellent advice also.

[bballdad]

lifelong
you have several options,consider them before making a decision and maybe pray about it
1-I would see her in person or call her,and just tell her nicely "thank you for your help" as Rufus suggested.

2-if you still have some doubt,you can always get another sponsor and use the new one and let the old one be for now.
There is no rule or law as to how many sponsors you can have or when or how you use them.
I presently have 2 sponsors
one from my home group,and another from another state and he is my service sponsor..
so,I have a regular sponsor(48 yrs sober) and a service sponsor(25 yrs sober)

[navysteve]

I am not a confontational person and I'm afraid to even tell her but I think I should. What would you guys do?

I think TAZ gave you a great piece of advice

[tommyk]

Tough situation.

Honestly might be the best policy.

Tell her you have found someone you can better relate with at this point in your recovery.

[lizw]

I think you've been given some great advice.

I've sponsored a few people (most I have remained friends with even though I no longer sponsor them) and I've had a few sponsors (again most I've remained friends with even though they no longer sponsor me).

I've had my current sponsor for 5 years but I've taken a hard look at another area of my life and written a 4th step regarding this, an area which my sponsor has no ESH to offer me, so I have found another person to do my 5th step with. And my sponsor has encouraged this. She knows me well enough to know I d*m well need it.

I'd suggest you leave a message on your current sponsors answer machine as everyone else has suggested, thanking her for her time but say that you feel it isn't working well for you and you've found another sponsor. Then I'd also post her a thank you card.

I've always brought into the belief that one eventually becomes friends with their sponsor and they become like an extended part of your family.

This is my expereince and despite the fact we are friends my sponsor has no problems telling me when I am doing something I probably shouldn't. : )