Don't drink, Go to meetings, get a home group, and get a sponsor

[Debaucher]

I have this thing bugging me. Everytime I hear the spoken words it is like fingernails on a blackboard. I am posting to get it off my chest but also as a reality check.

The words:

Don't drink, Go to meetings, get a home group, and get a sponsor.


in other words (mine)... a prescription for white knuckle sobriety...


How about (instead) get honest, find God, clean house, keep it clean, Grow your relationship with God.

So what do meetings, a sponsor, a home group... have to do with that?

Meetings are a lazy way to make sure you get a good well rounded diet of concepts to ponder. Like a spiritual booster shot... Also it is an easy way to work with other Alcoholics.

Sponsor... helps you get honest, stay honest... perhaps helps you find God... supports you while you clean house... make sure you don't throw out the baby with the bathwater... etc...

Home group? ...

Alright... my point is that it isn't the point. It is like telling a man with insomnia to go to the store (to presumably buy a pillow)... instead of saying get some sleep.


It is really no skin off my back if folks want to say such things. I just cringe because I worry the new guy gets the wrong idea. Or perhaps it is the right idea and I am just off center.

[mike_mass]

I can't really follow your logic in any of this. Do you attend AA or not?

[Treasure2Find]

I left my first rehab at 18 years old armed with the facts. I asked my counselor what I needed to do and she was very specific. She said get a sponsor and join a group. Now like I said I was armed with the facts. I asked what a sponsor was and what his purpose was. She told me he would take me through the steps of recovery. I asked what the steps of recovery were. She said they were a spiritual tool kit and working them in my everyday life was like putting an engine in your broken down car. (She knew my car was in the back of my house with no engine). She was tricky

I understood but what about the home group? Getting to know people and getting active in a home group will help give get you contacts and get you talking. The more sober people in my life the better, well in some cases.

This all made very much sense to me so I tossed my pillow case of cloths over my shoulder and headed for the door. On my way out someone I was hanging around with gave me a great big hug and said don’t drink and go to mtgs. Well my counselor didn’t say that? Don’t drink and go to mtgs sounded a whole lot easier than get a sponsor and join a group?

So that’s what I did I went to AA and I didn’t drink. Needless to say I stayed drunk for the next 12 years. Once I got a sponsor put the steps of recovery in my life and got a home group I stayed sober.

[kevin 311]

early days for me, but I would say the home group is for the sunlight of friendship and the joy of seeing fine joy-seeing people again, still alive, even though they have the same deadly serious problem

[Debaucher]

My issue was purely semantic... nor was I questioning the merrit of any of those tasks (go to meetings, get a sponsor...etc... ) nor their purpose.

Sorry... my logic is... going to meetings, getting a sponsor, getting a home group... isn't what gets keeps you sober. It isn't what helps you find serenity.

All those things are good! All those things can help with the process mentioned in the AA promises. Going to meetings, getting a sponsor, getting a home group... alone are like faith without works. It isn't enough to buy the fancy biker shorts and $5000 dollar bike if you want to participate in the Tour de France... um some training might be required.

ok I have gotten this out of my system. I can now hear that string of words without cringing. I think I have it in perspective. Perhaps the "bring the body and the mind will follow" principle is in affect here.

[mike_mass]

If you want to stay sober you will. There's no magic formula.

[Debaucher]

Originally Posted by mike_mass

If you want to stay sober you will. There's no magic formula.

I'm not going to slip on that willpower banana peel. :-)

[CarolD]

I attend a lot of meetings....
soooo..
I too grit my teeth often!

Happy New Sober Year De!!

[Sugah]

You're right, Debaucher, in that those things alone, without any other action, will not keep a person sober. I can go to meetings and sit in the back, not sharing and not really listening. I can make it miserably through one day without a drink. I can get a home group and not show up for group conscience meetings, refuse to do any service in my home group. Lots of people have sponsors in name only.

BUT....

All those things guide newcomers to the place where they might, if they've really had enough, be willing to go to any lengths to stay sober -- meaning working those pesky steps. We suggest those things in the opening of our meetings, with the addition of "Work/take the steps." We don't preach in my home group. We share on those steps from our own personal E, S & H. We don't make glittering generalizations that are hard for the newcomer to swallow. We try to make recovery from alcoholism more appealing than the wallowing hell they've come from. And in encouraging them to keep coming back to meetings, in offering them sponsorship (we maintain a list of home group members ready to sponsor others), in welcoming them into our home group, and in emphasizing the "don't-drink-one-day-at-a-time," I've seen a lot of people come, stay, take the steps and, with the grace of their HP & some elbow grease on their part, change their lives.

We're dealing with sick folks, and Dr. Bob, on his death bed, suggested keeping things simple. That's what we try to do. If a newcomer is willing, if a sponsor is vigilant in carrying the message rather than her or his message, recovery will follow.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[REZ]

I agree that meetings, sponsors, etc. are not enough.
You need to work the steps too.
For me, I need all the tools: meetings, sponsor, home group, stepwork, service, prayer and meditation.

[sugErspun]

I changed groups after I went out again earlier this year (tomorrow I get the pleasure of saying "after I went out again last year")

anyhow - I used to hear the don't drink, go to meetings etc etc etc.

They always said 'get a sponsor' - and never really said how to go about it. I had sponsors from those first groups I went to (7 years) and they always had photo copied worksheets for each step, dragged me to meetings..I know their intentions were the best. But for the most part, if you approached someone at those groups (I am thinking of a specific Alano club), they would say they have their limit, don't have time, etc etc - without even pointing you to someone who was available to sponsor.

The group I now attend 'feels' like a home group, I refer to it as such. Never once has anyone said "just don't drink no matter what" - they know the alcoholic a little better than that. When newcomers show up to the open meeting, they will be called on to at least share their name and why they are there. It is almost gauranteed that after the meeting people will approach the newcomer, ask a little more about them and then set up a time to sit down and talk about their drinking, experience with alcohol, one on one. If they be alcoholic, chances are they will start reading the book together, therefor working the steps. It is truly a gift to have this group to go to (it's a bit of a drive, but the trade-off is worth it)

Going to meetings is really good advice.
Getting a sponsor is good advice(make sure they aren't taking sponsee's just to fit a requirment of the program and that they really know what they are talking about)
Not drinking, well - if I could stay sober by deciding not to drink, I wouldn't be here.
Get a home group? - That is really more like - build fellowship of people you are accountable to. Home group has really lost it's meaning in a lot of sense.

[Music]

I always heard: Don't drink, got to meetings, get a sponsor and WORK THE STEPS!!! To me, these are the four basic musts. Anyone I've ever seen drink again has stopped doing these four things in reverse. When I'm left with nothing but DON'T DRINK, it's just a matter of time.

[Sugah]

As an ad-lib part of chairing, we have begun adding, "If you don't know what a sponsor is, we'll be glad to tell you and explain how to get one," and we always offer phone numbers to the newcomer.

Too often, I hear a lot of things left for the newcomer to puzzle out. I'm guilty of sharing on a step without pointing out how it eliminates my need to drink. A newcomer is there to stop drinking. Sharing without making reference to the drink problem, I think, leaves the newcomer wondering how, exactly, that experience applies to them.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[jimhere]

These three things are essentials.

But, anyone one of them in and of itself will not keep me sober.

All three together lead to what will keep me sober-God.
Jim

[jimhere]

Originally Posted by Sugah

As an ad-lib part of chairing, we have begun adding, "If you don't know what a sponsor is, we'll be glad to tell you and explain how to get one," and we always offer phone numbers to the newcomer.

Too often, I hear a lot of things left for the newcomer to puzzle out. I'm guilty of sharing on a step without pointing out how it eliminates my need to drink. A newcomer is there to stop drinking. Sharing without making reference to the drink problem, I think, leaves the newcomer wondering how, exactly, that experience applies to them.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

In my home group, we do it maybe a little different.

At the end of the meeting, the secretary asks if there is any one who would like a sponsor from our group and if there is would they please raise their hand. If some one does, the secretary tells them that a group member will approach after the closing prayer.

The result is a strong group. Not everyone joins the group, but those who do are sponsored into the group, much like the early Cleveland days.

The only real difference is that we don't make them go upstairs and surrender before they can join the group. LOL!
Jim

[Treasure2Find]

BB pg 192

"I came into AA solely for the purpose of sobriety, but it has been through AA that I have found God."

I feel that is about the most wonderful thing that a person can do.

[Rob B]

Good post Debaucher,
The contemporary mantra of don't drink, go to meetings and ask for help goes counter to everything I have experienced, I can't reconcile that statement anywhere in my Big Book.

AA does one thing, offer the hopeless drunk a solution. To recover from alcoholism a psychic change needs to occur just not drinking, going to meetings, and asking for help will not produce this. A price has to be paid.
As Jim pointed out, everything points or at least should direct our attention to that which can and will solve our problem, A God of our understanding. In AA the steps are the only way, it is the only program of recovery we have to offer. I am sure there are other ways, I only know this path, as it has saved my life, some folks believe they have a right to "share" anything they feel like dumping at a meeting. In this drunk's opinion, this is selfishness and self centered to the core and kills people who are dying to hear the solution.