Don't mess with my serenity.

[bob_sapp]

If I know you from AA and you drink, I will not associate with you.
If you do drugs, I will not associate with you.
If you play mind games, I will not associate with you.
If you make me want to drink, I will not associate with you.
If you mess with my serenity, I will not associate with you.

I have found I must abide by these principles if I am to stay sane and sober.

[best]

Well if I didn't like you. I know how to keep you away now *LOL*

What about the person that falls? If we all stay away, who would be there to pick them up?

[bob_sapp]

best don't **** with my spelling pls I have done nothing wrong. If you have a slip, I will support you. If you are out drinking, I will not support you or talk to you because you are putting me in danger. There's a difference between a slip and going back.

[Cathy31]

Yep there's a fine line - one I do not cross from an 'investment' point of view (time energy etc) anyone seeking sobriety I am there for even if they slip, go back out and come back and ask for help. Someone in freefall and enjoying it (!) I leave alone until they ask for help. AA is a program of attraction rather than promotion. I don't tie up my ego with helping others, I'm there and if they take it they take it if they don't they don't. I'm there 100% but I don't control the outcome. I don't associate with people in active addiction...however if you mess with my serenity I'll still associate with you - cause often when I get overly concerned with 'others' messing with 'me' it's about ME and I need to do the changing./..but active users I'm not interested in really...

Cathy31
x

[sugErspun]

Is there a difference between a slip and going back out? According to my book, the insanity of alcoholism returns, and then we drink. We are out of the sunlight of the spirit before we take a drink. One drink, two - a hundred - does it really make a difference?

There are plenty of people who are drinking with a strong desire to quit, but they cannot.

I hope when the time comes that they reach out for help they do not pass over my name because they think I will shun them out of intolerance for their situation.

Alcoholics drink alcohol. Thank God I was not turned away last time I was drunk and reached out. Drunk or not - that man took his time to help me.

Our literature, particularly the part about working with others - makes no mention of people being sober before we can be of help to them. If I know someone from AA and they are drinking and call me, the only reason I can think that they would be doing so is that they need help - it's my duty to be there. In fact - being there for them will probably be the very thing that keeps me sober.

[Rob B]

The notion that other people "make" me do anything is an illusion.
My book promises I will meet calamity with serenity, people don't affect me the way they used to, I believe I will one day be completley unattached to what other people are doing or saying.

[Tazman53]

I fall in with Rob on this

will one day be completley unattached to what other people are doing or saying.

The only thing I would add is that if they ask for help I will give it as long as they are working also and not asking me to carry them.

[Signal30]

If you mess with my serenity, I will not associate with you.

I believe that no one can take away my serenity. The only way I lose it is by giving it away. People can do or say anything they want. I have the choice whether to let them make me angry, upset, or any other negative emotion.

I am there for those who need help. But I can not be of service if that person suffering, isn't willing to change and help themselves.


Tom

[RufusACanal]

Originally Posted by bob_sapp

If I know you from AA and you drink, I will not associate with you.
If you do drugs, I will not associate with you.
If you play mind games, I will not associate with you.
If you make me want to drink, I will not associate with you.
If you mess with my serenity, I will not associate with you.

I have found I must abide by these principles if I am to stay sane and sober.

Boundaries are a wondrous thing; defining self through what we accept and what we will not is paramount to me for a healthy new life. The one typo here is the power anyone has over me in terms of a drink which is non-existent.

No one but me is responsible for my actions. No one makes me mad, glad, happy, sad and no one makes me want to drink. Drinking as a solution has failed repeatedly. Bob, did you just complete Step Five again? Where is the work on Six and Seven? Time to take the next Step Bob and ask God to remove the obsession, that peculiar mental twist, permanently if it is his will; just a suggestion.

[nandm]

Originally Posted by Rob B

The notion that other people "make" me do anything is an illusion.
My book promises I will meet calamity with serenity, people don't affect me the way they used to, I believe I will one day be completley unattached to what other people are doing or saying.

Well put Rob. Even with a gun to my head and someone threatening to pull the trigger if I don't do something they want me to do, I still have a choice, do it or die. They can not "make" the choice for me. I still have free will and choice in the matter. The concept that others can "make" me do anything is an illusion of perception. The steps helped me to change that perception and realize that my choices are my responsibility. The program is what changed my perception from protecting "me" to helping "others." I am grateful for that change in perception.

[Zanthos]

Originally Posted by bob_sapp

If I know you from AA and you drink, I will not associate with you.
If you do drugs, I will not associate with you.
If you play mind games, I will not associate with you.
If you make me want to drink, I will not associate with you.
If you mess with my serenity, I will not associate with you.

Can you tell us what prompted this declaration?

[Emimily]

rawr rawr rawr!

this made me think about teachers. my 10th grade geometry teacher, in particular. mr. grant. he used to send me in the hall for being "disruptive". imagine that, a disruptive budding alcoholic.

ummm... love 'em in, love 'em out. that's what i've always heard. doesn't mean i try to get up with my relapsed friends on a saturday night, but it does mean that i stay in touch on a sunday afternoon. with that said, i agree with rob - no one can make me want to drink, only i can make me want to drink. only me. and if i refuse to let myself get there, then i don't get there. it's pretty cool to be responsible for my emotions.

i'd like to know what prompted this as well, bob... if ya don't mind.

[Sheryl85]

Something that I was told early on is that I’d have to change my playmates and playgrounds. I did what they said and cut some people out of my life because I wasn’t strong enough (in faith) to know my Higher Power was in charge and not me. (Since my best thinking bought my admission to this program I knew I couldn’t be trusted in those early days!) Things got better as I took the Steps.

Something else was that when I was going to be working with an actively drinking alcoholic (12 Step Call) and especially when I was new in the program, I was to NEVER go alone. Back in the early days that meant I went with another sober alcoholic no matter what. Now days I still won’t go alone unless there is no other alternative, but that's by choice and because of the way the world is today and not because I worry about drinking.

I find that I don't have too many problems to where I have to remove myself from people, places and things nowdays. They don't seem to bother me as they once did because the desire to drink has been removed. It’s just like it talks about in the book of having ceased fighting anyone or anything. That sanity has returned. But, I also remember that nowhere does it say that sanity is going to stay. That’s where working those other Steps, especially the maintenance steps, comes into play. As long as I am in fit spiritual condition, I don’t have too many problems with stuff like that.

Keep plugging away at it, Bob. You are doing fine. We do have to put up boundaries now and then. I’m sure you spotted the fact that WE are still ultimately responsible for our own drinking (no one can make us drink or not drink), but I like the fact that you are committed and willing to do whatever is necessary to insure that you don’t drink (including changing those playmates and playgrounds) in these early days when our resistance is still a bit low. I think that it helps to show that you are serious. Keep working with your sponsor other alcoholics and work those other Steps!

Good luck and keep in touch!