What made you go back drinking?

[bob_sapp]

^^topic.

[caraway]

Hmm... my first thought is because I hadn't learnt how to live without it. I think I'm finally learning but its been a long road.

[CarolD]

Once I finally found solid sobriety
I have not had a drink.
Thanks to God and AA.

[Rob B]

I can say that when God separated me from booze 7-8-04 I was done. Eventually I found that there was more to AA than sitting in a room discussing life's problems. After working the steps and continuing to work them daily, I have not had a drink since.

I work with chronic relapsers and like to watch people closely, I say all the time we are teachers one way or the other. This is my observation on what people who drink again DON'T do.

1. pray
2. Meditate
3. Go through the steps
4. Finish Ammends
5. Work with others

[ananda]

As a person returning to sobriety I am often asked that question.

The first time I drank after 2 1/2 years I was doing all of the things you listed Rob, and that was really weird. Of course I can come up with "well, I must not have been being honest", or " I must not have "really" been doing it right". But I know I did the very best I could and was definately relying on AA, a higher power, doing the steps, etc.

The last time I drank, the circumstances are complicated. It was a long slow back slide that ended in drinking after 7 years of sobriety. I could give a long list of "reasons" or the progression of what happened and what I did or didn't do, but I am no longer looking for some logical set formula for sobriety. Instead I have a long list of things that I could do better in sobriety that float in the back of my mind.

I really relate to the explinations in the big book about the insanity that procedes the first drink. It seems for me that it can happen as a long lead in over a period of time, or as a split second sort of thing (that is how I experience it...not seeing the progression that leads to it).

I work within my higher power as I can recognize it, and try to eliminate "self" will and replace with my higher power's will when I see it arise.

At 8 mos. that is what I have learned about my alchoholism to date.

[warrens]

Bob

Nothing external "made" me go back to drinking. If I believe that, I am screwed.

I succumbed to myself and the constant dialog in my head. The one that convinced me that I might, just might, be "normal." I wanted so much to enjoy a new love relationship as a normal man.

It started out fine. Within a year or so, I was paying more attention to beer than M'lady. Not intentionally. She is the absolute world to me. It sure helped me resolve the "powerless" thing.

My recovery is for me. Me wants love and family in my life more than alcohol. Now that I am sane, I can see that clearly. Nothing external can "make" me drink again.

warren

[FightingIrish]

Seeing as how I didn't go more than 4 days without a drink from about the age of 22 until 36, I guess this is my "first time around" with AA/sobriety.

If I did count the two miserable times I quit for 4 days each on my own, I would say I went back to drinking because I had nothing else to replace it with. I was simply "not drinking", which was a pretty miserable place to be.

Fortunately, I was unteachable for so long as regards to AA that I was graced with a bottom involving jail and three arrests (I thought there were two, I have since learned there were three) in the span of four days. This brought me to a state of reasonable-ness where I was willing to try anything.

How surprised was I to find that AA actually does work for someone with my unique problems and superior intelligence.

I believe AA offers many opportunities and tools - among them and probably most importantly the chance to change myself and discover a power greater than myself through the steps - to help keep me sober. These tools also include going to meetings, praying, meditating, and turning my thoughts to service when I am stuck in my own mire (and even when I'm not).

I don't believe I will drink again, but that's what I say today.

[tiburon88]

What makes me go back to drinking? Depression, fear, anger, lonliness, ect...

[Freedom1990]

Simply put, I started having doubts I was an 'alcoholic'.

Throw in a very dysfunctional relationship with another AA'er who relapsed (and never made it back), insistence that I had become (terminally) unique and didn't need to do all those things I had done early in recovery, and I was drunk in my mind 90 days before I picked up that first drink!

That was an experience I care not to repeat

[bballdad]

I didn`t have the program,the spiritual awakening

[Pinkcuda]

Dishonesty in my desire to quit. Nothing More.
Once I had an "Honest" desire the show was on. Every time before I was BSing myself and it showed.

[Barto]

I haven’t gone back out; but if I did, I’m pretty certain it would be because I'm an alcoholic.

Of course, if I actually did go back out, it would probably be because I wasn't an alcoholic.

[jeff123a]

I go back to drinking because it feels good, it helps me face up to my sexual identity problems, and I convince myself that I am not an alcoholic because I drink "only" 12 oz. of rum per day and I NEVER get into trouble for my drinking.

[CarolD]

Hi Jeff....I replied to your first post in Newcomers
Glad to see you found our 12 Step Forum too.

Welcome!

[miss communicat]

nothing has made me go back to drinking.

i like being sober

[jimhere]

One word: Alcoholism

[RufusACanal]

I went back to drinking again and again because I was not full; I did this for over 25 years in AA. Drinking was only a symptom of my Alcoholism; I had to get full of booze first to gain any hope of recovery and the promise of a new life.

[Music]

I haven't had to go back out "yet". The only way is if I choose to drink again. Nothing can "make" me take a drink. Nothing ever made me drink. It was my choice all along.

[caraway]

Originally Posted by caraway

Hmm... my first thought is because I hadn't learnt how to live without it. I think I'm finally learning but its been a long road.

My second thought is taken from Rimmys signature (hope you don't mind Rimmy and Tazman) it says "The second you begin to think "I got it licked this time" and a drink seems like a good idea, is the time to take an action you have not tried before -Tazman53"

I'm practicing thinking a second thought where alcohol is concerned as the first thought could get me to pick up a drink.

[Barto]

Originally Posted by Music

... Nothing ever made me drink. It was my choice all along.

Music,

If what you say is true, you are indeed a most rare type of alcoholic (according to the Big Book). I’ve heard you mention that you’ve always had the choice not to drink before. I’ve never met anyone like you, and I’m curious. If you always had the choice, why did you drink? And why and how did you take the First Step?

Also, what do you think about the Big Book where it states that: “…most [real alcoholics] found it impossible not to take the first drink.” “… a baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it, is this utter inability to leave [the drink] alone, no matter how great the necessity or wish.” And “We are without defense against the first drink.”

From reading your past posts, I’m pretty certain that you agree with the Big Book. So, is it that you believe you are one of this rare type of alcoholic?

Quotes are from the First Edition or Second Edition of Alcoholics Anonymous (whichever belongs to the public domain).

[LosingmyMisery]

Ignorance. I didn't have the tools to stop drinking, nor did I put forth any work or effort. Once I became willing, did the work, I've remained sober. Recovery knowledge is key.

[mrhodes01]

For 10 years, I've wanted to recreate what my broken brain believes to be nirvana just "one last time." I always think nirvana lives somewhere between drink 10 and 18, but my repeated experiment has always yielded unmitigated despair. Which requires me to attempt it over and over and over to obtain the desired and impossible effect.

After 18 months of sobriety, it was three days off as I was switching jobs that "made" me drink. That led to an 18-month string of new bottoms, a shattered relationship, huge financial losses, and the rest.

Then after four months of sobriety it was just because I could. My roommate was gone so I reflexively bought beer (after conveniently not taking my antabuse for a week). Within two months, I was in the same mess I'm always in.

I'm trying to be grateful, because I have a lot going for me and can get back everything I lost with a little effort. I have a good support system and strong program. But to echo many posts, if I drink again it will because I'm an alcoholic. I have absolutely no reason to drink again, and thousands of reasons not to. But if I'm lazy and not working a strong program, I will drink. Now, that's enough to keep me on my toes.

Thanks, good thread!

[sugErspun]

Untreated alcoholism always led back to the first drink, the second----

The insanity was so subtle that I cannot put a finger on exactly what was going on - but I have no memory of making a decision to just drink...

Like I have said before "I found myself drunk" with no explanation as to why or how it happened - intoxicated I was able to realize what I had done. Scared the sh!t out of me - I became willing to do whatever I was told, go where I was told...