Surrender

[Hope]

I feel silly asking this but how do you know when you have completely and fully 100% surrendered?

[CarolD]

For me...it was when I quit drinking.
I was willing to give up my old drinking life.

So... I did.
Lovers..Friends..Jobs... all had to go for me.

Then I started Step work...
that gave me recovery.

Hugs and Prayers

[barb dwyer]

It took a failed attempted suicide to finally give up fighting.
To finally stop trying to make my life 'go' anywhere, or make anything 'happen', actually. I woke up on the floor, still bleeding ... and gave up. Just gave it all up right there.

I wouldn't wish that extreme on anyone.
I don't think it makes me special,
it only hows how hard I am to teach.

I had nothing left ... and then gave the nothing that I was ... to That Which Is Greater than myself.
And have received ... oh so much more than I gave.

Even on a bad day - it's better than it was.

I have to remind myself that I'm not the One running things almost every day, though. How's that for inner arragance?
ha, ha.

I've heard Oldtimers say over and over about doing that 'One day at a time' just like everything else.
I try to Third Step Prayer every single morning as soon as my eyes open.
Sometimes I have to go pee first, though.
But I try to, anyway.

'Of myself ... I am nothing.'

that's my mantra.

[SaTiT]

it's still oneday at a time for me.

Once upon a time in my journey
Did like Barb. Woke up straped to a bed.
Spent a couple of weeks in a padded room a couple
of years later. Had a lot of will in me......
Defiance....that'll be my ultimate defect
Something was wacthing over me..i knew in a sick way.
Wouldn't recommend to anyone to test the will of god.
an analogy would be...I was just a child kicking, fighting,
and crying all the way...Until i got so damn tire that I
became still. Not so sure if I surrender completely
I think it's just grace...cuz i can't explain the anomaly.
But for the grace of god...there go I.

[GlassPrisoner]

Before I surrendered, I had to give up........

[jimhere]

For me surrender is a process, not an event. It began for me a few months before I actually got sober. Up to that point I had been going to AA meetings for years, unable to stay sober more than about sixty days at a time. The last few years were hell. The consequences were more than I could live with, and I was falling off the curve, morally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I desperately wanted to stop, but couldn't. The only requirement for me to call myself an AA member isn't enough to get me sober and keep me sober. You often hear that AA is those that want it. I wanted to be sober in the worst way, but you see, I still thought that there was something I was going to do about it.

Two months before I got sober, I came to in a flea bag motel room after a four day bender. It was in November 1990-a cold, bleak, grey day. I was alone, having alienated the ones that cared about me and I had no place to go. In the alcoholic fog, I came to myself. I realized that I can't drink and I can't quit and that I can't live this way one more minute. I picked up the phone and called AA. That was the beginning of the end of the road for me. Two men came to see me and I began to go back to AA. I had entered into a new state of being for me called surrender that day. I drank for two more months, but it was the beginning.

I'm grateful for alcohol because it gets me to a place that I can't get myself to. You see, I can't bring about my own surrender and smash my own ego. Alcohol isn't called the great persuader for nothing.
Jim

[miss communicat]

For me, also, surrender is not a one-time event.

I need to surrender, or in other words, become humble, open-minded and willing to be led by a power greater than my ego, on a daily basis.

In the beginning, this applied to my mind playing the games of holding reservations that some day I could drink again, or that moderation would ever work for me. I also had to surrender my arrogance and superiority over the AA program, period.

I spent 9 years on the sidelines of AA doing the program MY way, which means, without surrendering.
Guess where that took me?

out and downnnnnnnnnnnn.

Glad I am back, and turning my reservations over to my HP.

IThanks for the thread! Great topic.

[miss communicat]

sorry, I didnt answer hope's question...I (typically) just talked about ME in my post above.

HOW I know I have fully 100% surrenderd in any given moment is measured by how peaceful I feel inside. When I feel anything BUT that peace inside, and if I need to ask the question about whether I could surrender more fully, the answer is that yes, I can and must.

[jimhere]

More about surrender...

After I was rendered sober, I lived on grace for about six months. I believe we all get a grace period, but at some point we have to participate in our own recovery, or it just doesn't happen. At six months of sobriety, which was longer than I had been sober in a long time, I wasn't doing too well. Lots of meetings and activities, but no action. I reached the jumping off place, the turning point. It was either eat a bullet, drink, or ask for help. I asked for help. I crossed the bridge of reason onto the shore of faith. The next day I saw a readerboard at a church. It said "When you are at your wits' end, that is where you'll find God," and I haven't had to fight drinking since. I then took the action described in our book and got the results described.

There have been vicissitudes. Storms have hit my house. One knocked it down, but the foundation was solid and it stood. I haven't really been tempted to drink in a long time. But life happens. There has been loss and disapointment. There has been grief and hurt. There has been the Dark Night of the Soul. My recovery has been one of moving from one surrender to the next. A friend says that there are surrenders beyond surrenders and bottoms beyond bottoms. What I have found is that all suffering comes from resistance to what is. As they say, pain is unavoidable, but suffering is optional.

I try to live the surrendered life, or practice surrender as a discipline. Dr. Harry Tiebout describes this in his talk given to the second AA International Convention held in St. Louis in 1955. You'll find it in "A.A. Comes of Age." I can tell when it is time for some house-cleaning-when I become rigid and intolerant. I practice self-examination, prayer & meditation, confession, restitution, and service. To me, that is living the discipline of surrender.
Jim

[miss communicat]

well said. thanks

[Fluttering]

Originally Posted by Hope4life

I feel silly asking this but how do you know when you have completely and fully 100% surrendered?

A sense of freedom and choice came into my life. The toxic air from my prison cell was cleansed. I felt a renewed sense of purpose and became motivated do things I never thought possible for me.

Understand tho, none of this was a sudden burning bush thing...it continues to be a process. Thank God I never will graduate...I will continue to learn, discover, explore and apply or discard as needed. It is a feeling of connectedness, completeness and yet still growing and evolving...But the center core is PEACE.

[Kellye C]

I agree with those that say it is a process and not an event. I do know that when I finally conceeded to my innermost self that I was hopeless, utterly powerless over alcohol and the effects it had in my life the surrender began. I was filled with a calmness and peace, I was no longer fighting trying to find the right way to drink. There was none. I wasn't fighting anymore. I just accepted that I am an alcoholic. I will always be an alcoholic. I will never be able to drink successfully. Period. End of story. The end.

The sense of relief at coming to that realization followed by the second part, that I didn't have to fight anymore and that I could rely on a power greater than myself to keep me sober were wonderful.

Hope this helps!
Kellye

[Music]

Originally Posted by Hope4life

I feel silly asking this but how do you know when you have completely and fully 100% surrendered?

Don't drink for one day!

[Grasshopper]

It was a process for me to,to surrender.When i finally walked into AA,i had,had--enough!!!.Enough of my will,my plans,and some of my beliefs.Those,beliefs, that were not working in my life.Hands up i give.And took ---action---by apllying the 12 steps into my life.Being willing to go to any lenghts.One small,example,of being willing,was, walking in the snow storm,in running shoes,a mile to get my bod to a meeting.

[BrandiK]

When I can accept life on life's terms, not mine, I know I am in the process of surrender.

[mistt]

For me surrender took place a little bit at a time. In the process of giving up drugs and then going back, I surrendered a little bit each time. Each time I gave up and went back to drugs I proved to myself that I could not use drugs and be successful at it. The surrender for me came in phases. Be the end of my addiction I had come to point where I was ready to surrender 100%. I had proven to myself that I was never going to be a successful drug user. I believe we all come to surrender and to define it in different ways. In my experience I don't think there is only one way to describe surrender.

[Hope]

I appreciate all of these great posts. This is giving me a lot to think about.

I agree with it being a process. I just make a decision to stay sober one day at a time and take the necessary steps to keep myself away from the first drink. I gave up fighting. It seemed like I was fighting to control something that was out of my control. As a result, I was going down. When I said "enough is enough" a whole new world of opportunities became available to me. It meant that I didn't *have* to live that way anymore with alcohol controlling my life and constantly thinking of where and when the next drink was coming.

Things are different today. I still have to remember that I'm not the one in control with alcohol so I give up trying to fight it.

[Tazman53]

I actually surrendered twice, the first time I surredered to alcohol, I had been fighting it for 10 years and I just could not beat it, there was no controling the beast, I tried everything to moderate/quit and the only thing I got was drunk and miserable.

I was sitting in the garage drinking a beer and just being miserable, I hated myself, I hated my lack of will power, I hated knowing I could not stop drinking for myself or my family. Alcohol had kicked my arse, I was sick and I was tired, I could fight it no more. I surrendered to alcohol and it felt GOOD!!!! I would quit fighting and simply drink, the world be damned, no more mental anguish, no more pain, I decided I was going to drink and not even try to stop or moderate........ MAN DID I FEEL GOOD!!!!

It was not to long after that when my wife let me know that her dad was helping her and the kids find a place to move to, she said she could not let them watch me drink myself to death. I think I replied "Cool" and as usual I went into my garage to drink another couple of beers. Well I am sitting out there drinking and thinking about what she had said.

I thought "Hey with them gone I can really drink all I want!", then I thought a little more, my life already revolved around drinking, now my life except for work would be drinking! Well I continued to analyze what was up and suddenly I saw myself with no home, no job, no truck, just me and my bottle!!! I saw death!!!!

I had a moment of clarity and knew that if I did not stop drinking very soon I was a dead man. I got up, went inside and called for a doctors appointment to put myself into detox. I had no idea how to quit, but I knew I could not quit on my own. Detox pointed me to AA if I wanted to stay sober and it was there I started surrendering to my HP in all things every day.

[jlo34]

Wow. So many great things said!!!

Surrender. I've always been a fighter..fighting to the very end..and then finding surrender (generally, on MY terms). My last fight with surrendering nearly cost me my life...I wasn't willing to surrender MY will or MY life to my HP. I hated and resented myself. In order to get better I had to forgive myself. The more I refused the more I suffered. I kept "justifying" what I was going through...standing firm on my reasons.

When I had hurt badly enough...when I was truly frightened that the only way to survive would be by surrendering....thoroughly with all of my soul, surrendering....I was scared to death...but knew if I hadn't, I would surely die. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. The most powerful spiritual experience I've ever had. That was over 2 years ago...I haven't found it necessary to try to "argue" with my HP since!!!

I have found so much peace and serenity in LIVING the 12 steps of AA. It's an unbelievable gift.

Thanks for the great topic!!
Jen

[dgillz]

My monent of clarity in the process of surrender came at one of my first AA meetings. I had been to AA before but never really bought into the program totally. I introduced myself as a newcomer and proudly announced "I am here to beat my problem with alcohol".

After the meeting an old timer said to me "Son, you aren't going to beat anything in here, your ass has already been whipped". This really pissed me off but as I thought about it later, he was right.

At that moment, I finally totally understood step 1, and I gave up and turned it all over to my HP. I have not been perfect - I have relapsed twice and now have just over a month of sobriety - but I thank God that I ran into this old-timer (who I have never seen since) and that he had the wherewithal to set me straight on this one concept.

[Tazman53]

"Son, you aren't going to beat anything in here, your ass has already been whipped".

I love some of the old timers who can simplify things so well and make me think!