Don't feel Right today

[LegalLady]

Well today is day 11 or 12 or something. I don't know. I met with my sponsor this morning after a meeting. I'm seeing her tonight at another meeting. Its her 18th Birthday.

Anyway, I don't feel right today. We went over the 1st step. I thought the first step was just admitting powerlessness over alcohol but its people places and things too. I'm gonna suck at that. I'm always worrying about people and places. She said we would work on it and not to worry. Now, I'm just sick.

Anyway, I'm worried about my money and walking out of this stupid job and how stupid I was and. My head hurts today. She told me just not to drink and see her tonight at the meeting. I feel stupid now. I thought it was just powerless over alcohol. Now I feel sick.
I'm stupid.
Anyone out here today.

[Ready 2 Rock]

Hey LL,

Congrats on your sober time! You are still early into sobriety and are experiencing some common effects of stopping. Emotions are going to roller coaster for a few days. They WILL go away. There will be more on that from others shortly, I'm sure.

Step one is admitting powerlessness over alcohol and life being unmanageable while you are drinking. My sponsor never mentioned people, places and things specifically. At this point, I would rest, drink lots of water and take baby steps. If something is going to cause stress -- please avoid it until you feel stronger.

We are cheering for you!

R2R

[RufusACanal]

Yes, Legal Lady. The early days are no picnic, but everyday I didn't drink was better than my best day drinking.

[nandm]

This may sound cliche' but it proved to be very true for me: Hang in there as it does get better as long as we don't drink we have the opportunity for positive changes in our lives.

[sugErspun]

LL

You feel exactly how you should feel right now. Your medicine has been taken away and you are venturing into areas that can make you feel uncomfortable.

Like I shared yesterday (maybe the day before) - step one made me feel very uncomfortable - I mean I am POWERLESS!! - there is NOTHING that I can do to make me feel better, fix my alcohlism, bandage the symptoms.

You are moving towards a miracle - the only advice I have is willingness (through action) and honesty. It's really simple but we alcoholics like drama.

Like I said - You are where you are supposed to be at < 2 weeks sober. Be kind to yourself, maybe a short prayer, or some quiet time.

All the best

~A

[BP44]

Thank God I was told early on that it didn't matter what I think or what I feel, that it mattered what I do. Because the truth of the matter is that feelings aren't facts. The beauty of the first step is that if done completely and thoroughly, it takes me to hopelessness. And that is a great place for an alcoholic to be, for step 2 brings us to hope. I spent years admitting I was an alcoholic, but I didn't really know what it fully meant to be alcoholic. It is when I accepted that I was alcoholic, that I had only two choices...die an alcoholic death or seek a spiritual remedy. Keep working with your sponsor.

[Freedom1990]

Your sponsor sounds like a wise lady.

All I remember of my first year was meetings, meetings, meetings, and 'don't drink'.

My brain was so screwed up that was about all I was capable of doing.

I still white-knuckled a lot in between meetings that first year.

My emotions were all over the place.

I'll never forget when I celebrated my one year birthday, and my sponsor told me 'Now the REAL work begins!'

What?????

I was p*ssed off that just going to meetings and not drinking weren't enough anymore!

It took that first year to even start to clear my brain and heal my body enough that I could really start digging into the program.

I haven't regretted sticking around and being very involved in my own recovery!

[mattcake79]

Off topic, but I had to point out that this really made me laugh:

Originally Posted by sugErspun

It's really simple but we alcoholics like drama.

Sooo true!! I'd been wondering why I felt so bored. After all, all I really have to do right now is sit here and not drink. I get it now: I equate simplicity with boredom. Thanks for the insight sugErspun

[RufusACanal]

Keep coming back, it does get better!

[Music]

Originally Posted by LegalLady

Well today is day 11 or 12 or something. I don't know. I met with my sponsor this morning after a meeting. I'm seeing her tonight at another meeting. Its her 18th Birthday.

Anyway, I don't feel right today. We went over the 1st step. I thought the first step was just admitting powerlessness over alcohol but its people places and things too. I'm gonna suck at that. I'm always worrying about people and places. She said we would work on it and not to worry. Now, I'm just sick.

Anyway, I'm worried about my money and walking out of this stupid job and how stupid I was and. My head hurts today. She told me just not to drink and see her tonight at the meeting. I feel stupid now. I thought it was just powerless over alcohol. Now I feel sick.
I'm stupid.
Anyone out here today.

It's your sponsor's 18th birthday?? That's amazing! Hardly out of high school and sponsoring people...LOL!

Hey, don't feel bad. I thought I was in control of my drinking, people, places and things too. Hard lesson to learn and am still learning day to day, and I'm only 31.

Stupid is a good thing! You can take comfort in knowing that nobody's too stupid to get sober. Some are too smart to get sober, or just think they're too smart. They're the ones I call ALCONAUTS. They kind of orbit around AA and every once in a while, have a flaming re-entry. They waste time trying to find a way to prove AA wrong, or that they're different and AA is not relevant to their unique situation. I enjoy quizing these types about how often they threw up.

[LegalLady]

It was her AA 18 birthday. But that was funny. Yeah, I was I've been crying all day. I went to a meeting this morning. And talked to some people. I don't hang out with drinkers or go to drinking places. I worry about people and places and avoid them. So I'm just sick about it. and the meeting last night stunk and all this love stuff is getting on my nerves. I don't feel like drinking but I don't feel like listening so I keep forcingin myself to do this which makes me feel fake. Now I feel even dumber. But I keep balling like a baby.

[Music]

Originally Posted by LegalLady

It was her AA 18 birthday. But that was funny. Yeah, I was I've been crying all day. I went to a meeting this morning. And talked to some people. I don't hang out with drinkers or go to drinking places. I worry about people and places and avoid them. So I'm just sick about it. and the meeting last night stunk and all this love stuff is getting on my nerves. I don't feel like drinking but I don't feel like listening so I keep forcingin myself to do this which makes me feel fake. Now I feel even dumber. But I keep balling like a baby.

CONFUSION!! YES!! That's how it works!! Go ahead and feel all those things, but share your thoughts and feelings with those other dummies. I've never met anyone who came into AA with all their sh*t in one sock. That's why we're here, is 'cause we ain't all there. It's time for you to stop feeling unique, one of a kind, alone and bewildered. We're all in the same boat, but that's why you have a sponsor. If you come out of a meeting thinking it stunk, ask yourself what you gave to the meeting to keep it from stinking. Did you go up to someone who looks like you feel and give them a hug? I'll guarantee you that if you hug someone or shake a hand, or sit down and share with someone before the meeting, it won't stink.

[LegalLady]

No one ever looks sad at the meetings. Most of the time its mostly men. So they all just look like men. I don't know. There aren't alot of all women's meetings EVERYDAY you know. I got to one every Tuesday. I just feel stupid. But I haven't drank. So my sponsor says that's good for now and keep calling and going to meetings. I just feel fake. She just says to listen. I didn't like the meeting last night cause I ran into a guy from the past meetings who was kinda a jerk to me. I didnt' want to tell my sponsor cause I didn't want to pass judbment. You know they talk alot about that too. I just want to shut up and listen but I keep hearing a bunch of stuff and my mind is all mushed up and all over the place. I do tell everybody that. I cry a lot.

[Latte]

Someone once told me that I could start my day over any time.

I say this to my girls all the time and it really helps us.

[Music]

Originally Posted by LegalLady

No one ever looks sad at the meetings. Most of the time its mostly men. So they all just look like men. I don't know. There aren't alot of all women's meetings EVERYDAY you know. I got to one every Tuesday. I just feel stupid. But I haven't drank. So my sponsor says that's good for now and keep calling and going to meetings. I just feel fake. She just says to listen. I didn't like the meeting last night cause I ran into a guy from the past meetings who was kinda a jerk to me. I didnt' want to tell my sponsor cause I didn't want to pass judbment. You know they talk alot about that too. I just want to shut up and listen but I keep hearing a bunch of stuff and my mind is all mushed up and all over the place. I do tell everybody that. I cry a lot.

Just listen to your sponsor. You'll be fine. Don't drink, even if your butt falls off.

[collinsmi]

I just want to shut up and listen but I keep hearing a bunch of stuff and my mind is all mushed up and all over the place. I do tell everybody that. I cry a lot.

I think if you give it time things will even out a bit. Maybe not the same thing, but I remember my whole life seemed in constant upheaval that first year. Things (or more accurately my perceptions of them) did calm down eventually.

[Tazman53]

So they all just look like men.

Hey I resemble that remark!!!!!! LOL I can't help it!!!

LL trust me I felt like I was a fake to, I was fricking miserable and all these people smiling and laughing!!!! God I hated them, how the heck could they be so stinking happy when I was so miserable?

Slowly as I went to more meetings and stayed sober longer and listened a LOT to both people at the meetings and my sponsor I found myself laughing and joking around with them.

I had about 2-3 months sober and had shown up to this one meeting about 15-20 minutes early, I was sitting on a bench watching for someone I knew to come in and I suddenly became aware of an odd feeling........ I sat there for a few minutes and then it dawned on me!!!! I was smiling!!!! No real reason, but I was smiling!!!! I had not smiled for no real reason in 30 years! I had turned a corner.

LL stupid, yep I felt that way a lot, I had no idea how those people got the way they were. Fake, you bet I felt fake, here I was sober physically yet I felt like a fake because I did not know what real sobriety was and had no idea what I was or who I was......... sober!!!!

I have learned that the real fake was me when I was drinking, thanks to staying sober and working the steps I have found the real me, the sober me!!! And the sober me is a pretty good guy, I like him.