Changing sponsors?

[Tazman53]

I have heard folks share in the rooms that they have had the same sponsor until that sponsor moved, died, or got drunk, I have also heard some folks say they changed sponsors as their needs changed as their sobriety grew.

I am not thinking of changing sponsors, but I have a feeling in the future I may consider it.

Any thoughts/guidance on this?

[ananda]

Hi Taz,

I have been feeling really guilty cause I only have 8 months (although in the program from 85-95 as well) and I can see that I may need to change sponsors at some point.

In the past I think I changed sponsors as I found my path going in a direction that someone else could be of more benifit in expereince strenght and hope.

That said, my previous sponsor from 86 to 2005 was the same...we were also great friends.

My sponsor seems to have a very different idea of what AA and sponsorship are than I do, but she is a wonderful person and has benifited me greatly. No change in the real near future....but seems like it is going to happen

I know this isn't really strenght and hope....more just my experience so far.

[barb dwyer]

I've had the same sponsor since I first walked into AA.

But I'm an a space now that ...

I need to speak from within the program about this life -
with someone with an equivalent ...
chronology of years and life experience.

So I have a different sponsor.

But - being part Native American -
this is how it's done.
Your mom sends you to spend the summer with an Auntie ...
until you learn something ...
then you go back home.

That's how it's done within Clans ...

My *original* sponsor is *still* my sponsor.
Im just aligned with another woman for now.

I call 'em 'step sponsors'.

LOL

[sugErspun]

My sponsor mainly took me through the steps, and he is there if I need anything - but I just really chit chat and say hi when I see him.

If I have burning issues, or tenth step stuff to discuss, I have another fellow in the program that I call just because we talk more often - he has known me longer and we have a friendship that goes a long way outside of AA.

That is why I often refer to my 'sponsor' as my step guide - he brought me in to AA, made me speak at rehabs and such, raise my hand, ask for help, took me through the book and the steps - I did my fifth with him and reviewed my ammends list with him before approaching anyone. But our relationship is 90% recovery, and I accept that - we are different people in different places in my life - not to mention he is a 'high demand' sponsor - when he speaks, newcomers always ask him if he will sponsor them. So he always has 4-5 guys that are actively going through the steps all the way.


Didn't Bill refer to Ebby as his sponsor even after Ebby had returned to drinking? I thought I read that somewhere...

[Conez]

thanx for this thread Taz
as u may be aware, at the moment i a got sponsorship diliema...
with my last post to my thread(LD support)- i feel like giving up.

i'm questioning now if i can go thru AArecovery, without sponsorship... is it a nessecity?

so wanting to keep things in my recovery moving along... and keep this awful mental obsession with alcohol at bay...

i grab this pearl of thought up from Barb...

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

I've had the same sponsor since I first walked into AA.

But I'm an a space now that ...

I need to speak from within the program about this life -
with someone with an equivalent ...
chronology of years and life experience.

So I have a different sponsor.

But - being part Native American -
this is how it's done.
Your mom sends you to spend the summer with an Auntie ...
until you learn something ...
then you go back home.

That's how it's done within Clans ...

My *original* sponsor is *still* my sponsor.
Im just aligned with another woman for now.

I call 'em 'step sponsors'.

LOL

This has given me someting to think about. thanx

[BP44]

Taz, I am content with my sponsor and sponsorship family. I am however considering adding some intensity to my program. Mark Houston describes a process called Steel on Steel in which 3 or 4 alcoholics commit to meeting once a month to discuss where they are in all areas of their life and take away considerations from the other members of the group. It is suggested that participants be well into 9th step amends.

[laurie6781]

Some great responses so far Taz.

I have only had 1 (well 2 cause when you got Bev you also got her hubby Hugh, lol) in my recovery. Her hubby Hugh passed in July of '92 and She passed in Feb of '99. And by that time she was sponsoring me, befriending me, etc long distance. I was lucky in that I made a trip out to see her for 2 weeks, 2 months before she died.

By the time she passed I had been learning about my Native American Heritage from the Elders of the Navajo and Lakota clans for several years. At that time I already had one 'adopted' "Aunty". She was Navajo. I now have two adopted "Aunties" right here in my area that are Lakota.

I learn from these ladies almost daily. I also have a dear dear friend, who I met about 10 years ago on the net, who used to live in Central Illinois and had to move here to get some decent health care (the Dr Quack up there was killing her literally). We have been room mates for 1 1/2 years now and we share our recovery with each other. She's got 9 years on me recovery wise.

I have sponsored and continue to sponsor. I have some sponsees that have stayed with me as a sponsee and others who have moved on but remain friends.

To me, the beauty of the AA program is the SIMPLICITY of the program. ONE ALKIE WORKING WITH ANOTHER.

The only thing I will tell another about changing sponsers is:

CHECK YOUR MOTIVES.

If your motives seem for legitmate reasons, then go for it.

I don't believe it is written anywhere in that 164 pages about keeping the same sponsor for life, lol although many of us do and many of us don't.

Sponsorship is a very personal thing, both for the sponsor and the sponsee. Go slowly.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

[bballdad]

in 20 yrs I have had 4 sponsors
first one quit coming to meetings
second one died
my present and third one is 88 yrs old,48 yrs sober and doing fine
I have added a service sponsor,so I have two sponsors
today

I have some oldtimers I talk with weekly

my second sponsor died several yrs ago,and I still hear him today in a certain kind of way-in other words I still remember what he shared with me,and I try and do it,so,he still is sponsoring me today

sponsership is kind of a touchy thing with me.Without those men giving me their experience in many different areas of their lives,I don`t know where I would be today Taz

[aasharon90]

I still consider my first Sponsor is and always will
be my one and only sponsor. However, I use the
program as a whole as my sponsor...I use SR as
my recovery tool and sponsor.

What I need to stay sober is the experiences,
strengths and hopes shared by many to draw
on for my own recovery.

Sure its good to have a support group
of people to call on....a special someone
to personally call on to get advice, favors
and suggesions from.....

For me if i need someone in particular
to talk to then i will go to that person.

However I am a private person and
I dont air out my personal problems
and life style in public so i use that
one person for that.....

For program purposes i am not afraid
to share anything and everything
with AA as a whole.

Today you guys are my sponsors
and i so APPECIATE YOU.

Thanks for letting me share.

[barb dwyer]

Conez -

My original sponsor is a little over ten years younger than I am.
She also shares a similar Cultural upbringing
and is completely understanding and enthusiastic
about my going along with this 'Auntie".

Nothing like Sobriety AND 'the change' at the same time!
the perspective and advisement
of a woman more ...
chronologically equivalent is appropriate for me
at this time.

They're still the same Steps.
They're still the same Traditions.

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by BP44

Taz, I am content with my sponsor and sponsorship family. I am however considering adding some intensity to my program. Mark Houston describes a process called Steel on Steel in which 3 or 4 alcoholics commit to meeting once a month to discuss where they are in all areas of their life and take away considerations from the other members of the group. It is suggested that participants be well into 9th step amends.

I participate in Steel On Steel with three other men.

I can email you the format if you like. Just pm me with your email address.
Jim

[jimhere]

I had the same sponsor for the first ten and half years I was sober, until he drank at that time. He was seventeen years sober.

For quite a while I was sponsorless. I stayed active mainly by working with others. Plus I had a few men with whom I could talk and read inventory to. I've also had spiritual directors that were not alcoholic and not AA members that I went to for guidance.

It is only within the last few years that I've had a sponsor again. The reason being is that I joined a very solid home group and one of the requirements to hold a service position in that group is that you have a sponsor from the group and have taken the steps with that sponsor.

I still am very active in working with others and also within the last several years have been taking part in a Steel On Steel group, myself and three other men. We meet every other week.
Jim

[22NGONE]

Tazman,

I just changed sponsors. The guy I had asked my first week of sobriety, to be blunt, didn't really ask me to do anything other than call him every day and when I did that he was always busy and when I didn't call him, he didn't seem to care.

I thought after going on three months sober he should have been asking me to do something.

I felt like it was unhealthy for me and felt myself in jeopardy. In the meantime there was an old timer I saw all of the time, who always asked me how I was and seemed genuinely interested in me and my spiritual growth.

I called my sponsor and told him no offense but I wanted to change sponsors, he didn't seem to care and I then I asked the man who seemed to be doing the job anyways. He was quite happy and actually gave me some homework.

So I guess what I'm saying is if you don't think you are getting what you need out of your Sponsor there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with moving on.

John

[miss communicat]

I've had 5 sponsors over 20 years. The first 1 was assigned to me, when I couldn't see through the fog at all. She got me to meetings and thru steps 1-2-3 over a period of 3 years with me going in and out.

The second one was both a friend, peer, and Step guide for all steps and we remained in this relationship for about 4 years. She got married, her life changed, I moved across the country, my life changed and we drifted apart.

The 3rd was with me for 9 years, even through us both going back out. she is still out there, drinking today.

2 and a half years ago, I met another woman who i asked to be my Step sponsor, and she said yes. We got up to/thru Steps 8 + 9. Here personality is difficult for me, and it turns out that her bisexuality and attraction to me became a hindrance. So I let that one drift apart too.

Finally, now, I have a gem of a sponsor- sponsee relationship with a woman who I admire, respect and treasure. We've been good friends in AA (well, she was in AA before i came back in 2005) for 8 years now, and now she is my sponsor. I thought long and hard before asking her, and am so thankful she agreed. We get to work once a week on inventory, spiritual work, and just about everything in between.

[BP44]

Thanks Jim, I have the file from FOS 2001 conference presented by Mark H. and Dave F.

[Barto]

I had my first sponsor until he passed away. I’ll likely keep my second sponsor until one of drinks or dies. He is a good solid AA member, and I respect him. Why change that. If something in my life isn’t working, it isn’t him; it’s me! I use others to talk to if I feel they have relevant experience to share. I think we are all unofficial sponsors and sponsees to each other.

[Barto]

Originally Posted by Conez

thanx for this thread Taz
as u may be aware, at the moment i a got sponsorship diliema...
with my last post to my thread(LD support)- i feel like giving up.

i'm questioning now if i can go thru AArecovery, without sponsorship... is it a nessecity?

so wanting to keep things in my recovery moving along... and keep this awful mental obsession with alcohol at bay...

i grab this pearl of thought up from Barb...



This has given me someting to think about. thanx

I believe Chuck C was one of the best examples in AA history. He never had a sponsor other than God as far as I understand it. Do you need one (other than God)? I don’t think so. I have one though. But God is in charge of us both.

[Tazman53]

CHECK YOUR MOTIVES.

If your motives seem for legitmate reasons, then go for it.

That is exactly what my sponsor says to me when I am considering changing or doing something of importance.

I really apreciate all of the ESH shared on sponsorship in all of these threads, right now my present sponsor is what I still need, but we all change and we grow in our programs. My sponsor just recently changed sponsors himself, he is going through some major changes in his life and felt the need to change sponsors. Heck he even talked to me about him changing sponsors, not seeking advice really, just using me as a bouncing board.

BTW Barto I feel if we are working a good program our Higher Power will be our ultimate sponsor.