12 Steps calls and safety.

[Signal30]

A situation the other day reminded me of something important when it comes to doing 12 Step Calls.

NEVER RESPOND TO A 12 STEP CALL BY YOURSELF!!!


Remember when we were drinking we were physically, spiritually, and mentally sick. When responding to a 12 Step call to someone you do not know, you ALWAYS have at least one other person with you. A act of selfless action can turn into a potentially dangerous situation if that person you are trying to help becomes aggressive and/or violent. With the insanity of our disease you do not know if they want your help or your money to score dope or booze.

This is pretty much common sense, but there can be times when some of us lead with the heart without thinking of potential dangers.

The situation I had was with a very sick man who called me. He ended up calling everyone in my home group, and it turned out he wanted money more then he wanted help. A few people went over to try to help him and when he wanted them to give him money, the answer they give him he didn't want to hear. He had the potential of getting violent, but didn't. Perhaps that was because there were 4 members of the fellowship that responded to try to help him. You can get robbed, assaulted, and worse if you go to a 12 Step call by yourself. When we were drinking and using, we were willing to do just about anything to get what we wanted to feed our addiction.

I don't mean to sound non-trusting. My point is, is that though we are to be willing to help anyone in need or who wants to be helped, however we still need to maintain our God given gift of common sense.


Tom

[best]

Matthew 18

Work It Out Between You



12 -14"Look at it this way. If someone has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders off, doesn't he leave the ninety-nine and go after the one? And if he finds it, doesn't he make far more over it than over the ninety-nine who stay put? Your Father in heaven feels the same way. He doesn't want to lose even one of these simple believers.

15 -17"If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you've made a friend. If he won't listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again.

(The Message bible)

[serenityqueen]

Tom, thanks for the reminder. At times, we all would like to believe that everyone wants help and is willing to go to any length when they show an interest. Hopefully one day, this man will have an interest and desire to change his life and free all of his demons that haunt him.



God Bless,
Judy

[Signal30]

I suppose what I do for a living, you can see in my original post.

"A drunk may smash the furniture in your home, or burn a mattress. You may have to fight with him if he is violent. Sometimes you will have to call a doctor and administer sedatives under his direction. Another time you may have to send for the police or an ambulance. Occasionally you will have to meet such conditions." (BB, Working With Others, First Edition)

I always wince at this part of this chapter. The first image I have is someone I'm trying to help getting crazy and stupid in my home. This is strictly my opinion, but I would see myself as a careless father and husband to risk my family by housing someone who is potentially violent.

Call me selfish or overprotective, but you wouldn't let a lion in your home because he had a broken leg because of the danger to you and your family, what exactly is the difference between a lion and one who is mentally sick?


I'm willing to help others to the best of my ability, but I will not risk the safety of others. Unless it is someone I know, (and even then it depends on his mental state and other situations), I wouldn't house a suffering alcoholic/addict. There are many free inpatient treatment centers in my area, and I know people who work there that could get a bed available for those who need and want help.

The treatment centers are equipped to handle the people and situations.


Sorry. I kinda switched gears a little...lol.


Tom

[GrouchoTheCat]

Well, I recently listened to a set of tapes by Mark H and Joe H and they discussed this issue.

If necessary, call 911. Some things are better handled by the professionals.

We are not doctors, neither do we have to suffer violence.

Saving a life is the number one priority.

Ted

[laurie6781]

GREAT REMINDER TOM!!!!

Yep got that literally pounded into my head in early sobriety. The Old Timers took me with to 'observe', but there were always at least 3 of them.

Even my sponsor said when she called, 3 women came out, and they were not aggressive but instead were kind and comforting but FIRM.

I would NEVER attempt a 12 step call on my own, and depending on the condition of the caller, have been known to call 911, but ride with the person, or follow the ambulance to the hospital.

Great Reminder. Maybe the moderator can make this a STICKY.

Love and hugs,

[Tazman53]

I did one over the phone, a guy I used to work with that is a good friend. There was no way I would have gone to his house alone, he was an absolute and total mess, he had been on a week long bender, he actually called his boss and simply told him he was to drunk to come to work!!! Long story, but he will have a year next month.

[barb dwyer]

Good safety thing, Sig....
and I am just assuming that's why it's a 'rule' here that no less than TWO go on a twelve step in this town. I originally thought it was a rule just for women but it's apparently for everyone.

[bballdad]

Tom,I have a friend who got a call once from a local motel.The guy said he wanted help,can you pls come talk to me.
My friend went with another AA.

They found the hotel room,knocked on the door and the drunk inside said "come in"

My 2 friends found themselves staring down the barrels from 2 pistols.The drunk was crazy and started yelling
you sob`s ain`t taking me nowhere...I ain`t going no where.They talked with him a few minutes and the crazy drunk told them to take a drink of likker or he was going to shoot them both.They refused and left.

My friends left and the man has not been heard from since,around here anyway..that was 20 yrs ago...
God kept them safe that day

[ananda]

I absolutely believe that we need to be careful on 12 step calls. But.....When I made my first call to AA there were no women answering on the call list. Finally a man called since no one could be located. He met me at a local coffee shop and spoke with me there for about an hour. Then, when I got to scared to go to a meeting that night, he met me at the meeting building and walked in and sat with me and arranged for a woman to talk to me after the meeting.

Now silly me, I went to talk to a male alchoholic neibor who wanted help by myself. I gave him a ride to a meeting and on the way home he came on to me so strong that I pulled over and made him get out of the car.

Don't know what all that means, but we should all be careful.

[warrens]

Great post!

I agree with Laurie. You know, what seems obvious upon analysis can be overlooked in times of urgency.

Recovering A's have usually been the recipients of help along the way and many of us are eager to return this grace.

Signal, your post made me think of 1,000 reasons to not go alone. Many of them have nothing to do with physical safety, either. Sometimes we merely need a witness. We live in a day and age when allegations can cause great harm, whether founded or not.

warren

[RufusACanal]

Even with my god complex in full gear, I would never consider 12 Stepping alone. Damn good reminder Tom.

[bballdad]

a man and woman went to pick up a drunk and take him to detox.
During the ride to detox,the aa woman started drinking.Soon the AA man jumped in the back seat and started drinking,and the drunk had to drive to the detox.
When they arrived,the drunk was soberer than the aa`s,and he left them there and he went back home.

I was told this many yrs ago and they swore it was a true story.
true or not,I do not go on 12 steps calls with women...just guys

[Found]

I think AA folks down my way forget to offer to meet the caller at either their home or a neutral place, and solely give directions to the rooms.

(I was not offered a visit and I know of many who aren't.)

I would be glad to make up the third or fourth of a party to gain experience, if older timers would readopt the custom.

Some people will deliberately turn down the offer a visit if offered, and make their way to the rooms using directions provided. Perhaps some it wasn't offered to, would have welcomed it, like me.

I agree, when calling one either gives warning signs that a visit might not be the thing to offer or alternatively, one shows when the visiotrs arrive that one sisn't yet receptive so the advice above is absolutely spot on.

Our video-lecture meetings deal with step 12 soon (albeit I am only beginning step 4 personally) so its struck me as topical.