What do you do to be of service to others?

[bob_sapp]

What do you do to be of service to others, in and outside of meetings? Besides some service in AA, I am trying to be of service everywhere. Buying people coffees, and trying and be more pleasant to others. It's not much, but it's a start. Someone told me I indulge in self pity and am negative and self-centered, and that to change this I need to learn to be of service to people everywhere. I really struggle with this, but want to change it. I am beginning to wonder if I am constitutionally incapable of being honest with myself, because I feel like I just have resentments against people for nothing these days. Is self-hate a form of self pity? Because I do this too. I wake up in the morning and I hate life/family/people and myself for feeling this way, and just wish it would all go away. I struggle with being of service to my family especially. We don't talk, and I feel like there is nothing to talk about, so we really don't have much to do with each other on an emotional level. Suggestions?

[laurie6781]

Suggestions?

One of the first things I did was start to volunteer at the local animal shelter. Then, I found something else that I have really enjoyed now for many years in addition to my volunteer work at the shelter.

I have made contact at several of the nursing homes in our area, and I then inquire as to who no longer gets visitors, and I start visiting them. Some have been reticent at the beginning, however, usually start to open up and smile a bit, when I explain that I know how it feels to be alone.

I have learned so much from the elders and have heard some absolutely wonderful life stories.

One teeny step at a time. You may want to volunteer at a teen center, working with young people is also very rewarding for both.

Go volunteer at the local library to read stories to the kids, or just to help out at the library in whatever capacity they may need you.

Hope those help a bit............................................... .

Love and hugs,

[Conez]

Wow Bob... in my state of mind thats a bold question...
What do you do to be of service to others?

I, myself don't think i am much of a service to others in an emotional, supportive or positive sense... other than the basic like u describe like buying coffee, makin a meal, voluntering or being pleasant.
talkin about being capable to provide more than this basic and have meaningful service to others. i don't talk with my family due to distance/difference of opinon and the fact i don't wana pick up the phone n talk about the same old boring sh*t... that my life ain't a bed of roses... my family are a bunch of misfits... who the hell wants to hear that (again)....

oh well for suggestions... if u wana do a meaningful service for anyone/family... do it at no cost to urself...don't give a positive to create a negative.... that way they are pleased with ur effort n u don't resent urself or them or feel any codependant obligation to have to put up with anything that don't sit well in ur karma.

example... i rung my mum n offered to pay airfares for her n husband to visit me (even tho we only talk 1-2 times a yr, i miss her heaps) she made all these excuses... well every damn ph call/ visit to my mum since the time my parents devorced has ended up with so much hurt n tears for me. (long story cut short) i don't think i could do anything of meaning to/for my mum without it causing a negative backlash on my selfworth/pity.

in conclusion don't let it f*k ur head, do whats good for u, just let sleepin dogs lie n concentrate on those who need, benefit and apreciate ur energy n efforts.
my ramble @day2 home detox thanx

[Tommyh]

I get involved in AA,and I get involved with my family a lot.
These 2 come first to me.I have 2 nephews I need to get more involved with,such as taking them fishing or going places with them.I used to go by my sponsors house and help him haul hay or make repairs to his barn.Elderly neighbors sometimes need a hand doing things like outside work,or cutting the grass,cleaning out gutters, or raking leaves.

[Tazman53]

Bob I know where you are coming from, in early sobriety I had nothing to really offer to anyone except simply being sober, polite and friendly. Setting up meetings, making coffee, and welcoming newcomers was the extent of my service to others except my family. Looking back on that, for me at that time that was a major accomplishment.

I am still new to sobriety, I am slowly becoming by staying sober and watching for opportunities to be helpful to my family becoming a better husband and father and things are slowly getting better. I spent a great many years being of disservice to my family as a result it is going to take years for me to become of maximum service to them.

I help those who my HP gives me the opportunity to help for right now, I focus on being of maximum service to my family to continue to make amends for what I put them through, slowly my family has presented me with more and more opportunities to help them as I continue to prove through my actions that I am a better person.

I have a little over a year and a half sober, I am to busy right now doing AA service and doing things for my family to add anything else to my table except those things my HP puts in front of me to help others, such as helping an old person load groceries into their car, opening doors, letting people into traffic, etc.

This is imho one of those instances where easy does it applies, do what you can do now, but do not let what you are not doing eat you alive, focus on your sobriety, what service you can be to AA & family and thats it, when the time comes for more your HP will let you know.

[FightingIrish]

Interesting topic. I am pretty new as well, and I just started doing committed service for AA...treasurer, chair, coffeemaker. I just spoke at a meeting this past weekend. My plate is pretty full right now.

One thing I have to keep in mind is that my ego tends to tell me to overextend myself so that I can prove how much of a superman I am. And then I panic and start flaking out on things. So part of my service right now is doing as much as I can but also saying "no" when something doesn't sit right with me.

Another part of my service is showing up for work...literally and psychically. Actually this is more of a living amends, but it's important for me right now.

I feel like I have a pretty good balance of service and taking care of my self. One thing I am eager to do is to start sponsoring people, but I am several months (and perhaps a few more for good measure) away from that!

[RufusACanal]

Why not inventory it Bob? Is this not the tool that allows the honesty of any situation to surface? Inventory your motivates, your feelings and actions; pray on the results and then make decisions.

Have a good day.

[barb dwyer]

wow Bob - that's great.

I mean, how you put that.
I wake up feeling that way too.

When I do - I know it's because I'm not 'right' or in a good alignment... spiritually.
I know that I"m not 'plugged in' to the Infinite.
Because I'm viewing everything - from the 'finite' point of view...

Usually -
that's been known to make me even MORE unhappy until I sit down,
'stop the world'
and do my Prayer and meditation.

I have to sit until I can get a handle on where ...
I'm trying to take over the Directing.
I'm not the Director in this life any more.
And I forget that.

I'm sneaky, too, man.
Sometimes -
it's a while before I let myself 'see' what I've been doing.

Thanks for the gut level honesty in your post...
it's refreshing.

[RufusACanal]

Also, maybe you need to see a Doctor; maybe these feelings are organic in nature.

[Signal30]

"Self-hate" is basically another word for crappy self-esteem. A bad self-esteem is usually stemmed from fears and the resentment of failed results from self-reliance.

Get out of self. That's one of the ways to invoke change. A thorough Third Step is essential in putting yourself on the right path. "Relieve me of the bondage of self." Self-hate sounds like bondage to me.


At my job I see homeless people who have been alcoholics longer than I've been alive. They have alcoholism and various other mental disorders that quite frankly is against all scientific laws that they are still alive. These types I think are teetering on being constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves for the reasons of years of heavy drinking and not taking care of themselves. Their minds may be too far gone for them to be able to even take care of themselves yet mentally be able to follow a program of recovery. I seriously doubt you are in this category.

Getting out of self is required to being able to provide service to others. Step work done by thoroughness and honesty will get you out of self. Work the program one day at a time and your questions get answered.


Tom

[barb dwyer]

Sorry to 'double dip' here, but this thread got me to thinking -
and I'd like to share something ...

I got sober after 'a series of unfortunate events'
that culminated in a botched suicide.
basically.

I've posted again and again that I've never thought that I was 'chosen',
but that I don't doubt for a second ... that I 've been SPARED.

Sometimes - I forget that.
I wasn't promised ANYTHING by not dying.
There's simply no explanation is all.
Why I lived, I mean.

And here I sit almost two years later -
still sober -
but I have to REMIND myself of that.
That there is truly only today.
This simple,
but profound as all heck-o-rama ...
truth.

When I forget that today ...
is *all* I have ...
today ... is the only day that I can do anything about ....
I get 'expectant'.
I get nervous.
I get ... disgruntled.

When blade meets bone,
it was the Grace of God,
Program of Alcoholics Anonymous,
and the Fellowship I received from others like me
during that time of 'coming back' -
that are why I am here,
alive, breathing, writing ...
even if often perturbed because I've forgotten.

See -
I'm looking forward to something.

Something very important to me,
and I'm falling out of that grace more often lately.
Because of my attachment to this upcoming thing.

Thanks for this thread today -
it's helped me remember something...
in a deeper than usual way.

Something I needed to remember.