desperate - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

sam0518 · 03-24-2008, 08:49 AM

Hi guys, I am new here and I am sure I will mess this up but I wanted to come out and say HI and Help all in the same message. I go by Sam and I am a 48 year old mother and wife. Both my husband and son who is still living with me are alcoholics. The situation at my house is miserable and I am so lost and cofused I just don't know what to do.

I get physical and verbal abuse from a husband who knows he is an alcoholic but says he doesn't want to go to AA meetings or counseling. I have a 25 year old son who just went thru treatment but is drinking again and is very verbally abusive to me. Neither has any where else to go, really and I just don't know what to do. I kicked both out on Saturday and yet of course they came back on Saturday night, got into a fight that turned very ugly. I can not even wrap my mind around the insanity anymore. I have been off work for a back surgery and arm surgeries so I am not even able to support my self. Besides I always think why should I live my home that I have worked so hard for. I haven't been the one getting arrested for DUI or had to go to treatment and yet I feel like I am on the edge of losing everything. I know my husband uses that against me and says I will lose the house and everything if I make him go into recovery and then he will leave me anyways. Sometimes I think I am at the point where I just want to be alone and yet sometimes I think not. I wonder who is crazier me or them.

I know I have already lost my self in this mess. This has been going on for at least 10 years and I always believed that some day these two would stop but they don't they just keep going on. What do I do? I am so very confused, scared and unable to think right now I just feel numb.

Cathy31 · 03-24-2008, 09:25 AM

Hello Sam
I'm so sorry for your situation - I'd suggest posting this on the friends and familyl of alcoholics section there are a lot of very wise women there who can give you good advice. My advice to you would be to look up al-anon meetings in the phone book/ on google and get yourself to a meeting - you are the priority here not your using son and husband. You need to put yourself FIRST heal yourself, get some fellowship and strength and guidance, focus, freedom and choices...al anon and the 12 steps can give you this. Focus on YOU.
gOOD LUCK!
CATHY31
X

Tazman53 · 03-24-2008, 10:09 AM

I will second everything that Cathy said and wish you the best.

**CarolD** · 03-24-2008, 10:40 AM

Hello....

I see you have posted in our Forum
Friends & Family of Alcoholics

That is the best Forum to use while
you are sorting out this situation.

Blessings to you and your family

Tommyh · 03-24-2008, 05:07 PM

hi Sam
you`re in a rought situation

I noticed you said "I get physical and verbal abuse from a husband"
I believe that means he is beating you.If he is,
go see the Law and take papers out on him and have his butt thrown out of the house,and get a restraining order and you stick with it untill he gets sober.No man or woman has to take physical abuse.Stick with it.If you want things to get better,you have to take some action to stop the physical abuse before he kills you.

lostgirl89 · 03-24-2008, 05:26 PM

No house, or any "material" item is worth risking your health and wellbeing for...you do not deserve (nor does anyone) to be yelled at, touched, or blamed for anything wrong in someone elses life even if it is the person you " share your house with"...Losing your house is nothing compared to losing your life. sounds like you're not really living currently...Im not here to give advice....just support...and you deserve to be treated like an equal human...
Stay Strong..and most of all Hold your Head up HIGH!!!

Signal30 · 03-25-2008, 04:23 AM

The physical and mental abuse is unacceptable. The police must be called. They are both spiritually, mentally , and physically sick. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and the physical abuse will progress also. Priorities are a must.

Alcoholism is no excuse for domestic violence. Their alcohol is more important than everything right now including you. In order for their to be change, you are going to have to set the change, no matter how drastic it may seem.

I pray for you all.

Tom

03-24-2008, 08:49 AM	#1 (permalink)
sam0518 Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: sioux falls sd Posts: 5	desperate Hi guys, I am new here and I am sure I will mess this up but I wanted to come out and say HI and Help all in the same message. I go by Sam and I am a 48 year old mother and wife. Both my husband and son who is still living with me are alcoholics. The situation at my house is miserable and I am so lost and cofused I just don't know what to do. I get physical and verbal abuse from a husband who knows he is an alcoholic but says he doesn't want to go to AA meetings or counseling. I have a 25 year old son who just went thru treatment but is drinking again and is very verbally abusive to me. Neither has any where else to go, really and I just don't know what to do. I kicked both out on Saturday and yet of course they came back on Saturday night, got into a fight that turned very ugly. I can not even wrap my mind around the insanity anymore. I have been off work for a back surgery and arm surgeries so I am not even able to support my self. Besides I always think why should I live my home that I have worked so hard for. I haven't been the one getting arrested for DUI or had to go to treatment and yet I feel like I am on the edge of losing everything. I know my husband uses that against me and says I will lose the house and everything if I make him go into recovery and then he will leave me anyways. Sometimes I think I am at the point where I just want to be alone and yet sometimes I think not. I wonder who is crazier me or them. I know I have already lost my self in this mess. This has been going on for at least 10 years and I always believed that some day these two would stop but they don't they just keep going on. What do I do? I am so very confused, scared and unable to think right now I just feel numb.

03-24-2008, 09:25 AM	#2 (permalink)
Cathy31 1 bite&all resistance crumbles Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: IRELAND Posts: 2,160	Hello Sam I'm so sorry for your situation - I'd suggest posting this on the friends and familyl of alcoholics section there are a lot of very wise women there who can give you good advice. My advice to you would be to look up al-anon meetings in the phone book/ on google and get yourself to a meeting - you are the priority here not your using son and husband. You need to put yourself FIRST heal yourself, get some fellowship and strength and guidance, focus, freedom and choices...al anon and the 12 steps can give you this. Focus on YOU. gOOD LUCK! CATHY31 X __________________ Sober since 22nd March 2006 by the Grace of God and the Programs & Fellowship of AA and NA Life is Beautiful! Fake it til you make it...

03-24-2008, 10:09 AM	#3 (permalink)
Tazman53 Follow Directions! Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Fredericksburg, Va. Posts: 9,745	I will second everything that Cathy said and wish you the best. __________________ All BB quotes are from the First Edition of the BB Follow directions! Sobriety date 18 Sept. 2006 Sober today thanks to AA

03-24-2008, 10:40 AM	#4 (permalink)
CarolD Forum Leader Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Serene In Dixie Posts: 34,835	Hello.... I see you have posted in our Forum Friends & Family of Alcoholics That is the best Forum to use while you are sorting out this situation. Blessings to you and your family __________________ Each Day Sober Is A Victory!! Joy In AA Recovery!

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03-24-2008, 05:07 PM	#5 (permalink)
Tommyh Member Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: N.C. Posts: 18,400	hi Sam you`re in a rought situation I noticed you said "I get physical and verbal abuse from a husband" I believe that means he is beating you.If he is, go see the Law and take papers out on him and have his butt thrown out of the house,and get a restraining order and you stick with it untill he gets sober.No man or woman has to take physical abuse.Stick with it.If you want things to get better,you have to take some action to stop the physical abuse before he kills you.

03-24-2008, 05:26 PM	#6 (permalink)
lostgirl89 Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Rogue Valley Posts: 65 Blog Entries: 28	No house, or any "material" item is worth risking your health and wellbeing for...you do not deserve (nor does anyone) to be yelled at, touched, or blamed for anything wrong in someone elses life even if it is the person you " share your house with"...Losing your house is nothing compared to losing your life. sounds like you're not really living currently...Im not here to give advice....just support...and you deserve to be treated like an equal human... Stay Strong..and most of all Hold your Head up HIGH!!!

03-25-2008, 04:23 AM	#7 (permalink)
Signal30 Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 983	The physical and mental abuse is unacceptable. The police must be called. They are both spiritually, mentally , and physically sick. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and the physical abuse will progress also. Priorities are a must. Alcoholism is no excuse for domestic violence. Their alcohol is more important than everything right now including you. In order for their to be change, you are going to have to set the change, no matter how drastic it may seem. I pray for you all. Tom

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