Why wouldn't she?

[NOMOMERLOTMAMMA]

So, I was talking to my partner who is also in recovery. We were discussing my recent Fifth step and I shared with her that my sponsor said that I was ready to sponsor someone (!!!!) and in order to do that, I would have to show up more for the newcomer(something I've been trying to work on in meetings..more sharing, more reaching out). Anyway, I then said that I would sponsor someone exactly the same way that my sponsor does..in regards to the Step work.My partner said that she wouldn't.

I do realize that this is her own process to walk through.

My question is this: have you folks "taken what you want and leave the rest" when it comes to sponsoring peeps yourself? Or do you follow your sponsor's lead and go from there..my concern with not working it the same way..if you have questions with your sponsee, how could your sponsor help you if you aren't following the same directions?

Thanks and everyone have a beautiful day!

[ananda]

Now this is just my opinion

The AA liturature talks about how we deal with each alchoholic case somewhat differently. If a "I'm so horrible" type - show aren't so bad; if the I'm the greatest type - get through there defensive walls.

Also I think it is the original sponsorship pamflet written along time ago talks about treating each according to their specific ????

The directions are - the steps. Perfect in construction and FOOLPROOF in application.

When I was sponsoring I shared my experience strength and hope as it most closely related to what the sponsee was going through. I occationally made suggestions but then let the sponsee work through as best they could in a way that they could. My hope is that they will find and follow their spiritual path through the steps and life. Only they have to live with the consequences of their actions.

Mostly talking to myself here because my sponsor is encouraging me to begin sponsoring again (back after an 8 year relapse). So I have had to think some about what sponsorship means to me. This site has helped me alot with that.

Oh yeah - if my sponsor sponsored me the way her sponsor sponsors her I wouldn't have her for a sponsor. I chose her, not her sponsor. She has clarified that to me on occation.

Thanks and good luck NOMO

[Cathy31]

What does your intuition say?

For me, I would absolutely do it the way my sponsor did it - for the extra support as mentioned above (in case I run into a difficulty/need some advice) and also becuase ... the way my sponsor has done it...has worked! And I want to give the person I sponsor the best chance of sobriety - just like I was given by my sponsor - and his sponsor before him....etc etc etc That's how it works - IMHO! I'm sticking with the winners!

Cathy31
x

[miss communicat]

Originally Posted by NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

So, I was talking to my partner who is also in recovery. We were discussing my recent Fifth step and I shared with her that my sponsor said that I was ready to sponsor someone (!!!!) and in order to do that, I would have to show up more for the newcomer(something I've been trying to work on in meetings..more sharing, more reaching out). Anyway, I then said that I would sponsor someone exactly the same way that my sponsor does..in regards to the Step work.My partner said that she wouldn't.

I do realize that this is her own process to walk through.

My question is this: have you folks "taken what you want and leave the rest" when it comes to sponsoring peeps yourself? Or do you follow your sponsor's lead and go from there..my concern with not working it the same way..if you have questions with your sponsee, how could your sponsor help you if you aren't following the same directions?

Thanks and everyone have a beautiful day!

for me, its a little of both.

I definitely draw upon MY experience of being sponsored, and I pass along the things that were said to me in my recovery by MY sponsor (s).

But of course, like the game of telephone", every instance or repetition of a message, that original message changes a little bit thru the filter of each next person delivering it. And so it goes......

One way that this happens, that is positive (I believe) is that we gain clarity more and more as sober time deepens. We begin to see that I am not the other person. Yes we are all alcoholics, but we all need to come through our recovery in the way that will work for us. I have had sponsors who responded well to hard line tough delivery of the original message. They tried that with me and it failed to take root. For me. So, I personally do not pass along such a delivery myself.

I DO pass along the message, which is written in our Big Book, in the steps and in pages 1 - 164.

I try to keep it real. And clear. I remember that sponsors are human too, and we do our best.

I think you have tons to offer a newcomer! You go!

[Tazman53]

Well my sponsor took me through the steps as they are in the BB, which is the way his sponsor took him through the steps..................................... This is not to say that each sponsee is not different, nor that every sponsor is not going to put a bit of a spin of their own on the steps, but if they are going by the book then things should come out well.

Drilling step one into one persons head may take a different angle for different people. I have only taken one sponsee through the steps so far, I did as my sponsor did with me, we used the BB, did I do it exactly as my sponsor did with me? Yes and no, my sponsee took more work in some areas then I did, he is an agnostic, I'm not, so we really worked together on the HP deal. I learned from him and he learned from me, he got it, we went through the steps per the book.

BTW Karen, pray and let the spirit guide you, you will make a fine sponsor! Are you going to have sponsees who go out? You betcha!!! Does this mean you are a bad sponsor? Nope, you can not make a single person drink that does not want to drink, nor can you keep a single person sober that wants to drink.

When a sponsee lives up to the nickname of pigeon, just ask your self "Did I drink over it?" If the answer is no then you have your program where it needs to be. No one can keep you sober or make you drink, you are the only one that can do that!!!

[Music]

One of the things my first sponsor made perfectly clear to me is that if I try to work his program, it might get me drunk. What that means to me is that we all have to find our own way. Sure, I use some of what he said and did but no one is the same and I can't handle anyone "exactly" the way he handled me. He and I went through the steps when I was about four months into sobriety and we did them in one day. Some people take longer than one day and if that works, fine. I wouldn't do that with anyone, especially when the fourth and fifth step are involved. Use your own common sense and go with it. Pray about it and you'll do fine. And remember, if you ask a question of someone, even if it's your partner, be ready for the answer. You may or may not like what you hear.

[Tazman53]

if you ask a question of someone, even if it's your partner, be ready for the answer. You may or may not like what you hear.

Music I like that!

[RufusACanal]

Karen, very glad to hear of your Fifth Step work; how is your Six and Seven Steps coming or did I miss the post? How about Eight through Twelve? I am concerned to hear though that your Sponsor has given you the green flag to begin leading newcomers to sobriety as their Sponsor. Any AA Member who as a Sponsor is willing to let a Sponsee begin to Sponsor new people without completing the Steps and experience the Promises is committing a disservice in the extreme. Maybe I am wrong, but you have not completed the Steps and you are proposing to guide newcomers with your current ESH? Where does your Higher Power enter into this discussion as well?

"My question is this: have you folks "taken what you want and leave the rest" when it comes to sponsoring peeps yourself? Or do you follow your sponsor's lead and go from there..my concern with not working it the same way..if you have questions with your Sponsee, how could your sponsor help you if you aren't following the same directions?"

Many threads have touched on AA Sponsorship here at SR and each thread gives excellent information concerning the many challenges associated with helping another suffering Alcoholic newcomer to a new life. Surrendering, putting the plug in the jug, finding a Higher Power and turning your life over to Him and working the Steps is the essence of a new life. From what I have read, you have worked hard on a portion of your new life and for that alone I am proud of you. I am reading your question, that you are asking what direction to take in Sponsorship and frankly once you have completed the Steps you will have a better idea, because you truly do not have the skills yet to help others as a Sponsor. Your proposed Sponsorship is serious business and not just because you are helping another desperately ill person recover, but because you have not completed your work on yourself which is necessary to enjoy the wealth of recovery for yourself in order to give to another.

My suggestion is simple; keep up the good work on you. You have more Steps to complete and you have Steps to learn to live on a daily basis. You have a relationship with a Higher Power to nurture and grow. I wish you well in all.

[RufusACanal]

By the way...why didn't someone else who has posted mention this earlier to Karen? When did we as AA members start slapping folks on the back for completing their Fifth Step and proclaiming they were ready to Sponsor as if it were OK? If we as members love Karen for the recovering work she has so diligently begun, why would we not want to continue to guide her with honest ESH about where she still needs to go? Forgive me, but this is about working a program of recovery as outlined in the first 164 pages of Alcoholics Anonymous and there are no shortcuts.

[nandm]

Rufus, once again you have made a wonderful point. Thank you for bringing that to the light.

Karen, I too wish you the best and have been thrilled to watch your growth. You have been amazing and a true example of what working the program of AA can do for a person. Keep up the good work and as Rufus said keep going on those steps. The steps are what give us the tools to not only live life but share what we have been given.

[RufusACanal]

Judith, good to hear from you! Karen, forgive me if I am blunt. I want to see your new life grow and prosper, but I would be doing you a diservice if I did not comment on your post. Much love and warm wishes.

[NOMOMERLOTMAMMA]

Thanks for the input! Some good thoughts here..

Music: Oh, ain't it the truth!

Rufus: yes, I agree with what you have said. I'm not feeling all too comfy with that suggestion from my sponsor. Sponsoring someone is something that I'm taking very seriously..I do believe its a life or death situation. NO worries about the bluntness!

I'm currently working on 6 and 7. We just did the Fifth on Sunday..meeting with her again on Thursday.

Towards that end..like I said, I will begin to reach out more to newcomers and share more in meetings. We'll see what HP wants to drop in my lap!

[Tazman53]

Okay let me be the squeaky wheel here. Back in the early days of AA in Akron there were folks sponsoring folks with a weeks worth of sobriety, sure they had gone through the steps, but how long had they been living them? Where was the experience? A whole lot of those folks both sponsors and sponsees went to theiir graves sober.

My sponsor who is about as OLD SCHOOL as they come, BB thumping, sit down, shut up and listen kind of guy told me I was ready to sponsor soon after I had finished step 7 with about 6 months sober! The reason he did so was because a guy asked him if he thought I would be his sponsor. I told my sponsor that I had not finished the steps, his reply was that we had better get to work to where my sponsee would not catch up!

Do I feel a person is more capable of sponsoring if they have completed the steps? You bet I do! But in a newcomers eyes the person who has just finished step 5 may very well already have what that newbie wants. Would turning them down be better for the newcomer?

Would not having a sponsee be even a bigger incentive to finish the steps for the person just having finished thier 5th.

My experience has been that it did light a fire under my butt to finish the steps and to do them to the best of my ability because I was now not only doing them for myself, but also in preperation for taking my sponsee through them.

Karen I just read your last post so I figured I would add that getting through the steps in their entirety is best imho before taking on a sponsee, but listen to your HP if it happens before you get through them all, sponsees I have found help me keep sober as much as I help them.

[RufusACanal]

"But in a newcomers eyes the person who has just finished step 5 may very well already have what that newbie wants. Would turning them down be better for the newcomer?"

Taz, you leave me speechless sometimes.

[Tazman53]

Taz, you leave me speechless sometimes.

Not sure if I should thank you or smack you!!!! LOL

[RufusACanal]

How can anyone be mad at you?

Newbies aka Pidgeons do not know what they need, so why would this be an issue? Remember, the new person's life is unmanageable! Sponsoring probably need not be equated to a Firearm purchase, unless the purchaser is someone who lacks experience using a firearm. From what little I know, the Akron, New York and Cleveland crowds brought men and women through the Steps quickly, all Twelve, before releasing them to fend for themselves and particularlly before they Sponsored. Of course those early recovered folks were shorter in time, yet has not seventy years of AA shown us what works and what does not? Rational folks do not hand a loaded gun to a child without training and supervision. I would not ask a Sponsee to Sponsorship until after the completion of the Steps and only when the Sponsee was personally ready and asked for it; this is not a merit badge competition. Is this not a life and death struggle to help others recover the body, mind and spirit?

[sugErspun]

I was told after taking the third step that if someone approached me and asked me to sponsor them that I was to not turn them down,

You see - for me, sponsoring someone is not much more than reading that book - turning statements into questions for the newcomer to answer for themselves - doing what it says to do. Really simple stuff, people make it difficult.

At the third step I gave my will and my life to God - if that means a newcomer comes into my life and asks me to take them through the steps - there will be no turning them away nor passing them off to someone else - just honesty and the book, that is all that is needed.


That being said, when I finished the steps (which means, I read all the way through working with others with my sponsor - and read the rest of the book by myself in prayer) I was told to begin raising my hand and offering sponsorship.

But it isn't me - it's God who is doing the work.

How quickly we forget this. I am nothing more than a conduit who is convinced that this power can work through me and help others. It's not me doing anything once I take that third step.

[RufusACanal]

I am pretty sure I haven't forgotten the Third Step or the prayer. The second half of the Third Step is ...as we understood him which says to me and my belief system that I am responsible for not only my actions today but the decisions as well.

[sugErspun]

I apologize if my post came off as accusatory - it was not my intention. Just my experience with when I was given the 'green light' from a sponsor to be able to sponsor others. Sounds like Merlot was given the green light - I have faith that 'it' is working for her.

[RufusACanal]

No need Adam, we see differently is all; If we get to the same destination, who cares what the map said.

[bballdad]

I do not sponsor guys like my first sponsor sponsored me.Did not work for me.I do things different now and it works better.I try and stay openminded and learn what works,what don`t work.Each person seems alike,but different.Every new guy seems to bring a set of new situations for me to learn with.Sponsees are great teachers