Thought on A.A.'s swinging door

[nandm]

Except from As Bill Sees It page 62

A Different Swinging Door

When a drunk shows up among us and says that he doesn't like the A.A. principles, people, or service management, when he declares that he can do better elsewhere---we are now worried. We simply say, "Maybe your case really is different. Why don't you try something else?"

If an A.A. member says he doesn't like his own group, we are not disturbed. We simply say, "Wy don't you try another one? Or start one of your own."

To those who wish to secede from A.A. altogether, we extend a cheerful invitation to do just that. If they can do better by other means, we are glad. If after a trial they cannot do better, we know they face a choice: They can go mad or die or they can return to A.A. The decision is wholly theirs. (As a matter of fact, most of them do come back.)

Bill addresses several common problems that are encountered in A.A. I find it interesting that he encourages those in A.A. to be gracious, non judgemental, and not try to change the person's mind. Although it does not surprise me.

I have never quite known how to deal with people who decide that they hate A.A., the people in it, the Traditions, a certain meeting, or the Steps. I have not tried to argue with them as arguing with someone who has their mind made up is a waste of time and just serves to widen the gap between the two sides.

I am glad I have some new tools now to deal with these situations when they arise.

[mike_mass]

Attraction, not promotion (-:

[Fluttering]

Originally Posted by mike_mass

Attraction, not promotion (-:

That it is...

Was taught early on to look for the similarites and not the differences..
Acceptance is another huge tool that when used and put into practice makes me more and more aware that others may be sick and the prayer we are given is essential here: ''God, this person is sick...How can I best serve you to help them"

I found I had had to hit several emotional bottoms to fully understand acceptance.. When I hear something at a meeting or the voice on the other end of the phone saying things like "There is no God" or "It is just a cult" or other things...I pray for that person and I can't argue with them...The BB states..."We have ceased fighting anything and everyone" and to that it was told to me they may have additional lessons they need to learn, just as I shut certain things out in early recovery...the lessons came to get me back on track.

Thanks for this post..

[CarolD]

My RX for stopping an arguement....

Gee, yoou might be right on this.

[Astro]

Great share and some great thoughts from you, nandm.

[jimhere]

Forward to the Second Edition:

"We have no monopoly on recovery..." We don't. I know several who have recovered by other methods.

"Yet it is our great hope that those who have yet found no answer will begin to find one in the pages of this book..." AA truly is a last house on the block for many of us. I had ran out of places to go and had ran out of answers when I finally got sober. This after ten years of playing the revolving door game. No one ever tried to persuade me to stay. Alcohol is the Great Persuader. And when I was beaten enough, I encountered some one who had an answer, not the answer. We don't claim to have the answer, but answer for those who haven't found one yet.
Jim

[RufusACanal]

Excrept from " You Can't Make Me Angry" by Paul O.

As we grow in the program, we realize that assigning blame is not only a waste of time, it is a serious impediment to emotional independence and peace of mind. It really doesn’t matter who is to blame. That’s not the important question. The important question is who will be the first to take a leadership role in recovery? Who will be the first to surrender, to call a truce, to bring joy and love back into the relationship?
Instead of competing to see who will win the argument, let the spirit of competition determine who will be the first to give in, the first to accept the fact of the situation and change it. In a very important sense, the first to surrender wins.

And one more time I realize that if I want to change my feelings, I must first change my actions and my thinking—mine, not theirs. I cannot let their behavior be more important to me than my emotional sobriety, my serenity. No matter how much I love them, no matter how much I care about them, no matter how important their welfare is to me, I must watch my priorities. I must value my serenity ahead of their behavior.

[Tazman53]

One of the meetings I go to the guy who hands out the chips always ends it with the following statement:

The doors of AA swing both ways, come in and stay as long as you like, leave and stay as long as you can. If you come back we will not say "We told you so!", we will say "Welcome back, we are glad to have you!"

The entire meeting says "Welcome back, we are glad to have you!" when he says it, and it is heart felt!