Potential Sponsors

[c0n0r0]

Why do we ask newcomers to wait one year before sponsoring people? Why is one year a magical turning point?

Ebby wasn't sober a year when he approached Bill.
Bill wasn't sober a year when he carried the message to Dr Bob.
Dr. Bob started carrying the message with about a month of sobriety.

We say you can't keep what you have without giving it away. But then some say well you have to wait to give it away.

If it can't be reconciled by the literature of AA it shouldn't be professed to be part of the program.

[cookconfay]

Well where I come from....a year isn't stressed. It is merely said....if you have a sponsor and you have been through the steps with a sponsor....then....you can sponsor someone....I have also been told that you can help someone to as far as you are....and actually you could be working on yourself with your sponsor to get further as you are helping someone else..... The most common thing I have heard through all my years in & out of the program is don't ever say no.......when asked to help someone, sponsor them, chair a meeting, carry the message, 12 step calls, speaker...whatever....don't ever say no.....

[livenletlive]

I agree with cook. In my mind, even if you have one more day of sobriety than a newcomer, you can help impart whatever knowledge you have to the person who just walked into a meeting for the first time. I think a year is mentioned so that a newcomer won't get pressured to feel he/she has to help others right out of the gate. Take the year to work on your recovery and later, when steps have been worked and practiced with a sponsor, a person is more equipt to take on a sponsee. I think a year is a rough timeframe and relatively short period of time. It could be more or less depending on a persons recovery progress though. Bottom line, year one is about getting yourself situated in recovery and feeling better.

[nandm]

In the nearly 7 years I have been in A.A. I have never heard someone say one could not sponsor until they had a year. I liked your perspective on it though. Anyone who has time has something to share even if it is only a day. My thought though is I would prefer to have a sponsor who has worked the steps. I don't think that the Big Book even uses the word sponsor in the first 164 pages. All it talks about is one alcoholic helping another to stay sober, which any alcoholic can do.

[CarolD]

Hi c0n0r0....Welcome to SR!

The best source I know of for sponsorship issues
is the official AA pamphlet ....

" Questions and Answers on Sponsorship"

It's usually on the free literature rack at meetings.


I don't recall if the 1 year suggestion is there or not.

Glad you found us....Do keep posting ..

[c0n0r0]

Thanks for the replies. It seems this one year thing I hear at places on the East Coast isn't as widespread as I thought. I've been to a lot of meetings though over the past 14 years where towards the end of the meeting they will ask anyone who has worked the steps and has been sober for a year or more to raise their hands. Then they say these are potential sponsors. I've never seen it in any literature including the sponsorship Q&A. I agree with earlier posters that if you have worked the steps then by all means pass it on. I think it hits a nerve with me when I hear that at meetings because I would have never made it through early sobriety without working with another alcoholic. Before I worked the steps and started sponsoring guys - I helped where I could. My sponsor told me if you have 30 days then go help the guy with 15, tell him how you did it.

So apparently from the replies though no one else is hearing this which is wonderful. It still disheartens me that I hear it at some meetings I go to. If I had waited a year I would probably still be in prison now or dead.

[c0n0r0]

And yes it is in the the sponsorship Q and A. I don't remember exactly what it said but it is something like there are no specific rules but a good sponsor should probably be a year or more away from their last drink.

[c0n0r0]

I found this on the Primary Purpose groups web site. I thought it made for a good read.

Every sponsor is necessarily a leader. The stakes are huge. A human life, and usually the happiness of a whole family, hangs in the balance. What the sponsor does and says, how well he estimates the reactions of his prospects, how well he times and makes his presentation, how well he handles criticisms, and how well he leads his prospect on by personal spiritual example - well, these attributes of leadership can make all the difference, often the difference between life and death. - Bill W

The door opened and he stood there, fresh-skinned and glowing. There was something about his eyes. He was inexplicably different. What had happened? In a matter of fact way he told how two men had appeared in court, persuading the judge to suspend his commitment. They had told of a simple religious idea and a practical program of action. That was two months ago and the result was self-evident. It worked! He had come to pass his experience along to me - if I cared to have it........

My schoolmate visited me, and I fully acquainted him with my problems and deficiencies. We made a list of people I had hurt or toward whom I felt resentment. I expressed my entire willingness to approach these individuals, admitting my wrong. Never was I to be critical of them. I was to right all such matters to the utmost of my ability.

I was to test my thinking by the new God-consciousness within. Common sense would thus become uncommon sense. I was to sit quietly when in doubt, asking only for direction and strength to meet my problems as He would have me. Never was I to pray for myself, except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might I expect to receive. But that would be in great measure.

My friend promised when these things were done I would enter upon a new relationship with my Creator; that I would have the elements of a way of living which answered all my problems. Belief in the power of God, plus enough willingness, honesty and humility to establish and maintain the new order of things, were the essential requirements.

Alcoholics Anonymous began with sponsorship- the action of one alcoholic sharing his experience, strength, and hope with another alcoholic. Prior to AA's official beginning, Ebby carried to Bill the news of his new-found sobriety and the practical program of action by which this was accomplished. While in Townes Hospital, Ebby took Bill through the six-step program practiced by the Oxford Group and encouraged Bill to do the same with others. Although Ebby did not remain sober, Bill continued to refer to Ebby as his sponsor- the man who carried the message to him.

Sponsorship in AA, like many of our important tools of recovery, was developed and formalized to fill a need in the program and became established as a tradition due to its effectiveness in helping the alcoholic to achieve permanent sobriety. The original text of the Big Book makes no mention of the term sponsor or sponsee or pigeon or babies, although Chapter 7 gives all the instructions necessary to sponsor an alcoholic into the AA program. In the beginning, while growth was painfully slow, there was no need to formalize the practice of sponsorship. All members entering AA did so by the practice of our Twelfth step and more than likely spent some time with some of AA's founding members before attending their first meeting.

Sponsorship was formalized as an AA tradition due to the explosive growth of AA in Cleveland following the publication of the Cleveland Plain Dealer article on Alcoholics Anonymous in 1939.

In AA Comes of Age, Bill W. states of this period, It was soon evident that a scheme of personal sponsorship would have to be devised for the new people. Each prospect was assigned an older AA, who visited at his home or in the hospital, instructed him on AA principles, and conducted him to his first meeting. But in the face of many hundreds of pleas for help, the supply of elders could not possibly meet the demand. Brand-new AA's, sober only a month or even a week, had to sponsor alcoholics still drying up in hospitals... How could they possibly manage, we did not know.

But a year later we did know; for by then Cleveland AA had about 30 groups and several hundred members...

The Cleveland pioneers had proven three essential things: the value of personal sponsorship, the worth of the AA book in indoctrinating newcomers, and finally, the tremendous fact that AA, when word really got around, could now soundly grow to great size.

Clarence S., a Cleveland AA originally sponsored by Dr. Bob in the Akron Group, can be credited with establishing the system of sponsorship as we have come to know it today. Due to the large number of inquiries and limited number of long-time AA's, he saw the need to organize the assignment of sponsors to prospective AA's and to write some guidelines for the sponsor to follow.

One of the earliest pieces of AA literature to make reference to this system of sponsorship was the Akron Manual, published by the AA's in Akron in 1940 and was in distribution within a year of the publication of the Big Book. This was followed by Clarence S. and the Cleveland AA's publication of AA Sponsorship...It's Opportunities and Responsibilities. Both of these pamphlets describe the role of the sponsor as one of providing the newcomer's introduction to AA.

The current pamphlet Questions and Answers on Sponsorship published by AAWS states, To join some organizations, you must have a sponsor- a person who vouches for you, presents you as being suitable for membership. This is definitely not the case with AA. Anyone who has a desire to stop drinking is welcome to join us!

However, in early AA, this is precisely what sponsorship was. The sponsor in early AA called upon the prospective member, presented his story according to Chapter 7 of the Big Book, and determined whether or not the prospect qualified for membership- whether he was an alcoholic and whether he had a sincere desire to stop drinking. The newcomer was then sponsored into AA. Upon determining that the prospect was a real alcoholic and that he was willing to follow our program of recovery, the sponsor was to arrange for hospitalization of the new member, arrange AA visitors to call upon the new man while he was in the hospital, introduce him to the AA book and our principles, and to take him through some or all of the steps of the AA program-all before taking him to his first meeting. Thus, the newcomer was fully aware of our program and on our path to recovery before entering AA.

In Akron, it was assumed that the prospective member would go through the hospitalization process where they would be attended by Dr Bob and other oldtimers One of the best descriptions of Akron sponsorship is in the story of Earle T. in the 2nd and 3rd editions of the Big Book.

Then and only then, after a thorough indoctrination by eight or nine individuals, was I allowed to attend my first meeting...The day before I was to go back to Chicago, a Wednesday and Dr Bob's day off, he had me down to the office and we spent 3 or 4 hours formally going through the Six-step program as it was at that time. The six steps were 1. Complete Deflation, 2. Dependence and guidance from a Higher Power, 3. Moral Inventory, 4. Confession 5. Restitution, 6. Continued work with other alcoholics.

Dr Bob led me through all of these steps. At the moral inventory, he brought up some of my bad personality traits or character defects such as selfishness, conceit, jealousy, carelessness, intolerance, ill-temper, sarcasm, and resentments. We went over these at great length and then he finally asked me if I wanted these defects of character removed. When I said yes, we both knelt at his desk and prayed, each of us asking to have these defects taken away.

This picture is still vivid. If I live to be a hundred, it will always stand out in my mind. It was very impressive and I wish that every AA could have the benefit of this type of sponsorship today. Dr Bob always emphasized the religious angle very strongly, and I think it helped. I know it helped me. Dr Bob then led me through the restitution step, in which I made a list of all of the persons I had harmed, and worked out ways and means of slowly making restitution.

In Cleveland, it was becoming apparent that a prospect who was not in too serious physical condition could skip hospitalization and be indoctrinated into the program while maintaining his job and other responsibilities. Men were sponsored by alcoholics only a few weeks or months sober, and upon completion of the steps were sent out to sponsor others.

Up until the early 1940's the role of sponsor was thought of as making the 12th step call, sobering up the newcomer, and introducing him to the AA way of life. Members came into the program only as a result of such personal attention. Very little was written of the type of ongoing relationship that we know today as sponsorship. However, with the explosive growth of AA following the Jack Alexander article in the Saturday Evening Post, many members began to sober up without the benefit of such personal attention, using the book and correspondence with New York or Akron AA's as a guide. Many locations did not have the benefit of a hospitalization period in which to introduce the prospect to the program. More and more often, sponsorship began as the new member began attending meetings.

Additionally, as AA members reached longer periods of sobriety, it became apparent that many deep-seated problems remained long after putting the plug in the jug. Recovery from alcoholism began to be thought of in terms of emotional sobriety or spiritual growth, there began to be more distinction between dry and sober. Bill W. continued to suffer from terrible depressions and in 1940 met Father Ed Dowling, with whom he formed a lifelong relationship as a sponsor and spiritual advisor.

By the time of the publication of The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions in 1953, the idea of a long-term sponsor-sponsee relationship and recovery as lifelong spiritual growth was firmly in place, if not in the fellowship as a whole, at least in the ideas of Bill W. The 12 & 12 talks very little about the disease concept of alcoholism and the physical sobering up of the alcoholic. Sponsorship is mentioned often and the sponsor is described as a friend or advisor who helps the new member work through the steps after he has come into AA. It is clear that the role of the sponsor is one of aiding the member's spiritual growth beyond physical recovery. It is also clear that the sponsor's role is to take the new AA member through the working of the Twelve Steps.

Since the writing of the 12 & 12 in the 1950's, one of the greatest challenges to the sponsorship system and to AA as a whole occurred during the Treatment Center Boom of the 1970's and 80's. Recovery centers based on AA's Twelve Step Program sprang up all over the country and began dumping 30, 60, and 90 day sober alcoholics and non-alcoholic addicts into AA meetings. AA's membership increased dramatically and many new groups were formed. This would at first glance seem to be a good thing. However, for the first time in AA history, large numbers of newcomers were showing up who were physically recovered and feeling good about themselves. This removed one of the most effective tools we have in working with a newcomer- the feeling of hopelessness coupled with a desire to do anything to get over it. Many of these newcomers had worked the first 5 steps with the help of their counselors and arrived with the feeling that they had already done the steps. Many had acquired many non-AA therapies mixed with the Twelve Steps and brought this into the program. Most arrived far less teachable than they ever had in the past. Most were not assigned sponsors, but told to find someone they could relate to and call them to talk about their problems.

In many groups sponsorship has become optional, with newcomers instead using the group as a sponsor, coming to discussion meetings and vomiting their problems on all those in attendance. In these groups, who open their meetings by asking Does anyone have a problem or topic they would like to hear discussed?, AA has become a sort of group therapy focused more on the problem than the solution. The effect has been to allow the program of recovery to be determined by the newest and most problem-ridden members in the group. The effect has been to weaken the importance of the sponsor-sponsee relationship in working out solutions to these problems.

The pamphlet, Questions and Answers on Sponsorship published by AAWS, gives many suggestions of what a sponsor does and does not do. Strangely enough, one thing it does not mention is that the sponsor helps the newcomer take the actions described by the steps. It only suggests that the sponsor goes over the meaning of the steps and helps the newcomer understand their importance. Hmmm...

What has become apparent to many of us who love AA is that where there is strong sponsorship, there is strong AA, where there is weak sponsorship, there is weak AA.

[RufusACanal]

Good stuff c0. I am grateful for your writing and welcome to SR. Who knows where the one year began. Suffice to say that many folks who think they are carrying the message to the still suffering Alcoholic are not.

"Why do we ask newcomers to wait one year before sponsoring people? Why is one year a magical turning point?"

"Ebby wasn't sober a year when he approached Bill.
Bill wasn't sober a year when he carried the message to Dr Bob.
Dr. Bob started carrying the message with about a month of sobriety."

Citing the founders of AA as support for early sponsorship is all well and good, yet even they took several years in determining what guidelines would most help in leading the suffering Alcoholic in their new lives. That help came in the form of the Big Book of Alcoholic Anonymous. Most today, do not work the steps nor use the Text as those recovered men and women did years ago and that reason is supported in your above posting.

This is a softer, easier world c0 and regardless of the truth, fundamentally many today have all of the answers.

"However, for the first time in AA history, large numbers of newcomers were showing up who were physically recovered and feeling good about themselves. This removed one of the most effective tools we have in working with a newcomer- the feeling of hopelessness coupled with a desire to do anything to get over it. Many of these newcomers had worked the first 5 steps with the help of their counselors and arrived with the feeling that they had already done the steps. Many had acquired many non-AA therapies mixed with the Twelve Steps and brought this into the program. Most arrived far less teachable than they ever had in the past. Most were not assigned sponsors, but told to find someone they could relate to and call them to talk about their problems."

I believe fundamentally in a new life as a recovered man; if a man has been lead through all of the steps and is living a new life recovered, then he must sponsor. No time limits. Truly, helping the man with 15 days when I have 30 is an example of right direction by the Sponsor and the right action by me the Sponsee. I do not consider this “Sponsorship”; This is the hand of AA.

How many are recovered in a year and then capable of leading the newcomer as a Sponsor? Maybe the question is not "why one year", but why are none "recovered"? Why not work the steps in a night or over the weekend? Why not?

C0, you are on to something here. Its 300AM and I am going back to bed. Thank God for a new life, because without the new life, I would not have this chance to be up and enjoy your fellowship in the wee hours of the morning. Now that's good stuff!!

[c0n0r0]

"Why not work the steps in a night or over the weekend? Why not? "

I didn't work them that fast, but I worked through them as quickly as I could while doing as thorough a job as I was able. As it was explained to me how much work I put it into will directly correspond to my amount of freedom. How free do I want to be is what was asked of me.

My sponsor said do you know how you to work on your fourth step? No .... You do a fifth step. Do you know how to properly do an eighth step? Nope. You get out there and start knocking on doors and work on your amends.

And it does work. Its been many 24 hours since I sat in a meeting detoxing on librium. And the desire to drink has been removed. No human power could do that for this alcoholic of the hopeless variety. I tried to avoid doing this deal at all costs. I tried everything else until I ran out of options. You people were the only ones that would have me. At the risk of repeating myself, if I didn't get right into the steps and work them I wouldn't be here. I am convinced of that.

And since then I have caught a different buzz. Carrying the message to a newcomer, showing them how to do the work, watching them find God and recover .... you can see it in their eyes. Then watching them sponsor someone and seeing them come into the light. That's it. That's my buzz.

And for that I thank all of you.

May you all walk in the sunshine of the Spirit.

[yogurt75]

That one year b4 you sponsor came from the same stupid place that the one step a year came from.

AA's founders went thru the steps in a very short period of time, days up to a month usually. Of those who wrote the Big Book, one member had just over 4 years. One had just under 4 years and the rest averaged about 18 months of sobriety. People in AA tell you now that it takes 5 years to get your brains out of hock - hmmmmmm

The Big Book AA's basic text was written by a bunch of newcomers whose brains weren't out of hock.

There is so much practiced in AA today that have absolutely no origins in AA nor were they ever even part of the AA way of life as outlined in the Big Book.

If AA was founded today 3/4 of the founding members would never have stayed sober and the book would never have been written. So much for progress.

[Rob B]

Originally Posted by cookconfay

most common thing I have heard through all my years in & out of the program is don't ever say no.......when asked to help someone, sponsor them, chair a meeting, carry the message, 12 step calls, speaker...whatever....don't ever say no.....

I say no on a regular basis. Don't mistake this for apathy or not knowing what my responsibility is, I am crystal clear as to what my real purpose is.

There's a story about a well known "circuit speaker" who was asked to travel to speak, he agreed even though he had been feeling pretty sick lately, He too believed he could never say no. Well, long story short, his appendix burst on his flight and he died.

Today I am a son to my parents, a brother to my brothers, a partner to my fiance, a contributing member of my community. AA is an important part of my life, but it is not my life. I have observed the "I can never say no" line wear folks out.

On my death bed, I suspect I might have some final thoughts, "jeez if only I could have chaired and set up more meetings" will not be one of them.

[Freedom1990]

I think I was about 60 days sober when one of my old counselors from treatment sent a gal my way to sponsor and said 'you need to do this'. I liked to peed my pants.

I ended up with 3 sponsees that first year.

You know what? I stayed sober!

Every time I'd get to thinking myself in circles, all into me me me and my world, one of those darned sponsees would inevitably show up at my door and I'd have to get out of 'self' and work with them!

The nerve of those sponsees!

[Signal30]

An excerpt from the phamplet Question and Answers on Sponsorship...

How should a sponsor be chosen?

"The process of matching newcomer and sponsor
is as informal as everything else in A.A. Often, the
new person simply approaches a more experienced
member who seems compatible, and asks
that member to be a sponsor. Most A.A.s are
happy and grateful to receive such a request.
An old A.A. saying suggests, “Stick with the winners.”
It’s only reasonable to seek a sharing of experience
with a member who seems to be using the
A.A. program successfully in everyday life. There
are no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably
should be a year or more away from the last drink
—and should seem to be enjoying sobriety."
(A.A. General Service Conference-approved literature)


That's where it comes from, and that's why you hear it.


Tom

[yogurt75]

Well signal30 - I am soooo grateful that AA's founding members never read that pamphlet or most of the garbage coming out of NY today. If they had, I might not be alive today.

I'm soooo grateful that my late sponsor gave me the same program that his sponsor gave him - good old-fashioned AA as it was in the beginning.

[barb dwyer]

CarolD wqrote: (about the brochure Q&A on Sponsorship)

I don't recall if the 1 year suggestion is there or not.

It is.

However - at the group I was GSR for ....

If YOU had a sponsor - and YOU were continuing to work the Program as suggested ...
you could sponsor someone else ... because the group was just that desperate for women who could and were qualified to sponsor.

[Tazman53]

My sponsor is old school and for that I am thankful, he took me through the steps straight out of the BB, none of the phsycho babble BS as he calls it, just the way the experience of 1,000's of recovered alcoholics before him had done it.

In my area it is suggested that a person have a year before they sponsor someone, but as my sponsor showed me, it is just a suggestion. I was about 7 months sober and I think I had just finished working step 7 with him when he pulled me aside and said "There is a guy who wants you to sponsor him." I told him there was no way I could do that, I had not finished the steps myself.

By this point in time I had learned that I needed to keep my opinions to myself when the steps were being discussed if I had not actually worked the step being discussed, I now had the experience to understand that opinions can kill an alcoholic, experience is what can save them.

Any how my sponsor told me that I was more then ready to sponsor someone and because I had only gone through step 7 at that point in time that we would simply get through the rest of the steps in short order.

BTW I have heard of places where they feel that someone should have 5 years before they can sponsor someone!!! I have also heard of things like "1 step a year"!!!! "1 step a year" would have killed this alcoholic!

Sponsoring people as my sponsor has told me is the best way to stay sober and can be one of the most rewarding things one will ever do. He was so right.

There have been some great shares in this thread, c0 I really liked your shares.

[barb dwyer]

well ... emphasis on 'qualified'.

I wouldn't want someone who'd read a book about taking out appendixes .. to try and take out my appendix.

Or my child's.

Unless there was absolutely .. no one else.

[GlassPrisoner]

However, for the first time in AA history, large numbers of newcomers were showing up who were physically recovered and feeling good about themselves. This removed one of the most effective tools we have in working with a newcomer- the feeling of hopelessness coupled with a desire to do anything to get over it. Many of these newcomers had worked the first 5 steps with the help of their counselors and arrived with the feeling that they had already done the steps. Many had acquired many non-AA therapies mixed with the Twelve Steps and brought this into the program. Most arrived far less teachable than they ever had in the past. Most were not assigned sponsors, but told to find someone they could relate to and call them to talk about their problems

Good stuff that !

I always single out the guy with the red, swollen face and the deer in a headlight look in his eyes. If he's fidigiting, good. If he's shaky, better !

I tell my guys, "You look scared, that's good. Desperate is good. Maybe you'll throw yourself into this program like I did".

[Signal30]

I believe that if someone asks you to sponsor them it is work of a Higher Power. Nothing happens by mistake.

I also believe, (and this may sound like a contradiction), that it is also important that you are in the right place in sobriety (whatever that right place may be) to sponsor someone.

Perhaps the reason God put that person in your life to sponsor is a way of God helping you with your sobriety. Or maybe it is God teaching you a lesson not to take on too many sponsees if you get overwhelmed by having too many of them. (Ive seen this happen to others.)

Who knows? For me to question if someone should or should not sponsor can be possibly questioning Gods work. I don't want to certainly get involved in that.

I must say that I do in fact agree with what that pamphlet says that I posted above. If you "stick with the winners" when finding a sponsor and have the willingness to be and to stay sober, you will find serenity, sobriety, and happiness.

I think there are those who are happy, work the program in their lives, and are generally able to sponsor who have under a year. I believe it's more important to look for those who's actions match their words. The "winners" have a certain glow to them.

Tom