AA recovery question?

[Conez]

hopeful i have this in the right forum and i'm sure there's links in other threads that may be helpful (any of use welcomed)

At the moment i've managed 10days sober. before stoppin the drinkin i went along to a couple meetings, mentioned to a few members afterward that i was about to attempt home Detox.

thru detox i've isolated myself an not felt emotionally strong enuff to get to a meeting in a lil over a week.

i went along today "autopilot" as with the first few meetings. after todays meeting without talking to anyone i made a hasty escape. I've chosen AA as part of my recovery. at 10days sober n having the will to be part of this program...

i'd like to know where to go from here?

should i buy a big book n start reading?(is it avail. online?, i could use to save some pennys)

to stop the isolation/self loathing, i will try to get to meetings (& add my cars broken!) i'll use a numbers i have, with my main aim to attend meetings...more the better.

i don't know what it means to have a "home group". hows that established coz i do feel a bit of an outsider.

with only about 5 meetings attended so far i'm not familiar enuff with anyone to consider a sponsor... yet i don't wana stagnate, esp at the moment as not only do i struggle with alcoholism but depression of sorts.

I've got my Dr on board , counselling and a slight grasp on the support of AA.
Basicly with regards to AA, i use it to numb me, with the final thought of the meeting "it only works, if u work it". at this time it will be without a sponsor. where do i go from here?

so slow n steady, one day at a time ... but if anyone could explain this journey of recovery a lil more that would be sweet.

[Tazman53]

First congrats on the 10 days sober!!!

should i buy a big book n start reading?(is it avail. online?, i could use to save some pennys)

Yes, however if you have Beginners meetings in your area some of them give out BB free of charge to newcomers (We give them out at my homegroup and we are not a beginners meeting). The reason I say to get one is to where you can highlight things of importance to you and to allow you to write in it. The BB is a text book and not a novel so I have found it invaluable to use as a source of info on recovery.

to stop the isolation/self loathing, i will try to get to meetings (& add my cars broken!) i'll use a numbers i have, with my main aim to attend meetings...more the better.

An excellent means of breaking the cycle of isolation, and using those numbers to get rides actually helps those giving you the ride to stay sober as well.

i don't know what it means to have a "home group". hows that established coz i do feel a bit of an outsider.

Once you find a meeting you like that you feel you can got to every week after the meeting go up to the chair and tell them you would like them to be your home group, that is it. A home group is a great way to make friends and become a part of AA. Basically a home group is a meeting that you have made a commitment to attend no matter what and a darn good place to start out doing some sort of service like helping setup the meeting, clean up, make coffeee, what ever.

with only about 5 meetings attended so far i'm not familiar enuff with anyone to consider a sponsor... yet i don't wana stagnate, esp at the moment as not only do i struggle with alcoholism but depression of sorts.

What worked for me to start out with was to simply ask someone you feel comfortable with to be your temporary sponsor, they can answer questions about AA for you, help you find a full time sponsor, and get numbers and rides. With a temporary sponsor you have a connection without a commitment allowing you some time to find a sponsor that is a good fit for you.

I've got my Dr on board , counselling and a slight grasp on the support of AA.
Basicly with regards to AA, i use it to numb me, with the final thought of the meeting "it only works, if u work it". at this time it will be without a sponsor. where do i go from here?

Just getting to as many meetings as you can and getting a temporary sponsor is a darn good start, for me I found that the quicker I got the right sponsor and got through the steps the quicker the pain went away.

I am not saying it is a good idea to rush on getting a sponsor to work the steps with, but simply do not drag your feet.

[Zoobear]

Great advice from The Taz!!!!

[gravity]

Hi Conez,

Just wanted to say how impressed I am with your post. I remember your initial posts and you have worked so hard these past 10 days. Your doctor & counsellor on board, moving forward with AA, asking questions on SR - great work!

Tazman's advice is right on. The only thing I can add is that the Big Book is available online. Big Book Online Fourth Edition. My BB was given to me by the AA group and I only use the online version when I am looking for a quick reference.

I need the actual book to study because I highlight passages that have a special importance to me or I am told to focus on by my sponsor. Also, many times, I don't have computer access. It's also great to take to meetings, to read along if someone is reading from the BB (helps me focus, understand better) and to look things up. I'm not sure if this applies everywhere, but many people write their phone numbers in each other's books - it's comforting to know that I just have to open my BB and all that friendship, help, & support is right there.

D

[bballdad]

my experienceis
I got a sposnsor and a big book
I followed his directions
I got a homegroup when he told me too
I got sober and stayed sober

[Sheryl85]

You've got some pretty good advice going here. Keep up the good work and keep us informed on your progress.

[Cathy31]

That's awesome I'm so impressed - there are many great meetings in Australia! I think one thing you might want to try is actually speak up at the meeting - and posisbly share what you're sharing here - face to face support is sooo important. you are doing GREAT keep posting!!! read the book it's lifechanging!
cathy31
x

[tkdan]

i don't know what it means to have a "home group". hows that established coz i do feel a bit of an outsider.

Taz explained it well. For me this was an important issue. I really needed to feel like I belonged somewhere. I had isolated myself with my drinking for so long. I needed to be able to connect with a group that I was comfortable with and that I could relate to. For me this has made a big difference in my recovery. Fortunately I found my home group quickly (I tend to be impatient).
Great going not only on the sober time but also on your decision to use AA as your recovery program. Let us know how things turn out.

[CarolD]

Welcome to our 12 Step Forum
and yes...you did find the correct place.


Way To Go on your progress!

[laurie6781]

Ken welcome to SR you have found a great recovery site.

I would suggest that you buy the Big Book of AA, however until you get to another meeting, here is the addy for the BB on line:

AA Big Book

Hope that helps!

Love and hugs,

[RufusACanal]

Great work Conez...Keep it up, One Day at a Time.

[Tazman53]

If you have not gotten a BB yet save yourself some money and get one at a meeting, most book stores charge a lot more then groups do.

[Conez]

hi all, thanx everyone for ur input in this thread.... now i'm gona revive it with a lil progress update and more AA recovery questions. thanx for having me.

well the update is that i remain sober. i got my very own big book on its way in a couple days... and member support to get to me meetings is now happening.

i take advice @SR n from AA (and even ER dr)... i desire to have a sponsor.
15days sober i need 1 now, recovery isn't progressing well n a slip is more likely.

ok i like the idea of temporary sponsor.... just in case its not the right 1, we have clear understanding it's only temporary.
On the other hand i'd like to choose a temporary with the thought of them being the right one and we work sobriety together well for it to be long term.

now how to choose the right sponsor?
yes i understand it has to be someone i connect with n who's sobriety i beleive is positive n right for me.
in 3wks at AA, i've become familiar n identifed with a few potential sponsors.... i don't want to approach them because each person has their pros n cons... so do i... i don't want rejection for whateva reason.

i thought my best approach would be to ID at a meeting or 2 and express my desire for a temporary sponsor... with hope members will approach me n help me make the decision.

i know what the pros of a good sponsor is but the cons of sponsors (my ideas):

*someone with long time sobriety may not relate as well n their expectations maybe a lil impractical.

*someone who has at least 12mth sobriety who can relate but may not have the strongest grasp the recovery program/12 steps

*someone who has more than one sponsee... makes me think quantity/quality time may have limitations or generalisations.

*someone with longtime sobriety u connect with, but their traviling a lil rough. Are they ready to be a sponsor? (the person in mind, shared saying she felt she needed and had asked her 'HP' to send someone for her to help (sponsee) in way of her strenghing her sobriety)

anyways there are few other things i consider.... but these points are the most relevant to my choosing a sponsor. if anyone has suggestions/opinion....
SR community is my temporary sponsor til i work this one out

[bballdad]

if I looked for a sponsor today here is what I would pray and probably look for

a man who attends AA regular and lives the program
who has been sober a long time
who is successful at living outside the rooms-this one is a key for me,this shows me he practices the program in life

[CarolD]

In most meetings ... on the literature rack
is the official AA pamphlet

"Qestions and Answers on Sponsorship"

that is the guideline.

...Good to see you again!

[Signal30]

Where I'm from we get a booklet that gets updated every three months called a "Where and When".

It's a booklet that has all registered meetings through inter group with days, times, locations, and types of meetings. I'm sure there's something like that in your area. Start exploring meetings in your area.


Tom

[Sugah]

There are two primary requirements, in my opinion, when one looks for a sponsor, and I consider it perfectly acceptable to ask a potential sponsor if they meet these requirements. They are a) that the potential sponsor must have a sponsor and b) that the potential sponsor has worked the steps with her/his sponsor.

I have five sponsees right now. Three of them are 3-4 years sober and don't require as much time as they once did, one is 2+ years sober and is still finishing (formal) step-work, and one has six months and is working on her fourth step. The guideline I have always heard (and it is just a suggestion) is no more than three actively doing formal step work. I have sponsored three who were in early sobriety while raising four kids, going to school full-time and working, and there has still been time for daily check-ins, once-weekly one-on-one meetings and getting together at "meetings-after-the-meetings" on Friday and Saturday nights with other folks. It has amazed me that my HP seems to help open up blocks of time to give to others -- so long as I'm willing to give that time. I've worked the hotline and taken many calls at 3am when I had to be up at 5:30am, and I've yet to fall asleep at the wheel or otherwise feel that it affected my performance. There's something about the "juice" we get from giving it away that's like no other "juice" I've ever had -- even that XXX stuff that a buddy used to bring back from the hills of West Virginia!

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[Tazman53]

For a temporary sponsor here is what I would look for:

1. Some one who has what you want (At this time)
2. Some one who has worked the steps.
3. Some one who walks the walk as well as talk the talk.
4. Some one you can talk to and trust. (Does not have to be potential friend)

Time sober imo is no where near as important as what thier program is like, a year or more is a good deal.

You mention:

*someone with longtime sobriety u connect with, but their traviling a lil rough. Are they ready to be a sponsor? (the person in mind, shared saying she felt she needed and had asked her 'HP' to send someone for her to help (sponsee) in way of her strenghing her sobriety)

A sponsee helps a sponsor stay sober just as much as a sponsor helps a sponsee.

The truth of the matter is no sponsor can keep you sober, they can only share with you how they have stayed sober and you can choose to follow the path they took or not. If someone is a sponsor part of thier path is helping others stay sober, which is what the BB says is the best way to stay sober.

[Conez]

thanx for all the helpful suggestions and opinions.
despite having a crappy day n the worst desire for a drink
i stayed sober n got to a meeting.

the first thing in the door.,i grabbed the questions n answers on sponsorship booklet.
will give that a read tonight before bed... i had time to ask a few members at tonights meeting about sponsorship... when they got their sponsor? when is too soon?

then the person i have in mind to ask as a sponsor, i questioned a lil about it....
this is the person mentioned earlier that asked her HP to send her somone to help... i think in an odd way thats where i fit in (coz i was thinkin of her before she shared this) i don't think i'd ask her just coz she shared this and to strengthen her sobriety... there is a connection and i would only ask her to to be my sponsor for my sobriety... which i'm really struggling. to stay sober i'm needing support, guidence. i need this coz i feel my recovery is aimless with real chance of a slip, if i don't keep up meetings and grasp AA's recovery program soon.

[Tazman53]

Conez for now why not just ask her to be your temporary sponsor and work at least steps 1-3 with her.

[Conez]

hey a smile for today.
got to a big book meeting n focus was the sober alcoholic helping other alcoholics to achieve sobriety (from page 95 if i remember correct...think it was in part the booklet i read the night before about sponsorship)

Anyways it was good to be in that meeting. couple things happened....
a nice member gave me my own bigbook as a gift n offered to be my sponsor.... didn't ask for the answer straight away so no major pressure or anything.

the next thing was very bizarre.... another newly struggling sober longtime AA member put me on the spot with her sharing about leaving ph msgs i hadn't returned. then on the last person sharing she signalled, obvious to everyone there, for me to exit the room with her...
i wanted to hear the last person out n hold hands to close the meeting with the serenity prayer so i tried to stay.... but she gathered her things stood there n signaling again... so i got up n walked out to see what she wanted...missing the last of the meeting

All she wanted to talk about was the ph calls n gettin to a meeting tomorrow with me... she said sorry to pull me out like that but she had to get out of there early...
i really wished i had of told her right then it was not ok n it coulda waited.

the meeting finshed and people were pouring out for fags n we were still talkin so... what a couple minutes waiting for her to speak with me after the meetings end... would have been nice! i made a bad choice to walk out coz she wanted me too... i'm a bit resentful with the both of us. (gotta sort that out)

funny thing was after the meeting ended, the nice member who offered to sponsor me loudy called me back over away from this converstation. i knew why... i went back to her n said am i in trubs...(thinkin coz i walked out to talk with someone with this type of sobriety) there was no mention of me walkin out but just caution that this member may be harmful for my recovery. which i sorta knew already.

anyways followin the meeting, i had a pre arranged cuppa with the potential sponsor i've had in mind.... we talked, i told her about the meeting n the topic of discussion... after about n hr or more i got around to asking her to sponsor me... she said Yes!

Tazman53 i'm on my way... glad she yes. we'll be getting started this week.
think thats how todays smile snuck out... it was somewhat a more positive day since i commenced my recovery.

Glad to be sober, grateful i've members support n protection. an esp grateful i'm now sponsored and have a lil more hope at maintaining sobriety.
also got another book put in my hand today... "living sober". think i'm heading down the right path now.... one foot in front of the other.

not sure if it was right to share that about the meeting... but its sorta bugging me still.

the nice member also had a big impact on my day as well ... i couldn't help sharing.
thanx