The not-enough-meetings syndrome

[acon4726]

I have only been to one meeting in the past week. I've found that for me, this just simply isnt enough. Every time I skip out on meetings for longer than a few days, my mind starts wandering into bad places. I start to feel distance from all of the new wonderful things in my life and eventually I start to fantasize about drinking.

I've recognized this pattern in my past and I've finally just come to the conclusions that I just HAVE to go to atleast 3 meetings a week. I'm just too early in my recovery to be skipping out on meetings.

I'm curious how meeting attendence has worked for everyone else here. How many did you attend in early sobriety? How many now?

[Freedom1990]

When I first sobered up, there were 4 meetings a week available where I live (2 different AA groups), plus I attended aftercare once a month for a year after rehab.

Now we have 3 meetings a week available (one group folded many years ago), and I find I do best with attending all 3.

I actually look forward to the meetings because I always feel better when I've attended.

[laurie6781]

When I first sobered up in '81 I attended 10 to 12 meetings a week, and I worked full time, but extra meetings in on weekends.

After my first year, I did cut back to about 7 or 8 a week. As I stayed sober that number went down and down, and until a few years ago I was still attending 3 or so a week, more for the fellowship than meetings.

My health took a turn for the worse and the folks here where I live started bringing in a meeting or 2 a week.

I now attend here and there, however, still have many calls a week from folks in the program to discuss program.

My sponsor and her hubby always taught me. We work the program until we start living the program and then we take it OUT THERE meaning in everyday life, lol

So, attend the number of meetings that KEEP YOU COMFORTABLE. Work with your sponsor to get through the steps.

That hopefully will work for you.

How many meetings a week keep you comfortable and moving forward?

J M H O

Love and hugs,

[bob_sapp]

Originally Posted by acon4726

I'm curious how meeting attendence has worked for everyone else here. How many did you attend in early sobriety? How many now?

Early on, 3 meetings a week or more. Now it's at least 2, some weeks 3 or more, depending on my schedule. Many nights when I am not at AA though, I am hanging with program people. I think you have to go to as many meetings as possible for at least the first year or two. You get a good foundation during that time, meet and get to know tons of people, then when you get more sobriety and life tries to crush you, you'll have the support and knowledge to help you through it. One thing I can say for sure is, when people are going to lots of meetings, they are sober in my experience. When I stop seeing them, they are out drinking.

[findingout]

First year: 3 meetings a week plus one night of after care at the place I went through treatment.

Since then: 4 meetings a week, pretty much every week.

The meetings I attend are far enough apart in terms of distance that I rarely see the same people at more than one of them and they are different enough in size and type that I rarely feel like I am just going through the motions. In fact, I am hard pressed to remember a meeting where I didn't feel better after attending it.

This works for me. I don't feel a burning desire to attend more meetings or to wean myself down to fewer meetings. It's just comfortable and I don't see a reason to change it.

[acon4726]

Originally Posted by laurie6781

How many meetings a week keep you comfortable and moving forward?

I think I was doing the best with about five a week. I know I need to aim for about five.

I've just kinda got myself into a tought spot with a full-time job, two night classes and about eight months of sobriety.

I've got my home group every Thursday night, which is a really serious men's stag step study. I work my steps here and am kept in check here. I've made a committment to go to this meeting and I try to fit the other ones in as much as possible.

Freedom1990, I like how you said that you always feel better after attending the meetings. That is the truth! Sometimes I am not looking forward to a meeting- but no matter how I was feeling going in, I ALWAYS feel better coming out!


Thanks for the advice everybody!

[Freedom1990]

Originally Posted by acon4726

Freedom1990, I like how you said that you always feel better after attending the meetings. That is the truth! Sometimes I am not looking forward to a meeting- but no matter how I was feeling going in, I ALWAYS feel better coming out!

Hey I know exactly what you mean about not always looking forward to one as I've had nights where I was getting complacent and thinking there was something I'd rather watch on tv, I've got a headache, yada yada yada!

It's those times I make my whiney butt climb the stairs to the meeting, and I haven't regretted it yet!

[Pinkcuda]

I hit 3-4/week. It's my social life these days. It's a far sight better than my last social life.
Having said that I will refer to the bottom of Pg 100
"Assuming we are "spiritually Fit" we can do a lot of things that an Alcoholic isn't supposed to be able to do. ...... if we can't there is something wrong with our "Spiritual Well being"
Anyway, something like that. It wa from memory. I'm going to assume this may mean missing a few meetings.
That's my take on the subject.
Of course I don't miss too many meetings so my input is biased.

[CarolD]

I attended a minimum of 1 meeting daily
for well over a year when I finally quit drinking.

I found an early morning meeting....7 A.M.
and went before my work.

I have never gone more than 5 days
without a meeting since I committed to AA.
That happened for medical reasons...not my choice.

These days I do 3 or 4 a week.
...no way will I slack off on meetings!

[BP44]

I was a daily drinker. I make a meeting daily. I go for two reasons to hear the message and to carry the message. Before and after I get fellowship.

[FightingIrish]

I'm nearly eight months sober...I go to about 10 meetings a week, sometimes more. I go every night and sometimes morning & night on weekends. There's also a nooner I go to sometimes if my head is going crazy at work.

I like what has already been said...I go to as many meetings as keep me comfortable. When I know I'm going to be confronted with serious down time alone in my own head, I go to a meeting. Since I did most of my drinking at night and all weekend, that's when I especially need to go.

You will hear people say that meetings don't keep one sober. That may be true, I don't know, all I know is that I need meetings to keep out of my own head. I hear that from people who have worked the steps and sponsor several people straight out of the Big Book, so I'm not going to feel bad about being a "meeting maker".

Originally Posted by acon4726

I have only been to one meeting in the past week. I've found that for me, this just simply isnt enough. Every time I skip out on meetings for longer than a few days, my mind starts wandering into bad places. I start to feel distance from all of the new wonderful things in my life and eventually I start to fantasize about drinking.

I've recognized this pattern in my past and I've finally just come to the conclusions that I just HAVE to go to atleast 3 meetings a week. I'm just too early in my recovery to be skipping out on meetings.

I'm curious how meeting attendence has worked for everyone else here. How many did you attend in early sobriety? How many now?

[Rob B]

Nobody should ever be made to feel bad about how many meetings they go or don't go to. Show me 90 and 90 in the Big Book? In the beginning, The emphasis was on the spiritual awakening, steps to God, Dr. Bob knew this better than Bill did

I wish every meeting I went to was a pep rally for the incredible power of God, however they are not, the notion that AA meetings are group therapy, or that external conditions caused my drinking are still alive and well. I have ceased fighting groups and people, they will believe what they have been taught. I can only carry the message I don't concern myself anymore with how it is received.

I go to meetings to look for people who were just like me, carrying out my responsibility to pass on a message of depth and weight, not sugar coated one liners.

Life situations have occurred in the last few years when I have not been able to attend meetings for a few weeks. I pray and meditate, work with the disciplines outlined in the steps and God keeps me sober. The Meetings I now attend are important to me in that they point me to that which will keep me sober.

[tanyapmc]

I got loaded everyday. I go to a meeting everyday. Works for me!

[tesquizito]

I'm 2/3rd's though my 90/90.

Actually, I have missed a few meetings, but I have doubled-up on almost as many occasions. Nobody ever told me to do 90/90. I just started doing it, voluntarily.

If any of you saw my other posts, I'm a big skeptic. I'm having a hard time working the steps though, but I love the meetings. My first 2 weeks of meetings I cried because the messages resonated with me so much.

The way that I became introduced, I had NO IDEA that you could go to a place everyday and hear people talk so openly about the same problem as mine.

It's becoming difficult because I'm a corporate director and I'm required to be available 24/7, so I've been having a few problems with that at my job. I may or may not cut back, I take it day-by-day, and I'm always looking for new meetings that don't affect my job.

[bob_sapp]

Originally Posted by Rob B

Nobody should ever be made to feel bad about how many meetings they go or don't go to. Show me 90 and 90 in the Big Book? In the beginning, The emphasis was on the spiritual awakening, steps to God, Dr. Bob knew this better than Bill did

I wish every meeting I went to was a pep rally for the incredible power of God, however they are not, the notion that AA meetings are group therapy, or that external conditions caused my drinking are still alive and well. I have ceased fighting groups and people, they will believe what they have been taught. I can only carry the message I don't concern myself anymore with how it is received.

I go to meetings to look for people who were just like me, carrying out my responsibility to pass on a message of depth and weight, not sugar coated one liners.

Life situations have occurred in the last few years when I have not been able to attend meetings for a few weeks. I pray and meditate, work with the disciplines outlined in the steps and God keeps me sober. The Meetings I now attend are important to me in that they point me to that which will keep me sober.

I agree with you. As for 90 in 90, I never did it. But I do wonder when I see new people who only want to do 1 a week. 90 in 90 is one of the few good "unofficial" AA slogans that the treatment centers made up. More meetings, more people, more fellowship and connections... All good things.

[Tazman53]

I will agree 90 in 90 is not in any AA literature, but I have never heard of any one being hurt by doing it.

When I was leaving detox my counselor pushed 90 in 90, I told him there was no way I could do that, I was married with kids and worked full time, he asked me to promise him I would put as much time into meetings and my recovery as I did into drinking, I promised and kept it, I did over 90 in 90.

After the first 90 days I would do 6-7 meetings a week until I had a year, at that point I had finished the steps and had a sponsee, I cut back to 4 meetings a week and still usually do 4 a week, I never miss my home group unless I am out fo town.

I have 19 months sober now and can not see myself falling below 3 a week simply because I feel I need it and it allows me to spread the message.

I know folks with 20-30 years who are down to 1 a week, but they also sponsor people, I also know folks who do at least a meeting a day, some just like them, for others it is their social life, and for a few it is a life line still today, funny thing those last ones have never formally worked the steps.

[tkdan]

Nobody should ever be made to feel bad about how many meetings they go or don't go to.

I agree! If I miss meetings because of my kids' activities nobody needs to tell me anything because I can tell the difference in my thoughts and attitudes. One week little league games fell on the two week nights that my home group meets. I quickly slipped into that negative alcoholic way of thinking. I did not drink over it but I had those thoughts.
I make three a meetings week. I realize some think it should be more this early in sobriety but it is my sobriety. I'm ultimately responsible for my recovery. I believe the only one I should submit to is God. I work the steps with a sponsor which in my opinion that is what a sponsor is for not telling me how to live my life. I realize this might rub so people the wrong way. I bothers me to hear someone share how their sponsor would tell them "if I'm going to sponsor you, you have to do this, this, and this every day".
We are all very different and have very different views as to what a sponsor is or is not. I believe what it comes down to is what works for each individual.

[ananda]

balance for me on meetings is an over the long haul proposition. Too many can get me cynical about things, too few can get me in trouble too. When I have a lot of home activities (like raising kids) fewer meetings MAY be appropriete. A long weekend may be a time for extra meetings. Balance for me, needs to be outside of the one day at a time idea (Ekks did I say that)

TKdan - read the sponsorship phamphlet - it is really helpful to me. Live and let live

[Tazman53]

Recovery is not attending meetings every night for the rest of our lifes, recovery is returning to a normal life while taking the free time we have from living life on lives terms to spread the message in meetings and out of meetings to the alcoholic who is still suffering.

[Music]

I asked my sponsor when I was new in AA, how many meetings I should go to. His answer was, "until you learn to like them." Another thing he said was, "how often did you drink?" My answer to that question was, "every day" which meant that I should go to a meeting every day. So, that's what I did. I can already hear some of you say, "well, I just don't have the time to go to a meeting every day." If you have time to drink every day, you have time to go to a meeting every day. The big question is, how bad to I want to get sober? NOT HOW BAD TO I WANT TO STOP DRINKING!! How bad to I want to get sober? There's a difference!

If I start deciding how many meetings I'm going to go to, I'm still making decisions with the same mind that got me where I am today. So, I did what my sponsor suggested. If I wasn't at work, I was at a meeting. Sometimes on weekends, two or three a day. Time will determine when I realize there's more to life than going to meetings, at which time I adjusted my time to involve my family, friends and hobbies.

Anything I put in front of my sobriety, I'll lose. I never made a decision without running it by my sponsor, just to get a second opinion.

[Cathy31]

I go to minimum 2 meetings a week, there have been times that I've only gone to 1 a week but have paid for it with my peace of mind! I have found that what works for me BEST is 3-4 meetings a week. In fact 4 meetings a week is ideal! However, what I read this morning was : going to meetings and notdoing stepwork is like sitting on a swing you won't go anywhere although you will have somewhere to go!

Cathy31
x

[acon4726]

Originally Posted by Rob B

Thoughts on meetings

Thanks for the post, Rob. I always get a lot out of your posts.

I just want to mention that I did 90 in 90 for my first three months and it was an ENORMOUS help. I think it was a neccessity for me, personally.

I think the rule of thumb is a person should go to however many meetings they need to keep moving forward. A sponsor probably has a better idea of how many meetings a newcomer needs than the newcomer themselves, though!

[RufusACanal]

Once a week if it kills me; maybe.

[kelsh]

This has been an interesting topic. When I first got sober there were eight meetings locally that I could attend. The first year of my sobriety I went to most of those meetings...always seven a week with two being at noon.

I needed the meetings just to ground me in a special place that I could learn what I wanted to learn and even what I didn't think would work for me but did.

My second year of sobriety I was working half days, going to college full time in the late afternoon/early evenings...I still attended at least three meetings a week, my counseling for depression, and took care of the last child at home of five.

I wouldn't care to guess how many meetings I have made in 19 years but it is a lot....and I do a lot on the internet with forums for alcoholism & depression.

I am retired and so is my husband....we have a sober life that we enjoy together. The Serenity Prayer is one unique thing that helped me through my difficult times and still helps me figure out what I can change or cannot change.

I know I did change myself, my life, my out look on my future, and just about everything else so I could stay sober...I wanted and still want to be sober more than anything else in my life. It works for me to help myself as well as being able to help others find their way out of despair if they want to find a sober life.

kelsh

[acon4726]

Thank you for sharing Kelsh. The Serenity Prayer is a lifesaver for me too!