I asked a woman to leave our meeting.

[Pinkcuda]

As usual, I'm wondering if I did the right thing.
She was drunk and admitted it. She said that she had been there before a couple years ago. I told her I remembered her and she was drunk that night too.
She went on to tell us how AA didn't work and she had thrown her Big Book away. I told her that I hadn't thrown mine away and I'm still sober. I informed her this was a closed meeting and anyone with a desire to get sober was welcome. She obviously didn't have a desire so I told her to leave and come back sober next time and we'd see what we could do about helping her. So she left.
It's not too often you hear about anyone being turned away from a meeting whether it be open or closed.
I kind of wondered if I had been wrong in judging her desire to get sober and wrong in asking her to leave.
What do you guys think?

[caraway]

How did you know she didn't have the desire to stop drinking?

[tanyapmc]

I am glad I was never told to leave when I went to meetings loaded.

I know that it is very difficult to deal with a wet drunk at a meeting, but I think it can help us know how bad it still is out there.

The ONLY requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. And we don't even check that.

[bigredme]

holy moly. 11th step time.

[CarolD]

I did ask a drunk to leave....and it was an open meeting.
He was noisey... wet his pants...spilled 3 coffees...
and stretched out on the floor for a nap....
.I told him to leave and come back another time.

2 fellows helped him find the door.
They stayed outside to talk with him.
They ended up taking him to de tox.

As I was chairing a meeting with 40 members
it was what I thought was best for everyone.

[ananda]

I went to meetings drunk 3 times a week for 8 months. They told me to keep coming back. They could smell the alchohol when i got my chips. a large number of them huged me and one sponsored me.

after 8 mos it got so hard to do that i quit going. during the next 6 mos i was in the hospital 3 or 4 times with pancreatitis and close to dead due to lack of potasium. Finally I called a woman from the meeting and asked her to take me to treatment. she did. I'm 10 mos sober now.

I wanted desperately to be sober. Those people and those meetings got me to the place where i was able to get sober. somewhere in one of the forwards to the big book it talks about those who are unable to attain long term sobriety....yet their lives are vastly improved. I have seen that happen.

My old sponsor from my first sobriety told me during my drinking that i was under the misunderstanding that i had to be well before i could go back to alchoholics anonymous. she consdiered that to be my alcholic insanity.

Thanks to all the sober men and women of AA who pateintly waited for the mirical to happen for me.

[Pinkcuda]

I didn't say to stay out. I said to come back sober. My thinking was along a couple of thoughts. First off, there's nothing more futile that trying to talk any sense into someone when they're drunk. ESP goes in one ear and out the other. Secondly, I'm also there for my sobriety just the same. I don't need to listen to some sloppy drunk BS and neither do the others. Thirdly, she was bashing A.A. and the principles.
That was the pros for asking her to leave.
The cons; who knows, maybe we could have saved her.
Maybe she'll come in again with a new found desire to try a little harder.

[tanyapmc]

If that had happened to me I doubt I would have ever gone back.

[caraway]

Oh well, hopefully she will remember what she needs to, to get her back into the rooms.

I wonder what made her go to AA in the first place.

[jimhere]

A group has the right to determine who will be at the meeting. It is about the good of the whole group, not the good of the individual.

The woman was disruptive, you did the right thing. In my drinking days I was asked to leave a few meetings. Never once was I told to not come back. In fact I was urged to come back when I did have a desire to get sober.

[caraway]

Whether or not someone is 'disruptive' might be subjective.

I always find it quite amusing when a bunch of (ex) drunks get all upset because someone comes to a meeting drunk. It bothers some people more than others. I suppose it depends how loud they are and whether or not you can hear the share without too much difficulty.

I mean, did this woman speak just when people spoke to her or did she just address the room generally. Its hard for me to say what I would do without actually being there.

[Signal30]

Here's something I noticed about chairing a meeting, and generally doing what you have to do in uncomfortable situations.

For some reason, since some in the fellowship know what I do for a living, I feel sometimes I am expected to have to ask someone to leave or confront them if they are drunk and or disorderly. (The situation has happened a few times.)

The chair person is expected to maintain a meeting when in progress. Sometimes that involves having to do things that aren't exactly pleasant, like telling someone to leave.

I had to do this once. There was a woman who was trashed to the point where you could smell alcohol on her from another state! It was a beginners meeting and there were a lot of newcomers, some of them attending there first AA meeting. The woman was yelling, telling new people that AA didn't work, and she was living proof. She said that alcoholism was a death sentence and that they were all going to die a miserable death.

I happened to be chairing this meeting. I handled it the only way (possibly not the right way) I think she could understand. I said, "GET THE &*!# OUT OF HERE!!!!" Yeah I guess it wasn't really professional, but this woman was completely out of control. Previous to this "advisement", I told her twice not to cross talk. I had every right to tell her to leave, and quite frankly I was a tad peeved that she was there in the first place. This meeting was in a AA club house, and this club house has few rules, but the first rule is that you are NOT allowed in if you are intoxicated. Three board members were present and I was thinking why they didn't approach her before the meeting.

That's the last a newcomer needs to hear is that crap, and that behavior is inexcusable. There is good news. This same woman is now sober, and is actually a very kind, smart, and following the program well.

A few months ago we made amends on the situation. She said that she was so drunk that someone had to tell her the entire incident. She was in a blackout.

I understand that we all had bad, bad, situations when we were using and drinking. It is also important that disorderly (or worse) behavior can not be simply excused if the situation has the potential of getting ugly.

It can sometimes be a crappy job, but someone has to do it.

I admit, I get annoyed when someone has to take charge, when no one else would, yet the people who did nothing, have no problem Monday morning quarterbacking someone's problem solving tactics.




Tom

[lizw]

It's similar to when you should stop someones sharing and tell them to sit down?

A few years ago I chaired a meeting at my countries national convention and had been given a list of people to ask to share. And I asked this one girl, that I did not know, but she went on for like 45 mins, telling the story of her life which only a little amount of it involved alcohol. I can also assure you she wasn't talking about the solution either. lol. It was pretty bad. In the end I shut her down as the mtg had run over time. Every few minutes in my head I was thinking, she must be nearly finished now.

I think it's a hard call to make for anyone but because everything is a learning expereince, I think what I learnt from that one is that if I'm ever asked to chair a meeting like that again, I'd choose people myself that I knew.

I've also been at a meeting where they turfed out a guy my friend and I had taken, cause he was drunk and disruptive however I thought it was pretty awful when one of the sober guys tried getting into a fist fight with the drunk one. An old timer ended up seperating them and getting another member to take the drunk one home.

Sometimes I forget we all go to AA cause we're sick, at one time or another, but thank god we're not always sick at one time. That would be scary!

[bballdad]

my home group has had a lot of wet drunks show up.
If they want to talk,we ask them to listen.If they persist,we take them outside and talk with them.We insist a wet drunk listen,since they cannot share anything on sobriety.

I know quite a few sober alcoholics who just could not make it to a meeting sober.They kept coming back and tried to behave themselves and finally one day,they got there sober and stayed sober.

wet drunks have never been a big problem for us,it`s the crazy dry ones<that are not home group members,just visitors> that really cause our group trouble.

[Tazman53]

my home group has had a lot of wet drunks show up.
If they want to talk,we ask them to listen.If they persist,we take them outside and talk with them.We insist a wet drunk listen,since they cannot share anything on sobriety.

We pretty much handle the wet ones like that, if they can't just listen a couple of old timers will take them out side and talk to them and give them a ride home.

I know quite a few sober alcoholics who just could not make it to a meeting sober.They kept coming back and tried to behave themselves and finally one day,they got there sober and stayed sober.

We had one guy who was coming to meeting every day fall down drunk for at least 3 weeks, then one day he came in sober grinning from ear to ear!!!

I have seen some taken out side and talked to, but never thrown out, I have heard of the cops being called on one guy, but he got violent, not much choice there.

[digderidoo]

I suppose it depends on whether she was disturbing and interrupting other shares. Turning her away solely on the basis she was drunk is wrong imo.
For me when someone who is drunk comes to a meeting, it makes me realise where i was and where i am now, so it can be of benefit to others.
Paul

[tamcor123]

My first meeting i ever went two 11 years ago,we were sitting around a table and a woman came in drunk and sat down next to me,and started talking right away and it was my turn. A old timer was sittting next to me and politely asked her to wait her turn because it was my turn to talk. And she told him you dont understand iam going to kill myself and he said you dont understand,we cant help you only god can and god says you must wait your turn, she stood up and started for the door,and i was like it really is ok if you let her talk, he smiled at me and said to the woman the only thing that can help you now is god may you find him now,and she left. At that moment i knew i was in the right place and have been sober ever since and still go to that meeting and that old timer still does also.

love ya!!!!!

[RufusACanal]

I have been to meetings drunk over the years. I was never asked to leave, probably because I knew enough not to be a distraction. Sure I passed out from time to time, but I was where I was supposed to be. Disruptive Drunks need to go outside until after the meeting and I have escorted a few outside for a cigarette and conversation or a phone call to the police to take them to detox. The only requirement for membership is "a desire to stop drinking" and no individual member has the right to ask anyone to leave a meeting if they have been drinking or for any other reason; this is a group decision which is usually voiced by the Chair. I have been in meetings where sober folk have become a distraction and have been asked to leave by the Chair. Asking someone to not come to a meeting until they are sober is patently wrong. If I had to get sober outside of meetings, I might not be here today. Of course, we all have to learn to walk softly and I am no different. Have a good day!

[Rowan]

I have no problem with someone at a meeting who is under the influence, provided they are not being disruptive i.e. speaking out of turn, getting up frequently, spilling coffee etc. Someone will usually take the member outside to either speak privately or to help get them to detox, if that is appropriate.
JMHO

[navysteve]

Who am I to determine who is welcome and not at a meeting. If the groups has exercised its 4th tradition right to be wrong then so be it. But I as an individual should not act as AA police. If someone is deterring us from carrying the message then we do have a responsibility to carry the message and that may mean asking them to leave. I have been in many meetings drunk, good AA members did talk to me ( who says you can't talk to a drunk? IMO that is BS) Some of the most fertile seeds were planted when I was wasted

[jimhere]

Perhaps I was a bit harsh in my previous post, but I am assuming that the woman was disruptive, or else she wouldn't have been asked to leave.

I entered into my surrender process a few months before I actually got sober. My "last debauch," if you will. During that period I drank and went to meetings and went to meetings and drank and went to meetings intoxicated and belligerent. One night I was at a meeting in the local clubhouse and I was drunk and noisy. Two men took me aside,and took me downstairs where there are some couches. They got me a cup of coffee and very lovingly but firmly explained to me why I was being asked to leave. They said I was welcome to come back when I could behave but that I was messing up the meeting for everyone else. More importantly they demonstrated love. They gave up their entire meeting to talk with a drunk. Steve is right about talking to drunks. I think it was their demonstration more than their words that planted the seed.

I didn't know it then, but I was experiencing the Traditions before I knew about them. These men knew that the common welfare of the group comes before the good of any individual.
Jim

[stone]

Originally Posted by Pinkcuda

come back sober next time

Wow.