I knew it

[mrsmurph]

I emailed hubby about going to a meeting tonight. I've had a rough rough day. It was recommended to me because it's the beginner class. I went to one after work yesterday too. his response? "yea, sure, see ya sometime".

He is not an ******* so this attitude he's had since I quit is really confusing and disturbing. One side says "oh I support you baby, I love you", but when it comes down to it he's not happy with what I have to do to get there. It's not like I can just turn off a light switch and I'm not an alcoholic anymore.

Did anyone else's spouse do this? What did you do?

[parentrecovers]

you have to put your recovery first. that's my 2 cents.

[mrsmurph]

Now he is meeting a friend at the bar if he doesn't have to work late. Which is fine, but why do I have a feeling there's gonna be some gripefest going on about Mrs Murph?

Maybe I'm just paranoid

[nandm]

From the Big Book of A.A; The Family Afterwards, page 122.

Cessation of drinking is but the first step away from a highly strained, abnormal condition. A doctor said to us, "Years of living with an alcoholic is almost sure to make any wife or child neurotic. The entire family is, to some extent, ill." Let families realize, as they start their journey, that all will not be fair weather. Each in his turn may be footsore and may straggle.......The family of an alcoholic longs for the return of happiness and security. They remember when father was romantic, thoughtful, and successful. Today's life is measured against that of other years and, when it falls short, the family may be unhappy........It will take time to clear away the wreck. Though old buildings will eventually be replaced by finer ones, the new structures will take years to complete.

It is normal for your husband to have mixed feelings. Change can be quite frightening, even when deep inside we know it is for the best. An example of this is a woman who stays with a husband for years that beats and abuses her. People often ask "why does she keep going back to him? Why doesn't she leave?" The answer is the fear of change is greater than the fear of the known. Your husband is probably in a lot of fear right now. Has is probably wondering "will she still love me after she gets sober?" "Will I want to stay with her when she is sober?" "How is our relationship going to change now that she is not drinking?" "Will our life be boring if she is not drinking?" and probably many more that I can not think of. He probably feels like things are very much out of his control, which to a large extent they are.

The only suggestion I have is that you continue to be kind to him, try to be understanding but do not let your relationship with him discourage you from working on your sobriety. Your sobriety has to come first because all aspects of your life were affected by your drinking and the only chance your have to repair those things is to stay sober. I have found that in my life, it has been very hard to put my sobriety first at times. Especially when it came to my children but it has paid off. I now have a better relationship with them than I have ever had. I have a relationship that I started in sobriety that I would not trade for the world. I get along with both of my ex husbands and consider one of them a friend (along with his current wife). Change will happen in sobriety. A large part of it will be positive and what is not we can always learn from.

Sorry this has been so long but I hope you can pull something useful out of it. Keep us posted.

[mrsmurph]

You are right. My meeting is at 6 and I'm going- I have to.

When I get home if hubby is home I will sit down and talk with him about this. I'm too fed up right now to have to worry about something else too. We will be ok.

See you all tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[parentrecovers]

be careful having a conversation if he's been drinkin' first - might be frustrating?

have a great meeting!