Relapse

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Many times this subject is brought up on here and at meetings

Knock on wood, I haven't ever relapsed but, might be encouraging to the people on here if, someone would share their ESH with posters that, they can go onto long term sobriety after a slip.

Seems like, every day someone will post they had a slip.

Anyone on here care to share what they did to avoid letting it happen again?

[Kasey]

I don't know, I fall on my face when I slip.

[miss communicat]

hmmmmmmm

Being sober is my gift from God and I choose to give it back daily. I think of slips and relapses in a context of being the end of where I have choice vs no choice.

Up until I choose whether or not to go out and drink, I still have choices.

Once I do (IF I do) go out, and choose to drink, I lose all choice over the oiutcomes and I know without a doubt that I will end up in a downward trajectory. Fast. And I will take others with me.

So, I add to the fact that today I am gifted and truly blessed to have choices, I am also given responsibility for choosing wisely.

Somehow, don't ask me why, this is enough to give me daily momentum in sobriety.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Originally Posted by Kasey

I don't know, I fall on my face when I slip.

Some slip into an early grave!!

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Do you give any thought to a relapse being premeditated?

[barb dwyer]

I first came into the rooms of AA six ? seven years ago.. folowing a three week blackout after the death of my boyfriend. I had, however, grown up around the program, as my sister and various and sundry family members came in and aout of the program while I was growing up.

When it came time for me to do the thrid step .. I just could NOT do it.

I was far too angry at God.

So I went back out.

I felt at the time it was my only choice.
I thought I could handle it. On my own.
Without God.

Five (six?) years later ... I came back to Alcoholics anonymous.
Broken completely.
Shattered.
Legally ... dead.
With nothing ... NOTHING left to lose.

To me, that's the different between a relapse and a slip.

The Presence of ... or the Absence of ... The Infinite.

Some people can no more control that one drink than I can that one cigarette,
or that one Quarter pounder with cheeze or that Dove bar during PMS week.

Who am I to challenge whether they could have white knuckled that one thing?

I couldn't white knuckle the 'urge' that overpowered me at the time.
But with that one thing - it stopped.

With a 'one drink' ... I know - I KNOW ....
it won't stop.

Not this time.
Not for me.

There will be only the final stop for me.

Knowing it that way -
helps me not to pick up that one drink.
That one ONE compulsion .. has sucessfully been removed.

I'm working on the others.
Through the Grace of God ..
I'll get there.
Doesn't mean I can stop being vigilant - I can't.
It only means ONLY MEANS ...
I know I have help.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

Do you think,

a person needs to hit his or her bottom first?

That being said, everyone has a different bottom.

[SF69]

Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000

Do you give any thought to a relapse being premeditated?

If anybody has experience with this, please let me know. Right now, I've been doing well, few short duration urges here and there (though, had a big one when I saw a Coors Light billboard while waiting for the train to go home after work. I don't even like Coors Light).

But I'm so worried about having a slip, that I fear that I'll worry myself into a slip...if that makes sense?

[barb dwyer]

SF yes it does (make sense) and I think it can ... if you cannot make yoursefl utilize your support ... do you have a suport system/group? Person?

And ,,, this is where we learn to trust .. a Power Greater than ouselves.


Zing - these are GOOD questions .. good show!

All I know is - I had to hit mine.

Twice.

[Astro]

Originally Posted by SF69

But I'm so worried about having a slip, that I fear that I'll worry myself into a slip...if that makes sense?

Makes perfect sense to me, I have that fear too, and it seems like a pretty healthy fear to have.

So far a slip or relapse isn't part of my story. I don't even consider that as an option. So if that simple fear works for me, I'll keep using it along with an active AA program to stay sober.

Good topic, thank you!

[CAPTAINZING2000]

I admire the younger people coming in here .

Alcohol kicked my butt from an early start of my drinking career. I still never gave it a thought as a problem.

At least, being older, I don't have the temptation as bad to go back out as the younger person in AA that has people wanting you to go out to the bars etc.

All we can do is, give them advice as to where they're headed if, they're already having problems with drinking now!1

[bugsworth]

Captain,

I thank God I didn't hit my bottom, my soul was crushed but my "life" was still intact. Financially I was stable, still had my job, still had my husband and children.
I had minimal damage to the liver, kidneys, and brain. Nothing that was not repairable.

For me, still having somethings left to lose made me more motivated to recover, so that I don't lose it all.

Hope that makes sense.

[trooper913]

Makes a ton of sense bugsy.......I often think about how my boys would feel if they got the news....I know the answer... They would be ruined.... My wife...? Bless her soul....Just coming off of a very early relapse I can tell you that it was little thoughts here and there and then it was the routine of driving home and knowing the liquor store was right here. Fork in the road...I took the wrong turn.. But, I also tend to think I know it all.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

I go to a rehab on Friday nites

I heard half of them saying they don't know if, they hit their bottom yet.

I had to shake my head, this wasn't celebrity rehab here

crazy !!!

[Astro]

Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000

I heard half of them saying they don't know if, they hit their bottom yet.

DUI's and arrests aren't part of my story either. But the mental abuse I piled on my ex, the physical abuse towards my children, and the other wreckage is the only bottom I need. I'm grateful my HP stopped me before it got any worse.

[bugsworth]

LOL trooper..

One of the things I did early in recovery was to totally change my driving route. I use to stop at one of three liquor stores on my way home from work...you know...so no one knew I had a problem...lol Now I pass none. I go thru a housing development to avoid that last one...Do I need to anymore? NO... I pass liquor stores all the time. I just have gotten use to my new drive... a creature of habit.

Funny you called me bugsy...thats what I call my dog...lol she is as cute as a bug!!! lol

[SF69]

Barb & Astro, thanks for letting me know I'm not completely crazy.

I guess I worry because I had a fairly 'high bottom', and that in time I'll forget the pain/distress feeling that made me want to quit.

And Barb, I'm starting to get a support group. I've been going to AA meeting, usually 4 a week, for the last month. I'm finally getting to know a few people and get numbers (it takes me awhile to get comfortable with new people...especially without booze).

[CAPTAINZING2000]

crazy is continue drinking and expect the results to be different

[scaredykat]

This is a good topic. I would like to share with everyone what I wrote my 1st week sober.

MY Last Relapse
This is what happened. On Dec 31, 2007 I just lost my mind. I had a 100 days and I didn’t care. I just wanted to get high on pot (all though I didn’t have any) and get drunk. I wasn’t thinking about telling anyone or going to a meeting or even praying. I just wanted to give up. It’s what I do best anyway. So why not.
That afternoon I got out my pot pipe and cleaned out the little resin that was left in there since I had no weed. I did get a little buzz off of it. It felt good and I wanted more. That night I drank again. I think I had 3 or 4. I ended up drinking every day after that. I ended up being right back where I started. The whole insanity began again.
I wasn’t able to drink what I wanted on a daily basis. I couldn’t have any more then 4 a day or I wouldn’t be able to get up to give Tammy her shot. I had responsibility again and it was messing up my drinking. I started feeling angry, regret, and misery. I knew I didn’t want to be like this the rest of my life. I had no choice but to go back to AA. Drinking just didn’t work for me anymore. Period.
At first I was scared to death to tell anyone that I relapsed. What if no one respect me or supported me any more. I was petrified. So I kept drinking. I did tell my computer friends. It was easy to tell them because they can’t see me and don’t know me like the people here. I finally got the courage somehow and went back to AA and told my friends. I also got another white chip that night. Now I’m sober again and I’m grateful for another chance at life. One day at a time is all I have to do.


I just got my 30 day chip on Saturday at my home group and Tammy is no longer with me. I just put her down today. Amazingly, I did it sober with my HP help.

[Tommyh]

I came to aa in late july 1987 and untill early august 1988 I was sober a while,and then I would drink a while.In and out.I was not ready to take the steps.
I was not going to do some of those steps.Reservations I call it now.I thought I had better ways.I had to exhaust all my ways of trying to stay sober,or trying to enjoy and control my drinking before I gave up.I quit picking up white chips,I just attended some meetings.Then in late july 1988,my last 3 day binge.I sobered up some and thought about my life.A moment of clarity.I realized I was a hopeless case at drinking and living.A failure.I had no where to turn,but to aa.I wanted to quit for good,and I knew I could not do it on my own.I knew those aa`s was sober and happy.I made the descision I was coming back to aa and do those 12 steps if thats what it took for me to stay sober,and that is what it took.Been sober since 8/6/88
Staying sober was/is my 1st priority.No matter what,I am going to find a way to stay sober today.Any lenght.
If you get fed up with the drinking and the way you live,you`ll change your attitude.Untill then,keep drinking.
It took drinking to convince me I was a alcoholic.No human power convinced me.If you are not convinced you are a alcoholic and want help enought to do the 12 steps,drink on.

[Tazman53]

Thanks to all who have shared thier relapse so far, I have not relapsed since I came into AA and hearing shares like you alls helps me to look for the waring signs.

[29a]

I relapsed after 6 months of sobriety. I don't think I can pinpoint what one thing caused the relapse because I don't feel it was any one thing. Several pieces of my AA puzzle were out of wack. If I had to say it would be because I had not taken the 1st step completely and I was to afraid to take the 4th step at all.
My wife left me shortly before I made it to aa, I had wrecked my car and our marriage. I was dead inside and alone. My friends were gone and my family had written me off. That was my bottom. I went to AA because I wanted to stop hurting, but also in the back of my manipulative mind, I figured I would get my wife back as a result.
My life had got really good, really quickly.Within 4 months of getting sober, I was offered a job making twice as much money as I have ever made, my wife had returned etc. It was like "i had arrived" in sobriety.
I started wondering if I hadn't just been in a bad place before. I did not give credit for my blessings to god, where they belonged, instead I thought that I had done it. I had gotten this job, I had earned getting my wife back, I had kept myself sober.
My ego had returned. I stopped praying, fear crept back into my life and I found my self afraid of going to meetings, afraid of the people mainly. I was a timebomb waiting to go off. All it took was one fight with my wife and off I went. I drank at her.
I stayed drunk and took all the substances I could get my hands on. 3 weeks in I had a moment of clarity, I was driving down the highway doing 70 with an open bottle of seagrams 7 between my legs, drunk as f@#ck, and again dead inside.
The next day I woke up and new I was done. I was going back to aa, I hadn't lost anything YET this time, but I new the AA way was what I wanted. I wanted the peace of mind I had gotten back. And this time, it was not conditional, it wasn't about getting someone back, it was for me.
I picked up a white chip that night, 2 in fact at 2 different meetings. Jumped right into the steps. Did everything that was suggested. I took service commitments, I worked through the steps as quickly and as thoroughly as I could. I can honestly say I did my best with each step. Were they perfect? Hell no, but neither am I. I became engulfed in AA.
The obsession was lifted by the grace of god. I now focus on helping others and growing closer to god. I remind myself dayly of what happens when I drink. I know for certain I can never drink again.
In many ways my relapse was the best thing that ever happened to my program. Now I was doing it solely for myself and I was doing it to the best of my ability. God has seen it in his will to give me more blessings than I ever could have imagined. first and foremost peace. My brain is no longer riddled with a chorus of a thousand screaming voices

I don't know if this has helped anyone, but it has been incredibly cathartic for me, thank you for the opportunity to share this.

[CAPTAINZING2000]

We define a slip as
S- sobriety
L- losing
I- it's
P- priority


Are thinking is skewed coming into AA we tend to stay in the problem instead of focusing on the solution . I'm having a bad, I don't like the way I feeel, drinking will provide relief etc.

When, faced with a bad day, say that Serenity Prayer over and over if, at work. Remember, this to shall pass.
Use that phone. Be a good idea getting numbers when, you can call as well. Don't take offense if, someone has their family out eating and can't give you feedback right then.
If, you can't get to a meeting, come on here and post what you feel. Every time I've gone to a meeting it's like a pardon my expression it's like a pi$$ing contest. No matter what kind of bad day I've just had, someone made mine look like a picnic in the park. This isn't to say what you feel rightthen isn't it bad, it's just a way for you to discover, you can get thru it.

[Tazman53]

I don't know if this has helped anyone, but it has been incredibly cathartic for me, thank you for the opportunity to share this.

Thanks to all!!!