Disturbing AA Meeting Experience

[gravity]

I was having an incredible day today until I went to my AA meeting. Highly emotional shares, disturbing topics. I spoke about a man I had met from a war torn country and how I gained strength from what he had told me. In general, my share was very well received (people thanked me after) but one guy thought I was talking about him. In retrospect I said things I shouldn't have (truly unintentional). I did apologize and shake his hand afterward. He said it was his paranoid, alcoholic thinking (not too sure I believe that all is forgiven). I did talk to my sponsor and he told me not to worry about it. But here I am worrying about it (of course).

I guess I did learn a valuable lesson - be very careful of what I say especially in AA meetings, very raw emotions. Now I feel a bit wary of attending another meeting. I really don't like the thought of having enemies in AA and I feel like a bit of an a**hole for hurting someone's feelings. I'll get through this but any advice would be appreciated.

[ANGELINA243]

Don't worry about it. If he thought you were talking about him--but you weren't, then it was his misunderstanding. Now, let's just say that you were and did mention his name specifically--now that would be a whole different story. i don't know what was said in that meeting--but I know that you cannot please everyone all of the time--even in AA. Just stick to sharing your own experience, strength, hope with the group--and if all but one person has a problem with it---TOUGH! Don't let that be a reason to stop going to meetings.

[CarolD]

Yes...some members like what I share
some don't...most don't listen.

Just like here on SR!


No reason to quit either SR or my meetings.

Mega Gravity
Relax and let your recovery flow

[Spiritual Seeker]

"Take what you like and leave the rest"
Don't take it personal

[CAPTAINZING2000]

you made amend s for the misunderstanding. That's all you can do.

[barb dwyer]

hi gravity -

my own experience - not that *I* have *ever* said anything that upsset anyone, mind you - :rof

my OWN experience ... there *is* something bothering you about this.
So it's time to do a little 'inside check up'
(what was my REAL motivation -
was I trying to help or just be 'on top' that kind of thing)
is something you're not terribly comfortable with comes up -
perhaps try again to speak to that person. Preferrably to your sponsor first.
Or the group.

It's got to do with something ... not right with God, hon.

At least that's how it is with me.
If it's bugging me ... it's bugging me for a reason.
Something has affected my honesty within the group.
Within my Self.
And it's going to bug me until I find it out.


But I have to go within .. to find it first.

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by gravity

I was having an incredible day today until I went to my AA meeting. Highly emotional shares, disturbing topics. I spoke about a man I had met from a war torn country and how I gained strength from what he had told me. In general, my share was very well received (people thanked me after) but one guy thought I was talking about him. In retrospect I said things I shouldn't have (truly unintentional). I did apologize and shake his hand afterward. He said it was his paranoid, alcoholic thinking (not too sure I believe that all is forgiven). I did talk to my sponsor and he told me not to worry about it. But here I am worrying about it (of course).

I guess I did learn a valuable lesson - be very careful of what I say especially in AA meetings, very raw emotions. Now I feel a bit wary of attending another meeting. I really don't like the thought of having enemies in AA and I feel like a bit of an a**hole for hurting someone's feelings. I'll get through this but any advice would be appreciated.

Alcoholics are self-centered and thin skinned. I wouldn't lose much sleep about how the guy feels.

There will be those that don't like you. You don't have to be enemies with them, the fact is that they don't like you, that's all. AA should not be a popularity contest and I sure am not going to walk on egg shells, kiss someone's ass, or pretend I'm something I am not just so feathers won't get ruffled and people will like me. I'm not saying to go around deliberately pissing people off, but be yourself and if they don't like that, too bad.

It's like Popeye said-I am what I am.
Jim

[Signal30]

gravity,

The members of the fellowship in my area know me well. The members of the fellowship who do not know me, know of me. I don't advertise that I'm a police officer, but most know I am. I have met a couple of people who have obviously not gotten over their resentment with law enforcement. I'm always reminded that we in AA have MANY personalities all mixing together for a primary purpose. Don't let it "eat your lunch." If it is creating a substantial fear do an inventory on it.


Tom

[BP44]

There are people who like me, no matter what I do. There are people who don't like me, no matter what I do. There are millions of people on the planet that don't even know I exist and wouldn't care if they did. One of the beauties and true gifts of 4,5,6&7 is that I begin to be stripped of ego and stripped of judgement. I begin to get right sized in this world. Instead of being a big fish in a little pond, I become a little fish in a big pond. I start to see the world differently and I start to see people differently. I start to recognize that all of us on this planet are on a spiritual path. And that most of us are giving it our very best shot and coming up short. It is then that I realize how much I need God in my life. Welcome to the human race.

[RufusACanal]

I have been red faced more than once over the years after a meeting. Funny, each time I return, the door is open, a hand is extended and some coffee is pushed my way. I am truly waiting for the day that the Home Group puts up a large, expensively framed and matted beauty up next to the long hanging, yellow and tobacco stained sign; THINK, THINK, THINK, that says; "Ron, As you come and go from our rooms, always remember we love you, but you are really not that important".

Right Sized !

[bballdad]

at the bottom of our District reports,the sec puts a small disclaimer

that may not be what you said,but it`s what I heard


lot of truth there.Sometimes a alcoholic just hears what they want to hear,and sometimes a alcoholic hears stuff that triggers something inside them that makes them feel weird...Been there before

I would not worry about it-keep coming back

[kevin 311]

thanks for this thread and topic -- the responses are helping me in this area

gravity, I imagine you are sincere, kind and considerate when you speak at AA meetings, but there's no way you can be Omnisciently Considerate, right?

from your post it looks like the two of you cleared it up and settled it as well as you could at the time -- time to move on and stay open to what's actually going on right now -- we can't change the past, we can't take care of every apparently loose thread that might or might not be dangling, we can't make other people understand us perfectly *sigh* but we can try (although there is the question how much of one's life should be devoted to clearing up a single misunderstanding)

blah blah blah -- here I am going on and on in that imperfect means of communication we call language -- more to follow

from the other side or at least an other side, I know that sometimes I do connect the dots wrong (aside from none of us being able to see the whole picture from our POV)

also, about once a week or so I'll take offense at the slightest thing and it will stick in my craw, even something like someone not greeting me with the right shade of enthusiasm

personally I find AA meetings very useful for practice in dealing with these little resentments of mine :rof

yes, I am a prickly pear in a teddy bear suit

hope this helps

[barb dwyer]

yes, I am a prickly pear in a teddy bear suit

[miss communicat]

Originally Posted by gravity

I'll get through this but any advice would be appreciated.

sometimes being made aware of me possibly offending someone annihilates me, too. whenever I speak with my sponsor about this, she suggests that I sit with my discomfort just long enough to identify my motive for having said whatever it is that I said, so I can own my role in possibly hurting another, and to then drop it and move on so as not to magnify it further. It falls into the 10th step practices for us.

[miss communicat]

Originally Posted by RufusACanal

I have been red faced more than once over the years after a meeting. Funny, each time I return, the door is open, a hand is extended and some coffee is pushed my way. I am truly waiting for the day that the Home Group puts up a large, expensively framed and matted beauty up next to the long hanging, yellow and tobacco stained sign; THINK, THINK, THINK, that says; "Ron, As you come and go from our rooms, always remember we love you, but you are really not that important".

Right Sized !

i loved that!

[StayinAlive]

So how do you feel now G ? Ya, we all can be a little oversensitive at times no big thing. See ya at the next meeting.

[gravity]

Hi Everyone,

Thank you so much for all the replies. I let this matter effect my sleep last night and it was in the back of my mind throughout the day (hard to shake negative thoughts when I am tired and a bit overwhelmed with comittments - tons of fun stuff with the family) - kept smiling though !

My share last night was about a gentleman I met who had escaped from a war ravaged part of the world. This story had unspoken religious & political undertones (uh,oh) that I didn't consider when I spoke (I know, dumb). This is what personally offended one AA member. Nobody else (from what I could tell) felt that I was making a religious or political statement - I really wasn't as it's not something that I concern myself with. Most took it at face value - it was about feeling stronger by listening to someone who has been through hell. And as Carol said, most probably weren't listening anyway!

I have made amends the best I can - clarifying my intent, apologizing, shaking his hand. I also prayed. I can't do anything more.

I have been doing an "inside checkup". I don't believe that I am a malicious or hurtful person. I guess I am trying to help others (I believe that this is the most important thing that a human being can do) and when my actions do hurt someone, those old feelings of self-hatred start creeping back in. I have been told that I am way too hard on myself - maybe this is another example.

I also get what many of your replies have stated. Don't blow it out of proportion. I'm human and I'm not perfect (What?). And in the grand scheme of things (and in the AA meeting room) I'm just a guy - not the deciding factor in anyone elses drinking or sobriety.

Thanks for helping me sort this one out. My continued sobriety is my #1 priority - this is crystal clear. I can only work on my own sobriety and AA is critical to this. I have to move past this stuff & not let it drag me down. Besides, if I told my sponsor that I was quitting AA over this matter, I think that he would hunt me down, smack me upside the head, and drag me back in . I'll be fine!



P.S. In addition to your messages, thanks for the laughs. I've always had a strong sense of humor (people wonder how I can laugh when I'm in tough situations) and I really appreciate it!

[tiburon88]

Most AA members weren't probably listening anyway. They were too busy thinking about what they were going to share!


Tiburon
In Recovery Since 2002

[barb dwyer]

I have been doing an "inside checkup". I don't believe that I am a malicious or hurtful person. I guess I am trying to help others (I believe that this is the most important thing that a human being can do) and when my actions do hurt someone, those old feelings of self-hatred start creeping back in. I have been told that I am way too hard on myself - maybe this is another example.

good for you!
I found that when something continues to 'bother' me ..
that's the only thing that'll clear it up.
Where was I?
What was I thinking?
Did that come out for MY benefit, or for the betterment of the group?

that kind of stuff we alcoholics have to TEACH ourselves.. to consider.

that's what I meant.
thanks for getting it.

[collinsmi]

I've found that if my brain doesn't have something to worry about, it will make something up. You did the amend thing, you can peel back layers of that fear like an onion too. What's the fear behind the first fear? What's the one behind that? Mine seem to always wind up being a few basic things.

[sugErspun]

Originally Posted by tiburon88

Most AA members weren't probably listening anyway. They were too busy thinking about what they were going to share!

Most AA members don't make generalizations about others.

It's a nice thing to practice.

Amazed that all these AA's replied to the poster's concern?? Must not have been to busy thinking about themselves for a couple of seconds at least.

Gravity - my only advice is that I restrict my sharing to my direct experience (particularly that with alcohol and recovery from alcohol - no opinion on outside affairs). If you have have escaped from a war ravaged part of the world - I cannot possibly think of anyone getting upset about you telling you story about that part of your life.