stupid to get sober young?

[bob_sapp]

Is this even possible? In my darkest moments I have asked myself why I ever got sober. Simply enough, drugs and alcohol didn't work for me. I decided to surrender. I think when addiction is concerned, there is no middle ground. Is there anything between sobriety and being an unhappy drunk/user? Sometimes I felt like I had a taste of it, but I could never get it like the people I wanted to be like. I don't think I ever will. Especially now.

When I was a year or so sober(age 23), a guy who was good friends with my sponsor told me "No offense... but you've gotta be stupid to get sober before you're 35." I couldn't believe that someone with over 20 years sober, who was respected and was kind of the "alpha male" of his group of friends would say this to me. The guy is dead now, and he said this to me over a year ago, but it still bothers me from time to time. Did he have anything I want? Hell no. It is people like him who make me want to stay sober because I never, ever, ever want to be 20 years sober and saying spirit-crushing things like that to someone new to sobriety.

I don't want to look back one day and think that the only reason I got sober is because my liver was failing, and I had conned and back stabbed every single person I could in the world, and finally had nowhere to hide. I don't want to be one of those lonely guys in their 50's who is sober, but hates life and spends his free time gambling, smoking, and watching sports.

I hope god has a plan for me and some grand plan for why I am not dead or going through life numb, drinking and drugging away my problems. Until then, all I can do is work my steps, pray, seek out good fellowship, and get by ODAAT.

After writing all this, it sounds like a dumb question to which I already know the answer, just thought I would share---please don't flame.

[Freedom1990]

Good grief, I certainly won't flame you, and don't know why anyone would!

I am so sorry for what that fellow who was 20+ years sober said to you. I can't say I've ever heard that one before.

I don't know what 'young' is considered, but I was 28 when I entered rehab and found recovery.

You ask if there is anything between sobriety and being an unhappy drunk/user?

I consider myself sober, and with a reasonable amount of happiness

Today I am able to live my life on life's terms, and feel good about who I am.

It took time and a lot of hard work, on a daily basis.

Sure, I've had some rough times in recovery, but nothing compared to how bad it got before I found recovery.

I'm comfortable in my own skin, and that is such a gift for me because I suffered from that feeling of being 'different' for most of my life

[best]

stupid to get sober young?


No wait till you are about 50 years old if you survive that long from keep using and abusing alcohol. By then you can be sure to have lost everything and just about completly distroyed your whole life.


Of course it is so much better to get sober sooner. What does continueing to drink gain you? Just more troubles.

I was about 23 years old when I first started to put the beers down and say no more. What I missed out on at such a young age while drinking... I would have missed out on so much more if I continued.
Something as simple as not seeing or remembering my first born son's first steps or remember his first words spoken. Doesn't seem like much till later when you realize what you missed out on. Those were but two things.
A night or two in jail... I could have done better things with that time as well. Bail money? Sure could have used that for other things also.
The negatives of continued drinking vs.... are there any positives?

[best]

Originally Posted by bob_sapp

The guy is dead now,

I think he answered the question for you in the best way he knew how.

[findingout]

What an odd thing to say to another person in recovery...

As somebody who just turned 46 and didn't get sober until I turned 40, I sometimes think I was stupid to wait that long to find recovery and the life I've had after I found it. I mean it was there the whole 25 years I drank and used drugs. I'd say you are very fortunate to have started early.

[bob_sapp]

Originally Posted by best

The negatives of continued drinking vs.... are there any positives?

I don't know that there are. Maybe people go back because they want to answer that question, or the "positives" are just temptation to go back taking the form of an illusion. The people I know who go back usually don't want to keep in contact with anyone in AA, so I can't really ask them. The few I do still speak to don't talk about any "positives of going back," they just couldn't take being sober. Maybe they just continued drinking because they are addicted, and anything else is just a BS excuse. For me, if I try and think of why I need to go back drinking, addiction is the only reason why. Every other reason seems like a lie. I would hate to relapse only to realize that I was in denial and believed my own bull$hit to justify why I did it.

[Rob B]

Bob, are you working with anyone, how many guys do you sponsor, where are your commitments, it is getting involved in this kind of stuff, that "life began to take on new meaning for me"

As for the guy's comment about waiting until you were 35 to stop, absolute crap, don't attach to it, it's not true.

One last thought, The Big Book describes the program of recovery as a solution for folks who to quote Dr. Bob "truly want to quit drinking liquor for good and all" Nowhere does it say, we just don't drink, one day at a time, that saying is a referrence to the instructions on living in the realm of the spirit.

So I ask you,Are you done for good and all? If so, commit and continue to move your feet, that's where my recovery is, my feet, not my head.

[bob_sapp]

Originally Posted by Rob B

Bob, are you working with anyone, how many guys do you sponsor, where are your commitments, it is getting involved in this kind of stuff, that "life began to take on new meaning for me"

As for the guy's comment about waiting until you were 35 to stop, absolute crap, don't attach to it, it's not true.

One last thought, The Big Book describes the program of recovery as a solution for folks who to quote Dr. Bob "truly want to quit drinking liquor for good and all" Nowhere does it say, we just don't drink, one day at a time, that saying is a referrence to the instructions on living in the realm of the spirit.

So I ask you,Are you done for good and all? If so, commit and continue to move your feet, that's where my recovery is, my feet, not my head.

No I don't sponsor anyone... though I do hang out with new people to try and give my support and anything else I have to offer. I do some service work through my home group, but I have come to really resent my meeting. I honestly don't want anything to do with it at the moment, but I feel trapped there. I struggle with my "feet." Lately I have been able to get my head in better shape and nail down a few steps that I have struggled with--- this helps immensely but I am not sure where I go from here. Yes I want to be done with alcohol. The real reason I quit drinking was to solve my other problems in life(85%), and keep them from getting worse. What is directly caused by or related to alcohol and what isn't is a big blur to me. I don't think I will ever know the real answer. All I know is I spent 7 years in a blackout of drugs, drinking, and a misery even worse than what I knew before it. I know I am done in my head(logically), but my heart (emotions) and my body aren't always keeping pace (if that makes any sense).

[Rob B]

Sounds like you have made a decision regarding drinking.Good deal. is it possible for you to leave your homegroup, start a new meeting?

Sounds like you are familiar with the mechanics of step work and would be able to sponsor some of the new guys, step up and do it, God knows we need more people carrying the message and taking folks through the work.Have you written a recent inventory regarding your resentment with your homegroup? this may bring some things to light.

[bob_sapp]

Originally Posted by Rob B

Sounds like you have made a decision regarding drinking.Good deal. is it possible for you to leave your homegroup, start a new meeting?

Sounds like you are familiar with the mechanics of step work and would be able to sponsor some of the new guys, step up and do it, God knows we need more people carrying the message and taking folks through the work.Have you written a recent inventory regarding your resentment with your homegroup? this may bring some things to light.

I can leave my homegroup and find another, which I am not averse to... the problem is it's on saturday night, and if I don't want to sit at home or go to the meeting, I have to find something to do without booze involved. I can't just rely on meetings for a social life... it feels really pathetic especially when I drive by a bar on the way home and see people my own age seemingly having a great time(not to mention there's actually women...).

I'm going to do another (my 2nd) step 4/5 this month, I'll throw my group on there when I do it.

[Rob B]

Read pages 100-101 in the BB, See where you are at. If you are spiritually fit, go out, play, have fun. You didn't sign up for a life of boredom and misery. Do you like live music? I love it and play a bit of guitar myself. I go to bars and clubs a lot to see shows, when I got sober, people told me I could never again do these things...well, I am doing them and it's a real good time.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

takes what it takes

sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly

I admire people that get it while they're young.

It just got so progressively bad for me at the last.

[Tazman53]

Bob I can not imagine an OLD old timer saying something like that, but I am sure some do.

I was 52 when I sobered up, one reason I think it took me so long is drugs were not a part of my story except in HS.

I really missed out on my older kids growing up and the early years of my younger kids. I lost so much that I can never have, but today I have a beautiful relationship with all of my kids and grandkids. I have made my amends to them and have been more then forgiven, they all told me that my getting and staying sober is all the atonement they will ever need from me. They are happy that my grandchildren will have a sober grandfather. My grandchildren are my salvation, they are the generation of my family that will carry no scars from my drinking, my children by the grace of God are well adjusted and doing well.......... no real thanks to me.

If only I had seen where I was going when I was in my 20's!!! Ah but alas that was yesterday, not to be forgotten, but never to eat me alive, just to learn from. I wish I had been able to find a bottom 20-30 years before I did, but that was not my story, one thing I will never do is tell someone of any age they are not ready for recovery.

[Teresantoinette]

Bob, I am so, so sorry that you had someone say such a god-awful thing to you. What crap! Seriously, I am 23 also and sober and I cannot tell you how many people have patted me on the back, and given me praise for realizing that I had a problem at such a young age. Same goes for you! You sound very smart and I can tell that you've got a great head on your shoulders. So to answer your question: NO. It is NOT stupid to get sober at a young age. I mean, if anything you are smarter because of it.

Best wishes to you,
Teresa

[barb dwyer]

bob ...
don't want to take anything away from ya hon ...
but I went to a ten year party last year ....
for a good GOOD friend.

she's 25.

[Tazman53]

Did I mention that we had a 15 year old pick up 6 months Tuesday night? I remember when he first came in, he looked like hell and his life was hell, he was grinning from ear to ear!!!!

[Emimily]

bob,

i'm with teresa. i'm 23, and i got sober at 21. i remember asking my mom if she thought i got off the train too soon, if i should've tried to hang on a little bit longer. she said the longer i had tried to hang on, the more i'd be risking my life, so no... i got off just when i was supposed to.

i'm blessed, i have a rockin young people's scene here and most of the oldtimers i know love us. the other thing, if your story is anything like mine (which it probably is) than you've lost friends to drugs and alcohol. i don't want to go out that way, and i know i will if i pick up. i know myself well enough to know that i will not go back to AA should i decide i can drink again. so, it's a one shot deal for me. at least i'm taking it, for today.

um... what else was i gonna say? oh yeah! that oldtimer, who made the comment, is just a shining example of some of us being sicker than others no matter how much time they've got. what a jackass thing to say, really... but - you're sober, and a good guy, and you have your whole life ahead of you. maybe he was just taking his resentments at not getting sober when he was young and good looking out on you, who knows.

either way, I'M glad you're sober. take good care.

[RufusACanal]

Bob,

I got sober for the first time at 20. That was 31 years ago. Would you like to know more of the pain and suffering that I inflicted on others and myself? PM me sometime if you want to.

Ron

[Tazman53]

You know I wish I had been able to pose this question.............. I was a bit pig headed, it only took me 4o years of drinking to finally figure out that I had to quit and my way of quitting did not work!!!!

I was 52 when I actually began to live life, God do I wish I had seen the light in my youth!

[123bubblegum123]

ok i know this post is wayyyyyyyyyyy old but if you were 23 and that was 'young'..i'm 18 and getting sober. and i'm in college. it's hell and i'm completely struggling with sobriety. it feels totally pointless most of the time..

[Cathy31]

I would have had a so much happier college life had I been in AA - drinking never GAVE me anything (except from the welcome numbness) it just took and took and took...I got sober at 33.

Cathy31
x

[Cathy31]

I would have had a so much happier college life had I been in AA - drinking never GAVE me anything (except from the welcome numbness) it just took and took and took...I got sober at 33.

Cathy31
x

[Tazman53]

Welcome bubblegum, at 18 and being in college I can imagine the peer pressure from some folks is pretty hard, but putting the peer pressure aside if you are struggling now I can attest that the longer one drinks the harder the struggle is to stop and stay stopped. I quit for a year and a half when I was 24, it was very hard, but I did it. Well when I started drinking again it was as if I had never stopped and it steadily got worse!

When I was in my 40's I wanted to quit drinking/control my drinking bad, at times I was able to stay stopped for up to a week, but I would get anxious, irratable, & discontent, I would wind up drinking again before I went crazy!!! Well one day I crossed a line, a line I could not see.... I reached the point where I had to drink every day, there was no longer a choice..... I had to drink every day to just feel normal.

When I was 52 alcohol totally owned me, I was broken, I knew I had to quit or die.... but I could not quit!!! I went to a doctor who put me into detox, from detox I went to AA, those first months were really hard at times, other times it was okay, but I struggled at times.

We have quite a few young people in the rooms in my area, one young man came into AA when he was 15, he struggled and relapsed for quite a while, he is 17 now and just picked up one year.

I can assure you that you are not the only one on your campus in AA, call the AA hotline and see if they do not have at least one meeting right there on campus. We have a university in Fredericksburg and we have a lot of students in our rooms, we have a young lady with over 3 years sober and she is only 19..... You are not alone, find some other students who are staying sober one day at a time and hang with them.

[odaat]

I came in to AA when I was 19. At first, I did have a bit resentment towards older people, that they had more drinking time than me! I have to remind myself that actually, I didn't want any more drinking time, I had more than enough.

That said, I think I've gone a bit too far the other way. In my homegroup, I don't get the opportunity to spend time with many newcomers. I'm still the 'newbie'. Most of my friends are 20+ years sober, and all 50+ years old.

[splendra]

Oh God how I wish I had not wasted my youth on getting drunk and high. Please find a way to save yourself((((((bubblegum))))))) I know you will not regret it.