To those of you with family members who practiced

[sojourner]

To those of you in recovery who, while still using, had family members who practiced the loving detachment of Alanon -

How did you perceive that loving detachment?
Do you feel it helped you reach a "bottom" any quicker? Or do you feel that it had no difference at all in your journey to recovery?
Did you feel your loved one was abandoning you? Or did you know you were loved?

I'm not talking about angry detachment, i'm talking about the loving detachment that is taught in Alanon and other family groups.

We family members are given advice from two camps - 1) nothing we do makes any difference in the journey of the addict or 2) our getting "healthy" has a positive effect on the addict (and, conversely, our not getting "healthy" has a negative effect on the addict).

Thanks in advance for your input...

Sue

[sugErspun]

"And besides, we are sure that our way of living has its advantages for all." - Alcoholics Anonymous (foreward to the first edition).

NOT our way of stopping drinking
NOT our way of detaching

Our way of living.

I think that sums it up nicely.

[Treasure2Find]

I wasnt sure if this thread was in the wrong location or not, still dont. However I wanted to thankyou for the interesting insite on detactment. Yes I do feel that detachment helped me hit my bottom much sooner. I guess I have felt both ways, once feeling abandoned, and the other I felt it was out of love. Whatever the feeling produced by the detachment it forced me to look at my next move and eventually make a decision.

Makes sence to me how can you give somethign away if you dont have it to give. Advice from any camp can be helpful and wouldnt mind learning from both your camps.....

All Good Things

[nandm]

How did you perceive that loving detachment? I believe it is absolutely necessary for the survival of those whose lives the alcoholic touches regardless of whether that alcoholic is in recovery or actively using. The reason I say this is because alcoholics have developed traits that can be destructive to themselves and those around them. The biggest one is control/manipulation. Even as a recovering alcoholic I still work on this defect. I have come a long way with it but am always checking my motives to ensure I am not controlling or manipulating.

Do you feel it helped you reach a "bottom" any quicker? Or do you feel that it had no difference at all in your journey to recovery? I hnestly don't know. It might have got me seeking help sooner but until I was ready to accept my powerlessness over alcohol I was not ready for recovery.

Did you feel your loved one was abandoning you? Or did you know you were loved? I did not have people around me that did loving detachment so I am unable to answer this question.

[barb dwyer]

I didn't have any.
Family, I mean.
I'd lost contact with them years before I began drinking.

BUT -
this is a fascinating thread - and I HAVE to 'kudos' to you for asking the question. Really gets me thinking.

Thank yoU!