I Think I Heard Him Knock Today :0)

[needtobefree]

This is probably a bit long but I thought I'd post it anyway, syncronicity is such a wonderful thing!

I’ve always had issues with God, since I was a child of 11 when my Dad died of leukemia.

Now I am being open to new possibilities. At the AA meeting last night the chairman said not to worry about the God thing, to just work through the steps and let it unfold. Sounds good to me. I’m so desperate to stop drinking that I will try anything now, including AA which I had previously thought was so not for me.

I felt more connected at last nights meeting than I did in the first two meetings I went to, it was a good move.

One thing I do believe in, or should I say one person I do believe in is Christ.

I had a dream about him once and only recognised him by the love I felt from him. Maybe I can make Christ my higher power.

I got up this morning and got my normal word for the day by email. (Can you tell how ambiguous I feel about the God thing? - not wanting to believe but at the same time signing up for this email a while ago)

It went like this:

Need Some Foundation Work?

Anyone who listens… is… like a person who builds… on solid rock.

Matthew 7:24 NLT

Building “on solid rock” takes patience and hard work, whereas building on sand is easier, cheaper, and provides instant comfort. But it also places you at the mercy of the elements. When storms arise it’s easy to tell what kind of foundation a life is built on. One that’s under girded by prayer and steeped in God’s Word will withstand the winds that blow others away. When a foundation is inadequate for a building, its walls crack, its roof sags and eventually it collapses. So no matter what you’re trying to build - a business, a ministry or a relationship - don’t rush; give it time. There are no shortcuts to maturity. The most lasting relationships start out gradually. Actually, some of the strongest people you know at one time needed help to overcome their weaknesses.

A well-known pastor who asked God to increase his ministry writes: “After days of silence … the Lord answered my prayer by saying, ‘You’re concerned about building a ministry… I’m concerned with building a man… Woe to the man whose ministry becomes bigger than he is! Since then I’ve concerned myself more with praying for the minister than the ministry. I’m still amazed at who I’m becoming as I put my life daily into His hands. He’s changing me - and He’s not finished yet. There is so much more that needs to be done. Every day I see more immaturity in me. But what a sharp contrast I am now to what I was… I trust Him more than ever. He’s just too wise to make a mistake!”

So, take the time to build God’s truths into your foundation and life’s storms won’t uproot you!

http://www.thevine.co.nz/theword/archive/2007/07/15

Interestingly enough that is what I need to work on. I was saying in the meeting last night that when situations in life feel too unbearable I resort to binge drinking to stop the feelings and make it all go away. I have been binge drinking since I first discovered alcohol at 14 years or so.

Then I opened my Recovery Bible which I had brought nearly a year ago and not really taken a good look at and opened it at the following meditation. Bearing in mind that boundaries are very important to me (now I know what they are because of 3+ years of counseling) this really touched me.

A Respectful Invitation

Some people enter without knocking. It happens. Our boundaries have not always been respected. As a result, we have built some significant defenses. Our doors have multiple locks. When necessary, they can be latched, barred, bolted, double-bolted and sealed.

As we begin the healing process, however, we begin to experiment with allowing our defenses to come down. We unlatch one lock at a time.

We need people to respect our boundaries. We need people to knock and wait patiently for an answer. So this picture of Jesus is full of good news for us. Jesus stands at the door and knocks. It is a pure invitation. God does not invade. He does not demand. He does not manipulate. Instead, he gently, persistently knocks. He says, “Here I am, I would like to spend time with you.”

Recovery is a process of learning to trust God. Trust grows slowly. We can’t do it all at once. But perhaps today we can listen carefully for his knock. Tomorrow we may be able to manage a “Who’s there?” And, with persistence, we will someday sit with him and enjoy his loving presence.

Read: Revelation 5:20.

Prayer

Give me courage this day. God, to open the doors of my life to you.

By Dale and Juanita Ryan

Recovery Devotional Bible, Zondervan NIV. Copyright 1973, 1975, 1984: International Bible Society.

There's a wondeful painting that I particularly feel appropriate to add at this point.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedi...oftheworld.jpg

:0)

[CarolD]

Thank you for sharing ...

My Sunday School Assembly room
had a print very like that painting.

[needtobefree]

Thanks Carol :0)

[citychick]

Thanks needtobefree, that was just what I needed to hear. I've been struggling with, not the God thing, but the Jesus thing. I find this disturbing as I grew up believing in Jesus. Now, and I'm not sure why, I am having doubts.

Anyway, I found a book called "Desire of the Ages" while out walking the dog, so I'll give that a read. It's supposed to be the best book written on the life of Jesus.

Really glad you've found what you're looking for.


I've got a recovery bible, so I might wipe the dust off that too.

[GlassPrisoner]

I’m so desperate to stop drinking that I will try anything now, including AA which I had previously thought was so not for me.

That's a good place to be actually. I had to get to the same place before I tried AA too.

As far as a foundation, that's steps 1,2 and 3.

As far as the God thing, the chair was right. Don't over analyze it yet. One of the many things I've found out about AA is the less you analyze, the more the answers are that come to you. All you have to do is have Faith, and seek. Well, that and follow the suggestions

Work on step 1 now. The growth with your High Power doesn't really start until later. In 2 you come to believe, and 3 you turn it over. 4 and 5 are what really open the door for you to have a conscious contact (It's hard to talk to God with all that baggage floating around in your brain), and later in 11 you improve your conscious contact.

[needtobefree]

Thanks for the responses :0)

citychick - how's that book coming along? Interesting that you found it whilst out for a walk. I think I have it here somewhere, I will look it out :0)

Thanks Glass Prisoner - it's great to have your support. Syncronicity is so interesting. I am going to let go of the God thing for now, just let it happen. It's got to be better than trying to force it. :0)

[citychick]

Hi ntbf,

Started reading the book. Have done myself a favor,(or my HP did me a favor) it's answering all the questions I was confusing myself with.

[needtobefree]

Cool. Happy to hear it. :0)

[Tazman53]

ntbf for some the HP deal is a major issue, you have recieved some excellent advice, do not worry about it, it will come with time.

My sponsee is Agnostic and he laughs at himself talking about how he has been praying and getting these odd feelings of "Something more". he has gone past the point of being concerned about it, he said it was odd at first prayiing to something he was not even sure existed, but he said it took no time at all before he was feeling as if there was "Something more" to what he was doing then just talking to himself.

We have spoken several times at length and he is finding that he does now have an evolving HP of his understanding and he unerstands his HP better all the time.

It sounds like you are right where you need to be right now, as others have said, don't make the simple hard, it's not, just have faith and seek..... seek and have faith, it will all come together.

[needtobefree]

Thanks Tazman, I know I will get there, just need to trust the process. Seek and have faith - I like that! Ty :0)