Thinking of going back...

[TenPacks]

I'm enrolled in a support program in our Regional Health system, but it is only a once-a-week attendance - frankly, I think that won't be enough, at least for the first while.

Six years ago, I spent a couple months, several times a week, attending AA meetings at lunch-times in our small city. I somehow never quite connected the way I hoped, maybe because I had not hit any of the "bottoms" that a lot of folks there testified about. (Never fired, never picked by cops, never lost a house or anything else, still got along with my wife, etc.)
It so happened that we were on a weeks trip with our truck-camper, when 911 happened. Somehow, between the drinking that I had resumed by the end of that week, and other things, time kind of slipped away and I didn't return to the meetings. As more and more time went by, I felt (stupidly, probably) uneasy at having disappeared on the folks I had just begun to know.

Things have slowly gotten worse over the interim, and like I said, I feel the need to get into something more often and more suppostive than once a week. Am I foolish to be mortified at the idea of showing up at AA again, after six years absence? Do things like that happen, or will I once again be the "oddball"?

[parentrecovers]

it's a great idea to go back to aa...blessings, k

[Astro]

Originally Posted by TenPacks

I somehow never quite connected the way I hoped, maybe because I had not hit any of the "bottoms" that a lot of folks there testified about. (Never fired, never picked by cops, neverstupidly, probably) uneasy at having disappeared on the folks I had just begun to know. lost a house or anything else, still got along with my wife, etc.)

Am I foolish to be mortified at the idea of showing up at AA again, after six years absence? Do things like that happen, or will I once again be the "oddball"?

Those are what we call "yets". Those things hadn't happened to me yet either. I was never fired, had a DUI, or went to jail, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't eventually happen. It was dumb luck and I didn't get caught, and there was a higher power covering my @ss.

The Third Tradition states that "The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking". So get your butt back to meetings. We've been waiting for you to come back;-) You might even meet a few other "oddballs" just like yourself. I'm definitely one of them!

[lanie67]

I think you should do what you need to do for yourself. I have met a whole lot of people who have the 'yets', more than I have met that have those really high-drama stories of drinking and using. Alot of times it depends on location of the meetings, demographically. But this is the 'uniqueness' that the founders of the program talked about; not that we are not each unique human beings, but how our brain tries to make us different so we can disqualify ourselves from AA in some way. Just remember that there is a person like you in the meeting that is also trying to disqualify themselves and needs to know that they are not 'unique'. I remember a friend of mine talking about struggling with her 'uniqueness' early on. She walked in and found out most of the people in her meeting had not been to jail, so she thought "I'm too bad off for this recovery stuff, I'm much worse than these people." Then she met a few people who had been to prison, and she thought, "well, I've never been too prison, I must not be bad off enough for this meeting." It's funny what our mind will do.

[Tazman53]

Tenpacks my friend go back and sit in the back row, do not say a word, just listen, but this time ignore the differences and pay attention and remember the similarities.

We in AA are all unique in one way and yet all alike in other ways. We are all alcoholics, we all understand how hard it is to not drink, we all understand the pain and lonelyness (sp), we all know the fears and the shame. Maybe we all have not been to jail or gotten a DUI.............. yet!

I bet you would understand my repulsion even today with some one leaving half a drink at a bar though! To me that is still wasteful, yet I have no problem leaving a half of glass of iced tea!

[Grasshopper]

Your chair is waiting for you .Welcome back home,,,

[mjs]

Having been in and out of the rooms for 10 years I can relate to your concerns. I am currently using an integrated approach based on the Penn Med School model that combines medications(anti depressants and naltrexone),cognitive therapy, and peer support among other methods. Due to the limited # of alternative support groups in my area I am using 12 step groups 3-4 times a week. I am trying to attend as many different meetings as possible to find people who I think could help me in my recovery. I generally sit in the back and listen. I have found that if one identifies oneself as new to recovery you can quickly become the focus of the meeting so if you want to share by all means do so just be ready for a whole lot of advice you may or may not want sent in your direction.As you begin attending the same groups over time you will be able to build a network of people you can work with to stay sober.To me this seems to be what the founders of AA wanted...people talking to each other to help each other stay sober..that night. The shaming practices that are present in a lot of groups were adopted from the general culture.I have found that one can mine the groups for peer support without being sucked into the abusive practices that are far more common than most 12 steppers will acknowledge.

[lanie67]

Originally Posted by mjs

The shaming practices that are present in a lot of groups were adopted from the general culture.I have found that one can mine the groups for peer support without being sucked into the abusive practices that are far more common than most 12 steppers will acknowledge.

I've always felt like this was projection; i.e. my most serious abuser was a older relative who was an alcoholic...so some alcoholics in meetings may have guilt issues leftover from things they have done. Some people who drink their whole lives long before they get into recovery sometimes do horrible things, and I've noticed that in particular younger females in mixed meetings can get zinged sometimes. But most of the time when that has happened in meetings I've been in someone would stand up and defend the younger ones, making the shaming person wish they had never opened their mouth in the first place. I just wanted to say this because I think 'adopted from the general culture' is a tad vague. There really is a collision of sorts going on in AA sometimes plus there are meetings where the personalities that dominate that particular group are not the healthiest. I have always appreciated women's meetings for this purpose; I don't know if men feel that men's meetings are an equally safe place where there might not be such a collision of issues.

[GlassPrisoner]

To me this seems to be what the founders of AA wanted...people talking to each other to help each other stay sober..

It's EXACTLY what Bill W wanted. There is nothing better for an alcoholic than to work with other alcoholics.

In any case, go back. It happens all the time. In my 6 months I've seen people with 10 years go back out and come back. I've seen people with 90 days go back out and come back in.

What worries me the most is when you leave, and don't come back !

[Tazman53]

I have found that one can mine the groups for peer support without being sucked into the abusive practices that are far more common than most 12 steppers will acknowledge.

LOL you know when I was a dry drunk I really did feel that way, but as I started working through the steps suddenly what I had felt was abuse directed at me was not abuse at all, but good solid advice that at first I either did not agree with or in reality was not even directed at me. Paranoia & resentments tended to really eat me up in my early sobriety, I always thought things said with good intentions were abusive things being said to me or about me.

My very early AA meetings I was still suffering from that part of alcoholism where everything was about me and no body else and I was the victim.

[TenPacks]

Interesting advice and anecdotes... I am gathering that my particular "Nooner" group did, indeed, have some sort of clash recently. I am staying right out of what ever happened, don't want to know the first thing about it, but it's good to know the "uh-oh..." feeling I had today is not all that unusual.

Makes it easy for me to ignore and/or play dumb. I don't want something that has nothing to do with me set me off-course at this point.

"Back-of-the-room"... not a bad plan. I'm not a pushy person, but sometimes nervousness make me seem that way, I guess.

[mikel60]

"The shaming practices that are present in a lot of groups were adopted from the general culture."

Huh? Where do people come up with this stuff?

[CarolD]

AA meetings are a vital part of my recovery.
I do hope you will find a home group
and move into a strong successful joyous recovery!

Glad to see you here...

[GlassPrisoner]

Originally Posted by mikel60

"The shaming practices that are present in a lot of groups were adopted from the general culture."

Huh? Where do people come up with this stuff?

People that don't go to AA, mostly.

[mcdo1268]

necessary to say the least

[micheleschroede]

The worst thing is not going back. We know how bad it is "out there" and when people come back it reminds us why we keep coming to meetings. Not only are yuo helping yourself but you are helping us more than you know. This online recovery is new to me so excuse me if I talk out of place, but I've seen many people not make it and that is the worst that could happen

[Rusty Zipper]

TP

Am I foolish to be mortified at the idea of showing up at AA again, after six years absence? Do things like that happen, or will I once again be the "oddball"?

1- Nope

2- yep

3- were all odd, if not, why the hell would we be here in the first place?

the helping hand of a bunch of drunks is wait'n for ya...

give it another shot... wad'a ya got to loose? and loads to gain!

good wishes TP

xxoo, zip

[barb dwyer]

go! It's been another week!!!!!!

go! go! go!

change your name; wear a disguise for all that matters ...
fake nose, glasses ... wig ... just do it!
Your HP is *gently* guiding you ...
pay attention -
you wouldn't even be discussing this if you didn't already *know* it's where you need to be, hon!



*prayers*
all in fun, truly ... but go!

[Tazman53]

This is what I wear!!! LOL