Looking for Experience STrength and Hope on 4th step.

[Tryin2Recover]

Hello everyone I have recently started my fourth step and i am wondering if anyone here can share some experience strength or hope on how they did this step. I kinda just started writing down resentments and things I or others have done that bothered or still bother me and its all really random and has no structure to it, and most of it is just a few words or a sentence on the issue at hand. My sponsor says there really is no wrong way to go about it as long as im honest and thourough. Im really wondering did you guys like write a paragraph narrative form? Or like bullet points for specific instances? How into detail did you go on each instance? Did it have any kind of order to it? Chronologically? Person by person? Any comments or criticisms are welcome, I need help with this step and my sponsor told me to ask other addicts and alcoholics how they went about doing it and to try and find a way i feel most comfortable with. Thanks in advance.

[barb dwyer]

hey Tryin -

the first one - my sponsor wanted me to start with the most recent and work backwards - the first one read like a novel... then, as I got more used to it... I got more on the style put in the BB.

But in the beginning - that way didn't make any sense.
I was that scared of the whole thing. I couldn't get my mind around it.

BUT::: by the end of it - it was reading like the bb - so and so - affected my bla bla meaning yada yada... really breif.

Trust me - this step ... is the one that makes or breaks.
Number four... is the one.
Good luck to you and stick with it.
It's worth it.

I remember too - sometimes - it was a topic I was so NOT wanting to deal with -
I could only write a couple of lines and I'd have to take a NAP ... I wanted 'out' so bad.

But when done - my life ... has never been the same.
I've been a completely different person ever since.
The change is REAL. The Promises ... come true.

It works.

I'm psyched for you!

[bballdad]

I went back as far as I could remember and broke my life down into 5 yr blocks.I then listed my resentments and then my second column as the big book shows.Why I was angry.

I kept it brief,just a few words each if possible
When column 2 was done,I went to column 3 and so on
I went to fears when resentments was over
then on to sex,

when one 5 yr block was done,I moved on to the next

I tried to do it like the big book instructions said and after I got the hang of it ,it worked well for me

[CarolD]

Hmm..
I procrastinated much too long ...
I ended up doing it the old fashioned way.

I did attend several 4th Step workshops.
I did have workbooks from 3 resources.

Finally...just before my 3rd AA anniversary
I sat down with my BB...legal pad and pen
and let it flow...
I did my 5th the next morning.

The sooner the better....IMO

[Tazman53]

Welcome to SR and also welcome to the beginning of a new and wonderful life.

Step 4 is the first action step and one of the most difficult to do, as far as format goes, sit down with the BB and read it one portion at a time, it is spelled out how you need to do it. What you are doing is a good idea, but my sponsor took me through the steps just as they are written in the BB and I did the same with my sponsee, we are all still sober and happy so we must have done it okay! LOL

Always make sure you have some quiet alone time when you are doing your writing, say a prayer before you begin every time asking that you be given clarity on your past and the ability to see the truth.

Some of us have some horrible stuff spinning around in our heads that make us feel really bad about who we are, writing it all down for me made a huge difference, you see when it was in my head it would spin around and around like a snowball, growing bigger and bigger..... once I wrote something down it quit spinning in my head, once I had it all written down I was able to see that I was not as bad as I thought I was.

You may find your self getting stuck or not wanting to write something down, what helped me a lot when I got stuck was to read the promises after the 5th step and asking myself if I wanted that? I did and as a result I was able to write it all down.

Keep in mind that this is your inventory, no one elses, your future is affected by this, if you hold something back you will know it and it will eat at you!!!! Remember it is a "searching and fearless" inventory, not a half arse one! Half measures availed us nothing.

Trust me when I say it is well worth it!!! All of the following promises do come true when doing your 5th step if you have done the best you can on your 4th step. Here are the promises following the 5th step which came true for me:

Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe.

Just writing out your 4th step is rewarding, you will see that your past although it may not be good, is not nearly as bad as you thought it was. I was carrying a lot of baggage with me, this unloaded a lot of it!

One more thing, keep in touch with your sponsor and show him the format you are using for each section and see if it is what he expects.

Oh yea one more thing, when listing resentments and the like make what you are least resentful about your number 1 in the list and what you are the most resentful and the like about the last. As you go through these in that order you will start to see a pattern and by the time you hit the item you are most resentful about you will have a far better understanding of your self.

One more thing, there is nothing wrong with writing down a resentment you may have against your sponsor, I did! We both had a good laugh when we discussed it!

Just to add to what Carol said, do not procrastinate, I have heard the old timers say the best time to do your 4th and 5th step is when you want the pain to stop!

[barb dwyer]

Carol's post reminded me of something =-

I found the NA workbook to be quite helpful.
It modernized the language so I related to it better.

I was also careful not to write IN the workbook so I could pass it on to my own sponsees when the time came.

[jlo34]

There is one wrong way to do a 4th step. That'd be my first one I did. I blamed everyone for my problems!!! I was so ticked off at my sponsor when she pointed that out!

Taking accountability for your actions, your thoughts, etc. The fourth step is designed to help you see your patterns, like Tazman said.

Personally for me, briefness doesn't get enough of it out for me. I end up writing a mini-novel when I do my 4th. Usually a paragraph on each. For me, I need to be absolutely honest about the events and search for my part in it. Unless I'm writing more, I have a hard time doing that. My brain dislikes taking ownership of anything. As I write, it helps me take accountability. Keeping the model in the BB in my mind, I can go through who, what and why.

Everyone is different. My last one, I went through my character defects...I listed character defects on each page, then I attached my "issues" on those.... that forced me to own it and how it affected me. It made it easier for my brain to synapse responsibility.

This doesn't have to be your last 4th step. Some do them yearly. Others when they are in pain... The point is, don't beat yourself up too much about any of it. Just do the best you can. If you find after you are done, more stuff pops up (which usually happens to me) do another one! Some things are triggered by other events. Some things need cleared to come into focus. I don't know if that makes sense to others, but it does to me.

My last 4th step I hurt so badly, I couldn't wait until I was done with it. I started dumping it before I was done. By dumping some of the pain; I was able to continue searching fearlessly and thoroughly.

Good luck and blessings to you,
Jen

[sugErspun]

I did mine out of the book. Four columns

1- people, institutions, principles with whom I WAS angry
2- what they did (why I was angry)
3- what it affected in me (Pride, Self Esteem, Pocketbook, Personal relations, Sex relations, Ambition, Security) - I shortened this column by using the letters(P,SE,PB,Page Ranking,SR,A,S)
4- (don't forget this one) - what mistakes(wrongs) had I made in regard to this resentment (and anything else that comes to mind when reviewing it) - disregarding the other person completely. There's a lot of good stuff on page 67 of the book to help here. The fourth column - we list our faults.


I did each column one at a time (i.e. did not move onto 2 until 1 was complete, or 'felt' complete). I also wrote at the top of each page when I sat down to write: "God, please show me what I need to see - that which blocks me from you, myself and others"

Then I did a fear inventory and a sex inventory....(three inventories at the fourth step).


I hope this is helpful. The fourth column was actually a whole new page - and I wrote free-form. The other columns were very specific names, instances etc.

[gravity]

Hi Tryin,

Steps 4, 5, 6, & 7 were such a huge "breakthrough" for me. It took me a few evenings to do my step 4 work, checked in with my sponsor a couple of times to make sure that I was on the right track. Steps 5, 6, & 7 flowed naturally after I completed my step 4. I vividly remember the sense of peace and forgiveness that came to me that evening. I still feel this today, roughly 2 months after.

Don't worry about doing it perfectly. Just do your absolute best. There are still things that come to me today that I go through with my sponsor.

I did a quick internet search to find the format my sponsor had me use and this is what I found to be the closest:

Step 4 Inventory 4th Step Work sheets Guide Forms of AA's 12 Steps in Alcoholics Anonymous, Rehab, AA, addiction treatment, addiction recovery, AA

I did mine on my computer and kept it brief, to the point - trying to follow the example in the Big Book. Personally, I did not find my 4th step to be too painful - more revealing than anything else. I have always been so down on myself, not really knowing why and step 4 really help me sort it out. I started to see very clear patterns in my thoughts & actions. I agree with doing your step 5 (the admitting to another human being part) very soon after. My thoughts (and related feelings) were so far out of perspective - going through it with my sponsor helped me incredibly.

Congratulations on your hard work.

Don

[justanothrdrunk]

My 4th steps are always very cryptic. Just names and a few words. No chronological order to them. Just however they pop into my head at the time.

My sponsor told me to write as little or as much as I wanted. The important part is that I know what it means so that when I give my fifth step I can verbalize what I've written.

[Signal30]

I personally found this extremely helpful. Many members in the fellowship also use the below inventory set-up. I found it to be helpful.



http://www.12step.org/docs/Step4_Inventory.pdf



Tom

[Rob B]

I have done multiple 4ths out of the Big Book using the format Sugerspun mentioned. Signal 30's link is also worth looking at.

If I were in your shoes I would find a new sponsor ASAP. One who gave crystal clear precise directions, and had personal experience, your life may depend on it.

[collinsmi]

Mine was pretty long and elaborate. My sponsor gave me very specific instructions on how to proceed. This is what they were, as best as I can remember, and this is what I did:

Grudge list - long list of people, institutions and principles with whom I was angry. Columns 1-3 on left side pages of the notebook, column 4 entries on right side. Top of each page dated and prayer - God help me to be honest, God help me to remember, God give me courage to write inventory.

1st 3 columns in resentment inventory: P64 line 28 through the example on P65. Page for each resentment of grudge list entry. 4th column resentment inventory: p67 lines 16-20. For me that was where the real discoveries were. Do all the column 1 - 3 pages before doing the column 4 pages. Don't forget to read the parts in the book between the writing instructions!

Fear inventory: p68 lines 3-16. Came from the resentment inventory, see the word fear in parentheses beside all those column 3 entries in the example? Mine was in 4 columns: column 1 - specific fear, column 2 - why I had this fear, column 3 - what I had got from self reliance, and column 4 - what I could expect to get from God reliance. Each specific fear had it's own page which was stapled over the corresponding 4th column resentment page. Example - column 1: What's the fear? I can't make others treat me fairly. Column 2: Why do I have this fear (each of these should spawn another one, like peeling back the layers of an onion.)? - I'm regarded as inconsequential. My reasonable expectations won't be met. My efforts at trying to arrange entertainment for myself where others are involved are doomed to failure. I won't be happy. I'll lead a $#!%%& life. Column 3: Self reliance. - Anger, frustration. Pride, greed. Self righteous. Greed. Self pity, selfish. Column 3 entries correspond directly with each entry from column 2, and column 4 entries correspond directly with column 3 entries. Column 4: God reliance - (time for some more prayer, God remove my fear and help me to be Calm, accepting. Humble, content. Humble, content. Self content. Concerned for others.

Sex inventory - page 69, lines 12 - 17. Subject matter comes from grudge list. It was explained to me that this was an inventory of my sex conduct, not just my sexual conduct (i.e. cheated on my wife). We all act in certain ways based on how we see ourselves as men or women. (What kind of car do you drive? What kind of pet do you own?) When answering these sex inventory questions, how did this fact influence my actions? With my sponsor's approval I broke the grudge list down into categories. Questions for each category were answered in narrative form.

[RufusACanal]

XA-Speakers - The lights are on!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/step-study/

[ananda]

Step 4 - made a searching and fearless inventory of ourselves.

I have used a variety of forms for an inventory. My sponsors have never "required" a particualr form. I usually use the suggestions from the big book. It actually is simpler than many of the other forms around.

[phunky rich]

I also did mine according to the way laid out in the book. Four columns.
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it" right?
It was suggested to me that I stick to the book this time around...interestingly enough I haven't drank yet.