Tired of your sponsor. Here's a solution.

[nandm]

RENT-A-SPONSOR
Are you tired of being told like it is?
Still looking for that easier, softer way?
Had enough of that same old time-tested direction?
No Reading! No Writing! No Deadlines!

STANDARD FEATURES INCLUDE:
*Listening to your sniveling without constant reference to the Big Book or Steps!
*Co-signing your excuses and rationalizations!
*Work only the Steps you want, in the order you choose!
*Learn the secret of giving it away before you even have it!
*Why "walk the walk" when you can just "talk the talk?"
*Remember, it's better to look good than to feel good!
*Why save your ass at the cost of losing your face?

Disclamer: If this sponsor sounds good to you then you might need to re-read the Big Book, go to more meetings, follow your sponsor's advice, work the Steps, as you are probably at risk for relapse.

Since sponsorship seems to be the topic of the week I thought you might enjoy some light heartedness in the subject.

[GrouchoTheCat]

But wait, Theres more...


FOURTH STEP WRITING SERVICE NOW AVAILABLE
YES, WE WILL WRITE YOUR INVENTORY FOR YOU

Yes, at Rent-A-Sponsor we know how
unique you are and we do understand!

HALF MEASURES ARE OUR SPECIALTY!

Call 1-900-O-POOR-ME or 1-900-POUR-ME-1

Call now and receive a free copy of
"Staying Sober on War Stories Alone"!

[nandm]

Thanks Groucho, I was wondering what I was going to share as my 4th step with my rent a sponsor......lmao

[CarolD]

:rof

[Debaucher]

If that version doesn't work for you then try this one on for size.

RENT-A-SPONSOR
Are you tired of being treated with respect as an equal?
Still looking for that easier, softer way?
Had enough of trying to be honest and find what will work for you?
Want to become an AA lemming

STANDARD FEATURES INCLUDE:
*Offers a catchy cliche as a solution to every problem
*Will not LISTEN to you but rather has to make everything you say into a resentment or a fear.
*Learn to work the steps just as your sponsor did
*Learn that you don't have what your sponsor has and it doesn't matter how long you are sober you still wont be as sober as him.
*Learn to talk the talk, walking the walk is optional as his lack of humility shows you
*Rember that sponsees are stupid so when you start giving it away tell them what to do instead of listening and helping them. This will ensure that they always need you to make their decisions. They will hold you up as their higher power trusting in you!
*Above all read the big book so you can line quote and show how you are more sober than the next guy. It isn't about helping people it is about proving how sober you are.

Disclamer: If this sponsor sounds good to you then you might consider finding a sponsor who will help you:

Find a higher power
Trust your higher power
Clean house
Learn to make conscious contact with your higher power
Carry the message

Finally... Has what you want (peace, serenity, happiness)


--- Not picking anyone I just had the itch to provide balance to the festivities ---

[nandm]

Thanks Debaucher.