Dilemma...

[Cathy31]

hi guys
Just rushing off to the hospital (not for me, for a friend) but I really need your advice...

As many of you know I got divorced 2 years ago and moved away from Ireland...my xh (not A) bore the brunt of my alcoholism and my friendship with him post our divorce is a huge part of my recovery's gratitude list.

Long story short : I came to Ireland to see him and friend above in hospital and pick up some stuff, etc Part of the trip is to go on a yoga weekend - it involves abuot a 3 hour drive there and back and I'd been reaaally excited about it.

Dilemma : my ex husband is going through a hugely tough time. Neither of us are 'in love' so that's not the complication. I am leaning towards cancelling yoga ( doesn't seem as appealing under circ's) but don't want to be an enabler or whatever...

what do you think? I have prayed about it. The answer seems to be stay with him - trust God clean house help others? What do you think? (yes it will cost but it would cost if I went too)
Cathy31
x

[barb dwyer]

invite him to go with you.

just because he's not an 'a' ...
doesn't mean he isn't someone
above looking pitiful in order to be enabled.

you're divorced now.
you went to Ireland to see this friend in the hospital, and for this yoga weekend, and to pick up some stuff.

do those things.

but don't go back to letting a husband
(or anyone for that matter)
push their way into your plans.

Your plans are for moving forward.
invite them along
but don't stop your OWN momentum to wait on them.

and that's ONE opinion.

LOL

[CarolD]

Are you planning to bail him out financially?
Then your yoga trip will not be feasible?
Is that what you meant by cost?

Will this help be a one time deal?
Do you expect repayment?
Is there guilt over the divorce a factor?

Are you back to work?
Upcoming prospects?

No need to answer me ...just things to think on.

Mega Hugs Cathy

[Tazman53]

Cathy sounds like the time for more prayer and meditation after answering one question honestly about the whole thing..... what are your motives? When I am in a quandry and seem to be stuck, my sponsor always suggest I honestly examine my true motives.

[ananda]

there is a difference between compassionate acts and enabling. In cases like this, I make the best decision I can, and pay attention to what happens inside me and to others as a result. I call it walking skillfully through our Karma and it allows change to happen and learning to occur.

meditation and making a choice.

[Cathy31]

Thanks everyone, oh dear! Now you have really made me think!!! LOL! Thanks everyone, wise wise people on here, thank you!!!!!!!!

Cathy31
x

[miss communicat]

Cathy

Has he asked for your presence and/or help in some tangible way?

Are you contemplating rushing in to help as a way to move you out of some sort of emotional discomfort? Or is it a n answer to a request for assistance?

Remember that you can love someone as a friend or ex partner, stay bonded at the heart and soul level, care tremendously for and about them without rearranging your own life in the process.

I say go to yoga, and remain open.

[best]

Let go and Let God.

One step at a time as you walk on the flashlight beam.
A flashlight guides us in the here and now, you are looking for a beacon that will shine into the future. One step at a time is what we need do.

[navysteve]

what do you think? I have prayed about it. The answer seems to be stay with him - trust God clean house help others? What do you think? (yes it will cost but it would cost if I went too)
Cathy31

Sounds like you wanna clean up the wreckage of your past and God has provided the opportunity