Trouble with 9th step - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

akimmel1302 · 10-10-2007, 10:27 AM

Im having a wee bit of trouble with my 9th step. I dont feel like i am making progress like i did with the other steps and i am feeling anxious like i am "resting on my laurals." I have made amends to my parents and talked with my sponsor about it and he says that i need to "begin to make these amends" and talks about what the 9th step is but hasnt said anything about it feeling less fulfilling as the others. I am going to talk to my sponsor but i wanted to see what others had to say.

GlassPrisoner · 10-10-2007, 10:44 AM

My sponsor tells me the ones that pay off are the ones I am really dreading.

I too, did my Family and Friends right away. The "easy" ones.

Just as of late, I made amends to about #3 on my resentment list. It went off surprisingly well.

I still have 2 ex bosses, and my ex wife to go (The ex wife is The Big One)

Still, even with the start I have made, I have seen every one of the 9th step promises come true. I guess that's why they're Promises !

Music · 10-10-2007, 10:52 AM

First off, RELAX!! When and where I make amends, isn't really up to me. I don't have the right to just bust into someone's life and stir up old stuff. God will provide the time and place. Also, be sure to keep in mind, "except when to do so would injure them or others." Some amends can't be made, and shouldn't be made to the person. There are "indirect" amend also. Some amends are made to/through God, not directly to a person.

best · 10-10-2007, 10:54 AM

The truth shall set you free.

It is a progression and one day you wake up...or lay down on your pillow and feel such a peace that has you fully know that the truth does set us free.

***nandm*** · 10-10-2007, 12:49 PM

I have found that some ammends take longer to do than others. Some can not be made directly (can not located person, person dead, company no longer in existence, ...). In that case I have found what works for me it to make sure I do a living ammends. In other words I work on my sobriety.

It took me several years to make ammends to my children. I am continuously working on that ammend by staying sober.

There are several ammends that have taken my several years to do and there are probably more that I have not realized need to be done that may take several more years to do. The saying "more will be revealed" is very true. Just when we think we have made all of our ammends, we either find we have done something recently that we need to make an ammend for or we remember an act done that we need to make an ammend for. 5 years into sobriety I remembered an ammend I needed to make that was not listed on my original 4th step. I made it.

I believe that part of the ammend process is making sure we continually work the steps in every aspect of our lives on a daily basis. That way we don't let resentments or guilt build because we faced the problem in a timely manner and made our ammend promptly.

Just my 2 cents worth.

**CarolD** · 10-10-2007, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nandm

II believe that part of the ammend process is making sure we continually work the steps in every aspect of our lives on a daily basis. That way we don't let resentments or guilt build because we faced the problem in a timely manner and made our ammend promptly.

Just my 2 cents worth.

I totally agree...that's my deal too.
Thanks!

RufusACanal · 10-13-2007, 08:49 AM

Maybe the most important amend is to yourself; who received the majority of the abuse? If you are working the 9th Step then a change has taken place that is not just another bandaid apology. Recovery is about inner personal change. Acknowledgement of past wrongs is necessary when it will not hurt others or yourself, but this is only a part of the 9th Step. At this point in your recovery all the the prior step work has slowly prepared you for this hurdle. Freedom is never won through the softer, easier way. How has God strengthened you for this Step? If in your gut you are so uncomfortable with 9, talk to your Sponsor about reviewing the previous 8 Steps this weekend. You will be fine, if you continue to work for change. You too will have a new Life. "Behold, all is New". R

Grasshopper · 10-13-2007, 12:10 PM

when im not feeling sure about one step,
i always go back to the next one,until im ready,

Justme57 · 10-13-2007, 01:21 PM

Must say that I agree with Carol and Music on this one. BUT then, like you I tend to "worry that I am taking the easier way out" my Sponser has expressed the view that working the steps in my life is 'the next right thing ", and she is right ( of course

)

Many of the people I need to make ammends to are no longer around , and certainly not geographically available.
It has been my experience over the last 4 years, that if I "do the next right thing, " and pray, and continue to take my daily inventory, God will and has arranged things to fall into line LOL

I heard shared at a meeting that often it is not appropriate to "force " an outcome, because usually our timing is not right, it made a big impression on me, and so now I tend to wait , with trust and anticipation

HUGX
Leigh

SaTiT · 10-13-2007, 02:06 PM

Maybe it's a oneday at a time thing. After all, most people heard
us said I'm sorry a million times already..if nothing changes, nothing
changes.

You know..i can't expect to clear away years of wreackage of drinking
in a single day or a single " my bad, i was wrong".

It dosn't happen overnite.

10-10-2007, 10:27 AM	#1 (permalink)
akimmel1302 Ak1302 Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Milford, Ohio Posts: 32	Trouble with 9th step Im having a wee bit of trouble with my 9th step. I dont feel like i am making progress like i did with the other steps and i am feeling anxious like i am "resting on my laurals." I have made amends to my parents and talked with my sponsor about it and he says that i need to "begin to make these amends" and talks about what the 9th step is but hasnt said anything about it feeling less fulfilling as the others. I am going to talk to my sponsor but i wanted to see what others had to say.

10-10-2007, 10:44 AM	#2 (permalink)
GlassPrisoner Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Murrieta, Ca Posts: 2,683	My sponsor tells me the ones that pay off are the ones I am really dreading. I too, did my Family and Friends right away. The "easy" ones. Just as of late, I made amends to about #3 on my resentment list. It went off surprisingly well. I still have 2 ex bosses, and my ex wife to go (The ex wife is The Big One) Still, even with the start I have made, I have seen every one of the 9th step promises come true. I guess that's why they're Promises ! __________________ Life Happens

10-10-2007, 10:52 AM	#3 (permalink)
Music Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Zion, Illinois Posts: 2,529	First off, RELAX!! When and where I make amends, isn't really up to me. I don't have the right to just bust into someone's life and stir up old stuff. God will provide the time and place. Also, be sure to keep in mind, "except when to do so would injure them or others." Some amends can't be made, and shouldn't be made to the person. There are "indirect" amend also. Some amends are made to/through God, not directly to a person. __________________

10-10-2007, 10:54 AM	#4 (permalink)
best Don't get undies in a bunch Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: South Shore MA Posts: 7,166	The truth shall set you free. It is a progression and one day you wake up...or lay down on your pillow and feel such a peace that has you fully know that the truth does set us free. __________________ * I asked God to spare me pain. God said "No", Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me. Recovery Related Acronym B. E. S. T. = Been Enjoying Sobriety Today?

10-10-2007, 12:49 PM	#5 (permalink)
*nandm* Life the gift of recovery! Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Home is where the heart is Posts: 6,579	I have found that some ammends take longer to do than others. Some can not be made directly (can not located person, person dead, company no longer in existence, ...). In that case I have found what works for me it to make sure I do a living ammends. In other words I work on my sobriety. It took me several years to make ammends to my children. I am continuously working on that ammend by staying sober. There are several ammends that have taken my several years to do and there are probably more that I have not realized need to be done that may take several more years to do. The saying "more will be revealed" is very true. Just when we think we have made all of our ammends, we either find we have done something recently that we need to make an ammend for or we remember an act done that we need to make an ammend for. 5 years into sobriety I remembered an ammend I needed to make that was not listed on my original 4th step. I made it. I believe that part of the ammend process is making sure we continually work the steps in every aspect of our lives on a daily basis. That way we don't let resentments or guilt build because we faced the problem in a timely manner and made our ammend promptly. Just my 2 cents worth. __________________ NOTE: All BB quotes are from the 1st Edition of the Big Book Depression is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being too strong for too long.

10-13-2007, 08:49 AM	#7 (permalink)
RufusACanal Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Birmingham, AL Posts: 1,927	Maybe the most important amend is to yourself; who received the majority of the abuse? If you are working the 9th Step then a change has taken place that is not just another bandaid apology. Recovery is about inner personal change. Acknowledgement of past wrongs is necessary when it will not hurt others or yourself, but this is only a part of the 9th Step. At this point in your recovery all the the prior step work has slowly prepared you for this hurdle. Freedom is never won through the softer, easier way. How has God strengthened you for this Step? If in your gut you are so uncomfortable with 9, talk to your Sponsor about reviewing the previous 8 Steps this weekend. You will be fine, if you continue to work for change. You too will have a new Life. "Behold, all is New". R

10-13-2007, 12:10 PM	#8 (permalink)
Grasshopper Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Green,green grass of home Posts: 600	when im not feeling sure about one step, i always go back to the next one,until im ready,

10-13-2007, 01:21 PM	#9 (permalink)
Justme57 Member Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Melbourne victoria Posts: 1,976 Blog Entries: 7	Must say that I agree with Carol and Music on this one. BUT then, like you I tend to "worry that I am taking the easier way out" my Sponser has expressed the view that working the steps in my life is 'the next right thing ", and she is right ( of course ) Many of the people I need to make ammends to are no longer around , and certainly not geographically available. It has been my experience over the last 4 years, that if I "do the next right thing, " and pray, and continue to take my daily inventory, God will and has arranged things to fall into line LOL I heard shared at a meeting that often it is not appropriate to "force " an outcome, because usually our timing is not right, it made a big impression on me, and so now I tend to wait , with trust and anticipation HUGX Leigh __________________

10-13-2007, 02:06 PM	#10 (permalink)
SaTiT Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: anomaly Posts: 2,181	Maybe it's a oneday at a time thing. After all, most people heard us said I'm sorry a million times already..if nothing changes, nothing changes. You know..i can't expect to clear away years of wreackage of drinking in a single day or a single " my bad, i was wrong". It dosn't happen overnite.

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode