A Return to Drinking

[RufusACanal]

One of my old Sponsee's has made decisions to return to the embrace of booze and his condition is deteriorating at an alarming pace; he is dying before my eyes. This would not be remarkable in any other situation; we are all familiar with the struggle most Alcoholic's endure in their valiant attempts to achieve a new life. My friend is dying and I can’t change it. I am powerless.

As I try to put myself in his shoes, I vividly remember how completely insane my drinking thinking was; convoluted and extremely self centered. As the spree progressed, I became more and more resigned that I would die soon. How could one live drinking like I did?

I am grateful that I am not drinking today and all it entails. Please keep my friend in your prayers and thank you for all.

[nandm]

A sobering reminder that it still does not work to pick up the drink. Thank you Rufus, you and your friend are in my thoughts and prayers.

[GlassPrisoner]

My sponsor says I won't truely understand the word powerless until I sponsor. He also says the only thing I can do wrong in sponsorship is drink.

I have 2 guys right now. 6 months and 9 months, steps 4 and 8 respectively. They help me stay sober, that's for sure !

[Freedom1990]

Prayers are most certainly going out from Kansas for your friend.

Last night was birthday night at our small group, and we had 3 different people celebrating 60 days.

The one fellow in particular has been in and out for several years now, each time he researches, it takes a huge chunk out of him

We honestly thought he wouldn't make it back this last time, but he did.

He looks so haggard and worn, but is truly reaching out this time and working the steps with his sponsor.

Alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful, for sure. I am reminded of that every time a newcomer walks in that door, and someone else goes back out to research some more.

[RufusACanal]

When we started drinking after a period of sobriety, how many of you thought you had the wool pulled over everyone's eyes? No one knew. How about the, " I will only drink beer."Cunning, I wasn't, Alcohol is, Baffling, I was always baffled, Powerful, only an illusion of what power might be.

You know what, every drunk drinking today is doing it for me whether they know it or not and in this instance I can say that I am sicked by it.

[caraway]

Having done more than my own share of 'research' I still find it cunning, powerful and baffling. Thanks for the reminder Rufus, you and your sponsee will be in my thoughts and prayers too.

[bballdad]

Rufus thanks for your post.I will hold your friend in my prayers also.
Tuesday night after our big book study Brad came walking up to our meeting,drunk again.He just got out of prison last week.
He wanted us to be a taxi service for him and we refused.
Wenesday, his mom called,Brad had od`ed on pills on purpose and almost died after he left us.He is in the nut ward of the regional hospital right now.He has a obsession to drink,and he had the most terrible obsession with a woman I have ever seen.
Don`t look good for him now...

[Music]

I just one person re-thinks his situation and decides not to drink, your friend won't have gone through this in vain.

You've got my prayers Ruf.

[CarolD]

A tragic remindered for all of us RC....
my prayers join yours

[Tazman53]

Rufus you both have my prayers, and your sponsee my thanks, everytime someone goes out or comes back in it helps me to stay sober one more day.

My sponsee will be picking up 11 months tonight, my first sponsee I have no idea about, he had 5 months when he asked me to sponsor him, he seemed to be doing well in regards to my initial suggestions though he could not seem to manage but one meeting a week, he also never set up the first time for us to start on step work. Right after he picked up 6 months he called and told me he just did not have the time for a meeting a week any more and didn't have time to work the steps either!!!

Well I wished him well and told him to call me when ever he wanted, have not heard or seen from him in almost a year now...... who knows, he may still be sober.

We have a guy in my area who is the CEO of the research committee, he has done the revolving door for over 5 years from what I have heard, most time he has ever gotten in a row was 90 days. He is a great guy, he looks worse and worse every time he comes back in, it is heart breaking to see him, but so far he just has not been able to be willing to do anything to stay sober, he picks and chooses, but we keep out hands out there for him, I pray he comes back in before it kills him, he isn't even 40 yet.

[barb dwyer]

*prayers*

It doesn't take long .. has been my experience with it.

[RufusACanal]

Thank you all. The essence of Sponsorship in my new life is not just about the teaching, it's about the learning. I relive my experience through each man I encounter and I have that opportunity to again look at the chalkboard to add and subtract amends; to retune my thinking and to be grateful I not only survived, but hopefully have the courage and the message to lead another to a new life.

This is my friend and this morning I was really close to asking God to put him down like a good horse if it would just stop his pain. I know this is a ludicrous thought; but it is how I feel this morning. Now I need to separate myself from selfcenteredness and move away from the negative and lean on the ever-present arm of my Higher Power. Empty words this morning, frankly I am so full of ****.

I can help him dammit! Who is better at this in life than I, there is no one! Who has more experience than I; no one. Why won't he listen to me. He is in the grip of the obsession, that blackhole swirling ever downward and only God can do anything. He is my friend.

[barb dwyer]

It's hard to keep it to 'Thy Will - not mine,' sometimes.

[Zoobear]

Originally Posted by RufusACanal

He is in the grip of the obsession, that blackhole swirling ever downward and only God can do anything.

Very true my friend.
You can only do what you can do.

[RufusACanal]

Thank you all. The family of my friend is working on a commitment and for this I am grateful. The friend's father doesn't think booze is the issue and this same man is my boss and career mentor. I offered to help again this morning and prayed at length. It is out of my hands and my emotionalism does not help my Sponsee. I apologize for my outburst in the eariler post this morning.

[Tazman53]

Rufus hang in there, no apologies needed, love is love, and being emotional is human in these cases, just pray and hang in there, if there is something you can do I am sure your HP will let you know.

[nandm]

((((rufus)))))) As I have not sponsored anyone until recently and so far that one person has not gone out (only been a month though so who knows); I can not fully empathize with your pain and frustration but I can say I can see how heartbreaking and discourging it can feel. You are in my thoughts and prayers as you sort this out with your HP. Take care.

[barb dwyer]

Rufie -

There's nothing wrong with wanting for others what we've found. There's nothing wrong with being frustrated and all that it can't all always be 'acceptance is the key' - we're worse than just alcoholics - we're human.

*prayers* and a *hug* at no extra cost!

[RufusACanal]

LOL, Barb, Judith, you guys are awesome...

Human feels like a wrinkled, dirty suit that one is forced to wear another day without the prospect of a quick dry cleaning.

[lostmdboy]

My sponcer tells me "that i can not make anyone get sober, or I can not make anyone get drunk". My thoughts and preyers go out to all soffering from this disease. Relapse my be very hard from the sponers point of view.

[RufusACanal]

Thank you lostrmdboy, It isn't bad at all for me, yet the man or woman who returns to drinking relives the shame, the pain and the sheer madness of the Alcoholic life; is there anything so horrific?

[Lily]

I pray your friend would have a moment of clarity even in his drinking~long enough to return to the program. Bring him back Lord.

Blessings, Sheila <><

[Tazman53]

Just to try and add a little bit of "It could be worse" to this, a speaker I heard yesterday had his sponsor go back out after 25 years sober.......... he did not drink over it, he prayed for his sponsor, let him know he was there for him and got another sponsor.

My sponsor has also told me the only person I can keep sober is me and I am also the only one I can get drunk.