Sponsorship questions/thoughts...long, but please read

[ken67]

I've been attending AA for almost 3 weeks now, daily.
As a few of you know, I have not quit drinking yet.

Pint of whiskey, 2 or 3 beers at night after work for ten years, a little less for ten years before that....starting at age 20.
I am "highly functioning" (I hate that term), run a succesful business, no legal troubles, etc. (yet)
I understand this disease is progressive, and I finally admitted to myself and God that I am powerless over alcohol, that is what brought me to AA.


Here is my first question, and a story as it pertains to that question:

When should you seek a sponsor (or temporary sponsor)???

The story:
The man who led the first meeting I attended seemed to share a lot of the same traits and characteristics as me.
He was very well spoken, business owner, "highly functioning" (I hate that term!!! lol), etc.

After the meeting, he gave me the newcomers packet and a Big Book.
I saw him several times over the next week at meetings, and of course I was at the next weekly meeting he led.
I called him that night, and asked how I would go about finding a temp sponsor in the hopes he would "volunteer".

He told me that because I was still drinking, he would not, and he didn't know of anyone else at the Club (Alano) that would be willing to sponsor somebody who was still drinking.

I explained to him my reasons for not quitting yet, he called them excuses, I said thanx for your time, and we ended the call. I continue to go to meetings anyway.

It's important that I tell you folks here at SR my reasons/excuses, because I would like feedback on that as well.

I have seen my Dr. twice in the last week, we have discussed my issues thoroughly, he has done blood work, and it has been determined that I will need a medically supervised detox.
I will be out of touch and out of reach for 5-7 days.

As I said, I run a succesful business, and I am responsible for providing a living to quite a few employees and their families.
My business requires me to be completely hands-on when I am there 60-70 hours per week, and a phone call away when I am not there. There is nobody at this time that I can turn things over to for a week while I am out of touch.

I have taken many steps to make this possible, and it looks like I can "get away" towards the end of this month.
In the meantime, I continue to drink...my body will not let me stop, I am powerless.

Is he right?
Should I not be seeking guidance from a "sponsor" at this time?

There is a little more to the story, he apologized at the next meeting he led....I'll tell more about that after I get some feedback.

Thanx for listening, and for commenting.

[FightingIrish]

Hi and welcome! I am very new at this, so this is all just my impressions after 7 months in the program. My first (and hopefully last) time attempting sobriety.

I drank about two bottles of wine (sometimes more) every night for about 7 years. By the end I was drinking pretty much all weekend. I would drink "socially" with friends on occasion and "moderate" with 6 drinks or so after which I would go home...and buy a six pack or two and drink until I passed out. I had to do 5 days of medically supervised detox.

From what I have read about the history of AA, it was necessary before beginning the program of AA (the 12 steps) to "dry out." For the serious drunk this generally meant "a hospital procedure", which the Big Book refers to...this was the alcoholic ward run by Dr. Bob which is comparable to a detox program.

This is my own opinion based on experience, but I would focus on detoxing first before embarking on any kind of work with a sponsor...most detoxes also run AA meetings so you can begin to hear and identify and figure out if you are one too. That said, I would get into the habit of calling as many alcoholics as you know (maybe this guy?) while you are going through this experience.

Once you are "dry", there is nothing stopping you from getting a sponsor and beginning work in earnest on the 12 steps.

I wish you the best and look forward to hearing how it goes.

[ken67]

Originally Posted by FightingIrish

.

This is my own opinion based on experience, but I would focus on detoxing first before embarking on any kind of work with a sponsor...most detoxes also run AA meetings so you can begin to hear and identify and figure out if you are one too. That said, I would get into the habit of calling as many alcoholics as you know (maybe this guy?) while you are going through this experience.



I wish you the best and look forward to hearing how it goes.

I have been attending AA daily for 3 weeks already.....I had planned on continuing to attend.
Am I supposed to quit going to meetings until after I detox???

[barb dwyer]

hji ken -

just my little opinion -
but I feel your first step ...
is your first step -
and that doesn't necessarily need a sponsor.

it needs a doctor.

so you appear to be doing the right thing -
in getting into a rehab and doing a detox first.

just focus on that right now, would be what I think.

good luck to ya - I hope you keep posting!

[FightingIrish]

Sorry, missed that. People attend meetings who are still drinking. If you have had a drink that day some meetings ask that you not share during the meeting but speak with someone afterward. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking.

Originally Posted by ken67

I have been attending AA daily for 3 weeks already.....I had planned on continuing to attend.
Am I supposed to quit going to meetings until after I detox???

[ken67]

Originally Posted by FightingIrish

Sorry, missed that. People attend meetings who are still drinking. If you have had a drink that day some meetings ask that you not share during the meeting but speak with someone afterward. The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking.

I drink at the end of the day when all my responsibilities to others are over.
I don't think I could disrespect the group by going to a meeting drunk.

[Zoobear]

Go to meetings. Set a date to detox (soon) and stick to it. Nothing is more important than getting sober.

[Dean62]

You can ask for someone to be your sponsor whenever you want the question is will anyone be your sponsor before you stop drinking. It's up to them.

The guy you have in mind sounds like a good choice from what you have said in this thread.

Keep going to meetings.

[Tazman53]

Am I supposed to quit going to meetings until after I detox???

Look Ken if you have a desire to quit drinking there is nothing in the world wrong with you going to meetings, the "DESIRE" to stop drinking is the only requirement for attending meetings!

Perhaps you could ask this gentlemen if he would be your temporary sponsor after you get out of detox?

I was in a similar boat as you, I was at the point where I could not stop drinking and had to go into medical detox to get physically sober, my first meeting I went to years before detox I was drunk off my arse and I was more then welcome. I am not sure to be honest with you if I would take someone on as a sponsee if they were still actively drinking, however being able to relate first hand where you are at right now, I am sure I would be agreeable to becoming your temporary sponsor after you got out of detox.

I have seen several men show up at meetings drunk for weeks on end and then one day they walked in smiling from ear to ear....... SOBER!!!!

[ken67]

Thank you for the feedback.

Here is a little more of the story.

At the next meeting he led, after the phone call, he was the last to speak.

He started by saying something to this effect:

"I need to apologize to someone here. I received a phone call from an individual last week, and he is here now. He called me to reach out for help, and I gave him the worst advice I have ever given somebody during my 7 years of sobriety.
I called my own sponsor after his phone call, and was reminded of the 5th Tradition.
I hope he can forgive me, and I hope he will call me again...I will be honored to guide him through his journey, if he will have me."

Man...did I get choked up.
I thanked him after the meeting, and told him I would be in touch.
I haven't called him yet, but will speak to him after the Wed. night meeting that he leads.

I guess the reason I wanted feedback from you folks is because I didn't want to put him in a compromising position if I should not have called him in the first place, due to my continued drinking.
But as I said, I want to quit, I need to quit, but my business will suffer tremendously if I don't get things in order before I detox.

My business has not suffered yet because of my alcoholism, but if I were to detox now, and in the course of that 5-7 days while I abandoned my business, and hurt my employees, their families, and the business itself, wouldn't that be a negative consequence of my alcoholism???

I am not trying to justify another month of drinking, but if I don't get my affairs in order, one of those "yets" will happen.......???

[Tazman53]

Ken reading that choked me up as well, why delay, don't leave the man hanging, why not call him tonight! His hand is out..... take it! I have a strong feeling you will not regret it. Who knows he may be able to help out watching over your business while you are in detox..... maybe not, but who knows.

[ken67]

Originally Posted by Tazman53

Ken reading that choked me up as well, why delay, don't leave the man hanging, why not call him tonight! His hand is out..... take it! I have a strong feeling you will not regret it. Who knows he may be able to help out watching over your business while you are in detox..... maybe not, but who knows.

Thanx Taz.
I didn't leave him hanging, told him I would be in touch and would see him Wednesday.
As far as the business, I've pretty much got it sorted out, and should be able to "go on vacation" at the end of the month.
I'll know by the end of this week what date I can begin.

I know your situation was similar to mine, and I appreciate all the feedback you've given....it is welcome anytime.

So....as to the last 3 paragraphs of my previous post....your thoughts?

[Tazman53]

I guess the reason I wanted feedback from you folks is because I didn't want to put him in a compromising position if I should not have called him in the first place, due to my continued drinking.
But as I said, I want to quit, I need to quit, but my business will suffer tremendously if I don't get things in order before I detox.

No in my opinion you did not put him in a compromising position, one of the best ways for one to stay sober is working with other alcoholics, the 5th tradition says that "Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry it's message to the alcoholic who still suffers.", for many of us our first reaction is not always the one we should take, obvously this mans HP led him to seek guidance from his own sponsor on your request, which led his sponsor to remind him of the 5th tradition. I would call this man a winner, he is humble enough to seek guidance when he feels he needs it and then even a better man to step up to the plate in front of the entire meeting.

In regards to whether you should have called him or not, well that is what it is all about, one alcoholic helping another one.

In regards to getting your affairs in order before detox, nothing in the world wrong with that, just don't let the booze talk you into delaying detox, if you delay to long your business will suffer even more IMHO. I took a "Vacation" as well when I detoxed, there was no need for the world to know what I was doing.

My business has not suffered yet because of my alcoholism, but if I were to detox now, and in the course of that 5-7 days while I abandoned my business, and hurt my employees, their families, and the business itself, wouldn't that be a negative consequence of my alcoholism???

Yes it would be, when able it is imo a good thing to get things in order before detox.

I am not trying to justify another month of drinking, but if I don't get my affairs in order, one of those "yets" will happen.......???

I don't think you are trying to justify another month of drinking, it sounds to me as though you are just making sure that you and your employess will be okay once you get back.

Ken as long as you are moving forward with a plan to get sober and not draging your feet you are doing what you need to do.

BTW if you have questions on detox ask away, maybe start a new thread to hear others experiences, they are not all the same.

BTW I missed that you spoke to him after the meeting, pardon me while I take my foot out of my mouth! LOL

[bballdad]

Ken,I know quite a few oldtimers who could not make their first meetings sober.They would not be disruptive,but they would be there after they had something to drink,and listen only.They eventually got sober.

I encourage you to stay in touch with this guy daily if possible,and let him sponsor you after you got out of detox.I would encourage you to still make meetings then.
In the meanwhile,if possible,I hope you try and taper off a little on the drinking.It will make it easier for you in detox.

Dr Bob said,if we drink so much as one drop of booze,we are out of the fellowship.We are no longer a member.I cannot sponsor someone who is not a member of AA,and I tell my sponsee`s that.Thats my way of doing things and my take on this membership/sponsor thing.
Nowhere does it say I cannot get alcoholics who are drinking and not take them to a AA meeting.
It may be just what they need and what I need.

[Tazman53]

Ken we need you drinking or sober just as much as you need us. Please keep going to as many meetings as you can, they will help you be in the right frame of mind for detox.

When I went into detox I had no idea there was hope for an alcoholic like me, I had only been to one AA meeting before detox and the only thing I got out of it is the people were friendly and Germany was a great place to get drunk!!!! It was a speaker meeting and the guy hit bottom in Germany, the only part I remembered was him getting drunk in Germany.

When I was in detox we went to an AA meeting every night, this was the first place I saw hope for me, I heard people speak who had rode the beast of alcoholism darn near to thier death and had recovered, they gave me the hope that I too could recover if I worked at it.

[ken67]

Originally Posted by Tazman53

No in my opinion you did not put him in a compromising position, one of the best ways for one to stay sober is working with other alcoholics, the 5th tradition says that "Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry it's message to the alcoholic who still suffers.", for many of us our first reaction is not always the one we should take, obvously this mans HP led him to seek guidance from his own sponsor on your request, which led his sponsor to remind him of the 5th tradition. I would call this man a winner, he is humble enough to seek guidance when he feels he needs it and then even a better man to step up to the plate in front of the entire meeting.

In regards to whether you should have called him or not, well that is what it is all about, one alcoholic helping another one.

In regards to getting your affairs in order before detox, nothing in the world wrong with that, just don't let the booze talk you into delaying detox, if you delay to long your business will suffer even more IMHO. I took a "Vacation" as well when I detoxed, there was no need for the world to know what I was doing.



Yes it would be, when able it is imo a good thing to get things in order before detox.



I don't think you are trying to justify another month of drinking, it sounds to me as though you are just making sure that you and your employess will be okay once you get back.

Ken as long as you are moving forward with a plan to get sober and not draging your feet you are doing what you need to do.

BTW if you have questions on detox ask away, maybe start a new thread to hear others experiences, they are not all the same.

BTW I missed that you spoke to him after the meeting, pardon me while I take my foot out of my mouth! LOL

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

I pray a lot for the courage to do what I have to do, and for God to give me the strength to follow through and get things in order so I can begin my journey.....so far, He and I have done it.

I am going forward.

As far as detox....I have done a lot of research already, and I am learning what to expect.
I will be at home, medically supervised, my Dr. is 1 mile away.
I will have somebody here with me, who will also visit my Dr. beforehand and know what to expect and what to do a and when to make a phone call.

I'm a planner, if you couldn't tell!!! LOL

This "job" I am planning is the most important one ever, and with God's guidance, and the help and support from AA, from the members here, and a couple of close friends, I can do this.

I think detox will be hell, but it will probably be among the easiest of steps on the road of my journey.

It's kinda funny....even though I haven't stopped yet, I have felt an inner peace since I came to grips with myself about it.
I'm a spiritual person, and as a wise man once wrote, "...we are not humans on a spiritual journey, we are spirits on a human journey."

Thanx again for your reply....I am a bit more comfortable now with where I am at, and where I am heading.

[Tazman53]

I pray a lot for the courage to do what I have to do, and for God to give me the strength to follow through and get things in order so I can begin my journey.....so far, He and I have done it.

I am going forward.

Ken my experience has been in turning things over as you are doing you will move forward, there was no way I could have stayed sober with out God and AA. I thank AA for God and God for AA.

As far as detox....I have done a lot of research already, and I am learning what to expect.
I will be at home, medically supervised, my Dr. is 1 mile away.
I will have somebody here with me, who will also visit my Dr. beforehand and know what to expect and what to do a and when to make a phone call.

Ken you know you may want to talk to that guy in AA and I bet there would be folks in AA more then happy to help you through detox, think about it, who better to help someone through detox then someone who has been there and done that! In the early days of AA before many doctors knew how to safely detox folks it was not uncommon for folks in AA to help folks detox.

I think detox will be hell, but it will probably be among the easiest of steps on the road of my journey.

You are beyond right in that statement, getting sober I found was the easy part, staying sober was the hard part!!!! AA was the key to me staying sober and being happy doing it!

It's kinda funny....even though I haven't stopped yet, I have felt an inner peace since I came to grips with myself about it.

I felt the same thing once I made the decision, yet just to prepare you there was a great fear in me in regards to what the heck I was going to do once I was sober, I had no real idea how to "be sober'!!!! The steps of AA & the fellowship have helped me learn how to live life on lifes terms very happily and sober! Not to say the caca does not still hit the fan on occasion, but I am able to deal with things without drinking them away.

I'm a spiritual person, and as a wise man once wrote, "...we are not humans on a spiritual journey, we are spirits on a human journey."

Becoming a spiritual person is the whole idea behind the steps, to quote the BB:

To one who feels he is an atheist or agnostic such an experience seems impossible, but to continue as he is means disaster, especially if he is an alcoholic of the hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face.

I do not know if you are religous or not, religion is not the key, spirituality is. I am not religous, but I am spiritual, I found a God of my understanding in AA whom I work on building and kepping a relationship with n a daily basis, I do my best to do his will as I go through my day, I try and find every opportunity he gives me to do his will.

In AA I have found that it is important for me to give away what has been given to me freely just as freely to all who will have it. What I find amazing is the more I give away , the more I get in return, the only thing I aks of God to ever give me is the ability to do his will and in return I recieve more then I give away, not material things, but spiritual things which warm my soul.

[ken67]

Religious???
I'm a recovering Southern Baptist!!! LOL
I haven't seen my mom or 2 of my sisters in a pair of pants in 35 years!!!
When I hit 17, I stopped going to church 4 times a week, but kept my relationship with my God.

I am at peace with God, he knows my heart, and we talk daily.

Great idea about having an AA or 3 help me through....hopefully I will have made a few friends within the next month and will be comfortable asking for the help and time-commitment it would take.

Thank you again for giving it away, I appreciate it.

[Tazman53]

Ken I am not doing a single thing that was not done for me, the only thing I ask in return is to pass it on.