Help with HP please

[youngirish]

Hi everyone,

I was wondering how one gets a higher power. I grew up Catholic, then did this Christian thing at a local church a few years ago, then after some incidents decided I was atheist, but a weak one as I felt guilty proclaiming that, lol. I can tell you that the only time I asked God to really reveal himself is while hungover in a pathetic ball on the floor bawling my eyes out hugging dirty laundry, then deciding he couldn't be there as he didn't come down from the clouds above and appear in my basement. How do you get a higher power? All the times going to AA over the years, I never made it to step two. I want one though. Just how do you go about believing it?

[sugErspun]

For me, it happened by reading the book with a recovered alcoholic - my sponsor. It really does walk you through each step..

I heard it summed up really great last night by a guy at my home group:

"When I became willing to go to any length - I had already placed my faith in something greater than myself. That willingness alone, let God enter my life"

I found that to be one of the best summations of what the book calls "A flimsy reed" really being a power greater than we can comprehend. I have no conception of God - only that there is something more than me running the show - it is really that simple. The moment I think I know something, or have insight to absolute truth - I can pretty much gaurantee that I am off track.

We are like men who have lost their legs - they NEVER grow new ones - no matter how well you know the book, how often and effectively you pray, how many people you sponsor, how effeciently you work the steps, how many commitments you have, how many meetings you attend....

Something more than 'I' is at work.

[REZ]

I came to 12 step recovery programs as an atheist/agnostic. I was told that I needed to get a higher power or recovery wouldn't work for me. I wanted recovery, so I became open to the idea of a higher power that could help me. For a while, I used the group/fellowship/meetings, and the 12 steps. Gradually, I began to believe in something beyond all of this...The key for me is to be open to a higher power. Once I am open to it, I can begin to find it.

[CarolD]

Hi youngirish .....Interesting question. Thanks!

I have never been an atheist or an agnostic.

I was raised attending a Southern Babtist church.
As an adult...I went to several other churches
joined the Methodist to unify my husband and children
in one church and still belong there years later.

When I got to AA, my spirit is more nourished
by returning to my Sunday School God
of love and forgiveness.

Sunday morning church time I am in an AA meeting
where I feel god has guided me to be.

Works quite well for me.


Blessings

[Tazman53]

A HP can be many things in the beginning, but there are some requirements for a HP:

1. It must be more powerful then your self.
2. It must be more powerful then alcohol

Simply beleiving and seeking something that meets those 2 requirements is all the beginning that is needed.

Many have found thier HP aka God (Good Orderly Direction) to be thier AA home group or AA as a whole. If you know you are powerless over alcohol, then your HP can easily be your AA group, many of them have overcome/recovered from thier alcoholism resulting in them having a greater power over alcohol then you do.

A HP of your understanding does not mean you have to understand your HP, it means that your HP is something you understand.

Keep seeking your HP, the HP of my understanding is not the same as the one of my understanding when I first got sober, he has evolved as I have evolved, as I have drawn nearer to him he has drawn nearer to me.

Keep in mind it is a HP of your understanding, not some one elses, that is it, that is all it takes to start.

[nandm]

Looks like the posters above me have done a wonderful job sharing their experience. I hope you find something you can use. Take care. Good to see you sharing here.

[findingout]

Before I could find my higher power, I had to be willing to believe and I had to discard all the negative cruft that had accumulated from a life time of looking for negative cruft so I didn't have to believe.

I got a lot of help and insight from listening to other people talk about their higher powers at meetings. Once I figured out that I really wasn't required to believe exactly as they did, I had to admit that they had no reason to lie to me and this opened a door to a wealth of experience.

Books other than "Alcoholics Anonymous" and "Narcotics Anonymous - Basic Text" that helped me to increase my conscious contact with my higher power (in no particular order):

"Mere Christianity" by C.S. Lewis
"The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle
"The Razor's Edge" by W. Somerset Maugham
"Conversations with God : An Uncommon Dialogue" by Neale Donald Walsch
"The Life You've Always Wanted: Spiritual Disciplines for Ordinary People" by John Ortberg
"Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values" by Robert M. Pirsig

[Justme57]

Hi Youngirish

I had the same problem as you , I had done the whole "Christian" thing ,which had made me feel more guilty, and even "less than".

But a member @ a discussion group shared once that a HP, is only a power OTHER than yourself, and since YOUR power had not worked , you may as well try one other than you !

Worked for me

HUGX
Leigh

[barb dwyer]

Someone briliantly put it one time ...

try replacing the word "God" ... with the word "Good" ...

I mean, 'good' ... is a Power. And Is greater than us.

[Debaucher]

The biggest obstacle to me finding my higher power was my belief I had to understand everything. That I had to understand it or it didn't exist. When I stopped trying to be so skepticle I was able to start my journey to finding my higher power. I then seperated religion/church from God.

The big book in combination with some other books helped me come to a God of my understanding.

My process went as follows

First I wanted to want to believe
The I wanted to believe
Then I believed and didn't believe
Then I believed in something but I wasn't sure what God was
Then I quit trying to quantify God and can say I found a God of my understanding.
Today I try to expand, build, strengthen, and nurture my understanding and faith in God.

I don't know how it happened but it did. Just wanting it was enough.

One thing I did was to pray or try to... even when I had no faith except I had faith in others who said they didn't have it and it came. I trusted that if all these people I have met could go from no faith to believing in a higher power... that it would happen for me too.

[nandm]

The thread that this link leads to might be able to help you with the topic of a HP. It ties into the Big Book. Take care. Hope you have found the answer that works for you.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...s-believe.html (Reasons to Believe)

[youngirish]

Wow! Thanks all of you. You have all got me thinking, which is good, because I was at a total road block. I pray, I do call him God, but I have no idea who God is or who I'm praying to. See what I mean by weak atheist, lol? I just hope it doesn't fall on deaf ears. I have the book Conversations with God and will begin reading it. I'm getting closer to having a real HP, oh man do I want Him, once again I gotta thank the people on this board for opening my mind up :-)

[barb dwyer]

I never had any doubt about the existance of a Universal Livingness.

My doubt ... was that It (the Infinite) would believe in me.

[Treasure2Find]

Good question but I have no idea how your going to get a higher power or find your higher power.

My higher power was always with me but because of how I acted and how I lived I got further and further from him. Once I started the step process I started getting closer and closer. You said you never made it to step two. I spent a lifetime walking away from my higher power but to find him it only took 12 steps.

All Good Things,

[Zoobear]

All you need to know about a Higher Power to get started is "you ain't it!"

[mikel60]

Hi youngirish,
There's some great stuff in this thread. I, too, was raised Catholic but I drifted away. I believe in God now simply because I drank for years and years - no thought of getting sober - and one night I staggered to an AA meeting. I haven't drank since - 11 years now.
I've gone to AA since day one and I'd love to tell you about all the drama that went into my sobriety - the daily struggle not to pick up... the praying.. the near misses... relapses... but I can't. Somehow from the very first night I stopped, the desire was removed. I have never yet had the urge to drink again - ever. That's gotta be God, cause it sure ain't me.
Lots of meetings and the steps helped me see that I am truly blesed. I see others working so hard, yet still struggling. Why have I been spared that agony? Gotta be God... it's just gotta...

And thank God for that.
Mike in Boston

[Zencat]

Originally Posted by barb dwyer

Someone briliantly put it one time ...

try replacing the word "God" ... with the word "Good" ...

I mean, 'good' ... is a Power. And Is greater than us.

Thanks Barb that’s what I have done and I hope this helps you Youngirish. God of my understanding is Good Orderly Direction (G.O.D.). This allows me to be true to my fundamental beliefs and work the steps at the same time. When I first came to SR I considered myself to be a strong atheist, a rather ticked off one at that. However I have softened my stance since then and now think of myself as a non-theist or humanist….at least something along those lines. I hear the phrase “principals before personalities” often in the meetings and I think to myself the higher principal (my HP also) of good is greater than me. So now I have a personal understanding of God that fulfills my deepest desire to work a program like the friends I have made in AA do.

[Tommyh]

Youngirish

here is what happened to me
when I came to AA 20 yrs ago,I did not want much to do with the God thing.I was raised in a Pres. Church but left for booze and drugs when I was a teenager.The booze worked then better than Church at that time.

Over the yrs,as a result of my ations,behaviors,and thinking,I felt guilty and ashamed and I had prayed for help and had recieved none as best I could tell.So,if there was a God,It wasn`t interested in me.
I hit AA and started out on the steps...got to step 2 and hit a brick wall.There was that Higher Power thing..I told a lady at a newcomer meeting that one night.She gave me what was to become a Golden Key to my Spiritual Freedom....
why don`t you set aside any ideas of a God,Reliion,or Church etc you have and start from scratch,with nothing and ask whoever or whatever that may be out there to help you stay sober one day at a time.
I can do that I said,and I did.
several weeks went by,and then I noticed it...I was sober.I liked it too.There seemed to be "something " else there too.I liked it too.
Soon I called it "God"
I talked it over with my sponser and he suggested I take step 3 as best I could-as it was laid out in the book.I did and then went to my 4th step.

Soon I was done and went and did my 5th step..then the big miracle happened.I had a big book experience like the book says...There "it " was again..but stronger..wow!what a experience..then I came to believe in a Power gretaer than myself.I have believed ever since..and like Carol,I eventually joined a Meth Church..and still a member today..

I now see where I had some earlier problems..
1-I was holding onto old ideas(about God and the result was nill untill I let go)
2- I was trying to define God before I had any personel experience with God..


we agnostics helped me a lot too along with page 55......
agnostic (the old greek defination)means with out knowledge of God

that was me,I had information of a God thru Church etc,and no pratical experience daily,so I really didn`t understand or know God,but I knew a few things about a God thru earleir religion
big difference
so today,I try and remember I need to experience the Higher Power,rather that try and define it or talk about it.
I went thru the steps as the big book says and tryed and let the program give me my current conception of a Power Greater than myself.It works fine for me today.
my current conception of God is much better than the old one was...

I was responsible for my old conception of God too,after all,it was my own ideas that got me to believing the way I did before I got sober

[Tommyh]

ps
after being sober a few years,a oldtimer asked me
how did you come to ds-believe?

really made me think..........

[best]

Originally Posted by youngirish

I grew up Catholic, then did this Christian thing at a local church a few years ago, then after some incidents decided I was atheist, but a weak one as I felt guilty proclaiming that, lol.

Sounds like what I did many a year ago.
What I realized some years later...an incident (words or actions of another) had me saying I rejected any and all things to do with church and people in those churches.

As for getting sober... God of your understanding will work to get you through the steps and find a quality sober life.

As for "this Christian things at a church"

I found the answers by searching for them myself rather then accept what others tell me they think is truth. A reading and study of what the bible says will answer many questions for you. Sure opened my eyes and helped me when some would say...this is truth ....and I could give proper answers that gained them better understanding.

[GrouchoTheCat]

'Tis better to sit on the mountaintop and think of God,
then to sit in church and think of the mountain...

You are already more than halfway there.

Seek and ye shall find.

For now, just believe that I believe, and keep knocking on the door.