How long did it take you to get a sponsor?

[MyPaperAnchor]

I'm a couple weeks out of residential treatment, and I've been going to outpatient x2 a week and meetings every other day. I've got 37 days sobriety now and I feel great, but I need to get a sponsor soon to get going on the steps.

My dilemma is that I've been talking to a lot of other folks in the program, which includes those I see @ outpatient, and they've told me they'd wish they'd been more selective when getting their first sponsor. These are folks that have been in and out of recovery for years and have had many sponsors.

I know I need to get one, but I don't want to just pick someone arbitrarily without having at least some idea of what they're like...

Maybe I'm making this too complicated. Thoughts? Advice?

[sugErspun]

Is there anyone you have talked to or heard speak at the AA meetings you go to that seem to have something you want (sober, happy, peaceful)?

Introduce yourself and explain that you want to go through the steps...

That is all a sponsor is, in fact - in my parts, they often use the word 'step guide' rather than sponsor as sponsor implies some sort of authoritative arrangement.

[Sugah]

Well, a sponsor won't keep you sober, and there are no contractual obligations to a sponsor. I think, as a result of a strong urging to work with a sponsor asap, there came the concept of "temporary sponsorship." My "temporary sponsor," asked by me two days out of rehab, has become my permanent sponsor, but I know plenty of people who found others.

Getting a "temporary" to have daily phone contact with (at least) is a beginning towards accountability. So long as you're using the numbers on your list (that you should be asking for at each meeting different meeting you go to), you'll know if there's someone more suited to you - and then you can change.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[tkdan]

Sponsors are people, meaning they are not perfect. Ask someone to be a temp sponsor that way if it does not work it was only temp. I was told find someone that has what you want. So you have to ask yourself what do you want out of recovery? I wanted a lasting and quality sobriety so I looked for someone that had been sober very long and seemed happy with life. If people are saying they wish they would have been more selective it sounds like they are just wanting to blame someone else for their problems IMHO. My sobriety is my responsibility. My sponsor is for taking me through the steps. What I do with it from there is up to me. And to answer your question it took about a month.

[MyPaperAnchor]

Thanks, all. I have a few people in mind I think. Will update once I get one...

[NoelleR]

My suggestion to you would be to get a sponsor (even just a temporary one) as quickly as possible.....this is what I did....@ about 6 days sober (but then I had no life back then so I was hitting multiple meetings per day, and had a good variety from which to choose. I got a temporary one to start with, and with time, she became my permanent sponsor.....and got me right through those steps........woooohoooo

"...My dilemma is that I've been talking to a lot of other folks in the program, which includes those I see @ outpatient, and they've told me they'd wish they'd been more selective when getting their first sponsor. These are folks that have been in and out of recovery for years and have had many sponsors..."

When I read this, the only thing that came to my mind was that (well, you did state that these folks have been and out of recovery for years).....perhaps it's not that they chose the 'wrong' sponsor, but that they failed to accept any of the suggestions made by those sponsors......hmmmmm?

Here's wishing you luck/good fortune on your search...... (o:


NoelleR

[bballdad]

my experience is a sponsor is more than a step guide or someone to take you thru the steps.AA is much larger than that and I look for good guys that behave good on the outside and inside of the rooms.Guys that have been involved in more than just steps,guys that have experience with the traditions,concepts and the workings of AA in general.Of course I could just get a set of cd`s made by joe and charlie and let them sponsor me..thru the steps,but ,no,forget that, that wouldn`t work,I would miss out on the other 90 %..

[bob_sapp]

A sponsor should be a teacher, an authority figure of sorts. Someone to help you through the steps, and have the courage to tell you when you are wallowing in self pity and not working the program.

[sugErspun]

And all along I have been taught that there is no authority, only a loving God that may express himself...

back to my Joe and Charlie cd's now

If we want to talk percentages - the steps are 33%, service 33%, and fellowship 33% - I am sure we have all seen the traingle.

Funny thing - my step guide helped me with all three, but the most important thing he did was spend his time and experience with me.

He never was, nor ever will be an authority figure on my sobriety whatsoever. - the credit for that goes to a God of my understanding.

No Human Power Could Relieve My Alcoholism - that includes 'sponsors'.

I wouldn't want a sponsor who needs to be on a pedestal anyhow, I don't put mine on one.


When is the last time there has been a thread about the 12 concepts in this forum?

[NoelleR]

Lots of good stuff here.......lots of definitions/opinions on what a sponsor is/does.

A really good place to get info on sponsors/sponsorship is the AA pamphlet on sponsorship....: Questions & Answers on Sponsorship. On pages 14-15 there's a list of what a sponsor does (and it can be read online at the AA website www.aa.org).....:

What does a sponsor do?
A sponsor does everything possible, within the
limits of personal experience and knowledge, to
help the newcomer get sober and stay sober
through the A.A. program:
• Shows by present example and drinking history
what A.A. has meant in the sponsor’s life.
• Encourages and helps the newcomer to attend
a variety of A.A. meetings — to get a number
of viewpoints and interpretations of the
A.A. program.
• Suggests keeping an open mind about A.A. if
the newcomer isn’t sure at first whether he or she
is an alcoholic.
• Never takes the newcomer’s inventory except
when asked.
• Introduces the newcomer to other members,
particularly to those who may share the new person’s
occupational or social interests.
• Sees that the newcomer is aware of A.A. literature,
in particular the Big Book, Twelve Steps and
Twelve Traditions, and Grapevine, As Bill Sees It,
Living Sober, and suitable pamphlets.
• Is available to the newcomer when the latter
has special problems.
• Goes over the meaning of the Twelve Steps,
and emphasizes their importance.
• Never tries to impose personal views on
the newcomer. A good sponsor who is an
atheist does not try to persuade a religious newcomer
to abandon faith, nor does a religious
sponsor argue theological matters with an
agnostic newcomer.
• Urges the newcomer to join in group activities
as soon as possible.
• Impresses upon the newcomer the importance
of all our Traditions.
• Does not pretend to know all the answers, and
does not keep up a pretense of being right all
the time.
• Tries to give the newcomer some picture of the
scope of A.A., beyond the group, and directs
attention to A.A. literature about the history of
the Fellowship, the Three Legacies, the service
structure, and the worldwide availability of A.A.
—wherever the newcomer may go.
• Explains the program to relatives of the alcoholic,
if this appears to be useful, and tells them
about Al-Anon Family Groups and Alateen.
• Does not hesitate to help the newcomer obtain
professional help (such as medical, legal, vocational)
if assistance outside the scope of A.A.
is needed.
• Quickly admits, “I don’t know” when that is the
case, and helps the newcomer find a good source
of information.
• Finally, the sponsor encourages the newcomer
to work with other alcoholics as soon as possible,
and sometimes begins by taking the newcomer
along on Twelfth Step calls.

I hope this helps a bit............. (o:


NoelleR

[collinsmi]

I waited until the absolute last minute to get one (I had to produce one for an agency). I said a prayer and went to a meeting with the idea of asking someone to be my sponsor. Did not ask my first choice, he was busy washing coffee pots. The guy I did ask turned out great! Never saw either one until that day, and the coffee pot washing guy was a sponsee of the guy I asked!

I've always been big on the steps (well got that way after I got that sponsor). My advice would be to:

1). Say a prayer about it

and

2). Go to a closed step study or a big book study. IMHO, there seems to be more people serious about the steps and the program at those places.


Might be a good idea to watch for people who seem to know what they're talking about and are well regarded.

[barb dwyer]

Anchor -

Awwww, sweetie - don't let the stories of others influence you that much.

If you're feeling the 'pull' to get a sponsor and get going on the Steps- grab that pamphlet 'on sponsorship' .... and ask someone.

It generally takes no longer than it takes to ask the question.

Spirit does the rest.

[Tazman53]

Getting a "temporary" to have daily phone contact with (at least) is a beginning towards accountability. So long as you're using the numbers on your list (that you should be asking for at each meeting different meeting you go to), you'll know if there's someone more suited to you - and then you can change.

I got a temporary sponsor the evening I got out of detox.

When I went into detox alcohol had kicked my butt good!!! When I came out of detox I wanted a beer sooooooo bad!!!! there was a 12 pack somewhere calling me!! I was scared to death, I knew darn well that if I had one single beer it was over for me. In detox they preached 90 & 90 and get a sponsor if I wanted to stand a chance of staying sober.

I had no idea what a sponsor was or did, the only thing I knew was they told me I needed one!!! I went to my first AA meeting after detox the night I got out and when the meeting was over there were 2 guys standing up at the front table, I looked at them and asked the one that looked the least likely to be one that ate live babies for breakfast every morning to be my sponsor. He said no!!!

Good Lord I thought in an instant I am such a mess I am not worthy of being this dudes sponsee!! He then told me he would be my temporary sponsor. Well we set down and he told me what a sponsor does and does not do, what he had done to stay sober and he gave me a few suggestions.

Long story short, about 2 months later I got another sponsor, the first guy was great, but due to his job he just did not have time to take me through the steps. At about 2 months sober I was starting to go up the walls for a drink and the old timers kept saying how most of them had the obsession to drink lifted while they were working the steps.

Well with my temporary sponsor's blessing I got another sponsor who is still my sponsor that took me through the steps. The old timers were right.... the obsession was lifted!

Get a temporary sponsor is what I would suggest and then pray..... your temporary sponsor may be the one, or it may be someone else.

As others have shared here and as my sponsor has shared with me, the only person that can keep me sober is me, the only person that can get me drunk is me. It is on me to get a sponsor and to work the steps, not on my sponsor.

[MyPaperAnchor]

Wow this thread has taken off. Thanks for all the replies. I don't got the number of a fella who said would be my temp sponsor. I'm going to give him a call. Wish me luck.

[barb dwyer]

********** luck ! ************

[bballdad]

it took me several weeks to get my first sponsor
every meeting I went too I heard,get a sponsor
I didn`t want too
then one night the topic was sponsorship
they went around the room and asked who would sponsor others
only 3 people said they would
many others made excuses
i got kinda mad
all that talk about how good sponsorship was and how important it was and then no one wanted to do it
so I went out and got my first sponsor

[miss communicat]

Its taken me about 3 years to finally ask the right person to be my sponsor. I was very unsure of the need for sponsorship, being unique and all that. I figured sponsors are for everybody else, but not for me.

Turns out...i was mistaken. Life in recovery is even better with a sponsor to grow with.

[Jfanagle]

I simply chose a fellow for whom I had RESPECT. That was based on what I had heard him say in meetings and the way he seemed to behave. I wanted what he had.

I had him for 5 years until he moved to Texas, and I still consider him a sponsor, but my current sponsor I have known for now 8 plus years and he has 36 years sober and his spiritual outlook dovetails with mine. I also have had a service sponsor for the past 7 years. All these men compliment each other and give me the resources that I need when I need them.

In all honesty, I probably get as much or more support from the folks that I sponsor as I do from my sponsors.

WOW!! It just hit me, it is THE WHOLE fellowship that keeps me on the right life path.

Jon

[Signal30]

How to get a sponsor.



Ask Someone.


It's that simple. Some people outgrow their sponsors, and they get another one. Some sponsors move far away or pass away and the sponsee has to get another one. Some sponsors are bad sponsors and are miserable, not practicing the steps, and you would need to find a new sponsor.


But you will not get anyone to sponsor you if you never ask anyone.


Just make sure your not trying to find a sponsor who will "co-sign on your BS." I'm not saying your B.S.ing anyone. I mean you should find a sponsor who will call you on the excuses you will make, when given suggestions by your sponsor or working the steps. Early in the program, just about all of us were still trying to do AA our way. A good sponsor will put you in check. My sponsor had to put me in check more than a few times.


Tom

[MyPaperAnchor]

Well Friday (4/25) I really didn't want to go to a meeting. I wanted to go home, but I remembered something my temp sponsor and friend had told me: the days where you don't want to go to a meeting are the days you really need to be there. So I went.

There were a lot of people there going through a lot of un-fun stuff; an unusual amount of hurt and pain was amongst the ranks...and I really identified. At some point, something clicked in my head and I realized I needed to get a sponsor right then and there that night. So I did.

A guy I'd met back in January when I first started exploring AA was there, and I recall him seeming really together in a lot of ways. I asked him after the meeting if he'd be willing to sponsor me and he agreed. He was out of town this weekend but I should see him tonight @ the same meeting.

Well here goes! Time to get busy in the BB. Thanks for all the advice.

[Sheryl85]

It's good to hear that you had the same advice told to you that I did, "There are only two times to go to a meeting. When you want to and when you don't want to." My sponsor told me that...

I think it may have taken me about 30 days to get a sponsor. The reason I say that is because I can’t remember exactly how long it took, but it was definitely under 45 days. The reason it took that long was that in the beginning I had a few problems because I wanted to do as was suggested to me and get a woman sponsor (same sex as I) who had what I wanted. Women were not as common in the program when and where I got sober. But then I met Rachel and she talked to my heart. I can remember like it was yesterday how touched I was when she looked at me at a newcomer meeting and said, “Welcome home. We’ve been waiting for you.” I felt it. I knew she meant it. The fact that she had 11 years didn’t hurt much either in making my decision, but it was her words, her feelings that were made real, that got to me. I wanted that. If she could feel the way she said she did after everything she’d been through…I wanted what she had and I knew she could tell me how she did it. Nearly twenty-three years later, I know I was right.

“When the student is ready the teacher will appear.” That’s the words of another person in my life who is both a friend and a mentor to me. Rachel, my sponsor, has thirty-four years of enriched life to share with me and my mentor, Ken, has thirty-five. Both of these people offer me insight into how it can be done, “One day at a time.”

Keep us informed on how you are doing and congratulations on getting your sponsor. I hope you find as much comfort and support as I have with mine.