speaking at AA

[sonas]

Hi everyone,
I went to my first AA meeting last night.
It was a small room and there were only seven of us in total including the secretary and the chairperson.
Being a newcomer I wasn't intending to speak, but when the guy in the chair nodded at me to speak, I hesitated then spoke for a minute or two, basically saying why I was there(awkwardly ) and then said that I was kinda nervous so I'd stop there, or something to that effect!!! They were fine about it. And very welcoming etc. And afterwards I got talking to everyone, so it worked out ok

I just have a question though about what you are expected to say when you're new. New both to AA and then new to the room.
I'd like to speak when asked rather than chicken out. It's just what to say?
Yeah, naturally I tend to get nervous speaking to a group of total strangers.
But it would be really a lot easier if I had some idea at the time what I'm expected to say or to talk about.
I don't mean knowing in advance and to prepare a speech or anything, I know that's not what it's about and I wouldn't be into that.
Just that I'd feel better able to speak if it was more conversational than just me on the spotlight to talk about "anything". Because then my mind goes blank!
Like even if I was asked a particular question, I'd be able to focus on it and would know what to say. Such as "What role did alcohol play in your life", or "When did you realise you were an alcoholic"....I dunno, something, anything to focus on to be able to speak and make some kinda sense!! LOL

I noticed that the other speakers were regulars who knew each other. I know that would help, but I have to get over being a stranger first, I'll be going to different meetings every day or every other day...

The regulars seem to just know what to say. If you're a newcomer, where do you start? Or how do you know what's relevant what to say and what's not?

Just wondering if anyone who is experienced with meetings has any thoughts or advice?

Thanks for reading and for any replies..

[hillbilly35]

Keep coming back, dont use, and listen. The rest will come over a period of time.
If nothing else just say that you are a newcomer and are here to find out how to stay sober.

[Astro]

This might sound like a cliche, but I just try to share my experience, strength, and hope. Tell them what you were like, what happened to you, and what you're like now in recovery. Keep it simple, you're not under any pressure to perform;-)

[Peter]

You said exactly what you were supposed to say at the meeting.

Don't ever feel that you are pressured to say anything if you really don't feel like sharing.

"I'm sonas. I'm an alcoholic. Happy to be here, thank you." is always more than sufficient if you don't wanna talk.

When the time comes for you to share you will feel it.

You're doing great. Keep going to meetings.

[SaTiT]

yeah..you don't have to share if you want to or you can
say whatever you want. Smaller meetings like that
is pretty neat..cuz you can there's plenty of time to
share.
if you wanna talk about certain issues in a meeting,
that's what a sponsor is for.

I like to go to a step study becuase. You get to
read about a subject then you can share about that.

I didn't talk for a while..just had a problem
with opening up , yet to go talk to strangers..
but I kept going back

[dgillz]

Welcome to the club with the most expensive dues in the world....AA

Only if you add up our bar tabs that is!

Seriously, just keep coming back and stay sober, you'll begin to feel more comfortable. Here is a link I think every newcomer should read before going to AA. I sure wish I had read it.

http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/F...0AA%20Meetings

[mps101]

Just went to my first AA...I think there were probably 14 people at my meeting (more than I was expecting!) and it was definately a nerve-racking experience. I ended up sharing because the woman who shared at the begining was so honest and open I felt that if she could share, I could too. I spoke for just a minute or two. I hadn't planned to but I found after I did I felt this weight lifted off my guts.

I felt that if they were sharing, I could share too. I don't mean to say that's the way it should be but that was my experience. I was glad I did and I'm looking forward to that meeting agian this Sat. I've found a couple for the time in between.

[CarolD]

Good for you sonas!

Some meetings ask if there are any
newcomers....then you just say your
first name and that you are new to
AA and the meeting.

Blessings

[Tazman53]

Sonas I was a bit of the oddball, I was a newcomer who liked to hear myself talk!! I would share come hell or high water. After one of my early meetings where I shared a whole lot of nothing my sponsor took me aside after the meeting and "suggested" that unless I was called upon to share to try just listening instead and if I was asked to share and really had nothing to share to just say " No thanks, I am just listening tonight.

He told me that I would learn more by just listening and not sitting there thinking about what I was going to share. Man I was really surprised at how much I gained by listening rather then sharing, after about a month he asked "Well are you learning more?" I told him a lot more, he told me he said if you have something to share, share, if not then just sit back and learn.

I will suggest this, if you are at a meeting and they ask for a topic and there is something you would like to hear discussed speak up and go for it.

Sharing in my book is more about sharing your ESH about a particular problem or topic, if you have found a way to deal with something then it is time to share because your experience may help someone else.

[GlassPrisoner]

What Taz said.....

Remember that the primary purpose of sharing is to help others. Yes, in a small meeting or in a crisis, people do "dump". But even then,watching a new comer share how bad it is out there is always good for everyone. Reminds us of where we came from.

One thing you DON"T want to do is sit there and think about what you're going to say. as Taz suggested, listening is very valuable. Not just for new comers either...

[sonas]

I'm just back from another meeting. I thought of the ESH thing at some point, but couldn't remember what the 'S' stood for, so I quickly thought sod that and in the end simply introduced myself said a few words as suggested above ^^^
Still nerve-wracking though, dunno know why. It's not shyness exactly, it's more a kind of inner nervousness - that feeling that would normally vanish after a drink.
Maybe it's the small room and feeling claustrophobic, or maybe it's just a part of the illness itself that needs to be overcome.
I got hugs afterwards and got talking to the speaker and she gave me her number and after a few minutes I got emotional and started crying. I know, I'm nuts !

But I don't want to give up on this, like Peter says the speaking will happen when it feels right....

Thanks all for the great replies. Really helps to get other peoples perspectives.
Taz, the start of your reply cracked me up for some reason, best laugh I've had in a while thank you

[Astro]

Sounds like you shared a little "S"trength. Way to go!

I was always afraid to speak in early recovery, until an oldtimer shared some simple wisdom with me: "We'll never know what someone else in the room needs to hear until we break our silence". Quite often I share something I feel is stupid, only to have someone come up and thank me later.

[barb dwyer]

Smaller meetings like that can be more intense, what with only so many people. You did great. If you don't feel like saying anything , just say so.

Congratulations!

The hardest meeting to get to is the first one.

[stone]

Good job Sonas! I still feel a bit awkward at meetings and havent really shared at all yet, I was getting so tense thinking about it I have just given up on trying to make myself do it.
I talk fine before and after meetings and during any breaks, I might start dipping my toe in the water with a few sentences soon.

[Tazman53]

I got hugs afterwards and got talking to the speaker and she gave me her number and after a few minutes I got emotional and started crying. I know, I'm nuts !

((((((sonas)))))) Never ever feel bad about shedding tears!!!! I am a 53 year old hard core looking good old boy and I have found that sobriety has brought me back feelings that I had drank away for 40 years!!! Hell I got teary eyed when I read what I quoted you on above! I have shed more then a few tears in meetings and I am sure I will again. Being sober I have learned that there are many different types of tears, there are the ones of pain, understanding, relating, remembrance, sorrow, and the best ones of all...... the tears of joy, seeing someone pick up that one month chip remembering how they looked like something the cat had drug in when they picked up that 24 hour chip with tears running down there face! (Dog gone it, I am crying!)

One more really important thing to remember, if a person gives you thier phone number in AA it is not for show, they really would like you to call them. You calling them helps them stay sober just as much as it helps you stay sober.

[CarolD]

Speaking of tears...
my home group keeps a box of Kleenex
on each table.
They need replacing often!

Where did I hear ???
"Tears are soul cleaners"

[Peter]

I cried at an AA meeting too. I felt a little embarassed at first, but all I felt was love coming from people who understood.