An Epiphany for a blockhead...

[KaiK]

Well, this is what happened.... Time and time again I thought I had hit rock bottom. Luckily, (but now I'm thinking not so much) my family was always there to bail me out. But lying my head down to go to sleep 2 nights ago, I FIANALLY realized what my rock bottom is: that I'm 36 years old and living with my parents; I have no transportation of my own; I have no job (I was an RN, but I lost my license due to this disease); I have absolutely NOTHING to call my own; I have no friends... Basically, because of my disease, I have lost everything I hold dear, and have been blind to the "have nots" in my life because I was focusing pretty much solely on the alcohol and not the inner conflicts. I am a 36 year old "little girl," so dependent on my family that I have to learn to function in society all over again. I have been in ond out of the rooms for the past 6 1/2 years, having only once really tried to work the steps... But now I am waiting on a bed in a treatment center, (yet AGAIN) and with a slowly clearing head, I finally see the utter chaos I have created. I finally TRULY see the "tornado roaring through the lives" of everyone I love that I have become. And this site has been part of helping me open my eyes.

Thanks...

Kai

[Cathy31]

Thanks for sharing - and welcome!! You're still so young to totally turn your life around - my sister was your age - and in what sounds like precisely your position when she did the same through NA and well it's staggering how her life has changed. My life has also been transformed. Willingness is key. There is a chair waiting for you in AA...you will be welcomed with open arms. Sponsor, Steps, Service, Meetings, Higher Power : that's the recipe and you can do it!

Cathy31
x

[SF69]

Hi Kai!

It is amazing how alcohol can blur our views when it comes to looking at the big picture of our lives. I'm glad to see that things have cleared enough for you to get a good look. Good luck with your treatment program, and keep posting!

[Music]

Originally Posted by KaiK

I FIANALLY realized what my rock bottom is: that I'm 36 years old and living with my parents;

I wonder if your parents have hit bottom yet!

[FightingIrish]

I am 36 1/2 and got sober just 6 months ago. I'm on Step Eight.

[Barto]

Originally Posted by Music

I wonder if your parents have hit bottom yet!

Now, that’s funny. :rof Are you a closet alanon Music?

:sorry

[KaiK]

Music, my parents have been bouncing on that bottom for as long as I've been out there ( and back in, and back out...) That's why I no longer have transportation--so that I won't be able to go and buy anything to drink or get behind the wheel if I have been drinking... I live in a rural community, so believe me, I won't traipse up the road 7 miles to the nearest store... But you know how we work--somehow we always find a way to get drunk. Thankfully, I'm now finding a way to keep sober. The thing is, once I'm out of treatment and in the sober living arrangement I'm working toward...well, let's just say that that's where my track record becomes a bit rocky. Isn't it funny--every suggestion that I refused to follow along the way has come to pass in my life thus far whether I've wanted it to or not... I know now that God has been making a way for me anyway.

[sailorjohn]

Hey, I can relate. After I had been sober several weeks it struck me that it was so obvious now, why couldn't I see it before. Congratulations, you've won the lottery!

[CarolD]

Welcome to our comunity ...

[LosingmyMisery]

Thank goodness for that moment of clarity. Once you recognize things for what they are, you can begin to repair, heal, and move forward. It can be done. I began rebuilding my life at age 43 years. I have made great headway, but have a ways to go. I welcome the opportunity. Good luck!

[Barto]

Welcome Kaik. Music’s post had me laughing and distracted me so much that I forgot to say welcome!

[RufusACanal]

Welcome Kiak,

You are not unique...we too have been there and found freedom from pain and suffering. Take the bed at the treatment center and start thinking of freedom from Alcohol, start believing that a new life is available to you. Rest, get healthy and return to the world to start your new life. Alot of living for a 36 year old left, tons of adventure and hope. Time to get to work and make those life changing decisions. Time to regain life. I look forward to your posts when time permits you. Ron

[Zoobear]

So begins the greatest adventure of your life.
Welcome home.

[Tazman53]

Welcome to SR KaiK, willingness will be crucial in this walk to sobriety, I had to be willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober, many of those things I did not want to do or face, but I had to or die.

This is not a pick or choose type of deal, this is a life or death matter, alcoholism kills far more people then people who recover from it.

Just be willing to do what ever it takes and you will do okay, parts of the process will not be easy, but the more willing you are, the longer your sober and working on changing yourself through the steps, the better things will get.