Okay so I"m still not drinkin and . . . .

[LegalLady]

I go to the meetings and I work with my sponsor BUT, is still don't feel nothing. I still feel nothing like I felt empty when I drank. Its only like 42 days or something like that. I don't like counting. I keep a book at home that keep track of so when my sponsor ask me I can actually tell her. And I think about drinking still all the time. I feel like I don't have a desire to do anything and I still feel groggy and foggy in the morning. I'm still crying at meetings. I try not to cause when I was talking and stuff people were telling me I was too emotional and stuff so I just tried to be fake and smile and then they would say how happy I was and how I was changing but I'm not. I've been writing things down to talk to my sponsor about. I seen her tomorrow night. She was on some retreat this last weekend in the Ozarks. But I just don't feel right still. When do people feel good. I heard in meetings that alchololics want everything fast and it takes time, but sometimes people talk like they feel great and if I smile at all they rant and rave about it like I"m doing great and I'm not. I ball and tear up all the time and I feel guilty cause they comment on me smiling and then like 10 minutes later I'm crying. I just wish they'd quit looking at me. I'm not getting it or something. The not drinking part is kinda easy but I still feel well just as bad only not drunk. Sorry, I know this makes you uncomfortable cause I was told that in a meeting but I was also told that its a good thing cause its a reminder. Who knows. Am I making any sense or am I just babbling again.

[miss communicat]

Originally Posted by LegalLady

I ball and tear up all the time and I feel guilty ...and then like 10 minutes later I'm crying.
.... I'm not getting it or something.

.....The not drinking part is kinda easy but I still feel well just as bad only not drunk. .

Dear LL

You are right where you should be, and you are, believe it or not, doing all the right things. Keep going to meetings, keep not drinking, keep sharing what you're going through and keep the faith.

roller coaster of emotions is par for the course in early sobriety because the medication for our emotions has been removed.

It DOES get smoother, but often it is difficult like this in the beginning.

I'm glad you are here!

[Barto]

The book states that we will experience the promises before we are half way through Step Nine. Personally, I felt a sense of relief and hope as soon as I got to AA – I think because I finally found a bunch of nuts that were like me, and had found a way to stay sober. However, I’ve heard many success stories from people that didn’t like AA at first, then came to love it later. There are some of these stories in the back of the Big Book.

[CarolD]

You are making perfect sense LL
and Yes! you will feel better as long as you keep on track.

You are still new to the recovery process
be gentle with yourself and continue moving forward.

I'm sure your drinking career was longer than
your sober time is. Recovery does take time.

I see one huge improvement in the way
you are sharing. Guess what it is

Well done on your sober time

[justanothrdrunk]

You're still really early in recovery.

Where are you with your step work? What step are you working on?

[Cathy31]

kEEP DOING WHAT YOU DOING, KEEP BEING HONEST YOU ARE RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE MEANT TO BE WELL DONE HONEY
CATHY31
X

[Sheryl85]

I do not think that the Higher Power I’ve come to know makes any junk (or in this case a “Nothing”). Although I can’t help but wonder the same as everyone else as to what Step you are on, my curiosity goes further than that…

Didn’t anyone tell you that your freedom from the bondage of alcohol wasn’t going to come easy? Didn’t they tell you to keep coming back because a couple of visits to meetings wouldn’t fix it? Didn’t they warn you that you’d be breaking up with something that for a time was more important than life itself? Did anyone tell you that alcohol was cunning, baffling, powerful, and would lie to you, telling you that you would be “nothing” without it? Did they warn you that when you start getting all that crud from inside you there would be emptiness left in its place therefore you’d better have something better to fill it with? If they failed to do so, let me tell you that this is what can happen. This is why working with another alcoholic is advisable… so that you don’t have to suffer so badly and feel so alone.

Take heart, LL. This too shall pass if you do a few simple things…Seek a relationship with a Power Greater Than Yourself, clean house, and work with others. Simple…but not easy!

[Tommyh]

Legal Lady,I felt the same way,on the emotional roller coaster.As I took the steps,it got better.
I never realized how screwed up I was untill I quit drinking,then my head was a mess.The good news is, AA has 12 great steps to fix our heads.Keep coming back and remember the old AA saying,this too shall pass(if I take the right action)

[Gutterdrunk]

your making a lot of sense to me Legal Lady, like a bunch of us have said, your where you should be. Sounds to me like you are being honest, that's where it all starts.

just remember, there is nothing that drinking can't make worse.

I think you are getting it, just not as quick as you would like.

[Rob B]

I won't presume to know where you should be. I know where I was for several months just not drinking... Miserable.

If you are going to meetings you may or may not have received a good presentation of what alcoholism is all about. If you are like me, you suffer from a spiritual malady, read page 52 of the Big Book, does this describe you?

Just not drinking for me is brutal. I hate being sober without having a solution to my problem. I'll pose the question several folks have already asked, where are you in the steps? Once the spiritual malady is overcome we straighten out mentally and physically.

[Cathy31]

It also helps for me sometimes to think...you know sometimes, some days "JUST" being sober, being alive and healthy (not insane/in jail/dead LOL!) is ENOUGH.

[Tazman53]

LL I know how you feel right now, I knew that physically I was getting better at 42 days, but mentally I felt like there was a BIG HOLE inside of me, I felt empty, yet at the same time I would go from one extreme emotion to the other and the only thing I really knew was a drink would not make it better.

People would tell me it will get better with time and working the steps. Well I wanted to feel better NOW, not later!!!!! Alcohol used to make me feel better for many years, but that quit working so what the heck!!!!!

I found out that time takes time!!!!! I had about 90 days and I had gotten to a meeting about 15 minutes before it started and was just sitting there watching people come in and I felt funny......... an odd feeling that I had felt before but did not know what it was. I suddenly realized........... I was smiling!!!! Why? Well for me I have to assume that enough TIME had passed since my last drink and I was starting to work the steps that the huge empty hole that had been inside of me was finally getting smaller, I was finally starting to get better!

LL time takes time, we spend years drinking our selfs to a point where we no longer find the old joy in the bottle, the booze is nothing but a way to try and fill that empty hole inside of us. Now we have quit drinking and want that hole filled over night........ well it took us years to make that hole, so it is going to take time to fill it, going to meetings, not drinking and working the steps will gradually start to fill that hole.

Hang in there, keep doing what you are doing, it will get better.

Oh yea BTW other people seem to see us getting better before we realize we are getting better, try to remember what you felt like when you only had 5 days sober and compare that to today. Time takes time.

[RufusACanal]

Legal Lady,
So proud of you and your new life. Did you think it would be a cake walk? Lift your chin, extend your hand to another and keep on going. I believe in you!

Ron