Some assistance from my fellows.

[Signal30]

I am respectfully requesting some input from you all. A few members of AA and myself are putting together a new meeting. The new meeting is a "How It Works, Step 3, 4, and 5 Workshop."

I'm working on some ideas for a lesson plan on the 4th step inventory. By keeping with the way of keeping it simple, I am doing my best at defining "The parts of self", meaning the part of the "Affects My..." category.

The area where I am asking for your thoughts on is the definition of pride. Below is what I have copied and pasted from the lesson plan I recently made. It took me awhile to think of the right words to define pride, where it makes sense and stays along the line of "Keeping it Simple." The definition of Pride I made are as follows...




So when The Seven Parts of Self explained pride as “How I think others view me”, it means how we believe how others see us. When one hurts our pride it makes us feel that their actions have effected how others perceive us. A feeling of embarrassment,
a threat to our importance of worth to others.



Does that make sense??? And if not, your input and advice would be appreicated. Thanks!!!


Tom

[bonsai12]

Hello Tom,

I don’t really get what you’re trying to do. After I read your thread my thoughts immediately were drawn to the Big Book and with that there is all the instruction I need on how to do a forth step inventory. To be honest it gives all the instructions for all the steps so I’m not sure what you’re looking to do but I am interested.

Good Luck on the Meeting I hope it works out for you.

[sugErspun]

When doing my fourth step - I had to put what the resentment affected (this is typically referred to as the third column). I narrowed it down to seven things using the outline in the Big Book - Self esteem, Pride, Personal Relations, Pocketbook, Sex Relations, Ambition and Security. I needed to have a general definition of each to move forward (the book tells me to look at these things, does not define them real well.)

For Pride - my sponsor told me what his sponsor told him and this tradition has been carried from Dr Bob..(my sponsorship lineage)

Pride - "What I think that you think about me"


Hope this can be of some use to you.

[Aa_vark]

I needed the 12x12 to sort that out. The fourth and fifth columns...

how had my self will failed me...

specific shortcoming... affraid of what...

more on pride below...

1.... pride. 12&12 p.47, Step Four
But in A.A. we slowly learned that something had to be done about our vengeful resentments, self-pity, and unwarranted pride.

2.... pride? 12&12 p.112, Step Twelve
Can we now accept and adjust to either without despair or pride?

3.... pride. BB p.8, Bill's Story
It was a devastating blow to my pride.

4.... pride and fear of this sort turn ... 12&12 p.49, Step Four
But the testimony of A.A.'s who have really tried a moral inventory is that pride and fear of this sort turn out to be bogeymen, nothing else.

5.... pride and go to it, illuminating every ... BB p.75, Into Action
We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past.

6.... pride and his fear beat him back ... 12&12 p.49, Step Four
Both his pride and his fear beat him back every time he tries to look within himself.

7.... pride and our husbands' reputations. BB p.105, To Wives
We have told innumerable lies to protect our pride and our husbands' reputations.

8.... pride and prejudice fell from my eyes. BB p.12, Bill's Story
Scales of pride and prejudice fell from my eyes.

9.... pride and vengefulness. 12&12 p.91, Step Ten
These are emotional booby traps baited with pride and vengefulness.

10.... pride became the reverse side of that ... 12&12 p.123, Step Twelve
So false pride became the reverse side of that ruinous coin marked "Fear."

11.... pride could be rewon. BB p.125, The Family Afterward
Husbands and wives have sometimes been obliged to separate for a time until new perspective, new victory over hurt pride could be rewon.

12.... pride -- did the same thing. 12&12 p.90, Step Ten
Other kinds of disturbances -- jealousy, envy, self-pity, or hurt pride -- did the same thing.

13.... pride, frustration, self-pity, misunderstanding and fear. BB p.104, To Wives
We have had long rendezvous with hurt pride, frustration, self-pity, misunderstanding and fear.

14.... pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, and ... 12&12 p.48, Step Four
To avoid falling into confusion over the names these defects should be called, let's take a universally recognized list of major human failings -- the Seven Deadly Sins of pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, and sloth.

15.... pride have too often done their worst. 12&12 p.51, Step Four
In these areas fear, greed, possessiveness, and pride have too often done their worst.

16.... pride heads the procession. 12&12 p.48, Step Four
It is not by accident that pride heads the procession.

17.... pride in his own achievements. 12&12 p.70, Step Seven
Much of the everyday talk we hear, and a great deal of what we read, highlights man's pride in his own achievements.

18.... pride in reverse. 12&12 p.45, Step Four
For this is pride in reverse.

19.... pride, leading to self-justification, and always spurred ... 12&12 p.48, Step Four
For pride, leading to self-justification, and always spurred by conscious or unconscious fears, is the basic breeder of most human difficulties, the chief block to true progress.

20.Pride lures us into making demands upon ... 12&12 p.49, Step Four
Pride lures us into making demands upon ourselves or upon others which cannot be met without perverting or misusing our God-given instincts.

21.... pride might be the smoke screen under ... 12&12 p.59, Step Five
Or anger and hurt pride might be the smoke screen under which we were hiding some of our defects while we blamed others for them.

22.... pride of self unconsciously blind themselves to ... 12&12 p.46, Step Four
This is because people who are driven by pride of self unconsciously blind themselves to their liabilities.

23.... pride; personal sex relations; security (fear). BB p.65, How It Works
My wife -- misunderstands and nags; likes Brown; wants the house put in her name -- pride; personal sex relations; security (fear).

24.Pride says, "You need not pass this ... 12&12 p.49, Step Four
Pride says, "You need not pass this way," and Fear says, "You dare not look!"

25.... pride, self-pity, vanity and all the things ... BB p.116, To Wives
We wives found that, like everybody else, we were afflicted with pride, self-pity, vanity and all the things which go to make up the self-centered person; and we were not above selfishness or dishonesty.

26.... pride steps in to justify our excesses. 12&12 p.49, Step Four
When the satisfaction of our instincts for sex, security, and society becomes the sole object of our lives, then pride steps in to justify our excesses.

27.... pride, the confession of shortcomings which the ... BB p.25, There Is A Solution
Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation.

28.... pride to hinder our making a list ... 12&12 p.79, Step Eight
These were some of the ways in which fear conspired with pride to hinder our making a list of all the people we had harmed.

29.... pride to the good lives we thought ... 12&12 p.45, Step Four
No doubt we shall point with pride to the good lives we thought we led before the bottle cut us down.

[Tommyh]

1-RESENTMENT. When we are angry or bitter toward someone for
an extended period of time over some real or imagined insult, we are harboring
resentrnent. It is a hostile or indignant attitude in response to an alleged affront or personal injury.Try someForgiveness
2-FALSE PRIDE is either feeling better than or feeling less than someone else.Feelings of superiority include preiudice about race, education or religious beliefs, or putting someone else down to make us feel better about ourselves. Feelings of inferiority include self-pity, which is being distressed or unhappy about our own lives, or low self-esteem-the lack of self-worth or self-respect.
The opposite is humility
3-ENVY has to do with things-wanting someone else's possessions.Seek Contentment
4-JEALOUSY has to do with people-being suspicious of a peer or doubting the faithfulness of a friend.Try to Trust
5-SELFISHNESS isconcernonlyfor ourselves, our ownwelfare or pleasure, without regard for, or at the expense of, others. It's a belief that "It's all about me" rather than "How can I best serve Thee-Thy will (not mine) be done."I need to look for un-selfishness
6-LAZINESS means lacking the will or the desire to work. This includes the avoidance of, or the slowness in completing, a task or assignment.
Activity brings me out of this.
7-DISHONESTY involves theft or deception. It includes taking something that doesn't belong to us, cheating someone out of what is rightfully theirs, or lying to or with-holding the truth from somebody.I need to strive for honesty
8-FEAR is being afraid of losing something we have or not getting something we want. It manifests itself in many ways such as phobia, terror, panic, anxiety, uneasiness or worry.A good deal of Faith,right action, & Love helps...

[Tommyh]

Tom I got the above definations from Wally P.

These (below)came from a big book workshop.I cannot remember where these "worldly clamors" is mentioned,whether it is Bill`s Story or somewhere else...guess I took a drink or two too many before I quit!

you might find something here that helps..Good luck with your new meeting!

Wordly Clamors
Sexual Clamors
Passions,desires,pleasures,seeking ease and comfort,excitement,lust,satisfaction,gratification ,control.
Security Clamors
Jobs,money,emotional dependencies,financial fears, concerns, and worries,depression,anxiety,frustrations,comforts,h ousing,transportation.
Ambition Clamors
Instinctual drives for sucess,careers,"getting back to mainstream",MY wants,plans,expectations,demands,pursuit for possessionsof things,money,people to control and enjoy,wrestle satisfaction and happiness from the world,selfish interests and pursuits to protect and care for the self (ME)
Pride and Self Esteem Clamors
Dishonest thoughts,motives,schemes,plots,dreams,old ideas,designs,looking good,sounding good,being phony,stage character,worry,self-pity,calamity and misfortune I didn`t deserve,what people don`t know of me(MR. HYDE),pretence,anger,fear,etc."WHAT ABAOUT ME!!!?"
Personal Relations Clamors
Knowing all,being right,playing God,self serving,self seeking,no thought of others welfare,"I" centered motives and objectives.
Worship of other things
Sex,money,myself,sentiment,nature,things,possessio ns,materialism,(ALL ASPECTS)

[CarolD]

My Goodness....I certainly do keep it simple

In the AA sense....
Pride....my perception of myself....often ego inflated.


Best wishes for your new meeting Tom!

[Tazman53]

To me pride is a perception of self, it can be realistic which is okay, it can be a grandiose perception of self, not okay, or it can be a deflated perception of self also a bad thing.

Bad pride is a sense of self importance or a sense of being less then one really is.

Pride can be a good thing if one is taking a fair realistic look at the good in ones self without inflation.

[sugErspun]

For me, Pride is always tied to what I think that others think about me (projecting)

Self Esteem is what I think about myself (internal).

There is an important difference to me. It opened things up a lot when I had a solid definition for each when writing out my third column (What was really affected here?)

~A

[CarolD]

Hmmm...

For me, Pride is always tied to what I think that others think about me (projecting)

That just never enters my mind!

Probably because I am too old to care.

[sugErspun]

It has been my experience that pride is a necessary element of our lives (everyone needs a sense of pride). As alcoholics - it is often 'out of whack' and we give it to people. We let them steal it - we are self-centered and cannot put into perspective properly what is really going on when someone criticizes us, or engages us - we turn it inward and build a resentment - the number one killer of alcoholics.

I put so much importance into "This person thinks I am that" or "Joe said he didn't like diet soda because I drink diet soda, and he is attacking me" - crazy right?? I cannot possible know what someone truly thinks about me without asking them, and even then - Why put so much importance on it? In the face of God, does it really matter what I think Joe thinks of me? Good or Bad? Today I can say yes - but only in regard to how I can be helpful to someone does it matter what they think of me. Love and tolerance, right?

A healthy sense of pride is necessary to live a useful life of helping others. It's one of the things I got back.

[Signal30]

Thanks for all your input so far. Let me try to explain this new meeting a little more...

This workshops primary purpose is to help the newcomer understand the 3rd-5th steps, in the "How It Works" chapter, by "Keeping it simple." We ARE NOT trying to do the sponsors job for the newcomer, and we are not trying to "Reinvent the wheel". We are just going to do our best at showing the newcomer exactly what the three steps mean. so they can get a better understanding of the three steps.

Sponsors will be encouraged to attend with their sponsees. People with different amounts of sobriety will be able to tell their story of how for example, they did their 4th step and how it changed their lives. It will be a little classroom, (we have recently obtained a old overhead projector and screen). Big book reading, and defining, and personal accounts of how they succeeded.

This meeting is in it's infancy. We have met once with plans and ideas. We meet again this coming Sunday evening to continue our planning.

So far we have 7 of us that are planning. We have two men with over 15 years of sobriety(One of them is my sponsor). We have 2 other men with about 2 years of sobriety who had drug addiction in their past. A woman with about 10 years of sobriety, and a newcomer, (the woman's sponsee), who can advise us if whet we are putting together makes sense, and then myself. Oh wait there's one more...YOU!!!

There have been MANY others in the fellowship who are offering their support. My grand sponsor, (over 30 years of sobriety), has also offered his assistance.

This is getting exciting. I will be posting some ideas of mine in this thread, and your opinions will be greatly appreciated. If this is successful, (God willing), and a complete lesson plan has been completed, I will be more than happy to e-mail the lessons plans to anyone who is interested in starting a meeting similar.

But...

I am getting WAAAAAAY ahead of myself.


I'll keep you posted.



Tom

[Tazman53]

Service work at its finest!!!!

[sugErspun]

When you say there are two members with 2 years sober and they have drug addictions in their past - are they alcoholic?

There is a primary purpose. Built on a common problem and a common solution.

I am not saying that drug addicts cannot use the twelve steps to recover, I used a lot of drugs but it was revealed in the first step that my problem is alcoholism, not drug addiction. As I have heard someone say recently "The twelve steps will work for anyone, but the foundation has to be truth. AA kills drug addicts."

Just something for consideration.

Also - Jimhere posted a bit from the pamphlet "The AA Group" - it may be useful in setting up your meeting. If your home group does not have it, it can probably be obtained through central office.

[Signal30]

sugErspun,

The two are alcoholics with drugs us in thier history.

And we will start this workshop as a meeting, and then depending on how it goes, look into making it a group. I have all the intergroup info. We shall see.


Tom

[barb dwyer]

Signal -

I gotta tell ya - I'm so inspired by your growth since your first posts.

way to go, dood.

I *think* I understand - and from my own experience -
I was handed very clear instructions - for the fourth step
but it was FEAR that made everything look so .. hard. so scary. all that rot.
So ...
I researched anyhow.
I needed words - that would pierce the fear that was stoping me from moving forward.
The instructions in the BB weren't good enough.
Period
*shrug if you dont' like it.
I was so afraid of what I was blocking that I might discover -
I couldn't (from the inside) LET MYSELF UNDERSTAND the simplicity of it.

I actually commend you on this venture.
We are a different generation.
We use different words.
That is important.

You're creating a safe place .. for the cultivation of understanding.

That's freakin fab.

[Signal30]

Well Here's an update on how things are going...

Two fellow members have completed the introduction to the workshop.

Two other fellow members have almost completed the 3rd step lesson plan. (The lesson plan will be considered completed once reviewed by all of us when we meet this Sunday.)

I'm a little more than halfway through with the 4th step lesson plan. I've shown what I've come up with so far, and have gotten the "thumbs up" from the fellow members involved.

We have another fellow member who is able to get a used overlay projector and screen for the workshop.

And we were able to secure a day and time at a AA clubhouse where the workshop will be.

Lots of accomplishments so far, and it is exactly along the lines of the Big Book, and "Keeping It Simple".


Now, here's a job for you! What to call the meeting/possible future group? There is already a group that has a meeting called "How It Works", so we need to get creative. Here's what some of us have so far. You can either vote, or come up with one. The names that we are considering are below...

1) "This is How it Works" Step 3 through 5 Workshop.

2) "It Works! Here's How..." Step 3 through 5 Workshop.

3) "Work It How???" Step 3 through 5 Workshop.

4) "How It Works By Keeping It Simple" Step 3 through 5 Workshop.

Any other ideas for a name are more than welcome!


Tom

[barb dwyer]

How about ....


"Working It"

or do you have to do the whole vote on it thing...

number two I like best if it was "HERE'S HOW IT WORKS" ... steps 3-5 explained or whatever.

[Sheryl85]

Too bad “Just do It” was already taken.

[JustOneMan]

Club 35

[Signal30]

We had a meeting last night and a lot has been accomplished.

The Third Step lesson plan is complete.

I've been working on the 4th step lesson plan, and I've just about completed that.

Next week we are all getting together and are going to go over the completion of the 5th step.

It's amazing how smoothly it is all going. We've been "Keeping it Simple", and letting God guide us. It is great how all of us are working together as a team.


Tom

[Signal30]

I have a question. When those who did their 4th step on Sex Conduct, did you do your inventory on just your sex conduct or did you do Sex Conduct AND Harm Done to Others??? Meaning you listed those you hurt by being selfish, dishonest, jealous, etc.???

The BB states on page 69 along with sex the following, second paragraph...

"We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it."


And then on page 70 at the bottom after summing up sex it states...

"We have listed and analyzed our resentments. We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out the past if we can. "

So is what they are stating just about doing a Sex Inventory, or is it also to include other actions that hurt others also??? Shorthand question, is it one or both???


Tom

[Signal30]

Disreguard the last question. I have received the answer.


Tom

[barb dwyer]

*snicker*

[Signal30]

If anyone is interested, the lesson plan for the Fourth Step Inventory on Resentments is completed. I can send you the PDF file of the inventories for Resentments, Fears, and Sex Conduct, and the word document for the Resentment Lesson plan. If you are sponsoring someone they may help them. Or they can help you do a Tenth Step.

The Fear Inventory Lesson Plan has just been completed by myself, and a fellow member is going to edit and/or refine it. It will be ready soon.

PM me if interested.


Tom