Letting Go And Letting God.

[Signal30]

Recently I did a 10th step where I went back and redid my 4th step. At the time back when I originally did my 4th step, I was new in the program and did the best I thought I could do at the time.

This time, with more time and understanding in the program of AA, I did my 4th step again, and was a lot more thorough. This time around, I focused more on my fears. I poured my heart on many pieces of notebook paper and was surprised and depressed at what I had written. What I wrote was "eating my lunch"...Big Time!!! A few days after I wrote my fears, my sponsor and I had gone over what I had written. When I read my fears to him it actually sounded silly, where just before the same words made me depressed. I learned two very important lessons that day with my sponsor.

At the end of every fear I wrote I asked myself if self reliance failed me. I answered a undoubted yes to each one. The pattern in every fear was about the same. I had a terrible self-esteem. What I wrote deep down I knew was not true, and I realized how I saw myself was often different from how others saw me. I was still relying on myself to handle everything in my life instead of giving it all to God. Prior to that I thought I gave it all to God, but it wasn't until I wrote it all down did I realize that I was still living my life by my own self will. Now when I pray, I make sure I read the 4th and 7th step prayer, and reflect more on what it means.

The second lesson I learned was rule 62. I shouldn't take everything so seriously. Often I looked at AA is a serious program of action, where it is no laughing matter. When people joked around at meetings I often thought that they shouldn't joke around, and straighten up and act right. I had to ask myself...Who am I to decide how another person acts? And then ask myself...Why is this persons actions effecting my mood? I also learned that I was taking what I had written about my fears so seriously, that it was effecting my family, the fellowship, and myself. Once I read the fears to my sponsor, I started to notice that what I had written was to the point of being humours, and I knew that it was I that was seeing things differently to what they actually are.

Now I know why it is so important to do the 10th step, and why it is so important to do a 4th step. I also am learning how much better you can feel when you truly turn your will over to the care of the God of your understanding.

Oh, and I am also doing my best not to take everything so darn seriously.


Tom

[Signal30]

Oops I need to make a correction. Third paragraph. I now read the 3RD and 7th step prayer, when I pray.

Didn't see the typo when I first posted it.


Tom

[Treasure2Find]

Thanks Tom sounds like your going great your post helped me me today. 3rd and 7th step prayer all the way

[jimhere]

Hey everybody-lighten up. It's only about life or death.

[RufusACanal]

Jim, we get an earful most every time we bring up that most pungent point; Alcoholism leads to death. Denial is such a competent liar and we see it again and again in the threads. Too drink alcoholically is to die; first spiritual and socially, next physically and mentally. "Oh, that won't happen to me!" "I haven't hit bottom yet." "I am different." Over and over we hear the cries of those who suffering the fate of Alcoholics demise continue to proclaim their individuality.

[Tazman53]

Signal when I was doing my 5th step my sponsor and I discussed my fears and at the time I really only had one that I had not for the most part dealt with and that was my fear of going back out.

He told me the answer to any fear I had was faith!!!

I left and went home, did as directed in the BB and sat quietly and reviewed the thouroghness of the steps I had done so far and felt so free and releived, all of the 5th step promises had come true, but I had that one nagging fear of going back out yet the urge/need to drink had been gone for a while even then so I was a bit confused.

I am not sure how long after my sponsor had told me the answer to all fear was faith, but like a bolt out of the blue it came to me!!!

The fear was gone, you see I suddenly realized I had faith in my HP, I had faith in the program, and I actually for the first time in a long time had faith in myself!

I had faith that as long as I worked my program, kept my spiritual condition fit by putting my faith in my HP, and remained faithfull to myself, that I had no fear of a relapse!!!

FREEDOM!!!!! I was to the core of my soul recovered from a seemingly hopeless condition of mind, body, and soul!!!!

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by RufusACanal

Jim, we get an earful most every time we bring up that most pungent point; Alcoholism leads to death. Denial is such a competent liar and we see it again and again in the threads. Too drink alcoholically is to die; first spiritual and socially, next physically and mentally. "Oh, that won't happen to me!" "I haven't hit bottom yet." "I am different." Over and over we hear the cries of those who suffering the fate of Alcoholics demise continue to proclaim their individuality.

It's the rule 62 thing, Ron. My post was an attempt at humour, to lighten things up. I know what you mean, though.

Remember, I'm not that important, but what I do here is important. What we do is important.
Jim