Take what you want and leave the rest. Does it really work?

[nandm]

22

If we have carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of His Spirit into us.

Taking what we want from this program of action and leaving the rest will not bring about the spiritual awakening that we must experience if we are to overcome alcoholism. Picking and choosing those parts that are most appealing to us will not allow us to undergo the entire psychic change that results in our restoration to sanity. The authors give clear-cut directions (29:1) for us to follow if we desire to have victory over alcohol (76:19) and find a spiritual experience (79:5).

By admitting to ourselves the need for God, confessing our shortcomings, and attempting to clean up the wreckage of our past, we open ourselves to the entry of God. The abandonment of our old ways of thinking and acting creates a cavity in us that the Spirit quickly fills.

Excerpt from step study forum http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/step-study/

[jimhere]

I did that for years. The result was what it says, half measures got me nothing.

This little gem of a cliche is rooted in MOTR (middle-of-the-road) solution, meeting makers make it AA, which really isn't AA at all.

[miss communicat]

again, it bears clarification: the saying "take what you like and leave the rest" is not about the program of AA. Its about what comes out of people's mouths in meetings.

I definitely screen the applicants before taking in what I hear in meetings....

[best]

Take what you...NEED... and leave the rest.

The hard part was not knowing what I needed, so it became an issue of put my trust in what others have tried and see if the same would work for me.

Take what others have found to work and leave the rest.

I like that better.

[Rob B]

Take what you want and leave the rest. Does it really work?

My experience with this slogan is this:
It did not work when studying foreign languages.
It did not work in relationships.
It did not work with job descriptions.
It did not work with my physical therapist's suggestions
and.... it sure didn't work when combating the fatal disease of alcoholism.

[nandm]

Originally Posted by Rob B

Take what you want and leave the rest. Does it really work?

My experience with this slogan is this:
It did not work when studying foreign languages.
It did not work in relationships.
It did not work with job descriptions.
It did not work with my physical therapist's suggestions
and.... it sure didn't work when combating the fatal disease of alcoholism.

Well put.

[nandm]

I in agreement with the previous posters.

I do think that the problem with the saying is that like Ms Communicator said it probably originated in respect to listening to people share in meetings. In that respect I do tend to agree with it as there are people who share things that my experience in the program has shown me do not work, or they share about everything but alcoholism (basically utilize AA as a mental health therapy session). I do realize that everyone has something to contribute so I do listen even when I do not agree with what is being said. I have just learned that even though a person has stopped drinking it does not mean they are healthy.

But unfortunately, it is many times twisted to be work what parts of the program you feel like working and don't worry about the rest. The unfortunate result of such thought is the majority of the time this thoughts process leads to relapse and then the person believes the program of AA does not work when in fact they never did work the program.

[bob_sapp]

Originally Posted by miss communicat

again, it bears clarification: the saying "take what you like and leave the rest" is not about the program of AA. Its about what comes out of people's mouths in meetings.

True.

Originally Posted by Rob B

Take what you want and leave the rest. Does it really work?

My experience with this slogan is this:
It did not work when studying foreign languages.
It did not work in relationships.
It did not work with job descriptions.
It did not work with my physical therapist's suggestions
and.... it sure didn't work when combating the fatal disease of alcoholism.

Also very true.

[Tazman53]

again, it bears clarification: the saying "take what you like and leave the rest" is not about the program of AA. Its about what comes out of people's mouths in meetings.

I definitely screen the applicants before taking in what I hear in meetings....

That is exactly what my sponsor told me, he has also told me that if you can not find it in the book it is not program, it may however be a result of the program so always consider the source in a meeting.

Kind of goes hand in hand with the Some folks are sicker then others.

[mike_mass]

Take what I need and leave the rest? Yeah, I do it sometimes...it's called E.G.O. ... easing God out, buffet style.

[sugErspun]

Well,

I recently heard someone say " Before you drink, make sure to call someone"

I heard this at an AA meeting.

I had to leave it behind- I don't need it, I can't use it, not to mention it doesn't make a bit of sense to an alcoholic like me.

If I am gonna drink - why in the world would I call someone who doesn't??

There is a lot I hear in AA meeetings that I need to 'leave behind'. If it doesn't tie to the book, and it comes across as 'required or suggested' - then I tend to set it aside, or leave it all together.

[1cor13]

I give as freely as I can by staying active in service, attending meetings, making coffee, I help set up, speak when asked, chair, I stay after the meeting for clean up. Is there someone needing an ear or a kind word that I can approach after the meeting breaks? I work with others and I still get numbers as well as give them. I do my best to stay involved with my home group and I make it a point to attend this meeting every week.

When I do these things I tend not to get involved with anything that I may want to take with me like resentments. Service really helps me leave the stuff that I dont need, keeps me active. I drank for the majority of my life and because of it I've said a lot of sick stuff at meetings and sometimes I still do. Being of service helps keep it green and it helps keep the focus on me.

[frstnm]

Originally Posted by miss communicat

again, it bears clarification: the saying "take what you like and leave the rest" is not about the program of AA. Its about what comes out of people's mouths in meetings.

I definitely screen the applicants before taking in what I hear in meetings....

I agree.
Some are sicker than others and that includes me.
If I took in everything I hear at meetings I would be really really ill.
Nutz even !
jmho

[Sheryl85]

The following reflects my own personal opinion at this time. As a woman (and an alcoholic) I reserve the right to change my mind at any time.

I’ve been following this thread for awhile now and quite frankly, I’m not sure how to respond to that question. (“Take what you want and leave the rest. Does it really work?”) I have often taken something that someone has shared from their experience and incorporated it for the betterment of my program. There are other things said that I can’t use, so I don’t pick it up. It’s like walking up to a table that’s top is covered with tools. Some of these tools I can use while others I have no need for at that time. And I have to admit that I can’t always limit myself to just what is written in the big book. I know many hardcore Big Book thumpers (some of which are my nearest and dearest...) that say if it isn’t in there then you don’t need it. Well that’s pretty restrictive don’t you think? What about “How Bill Sees It?” There are some excerpts from personal letters in there that have been very beneficial to me. How about the Twelve & Twelve? (I’m glad it was around for Steps Six and Seven!) Need I list the Bible? Regardless of all that, I can tell you, if I hadn’t listened to my sponsor, taken her wisdon and tried what she did to bridge that gap between organized religion and spirituality I would have probably ended up like the Hebrew children wandering around in the wilderness for years! (Spiritually speaking…) But, I did take what she offered and used it to have that spiritual awakening I so desperately needed.

Okay, like I said before, not everything offered is used. There are some things coming out of some people’s mouth that is pure “he cow hockey” and most of the time I can spot it with no problem. I’ve also heard stuff I just didn’t agree with because it was one person’s interpretation of something. Logic would dictate that if each one of us is as individual as a snowflake, then it would mean that our life experience would be distinctive to us as well. You might interpret something one way due to your life’s experiences and I on the other hand see it in a whole different light based on my experiences.

Anyway, having said all that, I guess what I’m trying to say in my own personal philosophical way is God rewards honest efforts, not wishful thinking. If you are taking honest constructive action using the information and are getting positive results, then I guess it works, doesn’t it? But remember when all else fails, read the instructions….

Sign me as,
One of God’s special little snowflakes…

[nandm]

The original post was not clear that it was referrring to the Big Book rather than what we hear in meetings.

But this has been a good discussion and I have enjoyed reading everyone's responses thank you.

I do agree that as far as people go we have to filter what we hear with our experience and knowledge. Too many times what we hear in meetings is based on opinion rather than experience, or knowledge of the Big Book and steps.

I do feel though that to take what we want and leave the rest when utilizing the steps, prinicples, or the Big Book we are treading on thin ice. I see it in the same light as half measures avail us nothing. We have to work the program as a whole if we want to see true and lasting results.

I don't consider myself a hard core Big Book thumper but the more that I learn about the Book and the program the more that I realize how far many have strayed from the program as it is written. An example is the thought that it is a "program of suggestions", this idea is a thought that was twisted from the original "a suggested program." The difference being a program of suggestions leads one to believe they can "take what they want and leave the rest" in respect to the program. Whereas "a suggested program" is just that, if one wants to utilize this program as way to find sobriety then it is suggested that one work the program as it is written.

[Sheryl85]

Originally Posted by nandm

to take what we want and leave the rest when utilizing the steps, prinicples, or the Big Book we are treading on thin ice. I see it in the same light as half measures avail us nothing. We have to work the program as a whole if we want to see true and lasting results.

I couldn't agree more...

[Lily]

Take what I want & leave the rest to me would mean, come when I want to come, (don't commit to any meeting, work the steps when I "feel" like it and only work with my sponser when there is nothing else on TV. Oh, and read the BB only when I want to.)

I think wanting and doing are two different things entirely. We all need to do things in and for our recovery that we don't want to do. Right now I am getting out of my comfy chair in my comfy warm house, packing up my 4 year old and driving 12 miles in 3.6 degree weather to go to an AA meeting, cuz I have 27 days clean and sober and I don't want to blow it. :-D I also worked on my first step some more today! yay!

[1cor13]

Originally Posted by Sheila77

Take what I want & leave the rest to me would mean, come when I want to come, (don't commit to any meeting, work the steps when I "feel" like it and only work with my sponser when there is nothing else on TV. Oh, and read the BB only when I want to.)

I think wanting and doing are two different things entirely. We all need to do things in and for our recovery that we don't want to do. Right now I am getting out of my comfy chair in my comfy warm house, packing up my 4 year old and driving 12 miles in 3.6 degree weather to go to an AA meeting, cuz I have 27 days clean and sober and I don't want to blow it. :-D I also worked on my first step some more today! yay!

Sweet

[jimhere]

Have you ever noticed that the ones who are spewing "take what you like and leave the rest" in meetings are the ones who who either aren't staying sober or the ones who are years seperated from alcohol but are miserable?

One look around in the fellowship should answer the question of whether or not this philosophy works.

Here's another one that always baffled me: "Don't be judgemental but stick with the winners." What the hell is that supposed to mean?

[miss communicat]

Originally Posted by jimhere

"Don't be judgemental but stick with the winners." What the hell is that supposed to mean?

lol....if I stick with "the winners" in early early sobriety, I may pick up some of their e,s+ h. I guess a "winner" is someone whose quality of sobriety draws me and inspires me to peresevere in my own.

if I were to "stick only with the "winners" over time, I would not be available to lend my help to some great losers I have known and loved. and if I'd been judgemental about who is a loser and who is a winner, man. I'd be bereft and lonely, and totally useless.

ah well..another imperfect slogan.

[paulmh]

Take what you want and leave the rest....

cos you never know when you might need it.

[bob_sapp]

Originally Posted by miss communicat

lol....if I stick with "the winners" in early early sobriety, I may pick up some of their e,s+ h. I guess a "winner" is someone whose quality of sobriety draws me and inspires me to peresevere in my own.

if I were to "stick only with the "winners" over time, I would not be available to lend my help to some great losers I have known and loved. and if I'd been judgemental about who is a loser and who is a winner, man. I'd be bereft and lonely, and totally useless.

ah well..another imperfect slogan.

The slogan is true, it doesn't demand a black and white interpretation. I get a sponsor who has something I want, and I try and keep company that has sobriety that I want. This is just a matter of personal preference. Some people are newer in sobriety or struggling, and that's ok. At the same time I want to hang with people who just come to meetings because they say they need to, but are still drinking, and list off excuses of why AA sucks and they won't commit to sobriety. This just brings me down and makes me want to drink, the few people I know who fit this description I limit my time with or simply don't hang with. Usually if they are this bad they don't want much to do with the fellowship anyways.

[29a]

I'm a big fan of both slogans. take what you want and stick with the winners.

My sponsor prefixes every piece of advice with I suggest....
however I treat what he says as gospel because I trust him, he's a good man, and he's been sober a long time. however aa is a microcosm of the world and it's people. I will not like everyone in the world nor will I like everything they say. I'm sure not everyone likes me, even though as a grade A people pleaser, I would like them to. But anyway, take what I want allows me to get past the personalities and egos associated with all groups, including aa, in order to get to the solution. It keeps me from developing resentments against meetings or people in them. which means, no 10th steps for that (giggidy giggidy).
As far as stick for with the winners. I get my advice from those with quality sobriety and they are the ones I keep close. But that doesn't mean I don't spend time with the ones who are struggling or that I don't make myself available to them. It simply means I'm not gonna chose a slipper as a sponsor.

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by bob_sapp

The slogan is true, it doesn't demand a black and white interpretation. I get a sponsor who has something I want, and I try and keep company that has sobriety that I want. This is just a matter of personal preference. Some people are newer in sobriety or struggling, and that's ok. At the same time I want to hang with people who just come to meetings because they say they need to, but are still drinking, and list off excuses of why AA sucks and they won't commit to sobriety. This just brings me down and makes me want to drink, the few people I know who fit this description I limit my time with or simply don't hang with. Usually if they are this bad they don't want much to do with the fellowship anyways.

You can stay sick in AA as long as you want and you'll have plenty of company.

You can get well in AA and have lots of company too, just depends on who you want to hang with.

I do my basic Twelfth-Step work in two ways. I go to the de-tox to carry a message of hope to hopeless people. Sometimes I go to the first step halls for the same reason. But I don't hang out in those halls. I don't care how spiritually fit I am, eventually the toxic energy of those places will drag me down. So no, I don't choose to hang out in the halls of AA where everyone stays sick together. And if someone actually does get on the path and begins to wake up, the other ones try to drag them back into sickness because when you are awake, the ones who are asleep get uncomfortable. They don't want any one to get free. The book talks about going to some of the most sordid places on earth. Well, some of those places are AA halls. And it's not about are they clean or not. It's about is there any life there? At most of these places it is like Night of The Living Dead. Dead men walking. All that's missing is the tags on their toes and they don't even know it. I am currently sponsoring someone who spent twenty years dry in a place like that. Years of compulsive, sick sexual behavior, gambling, all sorts of bizarre behavior to the brink of being willing to committ suicide rather than drink again. "Cause you know it's about "Don't drink no matter what, even if your ass falls off." It is a pleasure watching this person wake up and begin to get well and see hope in their eyes. When I first started working with them, if you looked into the eyes, there was nothing there.

I choose to stick with the real winners, the ones who are doing more than not drinking no matter what. The ones who are living powerfully recovered lives. The ones that have taken responsibility for their lives, that are excited about life and living and loving.

I don't say what I say about the first group of people because I am better than them. I was once one of them and am not any more. I was told that not only do I not ever have to drink again, but that I can get well if I want to. So I know that if that can happen for me, it can happen for them. Sad thing is, most will not want to pay the price for freedom. So they settle for the dull ache of unconsciousness and hate the ones who get free.

If I am going to trust my life to someone, you can damn sure bet I am going to be judgemental.
Jim

[bballdad]

my first sponsor put it like this
keep studing the big book,and it will help you seperate the real thing from the BS