Admitting I was wrong

[skunkape]

Hello family,

I have something to share. In a fit of anger and frustration I started a thread under Secular Connections last Spring denouncing AA as a whole and expelling how displeased I was with it. I honestly felt at the time that I would be able to fix myself. I was wrong. In August I relapsed and lost everything. My Job. My Fiancee. My money. My self respect. I was the closest to suicide I have ever been, and that is a scary thing indeed. At the last AA meeting I attended in Spring, I was told that I would lose everything if I didn't work the program. I laughed it off. Who are these people to tell me they are the way the truth and the life. Now I shake my head in disbelief. So I am writing this for anyone and I mean ANYONE who might be doubting the program or their place in it right now. PLEASE PLEASE do not make the mistake I did. I would give ANYTHING to take back what I have done. I am in constant agony. I have 68 days and a sponsor now and all I've got now is the rest of my life to stay sober one day at a time.



chris

[CarolD]

Good to know you have found a way
to have a healthy sober future.

Congratulations on your sober time!

[RufusACanal]

Giving up one's faith might be even more of a greater loss. Another reprieve is a miracle; you are back it is now time to work. Welcome home Chris.

Ron

[nandm]

Glad you are here. Sorry you had to take the long road in.

[skunkape]

carol: Thank you
rufus: I guess it took what it took. Why I had to let it come to this... only god knows.
nandm: Yep it was the long road indeed.

The program didn't fail me. I failed the program. I had all the tools at my disposal and I threw them all away. However I'm not depressed at all this. In fact I'm glad that you people even take back people who have shunned the program. I have found a damn good group around here and they have made me the coffeemaster. I enjoy my service committment and I am looking forward to more service in the future.

[carl11]

68 days, great job...keep in truckin'...

[Zoobear]

I will let ya in on a little known fact, the coffee pot is magic.

[mike_mass]

Welcome back. A lot of us go through phases of rebellion.

[Rowan]

Thanks for your post, Chris. I'm glad you made it back.

[GrouchoTheCat]

Welcome back.

That's all I ever heard and it was always said with love and kindness. It is always painful to see someone leave the program, and it is a joyful occasion indeed when they return.

So Welcome back.

(hey zoobear, why do you think I make so much coffee!?)

Five Tips for sobriety success:
1- Ask God for guidance when you get up.
2- Plan your day around a meeting (make sobriety a priority)
3- Have a sponsor and Work the Steps!
4- Join a group and get active, this way you are helping the newcomer
5- Before retiring, thank God for the simple fact that you are still sober

[barb dwyer]

some of us are just in it for the nifty coins, ya know ... LOL

welcome back to the Fellowship, SA.
I think your post was quite honest.
and that's the best way to get the foundation made.

fivey years ago - I went back out too and it was all about the God thing.

I understand what you're saying.

[REZ]

Glad you're back. I'm convinced that the program won't work without the spirituality part. This can be difficult for atheists and agnostics, but not impossible. You just have to believe in something besides your own BS that can keep you sober today. AA is not a do-it-yourself program. It is about recognizing your limitations and asking for help.

[skunkape]

I threw away a person who loved me with all her heart, who stood by me during my worst, who gave me everything she had, I threw away all that for a few bottles of cheap booze, if that isn't insanity I don't know what is. I'm a sick sick person. I need my spirit to be healed.

[Jbh5058]

I'm so glad you made it back. It works. It really does.

Love,
Jenn

[Rob B]

Welcome back, please consider yourself blessed to have this second chance. What impresses me the most about your post is your surrender, and current loss of ego. I remember your previous post in secular connection and thought to myself, if he is anything like me, he will drink again. Ironically, in complete despair and surrender lies real hope, and perhaps the only shot at salvation a real alcoholic has,

"that one is God, may you find him now" BB PG#59 How it Works.

" The Central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that our Creator has entered into our hearts and lives in a way which is indeed miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish those things for us which we could never do by ourselves." BB PG#25 There is a solution.

"To us, the Realm of Spirit is broad, roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who earnestly seek. It is open we believe, to all men"
BB PG#46 We Agnostics

This has and continues to be my experience, I believe it is open to all who seek. You are embarking on an incredible journey.

[c0n0r0]

Glad to have you back. We need you here.

In the 4th edition at the bottom of page 83 start the promises. When I came around I was willing to wholeheartedly accept all of them, well almost.

"We will no longer regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it."

That one I could have done with out though. I was going to have a whole mixed bag of emotions if that promise didn't come true. I didn't think it was possible. And I would have had, yet another, resentment. I thought well that may have been all well and good for you, but you don't know me, you don't know what I have done. Maybe I don't deserve that promise. Maybe I deserve to regret the past and the consequences that come with that.

It came true though. WOW. I don't regret my past, nor do I wish to shut the door on it. My past helps keep me honest, vigilant, and passionate about this deal. I moved to a place where I was able to use my past to help others, as you can.

Five Tips for sobriety success:
1- Ask God for guidance when you get up.
5- Before retiring, thank God for the simple fact that you are still sober

We AA’s Read this and answer these ten questions before we go to sleep at night
(page 86)

When we retire at night, we constructively review our day.

Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?

Do we owe an apology?

Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?

Were we kind and loving toward all?

What could we have done better?

Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time?

Or were we thinking of what we could do for others, of what we could pack into the stream of life?

But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others.

After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.

In the morning we AA’s Read and do this before we climb out of bed in the morning

On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought- life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.

In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind. Being still inexperienced and having just made conscious contact with God, it is not probable that we are going to be inspired at all times. We might pay for this presumption in all sorts of absurd actions and ideas. Nevertheless, we find that our thinking will, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration. We come to rely upon it.

We usually conclude the period of meditation with a prayer that we be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of such problems. We ask especially for freedom from self-will, and are careful to make no request for ourselves only. We may ask for ourselves, however, if others will be helped. We are careful never to pray for our own selfish ends. Many of us have wasted a lot of time doing that and it doesn't work. You can easily see why.

If circumstances warrant, we ask our wives or friends to join us in morning meditation. If we belong to a religious denomination which requires a definite morning devotion, we attend to that also. If not members of religious bodies, we sometimes select and memorize a few set prayers which emphasize the principles we have been discussing. There are many helpful books also. Suggestions about these may be obtained from one's priest, minister, or rabbi. Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer.

As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action. We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day "Thy will be done." We are then in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish decisions. We become much more efficient. We do not tire so easily, for we are not burning up energy foolishly as we did when we were trying to arrange life to suit ourselves.

It works — it really does.

We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined. But this is not all. There is action and more action. "Faith without works is dead."