When All Else Fails...

[jimhere]

Lately things have been a bit topsy-turvy in my world.

I've been working a shift from hell-I leave for work at about four in the afternoon and haven't been getting back in until about four-thirty or five in the morning. I come home, shower, go to bed and get up again at about one in the afternoon, sometimes a little earlier, sometimes a little later.

I am creature of routine and of habit. As a result of the messed up hours, my routine is non-existent right now. Sleep is screwed up, diet thrown off, prayer life, I haven't been to my home group in nearly a month, etc. I have to cram everything into the weekend. I catch the first half of a three pm meeting a few times a week.

I cherish my times of solitude and aloneness with God, but I also know thjat need to be amongst you. Another side effect of the upside down-ness of my life right now is that I have been experiencing a sense of isolation and apartness. Years ago, my grandpa sponsor taught me some prayers. One of them has been "Dear God, I need to know you are there. I need to be closer to you."

Over the past week, as I said I hit a few meetings. I sat down next to a fellow and didn't say a word. Out of the blue he asked me to sponsor him. A few days later at a meeting I never go to, I was approached by another fellow. We've been doing some remodeling at the house and on Saturday I had a few loads to take to the local recycle center. While I was there A fellow I recognized from meetings showed up. He had returned to drinking a while back and acted kind of ashamed to see me and didn't want to look me in the eye. So I put my hand out him and told him it was good to see him. Ended up talking with him in trhe pouring rain for about fourty-five minutes. On Saturday night, a member of my home group called to see how I was. While talking to her, I realized what I had been craving was human contact.

Yesterday morning in the quiet of meditation, it came to me. God said "If you know me better, get to my children better. If you would be closer to me, get closer to my children." And to top it off, I got a Twelfth-Step call from our local central office.

The book says that when all other activities fail, that work with other alcoholics will save the day. In the second forward it says that work with others is vital to permanent recovery. The word vital comes from a word that means "life." Webster's describes it as being the seat and source of life. Sometimes working with others may be the only connection I have to the Seat and The Source of my life.

And finally in The Family Afterwards, it says that when trouble comes, and it will, to cheerfuly capitilize on it as an opportunity to be a demonstration of God's omnipotence. As I said, my prayer life has been off kilter. It came to me to BE the prayer, a walking demonstration of the power of God.
Jim

Big Book references from Alcoholics Anonymous, First edition.

[ananda]

I know computer contact isn't the same - but here for you.

Thanks for sharing, I know life can get crazy like that at times.

Keep us "posted" as to how you are doing.

[Freedom1990]

I was so moved by your post. Thank you so much for touching my heart today!

[Signal30]

I know what it feels like to work goofy hours. I work 10 hour nights, 2200 to 0800 hours, and my off days rotate. I have worked this schedule for over 7 years. When I'm on my off days and they fall on the weekends, my body still wants to sleep during the day. I try to flip my sleep pattern to a normal day and sleep at night, but I often find myself waking up every two hours and it takes about two hours to fall asleep when I first get into bed at night. A nights sleep total of about 5 hours waking up at least two times awake for about 20 minutes tossing and turning. It sucks.

I then spend quality family time on weekends tired and sometimes grumpy. I don't want to take any sleeping pills for obvious reasons.


It takes me doing my best to follow Gods Will to get me through. I often pray and maintain my realitionship with God to keep me from being a sleep deprived a$$hole.

Good things come to those who do their best to do good things (Gods Will).


Tom

[Tazman53]

Jim I have not been where you are at in sobriety, I have worked swings in the past, it was a bear! It sounds as though your HP is leading the way for you, just keep letting him run the show.

Jim know that we are here when needed, but I understand the need for face to face, I could not do it without it.

Just a suggestion, but maybe finding some noon meetings to hit may be of some help.

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by Tazman53

Jim I have not been where you are at in sobriety, I have worked swings in the past, it was a bear! It sounds as though your HP is leading the way for you, just keep letting him run the show.

Jim know that we are here when needed, but I understand the need for face to face, I could not do it without it.

Just a suggestion, but maybe finding some noon meetings to hit may be of some help.

Thanks Taz,

That would be ok, except that I got in from work half an hour ago (5:30 am) and am getting ready to hit the sack. I'll be up about one or two this afternoon, then it is time to get ready for work.

The good news is that I only have a few more nights left. We are supposed to have some more of this coming up, but I am going to request that I not be in on it. I am having some problems with this company and am looking for work elsewhere. Maybe I should save that for the whiner forum-LOL!

Anyways bed time for me.
Jim

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by ananda

I know computer contact isn't the same - but here for you.

Thanks for sharing, I know life can get crazy like that at times.

Keep us "posted" as to how you are doing.

Thank you. I'll fill you in when I get up later today.
Jim

[Tazman53]

Sleep tight Jim!!! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

[Music]

Hey Jim,
I had a job where I worked shifts for six weeks each and then switched for six weeks etc. After a couple cycles, I figured out my routine for each shift and went with it. It certainly wasn't what "I" wanted, but it wasn't permanent either. See, this is the trick about making a decision to turn my will and life over to the care of God. I never know what He's got on his mind for me to do. However, it hasn't hurt me yet(unless I fight it), and I haven't found it necessary to take a drink. What else matters?

[jimhere]

I hear what you are saying Music. Although I naturally resisted it at first, I think if you'll read my original post, you'll see that I am actually having a good experience with this.

The other issues I spoke of have nothing to do with the hours. The hours are necessary as to not impact traffic. The first issue is this- My boss wanted to cut corners with safety equipment. I work for a utility contractor specializing in infrastructure for fiber optics. We are have been working in a series of 42 big deep communications manholes. People die in those all the time without the proper ventilation and gas-testing equipment. I made known how I felt and told him that if he didn't get me the euipment that I would not do the job and would go to OSHA. Consequently he bought the equipment, but I am not on the top five popularity list with him right now. The other issue is this. I think I told Taz that when we finish this week, there will be a brief respite and then more of this. The project is sixty miles from home. Right now we take company vehicles and get paid each way. When we start again, our boss wants to leave the company trucks on site and have us drive our own vehicles, to cut his costs. I can see his point, but hey, it's not my fault he bid the job sight unseen and underbid to boot. I'm not spending $150.00 a week out my pocket, plus not get paid for the drive time because of his mistake. I already told him that he'll be needing someone else. Once again, rolling over and taking it in the shorts ain't God's will for me. I do know that I'll be writing some inventory about all this real soon.

So you see, I know about turning my will and life over to God. That doesn't mean passively accepting stuff like the safety thing. God is either everything or God is nothing and sometimes you have to make a stand for what is right. It isn't always comfortable.
Jim

[Paulie]

"Dear God, I need to know you are there. I need to be closer to you."

I love that!
thank you for sharing!

[bballdad]

Jim,been there too,and stayed sober.There was times I was concerned about my sanity..
when I was 3 yrs sober I went to work night shift.Worked erratic days and hours.My whole life was turned upside down.I worked that job for 5 years.I quit and went to work at another place for 8 yrs.During those 8 yrs I worked 60-70 hrs a week,getting to work from 2:00am to 8:00am every day.No set schedule..
after 8 yrs there,I quit and for the last 4 yrs I work for myself.
I own my own truck and when the work in there,I better be there.Somedays I leave out at 6:00 am and somedays I leave out at 8oo pm at night..long days and long nights...

so,for the last 17 years my body and mind has been catching a rough time.
a few things I noticed,I missed human contact like you said-and God was still working in my life too-I grabbed hold of whatever I could related to AA,and squeezed what I could out of it.
I wasn`t making many meetings at all,maybe 12 a yr.What I had been taught in AA and God`s Grace carried me thru it all.I also noticed my physical health paid a price for all this,and sometimes I ask myself,was it worth it?

[jimhere]

Hey Tommy,
I really appreciate your post. In fact, let me say I appreciate all the posts from everyone.

We busted out the rest of the night work last night. I got up about one o'clock this afternoon and just got back from relaxing at my favorite coffee shop. I'll be leaving here soon to go to my home group that I haven't been to for nearly a month.
Jim

[Rowan]

Enjoy your home group, Jim, and thanks for sharing your experience here. It made sense, and it helped me.

[Tazman53]

Jim glad to hear things are a bit better, you sure seem like you are doing what you need to do and that inspires me to do the same.