Sponsor tells me I need to get a new sponsor???

[Debaucher]

Ok... I got an email from my sponsor...

"call me asap. you need to get a new sponsor"

that is it? I get home... go to my night stand... where I keep his number... and its not there??? then I think... maybe it is in my BB... oh I saved it in my computer too... look everywhere can't find it... anyways... he called my work and left a message... that said "call me"...

Oh well.. the point is I don't know why? I suspect that it is because we just haven't been connecting lately. I have seen him once in the last 2 months... in part because of my vacations and business and in part because he has started going to fewer meetings and the 1 we usually crossed paths at he has stopped going to... I called him and asked if we could get together because I wanted to have a longer chat. He said it would have to be next week... I thought we left it that he would call me... but perhaps he thought I was calling him... either way I could have called him.

My question is... more..I guess I don't have a question I was just hoping to hear some stories about other people who have had more than one sponsor...

I like my current sponsor... we were probably never destine to be buddies but... he had a way of saying things that would make me think and really listen... I guess I really looked up to him and admired him...

I don't know what I feel... of course I don't know why he wants me to get a new sponsor either... but I just don't have strong emotions of any of the possibilities I can think of...

(he has a new sobriety date)...
(he is mad at me for not doing what he thinks I should do... )
(he thinks somebody esle could help me more and give me the time he just can't at the moment...)
(he is moving out of town)
(health issues)

the only thing I feel is similiar to a sense of loss... like I am going to miss him... I feel he is part of me... kind of the way your first girl friend is... you never forget her... oh well... enough said... now I have to find a new sponsor... which in part I don't look forward to because it is a big decision or at least I will make it one... and at the same time I look forward to it...

...

thanks for listening...

[Spiritual Seeker]

Communication issues? When we assume it makes an "ASS" out of "U" + "ME"
See how the mind can go round 'n round when we don't

[Astro]

Whatever it was that made him ask you to get a new sponsor, IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!
I think it's fantastic that he was honest and open with you. God puts people in our lives for a reason, and maybe this is God's way of telling you that he's about to put someone new in your life?

I'm on my third sponsor. I've blown off a sponsor, and I've been fired by a sponsor. Both those experiences led me to the sponsor I had today. But the best part is I still share my life and recovery with my former sponsors, we see each other at meetings, we're friends, and I'm extremely grateful that my life has been blessed with knowing them.

I like to embrace opportunities for change even when I'm not comfortable at the moment. It's a reminder that I'm still walking the path on the road to recovery;-)

[Debaucher]

thanks astro...

oh well... i'm not assuming... I'm preparing myself... examine the possibilities and think through the outcomes...

as for who calls who assumption... that isn't assumption as much as my personality... I say hey you want to golf on monday... and you say no I can't we would have to make it thurs or perhaps next monday or tues... I am not calling you... if you want to golf you call me... same deal hear... it is not like I am mad or punishing you... it is just the way I am... anxiety issues... I don't know but if I call I feel like I am pestering somebody... then if you do say oh yeah ok we will golf then the whole time I am thinking that you don't really want to be their... ok yes I am a freak!

ok so I need to work on being more direct with my sponsor... be it this one or the next... when I get the courage to ask for help... and I get blown off... or defered... I need to put the ball back in his court... say something like... OK you call me when you know your schedule... or see you monday and we can set up a time that works for both of us...

Thanks seeker for making me think about that a bit more...

[Astro]

My sponsor and I have an understanding that I pass on to my sponsee's. Reaching out for help means I call my sponsor or someone else. It does not mean I wait for him to call me. I ask my sponsee's to call me if they want to check in or talk. This falls along the line of "are we willing to do whatever it takes" or are we willing to do the footwork in our recovery.

Extracirricular activities like playing golf or hanging out with our sponsors, I'd say who calls who is irrelevant. Who cares who makes the call first? Lol;-) If you want Fellowship, make the call and reach out for it!

[NOMOMERLOTMAMMA]

Hi,

I also have a very very difficult time reaching out. For the same reasons as you. Good advice that you got here though..all I can do is empathize.

Big hug

Karen

[Astro]

Don't get me wrong, I have a very hard time reaching out because I always feel like I'm pestering or being a bother. The alcoholic in me likes to think I can handle everything on my own, but the reality is my best thinking got me here, so I have to rely on someone else to share their experience with me.

Although I see my sponsor almost every night at a meeting, I usually only call him when I'm at my wits end and in full crisis mode. And the first thing he always says to me is "Scott, thanks for reaching out to me". He's always there when I need him.

[Debaucher]

ok he emailed me back... I have his number... I'll call him and put this to bed... it is what it is...

No hard feelings either way... I am honored to have recieved his help... and greatful. No matter what transpires... it will not change my gratitude and warm feelings for him.

I always pictured us going to dinner together... I was hoping we would do that when I asked him to sit down and have a longer chat... perhaps we still can...

love you guys! thanks for being here...

[barb dwyer]

please let me know, debaucher!

I can't really help -
I've got the same sponsor I had when I was in AA the first time ...

but I care, and want to know!

[Debaucher]

Ok... I called him yesterday... we had a short chat... blah blah... this that the other thing... the short version is that he can't devote enough time to AA right now... and he doesn't have time to give to me as a sponsor so he wants me to get a new sponsor... "I like you and all... but... " it not you its me...

I couldn't help but find humor in the situation as if we were breaking up... it was weird... but very nice. I am glad to have had him in my life when I needed him...

ok... now to decide on a new sponsor... I was beginning to think about this yesterday... more like agonize over it... well today I am thinking.. that I will pray on it tonight... and then wait for God to reveal the answer... and if it doesn't become apparent soon... I'll just pick somebody if I get it wrong... so what... I can always get another...

[Astro]

I like your attitude and positive thinking, and it's admirable that your old sponsor was open and honest with you.

I went for 6 months between sponsors and I was doing my 4th Step inventory at the same time. It was an uncomfortable point in my sobriety, but well worth the wait to find the sponsor I have now.

[BP44]

The first thing my sponsor told me was that his sponsor told him he can't fire me. That and don't call drunk. So, he's stuck with me. And I'm a high maintenance drunk.

[Sugah]

Commend him for his honesty. Better to do that and maybe get you paired up with someone who will nudge you a little more than let the status quo of spotty contact remain...

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[best]

Comments on your thinking...

As a sponsor, when I say yes, I am accepting a certain role I should uphold for the benefit of myself and for the person I am sponsoring.
He should call, I should call thinking... He should call if he feels a need to keep you accountable... all other times it should be you reaching out for help, guidance or support as needed. You want to play golf...come Thursday you call or sit by the phone doing nothing. You want it...don't wait for a call.
I commend him for being upfront with you as he feels he can no longer hold to his side of the agreement in a manner that he feels is in your best interest.

Your other thoughts show that you care about others
(health issues)
(he has a new sobriety date)

You can and should take him at his word and continue on with your recovery as you look for a new sponsor but in my own thoughts... I would keep an ear open and maybe give a call of a hello just to check on how he is doing when you find a new sponsor.

Hey...just wanted to check in with you and see how you are doing... I found a new sponsor and wanted to let you know.
Such will give you some practice towards being a sponsor for others and will allow you an open door so you can ask how he is doing.