Trying to be Strong but Stuck

[LegalLady]

Its me agains. Sorry to bug you all. Just got back from my 7:00 a.m. meeint.

I've just been really stuck. I've been reading in a book called Keep it Simple. Its that daily thing. Well it has an index in the back and I saw a section for beginner. I think it was day 31 in March but I'm not sure. I'm not anywhere near quoting pages and stuff LOL. Anyway, its about staying Strong and not stuck. That's what I"m trying to pray for now. I'm just in trouble. I'm out of work, no insurance and a lot of health issues that I need medication for so I'm just not feeling good healthwise. I wanted to take time off work and get more sober because working in the legal field can be very stressful. Anyway, I'm worried about getting money for my meds since I don't have insurance and was hoping to be out of work till I was sober for at least three months, but now my health is well not cooperating. I think I"m stuck. So I'm just scared. I've got major health areas, the disease of alcholol and mental, asthma and possible other areas that are in poor health due to drinking no doubt and some very poor decisions while drinking. I'm in a dilema. So, work and suffer my sobriety to get a job to get insurance, or suffer my health, to stay sober. I'm just not mentally ready for work. I'm almost ready to just medicate with alcohol again. I didn't realize how much in pain I was in until I quit drinking. Now I wish I never walk out on the job. Now I understand why you don't make major decisions when you quit drinking. I was in AA when I just walked out of the job. I was crabby and mad and they ticked me off. Before you ask. It was my first week of sobriety and No way will they take me back. Since I say I'd never go back when they asked me to go back and frankly I just screwed myself. I'm so stupid.

So I went to a meeting and everyone dropped to their knees with this guy and said the third step prayer. So, I thought that was kinda corny but I've been saying that, but I think I shouldn't be asking for help. I hear that a lot around the tables. I get confused.

I'm gonna call my sponsor today but I heard today she's having a hard time about something (not AA related) and i don't want to bug her Sigh. This is so weird to me. I guess its easy asking you all cause I can't see you and well you are on here to talk about AA stuff. I babble too much.
Yesterday I was a sack of potatos but today, I'm a motor mouth.
But I guess the day is great cause I'm not drinking. That is so not me, I thik that's corny too. I feel like a goof.

[mike_mass]

Hang in there, go to meetings, pray.

[zoomer]

When I had no insurance, I paid for my doctor's visits and they gave me free samples. Don't give up what ever you do. I have had plenty of crap hit the fan when I was sober. Sometimes the only thing I did right in that day was to stay sober. Sometimes being sober is the only thing we got and for the most part it's enough. Because your out of work you might be able to get medical help. Try calling your local welfare. You might even want to find a job not in your field for less stress. I have a paralegal degree,but am working as a waitress. I am now going after a social worker's degree and who knows after that. I know I would not be able to have choices if I was drinking. I have a learning disability and a hearing imparment,but I do not let it stop me from working and trying to better myself. Sometimes we just have to suck it up or go ask for help from a social servce agency. I feel I'm not disabled enough to go ask for help,so I just plug along and stay sober. You can unstuck yourself by making a few phone calls and by staying sober. A drink is not going to fix your problems but only make them worse. I think you know that. Do the foot work and the rest will follow.

[justanothrdrunk]

When someone asks me for help, even when it seems inconvenient for me, it validates me. I see myself as being important to them and it makes me feel useful.

The best thing anyone can do for me is ask me for help, any time, anywhere.

It can never hurt to ask for help.

[caraway]

Sorry things are hard for you right now. As has been said, hang in there and go to meetings. I used to feel a lot of AA stuff was corny and I felt daft going along with it. Sometimes I've felt that I couldn't bear to listen to another AA 'saying' and there are plenty of them! But I've got used to it all now, in fact I really like it. Today, all those sayings and prayings are important and/or comforting to me and mean something. If its not useful I just ignore it until it is.

[Tazman53]

LL are you ready to help other people to stay sober?

I know the first answer that popped into your head for that question!!! "No way, I can't help anyone!!!!"

Guess what? You can truly help others stay sober, you can give them the feeling of being useful, all you have to do is ask them to help you!

When some one ask you for some type of help what type of feeling does that give you?

When you call your sponsor today let her know you need some help and also ask her if there is anything you can do to help her, you may be pleasantly surprised to learn that helping others is a very rewarding 2 way street for all parties concerned.

Confused was the state I was in for a long time after I first got sober, I got frustrated as hell, every time I thought I understood something, something new and even more confusing seemed to pop up!!!

My sponsor really pushed me to not keep things bottled up inside of me, if I had a question or needed some help with something he told me to get it out there. He told me flat out that no one can help me with anything unless I let them know there was a problem. He was right!!!! I have learned not to hold things inside of me, because when I start doing that little things become big things, things I keep inside of me start of as mole hills and grow into mountains!!!

I have learned that the best way to keep a mole hill a mole hill is to let it out, tell others about it and they can help me to deal with it.

Doesn't it feel good to help someone? Why not help someone feel good by letting them help you!

If its not useful I just ignore it until it is.

Caraway I love that!!! Can I use it? (I'm going to anyhow!LOL)

[Barto]

I never did the Third Step with anyone else. I’ve always been too embarrassed. But that sounds kind of cool actually. I think it would take a lot of courage to get down on your knees in front of people and pray like that.

Also, I’d call your sponsor. Who knows, you may make her day. You’ll at least take her mind off her own troubles for a bit.

[Jfanagle]

Legal,

When we drink we don't feel much at all. Not the bad stuff, but we also miss out on the good as well. Drinking doesn't SOLVE things, it just buries them!

AA takes back everyone; I am living proof of that. Go to a meeting and you will be surprised at the reception, if not today then soon.

I have written this before, but it bears repeating, we want life to work after we quit drinking and sometimes it just doesn't. At least not the way WE WANT IT TO, but it does and it will sort itself out if we hang in there. That is why in my opinion that we need the strength and understanding of others to help us through the rough spots. AA does that for me. It still does after a few years of sobriety and that is why I and many others keep going to those meetings!

Keep writing and most importantly TRYING. Don't drink and there will be a few bright spots and then more and more of them as you continue to work on changing your life. We are all here for you and each other. Taz hit on it when he talks about helping others as a way to get past your own problems.

Keep coming back no matter what. We do care about you and love you, hang in there.

Jon

[sugErspun]

LL - like others have said - Call your sponsor, if she is having trouble with something you will be helping her. The book says that nothing is more effective than intensive work with other alcoholics.

There have been many times that I have called my sponsor and he has been going through life (problems at home, work whatever) - and he thanked me for getting him out of whatever it was to help me (we do not speak on the phone very often either) - he always says that I help him more than he helps me. That makes sense today.

A prayer that was handed to me that I found very useful (and still do) - you can take it or leave it, but I will share nonetheless.

"God, please help me to set aside the things I THINK I know about myself, my illness, the twelve steps and You. For an open mind and new EXPERIENCE with myself, my illness, the twleve steps and especially You God"

It leaves me open to accpet whatever is gonna happen that day, allowing me to approach the day with curiosity as opposed to fear.

~a

[Emimily]

i think a lot of things are corny, but i'm still good with them because they keep me healing and working toward becoming well. so, there's that. drinking isn't gonna help. it's gonna fuel a whole different set of problems.

it's just one day at a time... and it WILL get better. if i can stay sober, ANYONE can.

[Barto]

I’ve never read “Keep It Simple,” so I have no opinion about it. When I was knew I read “Alcoholics Anonymous” over and over. It really helped me a lot. In fact, I still read it. Have you read it yet?

[GlassPrisoner]

I remember when I first came in to the program, I was worried sick about my job (or, lack thereof), my children (who had left), my broken down cars, etc. When I would bring these things up, I was told "work on your recovery first, everything else will fall in to place".

I did. It did.

[Barto]

Don’t be strong – it’s takes up too much energy – surrender! Your sponsor should know what I mean. I hope you have a great day!

[Signal30]

When I'm having a hard time with something, working with another alcoholic (usually the guy I sponsor) is the perfect remedy to put me in a better state of mind.

Perhaps what your sponsor needs is for you to call her and relay her your troubles. When the guy I sponsor calls me, and I'm having a rough day, listening to him, especially if he is having some troubles, gets me out of my self-pity (aka get me out of self.)

That's the foundation of AA. Alcoholics working with other alcoholics.


Oh, and I learned that when I stopped "trying" all the time and started doing things, success was likely. If I only tried to call my sponsor or tried to go to a meeting, I would hardly ever do either of them. If you pick up the phone, dial your sponsors phone number, and starting talking to her, your not trying, your doing it. If she isn't answering, then you should have a list of phone numbers of others in the fellowship you can call. If they didn't want to talk to you then they would of never given you their phone number.

DO your best in AA and success is CERTAIN!!! If you are only trying AA, then as the BB says "Half measures avail nothing!"




Tom

[Barto]

Why does everybody bash the word “try” and its derivatives so much these days? If you don’t try something, you will never do it, unless you luck into it, right? I mean everything I set out to do, that I got done, I was trying to do. And the word is part of our Twelfth suggestion too, no?

I’m not picking on you Signal. I’ve been hearing it a lot around meetings lately though. It reminds me of “don’t work the steps, take the steps,” either of which are perfectly correct ways of getting the message across, and both are supported by language in the Big Book. Just thinking out loud maybe.

[sugErspun]

It's called the Star Wars effect---Yoda said it no?

Han Solo..(Or is that Dr Jones in your avatar Barto??)

[NOMOMERLOTMAMMA]

Legal,

Maybe things are harder for you right now cause you aren't feeling well and are unable to take your medications. Please contact social services in your town. They can help you. I know that it seems like the last resort, but I sucked it up and not only are the folks who work there nice and helpful, they didn't make me feel like a lowlife either. Or, call your doc and explain that you are out of work..most offices have samples etc. Recovery is hard work, and I imagine even harder when your health isn't what it could be.

When you are feeling better and things are more steady, you can give back.

It's worth it! Call your sponsor..she would love to hear from you I'm sure!

[FightingIrish]

I'll take 'corny' over 'John Barleycorny' any time...

(Sorry, I had to!)

[collinsmi]

Especially in my first year (hopping from a frying pan into the fire, into another frying pan and so on), I'd tell my sponsor of all these troubles in my life. He would almost invariably respond "OK, what are you doing about the step you are on?". It was infuriating! How could writing all that stupid stuff in a notebook or whatever other silly crap he had me doing have anything to do with the real crises in my life or how to solve them?

Strangely enough he was right. All those horrible scary situations I was in played themselves out and I made it through them. At one point I made a connection - doing the step work would actually produce relief! It was one of the most important discoveries in my life.

[laurie6781]

Here you go, check it out:

http://www.freemedicinefoundation.co...FUIlFQodP0MZ-g

These folks are great and really get a person in need a lot of their medications, usually from the manufacturer.

Great way to get your med.

If they can only help with so many, then also look for the number in your phone book for Catholic Charities, and no you don't have to be Catholic. They have a great program also. It is an initial $15.00 charge, but then the meds you need will be shipped to your Dr's office and you can pick them up there.

Hope that helps.....................................

Love and hugs,

[Barto]

Originally Posted by sugErspun

It's called the Star Wars effect---Yoda said it no?

Han Solo..(Or is that Dr Jones in your avatar Barto??)

LOL! Even Yoda misspeaks from time to time.

[jimhere]

What if I said it's not about being strong.

When I am weak, God is strong.

Pray for strength and direction to do the right thing. It is my experience that I ask for strength I get it. I might not get relief, but I get strength to meet whatever it is I have to meet to go through whatever it is I have to go through.
Jim