finding a sponsor?

[Stormy1119]

I know some recommend waiting awhile before getting a sponsor, but how long should i wait?

Also, I'm having trouble finding anyone I would even want to be my sponsor.

I've attended 10-11 meeting by now.

The vast majority of the women in the program are there b/c they are being made to. They are either in treatment or in a halfway house. From what i've seen and heard very few have any significant sober time under their belts. Most still seemed pissed off they have to be sober.

i've tried varying which meeting i go to. Tonight i went to a women's meeting and out of the 20 females in the room, I was the ONLY one that came to AA on my own free will... the rest were either currently in treatment, in a halfway house, or just out of a halfway house. 15 out of the 20 were my age or younger. I don't think but maybe 5 had more than a year sober time, and of those 5 maybe only a couple were past the 4th step.

At this rate i don't think i'll ever find a sponsor.

[barb dwyer]

There's a very good pamphlet on it you can pick up at the rack ... "On Sponsorship'...

[NoelleR]

barb's suggestion of getting and reading the pamphlet on sponsorship is terrific, absolutely a very good first step.....this can even be done online.....just go to.....:
Alcoholics Anonymous :

You will see that the pamphlet (Questions and Answers on Sponsorship) can be downloaded onto your pc [just double click over the pamphlet icon (it's in pdf format)] and then you can read it...........at your leisure.

Regarding your question as to 'waiting' to find a sponsor.....I'm one of those folks who believes the faster we get started on the steps, the better, and it's so much easier with a sponsor.....Yes, I know the suggestion of same gender sponsors, but if there aren't any 'qualified' females about, a male sponsor is better than no sponsor (least imho, that is)...... (o:

Of course, in the meantime you can be spending your time reading that sponsorship pamphlet, and the BB.....the first 164 pages are also available online (www.aa.org)...........:
Big Book On Line

I hope this has helped a wee bit...........Happy reading, and I'll be seeing you....in all the old familiar places (well mebbe not those), but around SR anyway.....lo (guess I'm just feeling my age.....lol)


NoelleR

[barb dwyer]

kewl noelle - I didn't know that one...

[Tazman53]

Grab your local phone book and call your local AA hotline, tell them that you are seeking a meeting where there are women with longer term sobriety.

A good idea once you find a lady with some time in AA is to ask her to be your temporary sponsor.

Stormy before you make that call say a prayer simply asking to be led to the right meeting.

There is an old saying that when the student is ready the teacher will appear! Let us know how it goes?

[Signal30]

Finding a sponsor is easy. We are the ones new to the program that make it hard. You can ask someone who shared their comments in a meeting you related with, and then ask them afterword.

or...

You could ask someone after a meeting that you are looking for a sponsor, and if they know anyone who has experience and sobriety that could sponsor you.

or...

You could even say at a open discussion meeting that you need a sponsor. I know of a lot of members that have sponsors by doing it that way.

Some meetings at the beginning, the chair person will request all the people who sponsor to stand so a newcomer knows who they can ask.


Lots of people will sponsor you. But none of them can, if you do not ask.



Tom

[collinsmi]

It's time to get a sponsor and start working steps.

Tonight i went to a women's meeting and out of the 20 females in the room, I was the ONLY one that came to AA on my own free will... the rest were either currently in treatment, in a halfway house, or just out of a halfway house.

They're not ready to sponsor yet. Any closed meetings in your area?

[BUTTERFLY-7]

I've been 4 months clean today was my first meeting
I made I'm really anxious to find a sponsor
but how do I know that person is the one what to look for on
a sponsor

[Tazman53]

Butterfly the best thing to do is ask someone to be your "Temporary" Sponsor first. Be honest with them and tell them that you need some help in determining who would be the right person to sponsor you and ask them if they can help you to get started and to help you find a full time sponsor.

[bugsworth]

I found this when I first went to aa...I hope it helps.

Your First AA Meeting
An Unofficial Guide For the Perplexed
Floyd P. Garrett, M.D.


Sponsors and sponsorship.

There is an official AA pamphlet on sponsorship that is usually available in the literature collection of most AA meetings. It may also be requested from the local AA Central Office.

Virtually all AA meetings and members recommend that newcomers obtain an AA sponsor relatively early in their recovery. As with everything else in AA, there are no official rules or regulations about sponsors and sponsorship. The basic idea is to acquire a mentor or "Big Brother" or Sister who is willing and able to guide the neophyte as his recovery progresses. Same-sex sponsors are generally encouraged except under unusual circumstances. The suggestion that newcomers have a sponsor is, like everything else in AA, just that, a suggestion. There is no requirement that anyone have a sponsor, and no one checks to see whether anyone else does.

The usual advice is to look for a sponsor "who has what you want," i.e. who appears to be sober and emotionally balanced and who displays the kinds of beliefs and behaviors that one wishes to emulate and from whom one hopes to learn something of value not only about recovery, but even about life itself. Because of the agitated and anxious emotional state of many AA newcomers, it may not be easy to make such determinations until a number of meetings have gone by and the emotional dust has begun to settle a bit. There is no real requirement to "get a sponsor at any cost," so it is permissible and probably better to take one's time and look around a bit before actually selecting someone to ask. This selection is usually done on the basis of observing and listening to the potential sponsor speak during meetings and perhaps noting their interactions with others before and after as well as during the meetings.

Some meetings include in their "readings"(the formalized way in which the meeting is opened or closed) the invitation for anyone desiring a temporary sponsor to contact a particular individual immediately after the meeting. The suggestion is often made to newcomers to seek a temporary rather than a long term sponsor just to get started in the program. Like so-called temporary employment, many but not all of these relationships will mature into lasting ones. Calling them "temporary" merely makes it easier for both parties to retire from them if for any reason they desire to do so.

Sponsorship is a highly individual matter with no fixed rules or regulations. The style and content of the "mentoring" vary tremendously from sponsor to sponsor. Some sponsors have a fairly structured approach with specific suggestions and even "assignments" for those who ask them to sponsor them. They may ask their "sponsees" to call them every day for a while just to get in the habit of using the telephone, or they may assign specific parts of the Big Book or other official AA literature to be read and discussed with them. Sponsors and sponsees often meet before or after the meeting for coffee or meals in order to get to know each other and discuss recovery. Whatever the individual style of a particular sponsor, it is always understood that the sponsee is free and in fact morally obliged to call his sponsor any time he is in trouble or about to drink.

Sponsors and sponsees are absolutely free at any time to terminate their relationship if it is not satisfactory to either of them.

Good Luck

[BUTTERFLY-7]

Yawl for all your Luv and support much
apreciated

[acon4726]

It is my experience that it doesn't matter as much who the sponsor is, but just that you get to have a personal experience with the steps. I was picky in my early sobriety and wasted time (and got close to a relapse) going through 3 sponsors. They are not suppose to be your best friend, they are supposed to represent the program and guide you through the steps.

I do recommend you find somebody who has a decent amount of time though or if they do not have too much time, somebody who really works a strong program.

[Tazman53]

They are not suppose to be your best friend, they are supposed to represent the program and guide you through the steps.

Very true, my present sponsor was not my friend, he was a life saver!!!! He is still not my friend, but he is someone who I trust and who trust me. He calls me on my crap and it is done with love. Yes I said love!!!! I love every person in AA, I may not like them, but I love them and if they put thier hand out for help I will take it without hesitation.

[ananda]

I had a sponsor who was also my best friend.

It worked well for 15 years.

[Stormy1119]

Thanks for all the advice everyone!

I tried going to a different meeting place last night, hoping to maybe see different people.. and it was the exact same group of girls from the halfway house, none of which have any sort of significant time under their belts.

Now that I've been going several weeks, I've started actually talking to some people, mostly men.. most of the women aren't very friendly towards me for whatever reason. But I'm hoping to ask one of the guys that has been around awhile if he knows any women in the program that would be a suitable sponsor. One of the guys was really getting on me the other day for not having a sponsor yet, or a list of numbers to call. I know I really need to do and I really want to get started on the steps!

[RufusACanal]

Good Work Stormy! An idea maybe to speak to each Chairperson that you are looking for a Sponsor. I would even mention that I was looking for a Sponsor during a share. Maybe, your Higher Power is lining up just the right person for you and he forgot to include you on that informative memo we sometimes look for when we want something badly.

Best to you!

[joeycutnurhair]

I was told to get a sponsor pretty quick into recovery. i was told to find someone who had what i wanted, which i took like spiritually, not with a great car, mansion, money etc. i was also told if it didnt work out i could get a new sponsor and keep my old one for a contact. but one word of warning is that just because they say something i dont like about me i shouldnt run off from them. it is challenging. definitely get someone who is closed mouthed. i love my sponsor. she has 21 years and still loves the progrram. she is one of my best friends today. however it did not start like that. anyway just my thoughts. stay strong, dont leave before the miracle happens

[Tazman53]

Look for step study meetings or literature meetings, you will find ladies with more time in AA that have worked the steps.