question on moving to next step

[ghostgirl]

i don't get to see my sponsor too often, and i was wondering when is it o.k. to move on to the next step in working the steps. i feel that i'm ready to move on, and i don't want to stay in the same step forever. should i get my sponsor's o.k.? can i work the step on my own?

gg

[Tazman53]

It does not hurt to start looking at the step imo, but I would talk to your sponsor and let them know you feel you are ready to move on.

BTW there is nothing wrong with changing sponsors if you are not getting what you need from the one you have now. I switched sponsors at the 3 month point because I wanted to work the steps quicker, I had 3 months and had the same sponsor the whole time and had not finished step 1. In defence of my first sponsor he traveled a lot in his job and just did not have the time to work with me. He was fine with me switching, he told me he understood and wished he had more time to spend with me.

[Debaucher]

I was told that you don't move to the next step unless you get the OK from your sponsor...

My sponsor told me that I if I try to work the steps alone I might do ok... but since I have never been where I am going I won't know if I got there... checking in with him and keeping him appraised of my progress gives him the chance to push me back towards the center... kind of like bumper bowling... he is the thing that prevents a gutter ball...

[Peter]

Working Steps on your own is not a good idea but if you feel your sponsor is holding you back then perhaps you need to get a new sponsor.

[ghostgirl]

to be honest, i really like my sponsor as a person. she is truly wonderful and works a good program. i chose her as my sponsor, however, because she kept asking me if i had a sponsor yet, every time i saw her, and after a couple of weeks, and not really knowing anyone, i just said "will you sponsor me?" i just felt pressured. i have a really difficult time reaching out to others, so i don't really even know anyone at this point too well to say "i'd like you as my sponsor". honestly, i'm not working my program as good as i should. i don't attend meetings like i should (mostly due to time constraints, and i would have to take my daughter, and i'm not really comfortable doing that, either. she's very young, and i don't like to look vulnerable in front of her, because i'm pretty much her rock... if you can believe it!!)

anyway, this is bad, i know. i'm just feeling the need to get to that fourth step, and i want short cuts and easy answers sometimes.

the story of my life.

[Sugah]

ghostgirl, my daughter was nine when I got sober, and she graduated from elementary school by doing her homework around the tables. As a matter of fact, when the meeting was very small, they'd give her The Promises to read, and "intuitively" would just roll off her tongue. Don't worry about taking your daughter. If she lived through your addiction, any vulnerability in recovery will probably be a positive thing for her.

Sorry I can't offer much on your situation with your sponsor, only that if she's agreed to sponsor you, then be assertive in reaching her. If it's too much for her and she does work a good program, perhaps she'll suggest someone with more time available to work with you?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

[eire rose]

[QUOTE=ghostgirl;1334178] i chose her as my sponsor, however, because she kept asking me if i had a sponsor yet, every time i saw her, and after a couple of weeks, and not really knowing anyone, i just said "will you sponsor me?" i just felt pressured.

she's very young, and i don't like to look vulnerable in front of her, because i'm pretty much her rock... if you can believe it!!)


Hi Ghostgirl

I don't like that she bullied you into being her sponsee.

You can't be her rock.

If she is not able to take you any further in the step work maybe its time to thank her for all she has done and find a new sponsor.

My sponsor has got her stuff together, I lean on her not the other way around.

The relief comes from doing the steps (with a sponsor), so yes I think doing them will help enormously.

Take care, Rose

[Tazman53]

Ghostgirl I would highly reccomend reading all of Sugah's post several times.

I have seen plenty of kids in the rooms, if they are young enough to where they can not be left alone at home then what is discussed at 90% of meetings is either way over thier heads or they could care less about.

[ghostgirl]

hey thanks so much... i thought about that, too. my little girl does go to just about every meeting with me, and she just does her thing. i guess i worry too much about it.

i caught a meeting yesterday when she could stay in daycare, which was nice. i'm meeting with my sponsor hopefully tomorrow about step work.

thanks for the replies.

gg