trouble fitting in in AA

[Trinka]

I'm having trouble feeling like i fit in at the meetings. I've always felt alone most of my life and i know that it is important that i try and socialize more. It just seems that some people in the meetings are so happy. I am greatful for all that i've gotten back. I don't want that to be confused with what i am saying. Its just that at some of the meetings i go to the women seem to be really clicky, like highschool. I continue to go to meetings though i'm not giving up i know meetings are essential to me staying sober. I have also tried wellbutrin so maybe it will help get rid of the anxiety. My feelings of not fitting in probably stem from my character defect : of feeling less than. does anyone have any advice or been through similar situations?

[FightingIrish]

I felt like an alien when I first started going to meetings six months ago. It felt much like that first day of school when I was a kid and kept to myself.

The best thing to do in that situation (as I've learned in hindsight) is to raise your hand at the beginning of the meeting and say that you're new to the rooms, to that meeting, and share your day count (if you're counting days.) Most meetings I've been to ask at the beginning if there are any newcomers.

Most people who go to meetings (and most meetings I've been to) seem to be of the belief that the newcomer is the most important person in the room.

I tend to be someone who acts all superior and aloof around people I don't know, so I think my attempts at doing this were less than successful than I might have hoped. Still, after many weeks of just coming back, I have met lots of people and now rarely walk into a room where I'm not greeted by every other person I see.

Now I see newcomers coming in who just put themselves out there and raise their hand forthrightly, and people flock to them with phone numbers, rides, suggestions. It makes me think I lost out a little trying to be all cool and this and that when I first started coming.

I know for myself, part of the reason I enjoy socializing with the people I now know in the rooms is because after putting in a bit of effort, I am now comfortable with them in a way that was foreign to me for so many years. I know watching people who seem comfortable around each other when I myself am not comfortable can be disconcerting and alienating. But I have found that most of these folks are more than delighted to greet a newcomer who identifies him or herself as such in a direct and honest way.

Keep coming back.

M

[Toomutch]

I can relate, I come across as aloof and stuck up, when really I am just very uncomfortable in social situations where there are more than 2 people. Friends that I have had since High School tell me that all the other girls thought I was a bit**. This really hurt me for awhile. I do a little bit better now, but after 35 days sober I still have not been to a meeting. I worry about not fitting in or being accepted.

[Astro]

Originally Posted by Trinka

I continue to go to meetings though i'm not giving up i know meetings are essential to me staying sober.

In my opinion you're doing it perfectly then. Sure, it'd be great if you'd get a sponsor and start your Steps, but not many people jump in that quickly.

My experience in the first five months of sobriety was much the same as yours. They were too happy and too cliquish. Why couldn't they understand how miserable and unhappy I was? But I knew it was critical to my sobriety to continue going to meetings, so every day I held onto a chair with both hands and stayed until the meeting was over. In doing so I learned two very important things that got me on track in my recovery:

1. Listen for the similarities rather than the differences.

2. Don't leave until the miracle happens.

If something hadn't happened I wouldn't be here to share this with you. Stick around, it does work and your life will get better if you work on your recovery.

Welcome to SR Trinka, it's nice to meet you and I hope to read more of your posts. You've found a great place for support in your recovery.

Scott

[best]

Originally Posted by Trinka

...of feeling less than.

Understand it is a feeling...Not a truth. The more we learn, the more we feel and know that we fit in and are no different then any one else.

[jazzyjeff2008]

I Am Having Same Problem. It's A Sometimie Thing With Me. Some Days The Women Are Open Warm And Friendly. They Even Invite Me To Attend Other Meetings. Other Days, The Same Women Wouldn't Notice Me Even If I Was A Rabid Dog. Well Maybe Not A Rabid Dog. Some Days They Just Don't Notice. Even When I Try To Make Conversation I Feel The Brush Off. Talk About Insecurity And Inferiority Settling In. Thank God For Sober Recovery.com. People Like You. It's The Best Medicine For Me. Don't Fret Over It. The God Of ;your Understanding Is And Will Make A Way For You. You Earned Your Seat With All You Been Through. Keep It. Okay? Thanks For Sharing.