Pigeon, for Dinner?

[RufusACanal]

One of my more astute pigeons asked me last evening why I became visible unhinged when he utters lofty comments like an old sage at recent closed meetings. At the time of his remark, I was deeply meditating on the Fourth Tradition and I was immediately taken back by his interruption of my thoughts. That this strapping of a dry drunk would have the temerity to even suggest that what he spewed held any significance to folks who already held the wisdom of the ages concerning AA.

Frankly his comment reflected poorly on my wise guidance and it truly pissed me off. Did I teach this sprout of a drunk to have initiative and personal resolve which might possibly prompt him to consider that creating profound comments among adults was acceptable? What was he doing in that alcoholic wet brain when I was instructing him in the mysteries and secrets of AA, dreaming of the remote possibility that I would allow him two seconds of “free time” with the new girl by the coffee urn? Urgg, PIGEONS!!!

But, wait. How could I have forgotten? He wasn’t a new guy, he was an old guy, who after a series of attempts at copulating with the front door to AA had returned again, begging for the key to that essence which would remove the pain once again. He truly seemed like the fabled unicorn, a real, live repentant drunk on the last rung.

Like a steel door slamming into my face the realization dawned on me that this man had not had a drink in 37 days! Oh my blessed lord, what had I allowed to happen!! Ego once again reared its massive head and a gaping mouth to swallow the emerging sanity of a retread, there by dooming this new-old drunk to another round of lengthy personal dissertations and phony transparent representations of what he thought sobriety was all about.

I had failed; by the way, this was not your run of the mill retreaded pigeon, though he didn’t have a pot to **** in nor a place to pour it if he did. Christ, he lived in a halfway house for retreads. No this was one of those top shelf, front of the line, best in the store guys who commands attention with a loud voice and sparkling words stolen from fancy books and tomes. He was normal to all appearances, but we know him as the guy who was dry for a stretch back in the 90’s. Now when he gets to the gutter, he slides over to the nearest meeting and proclaims that the light finally has gotten through the twisted tissues he used to call a mind and he is ready to do anything to live a new life, anything.

I am aghast that we didn’t listen sooner to the wisdom of our forefathers and do as they did with the pigeons of their day. Hell the creek is only a few blocks from the AA club and there are always burlap sacks lying around. Hmmm.

To be continued…

This vital story for Recovery was censored by a Power greater than me.)

[RufusACanal]

What a magnificent fall day it is here in my highly secure, gated community just east of Birmingham, Alabama. The Oak Mountains are off to my right, filling the sky with a multitude of colors as I rock serenely in one of my red rocking chair. I am completely content with everything in God’s World at this very moment and there is nothing that could tarnish the luster of this day. My eyes are just about closed as I add my two cents to my thoughts on the First Tradition..and the phone rings.

Who would have guessed? Why it’s my number one pigeon that is still 37 days dry. God, was I writing about him in my daily inventory just this morning? Damn, I am getting forgetful. Short Serenity Prayer under my breath and say hello.

This wonderful man tells me I am the reason he preceded to drink the last time. Yes dear folks, I am to blame for someone else’s libation. Somehow, when I was that role of Sponsor the last time around for this man, not to be confused with this time around, I said something that didn’t make sense to our man and so I was not supporting enough or nice enough or understanding enough and he got drunk because of it. I truly think that our highly intelligent and worldly man has me confused with his deceased Mother and Father, his 5 Dogs, his 57 Ex-Bosses, the 3 Ex-Girlfriends, every Police Officer and anyone who looks at him for longer than .023 seconds, sideways.

I honesty did not know someone could speak so loudly on a cell phone.

This is the point where I really want to pass on my experience, strength and hope and then turn off the phone when our man says, “Rufus, AA is a cult and you are the Devil and I am through with following your corny suggestions and going to these ignorant cult meetings. Why can’t I have sex now, why can’t I just quit my job now and tell the Boss to, well you know what I say when I quit my jobs and why can’t I just do everything I want now …my way!!!!!” “Why do I have to read this **** and why do I have to sit in meeting after meeting and not say a frigging word!” Silence, then strange gagging, loud mucous sounds. Ahh, that would be the obligatory crying jag. The phone goes silent.

To be continued…

[Astro]

But for the grace of God go I, Rufus.......

Thanks for sharing!

[bugsworth]

Search out another “pigeon” and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. Maybe this particular “pigeon” didn’t like your brand of koolaid.

It may be difficult to determine where religious beliefs end and mental illness begins. -- Elaine Cassel

[laurie6781]

OMG Rufus, I laughed so hard I almost wet my pants, would have too, except had just been to the ahhheeemmmmm before reading this thread.

Oh you bring back memories, not of being a retread, but of being 37 days sober and knowing it all and then some, lol..................................well that was in July of '81 and with a lot of grumbling, and diggin in my heels like a dang old mule, somehow my sponsor did get through to me, lmao

That was over 26 years ago and it's been One Hell of a ride so far!!!!!!

One thing I had a very hard time believing is that Hugh, my sponsors hubby, also a long time sober, told me that I would get sponsees that were exactly like me..............nnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwww wouldn't happen, roflmao.

Oh yes it does............................

Please continue this thread Rufus, you have a great way with words, brings back a lot of memories.

Love and hugs,

[RufusACanal]

to be continued...

[bugsworth]

May I ask what is a retread?

[RufusACanal]

I am a retread. It is slang for a drunk who for whatever reason is not done drinking beverage Alcohol and comes into our rooms and goes out again. Like an old tire with new rubber. Some do not like this term and I believe some terms are beyond the sake of speech; this one is not. Retread says it all about the reality of what I had to do in order to get where I am going in this new life. If living after living dead for so long as not a new life, then, well I just don't know. Thanks, Ron

[Doug]

:scratchch

[bugsworth]

Thanks Ron, I had never heard that word used before in this forum. I hope your sponcee finds his way.

[BP44]

That is great, Rufus. I had to be hopeless to become willing to go to any lengths. I am a retread. I've been in and out since 1991. I'm in my 8th month again. I just completed my first inventory and 5th step. That says it all. I wanted it to be about just not drinking. I really did. And I tried to make that work. Then I wanted to stay sober on 1,2,and 3. And that didn't work. When I finally decided to get a sponsor who has a sponsor, who has worked the steps and go to any lengths, I became willing as only the dying can be. He told me several things when we first met. 1)Don't call me drunk, I don't talk to drunk people. 2) I've been taught that I can't fire you. You can fire me if you want to, but I'm stuck with you. 3) If you go back out, get drunk, don't stay, I won't lose any sleep, I'll find another alcoholic to work with. These were powerful statements. The onus was on me. Am I gonna do this deal or not? Well, I was outta answers and solutions. So, I do what he tells me to do. I don't question why. I just do. If I want what he has, I have to do what he did. It really is that simple.

[Music]

Ya know something Ruf? I've sponsored a lot of guys in my time, and I've had 100% success. I'M STILL SOBER!! Like you, I've made recommendations to my pigeons about sex, going to meetings, calling daily, etc. They've asked the same question. Why do I have to do those things? My answer is: "You don't!" Most have come back at some point, beaten and broken down yet again, and want to try once more. I've been fired a couple times, but have never fired a pigeon.

If a drunk doesn't like the title of "retread", try "alconaut." That'a a person who obits around AA, occasionally making a flaming re-entry.

[bugsworth]

Pigeons, retreads and alconauts....interesting...how far down the list is human or children of God?

[miss communicat]

Hiya Rufus,

this too reminded me of one my sponsees. She was 20 something days in, and decided to take AA's inventory, and that of everybody else in it, except her own.

I accepted her approach as a mirror to me of where I once was (hateful, know-it-all dry drunk) and of where I can go if I don't work my own program.

I can condescend, resist and condemn right along with the best of them. My fear factory is still producing angry defenses daily.

For this problem, I turn to my higher power and others for help. May I be relieved of the bondage of self, that I may serve and help others....who actually WANT help.

thanks for your wonderful writing. I always enjoy what you share.

[bugsworth]

This thread reminded me of something I had read in step 10....


We "constructively criticized" someone who needed it, when our real motive was to win a useless argument. Or, the person concerned not being present, we thought we were helping others to understand him, when in actuality our true motive was to feel superior by pulling him down. We sometimes hurt those we love because they need to be "taught a lesson," when we really want to punish.

This odd trait of mind and emotion, this perverse wish to hide a bad motive underneath a good one, permeates human affairs from top to bottom. This subtle and elusive kind of self-righteousness can underlie the smallest act or thought.
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, William G. Wilson, pages 94-95.

[RufusACanal]

Morning, care for some coffee? My meditation has ended and life is good; I am waiting on my pigeon to call. Ever done that? At 659AM, currently he is anything but a human being; I was supposed to get his call at 630AM; more on him later.

Have you ever experienced your Sponsor gently remarking that you should immediately SHUT UP? Sometimes it is truly difficult to weed through the morass of our memories or lack thereof. This simple, non-threatening example of love was expressed to me on several occasions way back when I was the boy genius of AA. Granted, my Sponsor was an external alimentary canal opening in our relationship, yet with a few well placed shut ups, I was able to finally stop the self generated noise and do sometime magical; listen.

Listening is defined by one of the leading reference guides as taking the cotton out of your ears and placing it firmly in your mouth. What an amazing concept in a world where individualism is the keystone of “I will do whatever I want to”.

OK, so I did not receive a call this morning. By the way, my pigeons must contact me daily during the first 90 days. Years ago, I was trying to get into a Halfway House after Inpatient Treatment #19 and each time I called this local pay as you go house, the intellectual moron answering the phone kept telling me to call the next day to see if a bed would become available. My inside source at this Halfway House came to our regular Monday night meeting at this treatment center and I asked him why the yoyo who answering the phone kept me calling back every day to see if a bed was available. My friend told me that they, the Halfway House staff were testing my resolve to recover, you know that any lengths statement. I called everyday and finally got a bed.

I am going down my list of things to remark on with my guy, A. Listening B. Willingness…when the phone rings and my pigeon is on the line.

To be continued

[RufusACanal]

Bugsworth,

As to answer your question, probably at the bottom of my list, but you know what? It's just my list. Appreciate your comments! Ron

[tiburon88]

Not everyone takes to the "tough guy sponser" approach. I find the term pigeon and retread rather demeaning. I guess if that helps the person doing the name calling feel better about themselves, it's okay.

[Music]

Originally Posted by tiburon88

Not everyone takes to the "tough guy sponser" approach. I find the term pigeon and retread rather demeaning. I guess if that helps the person doing the name calling feel better about themselves, it's okay.

So, you don't like being called a pigeon? Take it up with Dr. Bob. He's the guy who coined the term. If you don't like being called a retread, don't do what it takes to qualify. And by the way, if you consider these terms to be demeaning, TOUGH!! Get over it. And by the way, I feel very good about myself. Thank you very much.

[tiburon88]

I don't consider myself a retread, I've been in recovery for 5 years. I just think "the tough guy approach" does not always work.

[BP44]

I am one of my sponsors 8 pigeons. And I'm grateful to be one of his pigeons. See, there's a bond between this man and me. i is a bond that can only be had through this intense but simple process of step work. To think of all the preconceived notions I had about this business of sponsorship and step work that kept me so sick for so long. Tuesday night I shared my inventory with him via the 5th step. We got to business. At the end of my quiet hour back I had some realizations. My inventory boiled down to Pride and Fear. It was all there on paper. it had been shared with this man and God. And my realization is this...I'm just a man. All of my faults and a handful of virtues, and God loves me. And where in the world would I be without God in my life. There is a peace and comfort in that. I would not be in this spiritual place, if I were not this man's pigeon.

[nandm]

This has been an interesting discussion. I can actually see where some people do respond better and need the firmer approach when it comes to sponsorship. I do believe though that not everyone responds well to that approach. Personally, I was beat up enough when I got to A.A. I did not need someone else to tell me what a stupid piece of sh** I was, I felt I already knew what a horrible failure I was. When I came crawling into A.A. I was emotionally bankrupt. I am fortunate enough to have found a sponsor that is willing to call me on my shi*. But not in a derogatory way. Not to say she coddles me because she does give me her opinion and doesn't co sign my stuff. I have seen sponsors of friends of mine who took a very stern approach. It was what the sponsees needed at that time. I think that if we trust in our HP the right person will be put in our life to guide us (as a sponsor).

As far as the term retread and other similiar terms, which can be hurtful to hear can and sometimes do give a person who keeps coming back, trying to get it, just enough added embarrassment and humiliation that they just quit coming back. Is that because they would not have been able to make it? Who knows. I just know I do not want to wonder if my harsh words contributed to someone's downfall and failure at recovery. The terms, though, I am sure are just what some people need to hear to jump start them into taking the program serious. The problem is knowing which type of person we are dealing with. I personally just welcome them back and pray that this time they get it and leave the push of the terminology to someone else. I think it takes a village to raise a child. In other words each of us has a job in A.A. some of us are sponsors, some greeters, some service junkies, some that carry the message into jails and such, some that are great speakers, but most of us are not all of those things in one package. It takes all of us bringing what we have to the table to put the message of A.A. out there in a fashion where it will reach the most people. I don't have to be someone who uses the terms I just have to be what I am good at in A.A. I am thankful for what each person brings to the A.A. table though because without the differences we would not be as effective.

A little rambling here but it puts my few cents in the pot.

[barb dwyer]

Is the spectre of Death is right behind you and you can't realize it....

Do you want someone to whisper the news to you?

Or do you want to know in a way you can hear it?

:

[St_Kurt]

Your sponsee sounds like my mom, Rufus. To hear her tell it, Bill W. and Dr. Bob were hanging out in the background making coffee and picking their noses while she single handedly invented A.A. I mean, seriously, thank God she's here or no one would find sobriety. Ever. Even non-alcoholics would all be guzzling vodka in the gutter and smoking crack if it weren't for her. Truly.*

Yeah, it's annoying, but apparently even those people CAN recover.

~SK


* P.S. -- Sarcasm doesn't always have to mean anger or resentment. There's nothing I can do about my mom being the way she is (except laugh at her rather than with her ). And hey, if thinking she invented the 12 step program keeps her sober and coming back - how annoying can it really be? She's way more annoying when she's drunk.

[Music]

Originally Posted by tiburon88

I don't consider myself a retread, I've been in recovery for 5 years. I just think "the tough guy approach" does not always work.

Show me an approach that "always" works and I'll kiss your patoot. Nothing I know of "always" works. Each person is dealt with individually. However, a pigeon is a pigeon, and a retread is a retread. I can think a of a lot worse things to be called and with a lot less love.

If a person goes back out because of something that was said, his point is....?
If a person goes back out because of being called a pigeon or retreat, he is prooving what to whom??? Personally, I think it's probably a good thing that people get PO'd and go back out so they can be reminded that it doesn't get any better, no matter what the reasons for drinking again are. But you see, this all has to do with the way people in AA have changed in the past 20 or 30 years. The guy on the street is sensitive enough, but take him off the street and sit him in an AA meeting and all of a sudden it's as though all AAs around him should go to sensitivity training in order to just sit down and talk to him. Nuts to that!